Fatalistic Attitude

Life as always just keeps grinding on, and with that all that goes with it, is annoying in tandem even the smallest annoyance winds me up, happiness has been in short supply this week with work throwing huge curve balls that some of us expected, just not so early in the contract, but as always good things are as always followed by bad things and a 5% percent wage cut is not making me anymore jolly!

My lift returned to tell me about sandstorms and armed police and camels you know the things that make up Arabian holidays it seems like he had a good holiday, but he was soon like the rest of us as the tidal wave of crap that is work crashed over the harbour (so glad it's not just me) wall and brought him back to reality, I didn't help matters as I wasn't his usual safe harbour as I loaded him up with even more work, oh dear get on with it!

Life at home was more of the same,a child shouting on (not me for once) the eldest doing not a lot other than being a pain (no change there) and the wife going down (steady) like there is a sniper hiding in the dark places of the house and me just having to get on with it, no rest for the wicked or so  they say, I was thinking that this week could turn itself around as we helped an ageing lady celebrate old age disgracefully, OK so one pint of coca cola for the wife and me being the pig that I am, enjoying three pints of the black stuff, still nice to be with people who have no agenda other than being.....friendly! and on the way home arranging the first proper Tee hee Club meeting of the year which regardless of earthquakes, meteor showers or any other catastrophic event I'm going to attend so fuck the world!

Writing has gone on this week but only in small bits and pieces, although even with the mood I'm in it has been on the lighter side of life so hopefully a few seeds of happiness will germinate in my soul as, I will admit to not being the happiest camper in the world at the moment! I am struggling with certain things in my life I know my issues and as always I am striving to be the best person that I can be, and once again I am turning to music (not drink) to help me through these dark days, not that I don't intend to have a drink but it needs to be with the right company and for the right reasons, other wise I know I will do and say things that I would without a doubt regret. At my age I want to enjoy my life and ensure that my love ones get to have the same so I struggle not to pour my poison into their well of drinking water, they might see it as that, but trust me in the old days it would have come to a bloodier quicker ending! so help me calm my buzz and lets move on together.

For years I was an insular person and now that I have friends I know I would miss them all,but it can still be tempting to press on that self destruct button unfortunately as I get older I'm aware of the consequences of my actions, so thankfully that does temper (most of) my decisions!

One of the curve balls thrown my way meant that I had to hang back and get a bus home, no problem there (apart from the extra cost) and I was thankfully at the front of  the queue to get on a plague carrier homeward bound, and for once it wasn't overly full and I just wanted to rest my weary bones in the first available seat that already had a battle axe from my distant past ( I remembered her she didn't remember me but more of that in a bit) now she looks as though she is in her late eighties (a fact she plays on) she is in fact about seventy (if that) and as she sat there with her shopping bag next to her, she was using it as some kind of defence mechanism in the vain hope that nobody would want to sit next to her, wrong as she glared at me as I stood waiting for her to move the bag, I positioned myself to sit next to her she loudly objected, too late was the cry as I plonked my pert bottom on the seat next to her, I politely asked(yes I can do polite) what her problem was? to which she replied that the seat was for the elderly and the disabled, I wasn't going to take any prisoners as my mood was not exactly conducive to dealing with retards like this, so I went into cripple mode, "then I can sit here as I have had  major surgery on both my knees" to which she tutted and then she muttered something under her breath, this was going to be way too much fun and I really wanted to cheer myself up ! "Pardon" she then muttered something else, once again I asked her to repeat her comment as I went straight into deaf mode, she then went into "I didn't fight in the war (WTF you were a dinner lady all your life whose claim to fame was that you had spent ALL of your life in Gimpsville) to be spoke to like that"! oh this was going to be good I went straight into bullshit mode and for the jugular at the top of my voice retorted "and I didn't fight in the Falklands, Northern Ireland or the first Gulf war, so that you can bitch at me because I wanted to sit in the seat reserved for your shopping! which war did you fight in because you were a dinner lady at Moorside school and you were a stroppy cow then and age hasn't mellowed you! I do so apologise for breathing your air after your shopping spree in Poundland, after I have just completed a near 12 hour shift so that I can pay my taxes to keep you in the luxury you so rightfully deserve, and I now travel home so I can get home to look after my disabled wife is that OK with you!" cue spontaneous round of applause from the passengers as it turns out she had abused another pensioner who had dared to try and sit there earlier on in the journey. It was so funny because even the driver asked her to remove her shopping as it was being obstructive! Now I take no pleasure in making somebody feel so small in front of a crowd or the fact of lying about my military service (I left the day the Falklands were invaded I did serve three days in Northern Ireland as part of  my training and was a lunatic well before the Gulf war) I have over the last thirty plus years seen this miserable woman make people jump through hoops purely because she could, paybacks a bitch and I stayed next to here all the way home hahahahaha! it's the little things in life that help me tee hee!

The rest of the week just poured away like thick syrup,all gooey and with me not really wanting to be all touching and feely, I met my new (big) boss to be, and I thought it was funny as I walked away from them, to hear my boss describe me as somebody as a person with a fatalistic attitude (!) cue running back to my office to dig out the CD with the song of the same title on repeat when ever I could, music really does help. I wish people did view me as a happy person but at such a late stage in my life I believe I can only play with the hand I have been dealt and I can promise it is not my intention to do anything but try and bring some kind of happiness to each and every one of you all as you pass through my orbit, so I will take a deep breath and pull up my britches and strive to be the best person that I can be, even with all the melancholia tha runs through me.

The amount of people reading the blog has been wonderful and we are fast approaching the 5000 mark, thanks to all the new readers and the old ones (go buy a book or ten hahahaha) and I was over the moon to see that Nils is still playing the name game ....badly, keep spreading the disease I see some light on the horizon and it's name is G! so until the next time when I put fingers to the keyboard (actually I always write this gibberish out long hand first) play nice and if you can't do that just have some bloody fun, life is way too short .......Toodles!