You Don’t Have to Be Old to Be Wise!

But it certainly does help, its funny that you only discover that as you indeed do get old.

This is the blog I have been threatening people with and its just as well as I have been playing tons of music both old and new, music has helped, as I’m definitely on an up trajectory, lets see how long before I crash and burn, so let’s go back in the mists of time to a time when Judas Priest was starting their ever upward climb to success.

I have seen Judas Priest every time that they have played in Newcastle since the stained class tour in 1978, damn I feel old, who knew that would happen, they always had good support bands, the sign of a great band is that it takes out any band, it just makes you up your game, and they always brought their A game. Some of the support bands including Iron Maiden, City Hall and Mayfair, white heat although I don’t remember any of their songs I did watch them, Quiet Riot, Accept who were great for the first two songs then they got Udo Dirkschneider’s microphone switched on LOL ,Queensryche who were dreadful, a band I thought I would have loved (the first EP yes then less with each passing album) and they were terrible every time I saw them, at the arena I had no option as I was on the guest list and it would have been churlish to spend all of their set in the bar, Bonfire, Annihilator, they are the ones I remembered.

I have met them a few times usually at my former place of work, I did try to go to see them at a signing at Volume Records however it helps if you turn up on the right day, D’OH! All of them were lovely even KK Downing who played the rock star to the hilt, me and a friend had some inside information for the painkiller tour as to what hotel they were staying in, so we waited all day outside and we thought we had been sold a puppy as they didn’t turn up, well they did but after the gig not before D’oh! I nearly broke my neck to meet Rob Halford, he ducked into a coffee shop at my former place of work and sat and laughed as he and a friend watched my antics as I searched for him he had been on the first floor and I was on the ground floor, he had seen my reaction when I had spotted him and he knew I was going to give chase, at least I amused him for thirty minutes (in a non-sexual manner LOL)it was a time before mobile phones and he was shocked that I didn’t even want his autograph I just wanted to thank him for the gigs I had seen, he was a down earth bloke and a true gent.

I was suffering a massive hay fever splurge on the Ram it Down tour ,it was so bad a friend had the bootleg of the gig for the support band and all you can hear between songs is me sneezing that was a fun gig….NOT! and I was in the balcony and the bootleg was recorded in front of the mixing desk downstairs, The best opening I saw was when they had Accept opening for them, they opened with Solar Angels from the Point of Entry album and I thought the album was a tad poppy, live Solar Angels was amazing and then KK and Glen came upon towers from behind screens great effect, but it was only used  for the opening, must have cost a fortune for 20 seconds, I enjoyed it. My favourite drummer will always be Les Binks who stayed outside the city hall for more than hour to chat to fans, Dave Holland was ok but got annoyed that we only ever wanted to talk about Trapeze, and Scott Travis is simply a machine and a nice guy, I never got to see them with Ripper but I love both studio albums with him and again I have seen him out of the band but another gent and a true fan of priest their music and their fans.

I’m sure at one of the gigs I lusted after my (now) wife I simply can’t remember the tour it was on and I cant find the ticket to confirm (we tell the same tale and we both look at each other and are amazed) it. I nearly had to walk home (15 miles) from the Painkiller tour, thankfully someone who I vaguely knew took pity as they passed me and got me to Gimpsville, I only had to walk a mile from the town centre to where I was living at the time, I soon moved to Heaton as it made more sense. I remember Halford nearly being dragged into the audience when he cracked his whip above the audience’s heads at the city hall, I bet he never did that again and yes he lost the whip, my brother had a great tape of the bands sound checking that he lifted from the sound desk from the Mayfair, again years before tape to tape facilities and he was trusting  and lent to a person I always thought was shifty and he never got the tape back, we both stopped trusting people at that point!

I think its funny that its nearly 10 years since they last played in Newcastle I know they were meant to support Ozzy but the tour kept getting pushed back further and further I doubt I will ever get to see them again, but you never know, mind you the state of my knees and now I have an issue with my hip, all tied in with my knees, so there you go I can keep a promise, a historical (not hysterical) one, the blog has been doing nice numbers sometimes good even but not what they have done in the past, and I can live with that, I may start doing it on a more regular pace as my mood is lifted after I do one, I might do the odd musical review one as well nothing major just some little blurbs who knows what tomorrow brings, I certainly don’t !

So onwards to the next one and I haven’t decided what it will be, or even when it will be, it all depends on my mood for the day, I have a couple gestating, just not sure if they are where I wish to go, I might go totally native we will just have to wait and see, so as always watch the skies for incoming, please keep spreading the disease as people are still “discovering” the blog so I must be doing something right, I simply don’t know what it is, so until the next time…………………..Toodles!

And for once no the name game is not in play, you don’t have to be thick to work it out…..or do you?

A Time to Dance.

No names, no pack drill, if you know you know, if you don’t, well just enjoy the waffle!

So, the world has kept turning but I have tried to do my best to remain in my own little bubble outside of work, one of the issues that I suffer from, I really don’t feel wanted, so I don’t belong, at least that what I keep telling myself. We missed the boat on Friday simply because I thought the FM tour was in May and our last minute invitation was denied, simply as the wife was in no shape to go and stalk Mr Overland, after pulling a muscle in her already bad back, a bit more of a warning we probably could have prepared for it, but for once we missed the boat, its ok I have seen them over 50 times but hey ho you know it would have meant mixing with the great unwashed.

The next day we had been long in preparation to celebrate some birthdays and the birth of a new star all rolled into one, I had been counting down the days for it, however I was still full of trepidation as it was really the first proper time out in a pub, all unmasked I felt like a member of Kiss in some weird alternate universe……..well maybe not quite! but I’m getting ahead of myself (as always), this again was not the blog I had prepared, but I thought I should do something to celebrate re-joining the human race.

I had burrowed deep into the earth not wanting to share my collective experience and I had kind of enjoyed it, I hadn’t really been missed by anybody (or so I had thought) when the invite arrived I was happy but nervous all in the same moment in time, the venue I had been invited to a few times over the years but in reality its too far out of the way for a public transport person to go, then I met my wife and things became easier but the venue changed hands a few times. Ok so it has only taken me 34 years to actually get to it, a mixture of belated 50^th birthdays and the launch of a new local band, it was also the night we met the youngest’s “boyfriend” we both warned each other to be on our best behaviour, we were, but the plan fell at the second hurdle, not by our hand but more of that later, I was up early on the morning and I had my countdown pre flight check and cunning plan all sorted, this was not going to go wrong, I was in charge…..well kind of, everything was going to plan until the wife managed to add 9 minutes to the schedule, I held my nerve and my mouth, be calm was the mantra for the evening.

Once on the road the smoke signals were sent to say that we were on our way, destination should be achieved within the allotted travel time (me obsessed with time…..who knew) we arrived safely and picked up our cargo, the journey on to our final destination was muted to say the least, we were all on our best behaviour, we arrived at the venue, early, even so there were two trips around the car park before deciding to park down the street, then a slow walk back to the venue, young couple ahead, old couple limping behind. We climbed Everest to the designated area, and we were first, how the hell did that happen?  We arrived in time to catch the tail end of the soundcheck, the room was readied, no small feat considering there had been a bouncy castle in the room two hours previously.

The girls grabbed a seat and I dragged the “boyfriend” still an alien term (she is my baby even at 27) back down the stairs as the bar upstairs wasn’t yet manned, I’m good but I wasn’t carrying 4 drinks up all those stairs, small talk ensued, I played the dutiful father, and I was a good boy even to the point of ensuring he got a drink and not a soft drink he had asked for (pfft as if) then back up the stairs to wait for the onslaught, yes my work head was on (as it always is) and I situated our group next the only fire exit (and did a quick calculation as to how many people could be in there) I then turned my attention to the band who were dealing with sonic issue, I noticed some expensive equipment and was soon working out how to get that Gibson Explorer out of the room, I wasn’t too bothered about the BC Rich, lots of expensive keyboards, nice but I wasn’t expecting Rick Wakeman, this was music that although I didn’t mind , I didn’t have a lot invested in, I was here to celebrate a lovely couples landmark birthdays ( I wish I was that bloody young) and a debut vocal performance, judging by the soundcheck we were not going to be disappointed, the soundcheck over people started to show up most faces were familiar, I didn’t know them to speak but I would say I recognised about 30% of the audience, soon it was time for the big moment.

Now this will be short and to the point, I knew all of the tracks and could actually sing along to them all, but as I said this wasn’t my favourite genre of music, but I was going to be entertained and in reality that’s all you could ask for, not a full set list but some of the bands covered included OMD (one song instead of two next time) leave some gas in the tank, that will come with more time to polish the act, Phil Collins (I loved as it was really authentic in the guitar playing) Depeche mode, which I thought was going to be the song of the night, Ultravox again two songs ,I like the band but mix and match a little more, Fiction Factory who I remembered but I thought I had had a stroke as the name of the band refused to come out of my filing system of a brain, not expected but enjoyed, Kraftwerk again a joy and a revelation and the track of the night as the vocalist declared “he loves the song” Gary Numan, the set was a resounding success, the vocals were great however the only criticism was you could tell how hard they had worked as the banter was so quiet between songs because , nothing wrong with the banter, but speak as you would sing, directly into the microphone, I will even forgive the acapella version of Baby Shark, it goes to show that you know how to work a crowd.

A couple of hints to add to the setlist some Japan, Blancmange, you get the vibe, and I promise I wont shout for Tales of Topographic Oceans (ask your wife she knows) I’m sure there’s a lot more than can be added maybe even a couple more OMD and Ultravox but keep it in single numbers for the set, just my humble opinion, mind you most people are pissed when they go to see a band anyway!

The keyboards were sumptuous and the guitar suited the songs  not too loud and raw, I’m glad to see musicians playing to suit the music and not to suit their egos, now this isn’t a “review” simply a few well thought out observations, the next time we come to see you, trust me that will be a review, but on tonight’s showing I’m hoping to see them a few more times, damn good and a big thumbs from the short fat bald speccy guy about half way back in the room, now all you have to do is breathe and do it in a hostile environment with people who don’t give a shit, personally I think the whole band will wipe the floor of any audience who isn’t listening and win them over, go figure that’s my honest opinion!

The night from my point wasn’t perfect as I managed to spill my drink over the wife, I behaved and didn’t have a strop, I had a great night with great company ( although I’m sure I have the start of onset Alzheimer’s because although I have enjoyed the company of the couple sat next to us I had another stroke trying to reminder their names (still no good I will have to ask, for the sake of my own sanity) we made the way back to the car, which was fine however I had been expecting it to be on bricks for some reason, the return journey was more of the same but with a little more conversation between all four of us, we dropped them off for the chippy, then we headed back to Gimpsville and time to  watch the Toon win again on match of the day, good god what has gone wrong with the world?

Now we behaved on the night, but a certain rapscallion (I mean that with the greatest love and respect) nearly raped me as I stood at the bar waiting to be served, oh I have missed his company, he then arrived like Lord Flash heart next to the wife and then discovered the “boyfriend” who he only slightly molested, he told me off twice for spilling my drink, and had the audacity to be shocked when I groped his wedding package at the end of the night (see you didn’t like it lol)but that force of nature was what was needed to drag me back from my self-imposed drudgery, its at this point all that I have written so far has been without the use of my notes, I better check to see if I have missed anything, me with my reputation!

It would appear that I hadn’t missed anything of any note, the name game is in play I was going to use a song from the set last night however I chose not to, I picked from an album that I was playing as I started typing this, if you get it right you will have googled it. And so a blog completed with nearly as much fun as the band last night maybe that’s all I need is to re-enter the “actual” world, I’m not sure if I am ready for that just yet, still a work in progress, but it has reignited the passion for writing and I promise the next one will be the that was intended two blogs ago, so thanks for a great gig, a great party, some great company, and well an injection of FUN! Today I have set about my chores with some relish for a change, my work bag is packed, so all I have to do today is finish this and get it posted, maybe just maybe there might be another  one sooner than you thought possible these days, so spread the disease, watch the skies for the incoming, until the next please one stay safe, the actual disease is still out there, but until then……Toodles!

Deadline.

I know, I know, I know I’m late and to be honest this is not the blog that I had planned, that one will come sooner than this one (allegedly), as it is planned out, notes and all its just not written…………...yet!

Why the delay I simply couldn’t deliver, I had no get up and go, the brain was willing but I simply couldn’t be motivated, I kept looking at the blank page and I thought if I wasn’t inspired then maybe its for the best if I don’t put anything to the page, I mean I could have but I wanted to do it for the sake of inspiration not simply because it was “expected” all the ground work was done, but I  couldn’t commit to it (a man who…..yes lets not go there) so it sat there and I kept looking at it, tweaking it, making sure that the facts are right, yes it’s a musical one, yes it’s a historical(not hysterical) one, but it seems like forever since I did one, I don’t know what the audience want…….that would be you lot, so rather than second guess I sat on my hands and looked at the  blank screen.

So, to break the log jam I thought I would do this one, a topical typical one like I have done recently, now this one will be a short one but hopefully it will answer the questions that have popped up. A few peeps have queried why I have decided to retreat from digital life, I haven’t I’m just reducing the time I’m on here, I will still post from time to time simply a little less! Hopefully you see that the vibe is slightly up, a tad happier, I’m putting that down simply down to the digital retreat, not worrying what people who in reality don’t matter think about me, they don’t so why should I really give a shit, guess what I don’t, who knew lol!

Music has broken back into my heart again which has also helped, now don’t get me wrong, I am still a mess but I’m not stressing the big stuff, I’m enjoying work, I have taken up reading again, not work related, I have also shock horror started watching TV, what me? yup you read that right, not lots but more than I normally would, and I would recommend the “Peacemaker” series simply for the rocktastic soundtrack, oh yes!

I have concerns for my brother and his family as they have all been struck down with the deadly infection, I was going to go down and paint a red cross on the front door, but he would still catch me even in his weakened state of mind, so no I think I will give it a miss, I myself have still been in the wars since my fall in January, but don’t worry I have an appointment at the back end of May, yes you read that right May, mind you I have been under the quack for my galloping gut rot and that’s 4 years and counting with no success at all!

My life issues are still the same, I’m simply going with the flow and the wife and youngest and her (ahem) boyfriend will be re-entering public life when we g to see a friend make his live debut with a band, seems so alien to see actual people, this will be the big test, baby steps boys and girls, baby steps, it seems actually like a lifetime since we had any social life, with actual people, I’m not sure I have anything to wear, I’m sure that it will be fine, and I promise I shall be on my best behaviour as I meet the youngest’s boyfriend, for the first time, I will play nice………honest!

So that’s the log jam broken I promise the next one will be here by easter (I’m not saying which one) I just need to write it, go figure! Someone has yet again been rereading the old ones obviously with the crap weather, enjoying a nice cuppa and a warm fire and some shite to read lol and so we move on, watch the skies, you never know the next will be resurrected like Jesus, but on the digital front I will come up to periscope depth from time to time so until then…………………………Toodles!

Oh and yes the name game is in play........even if i think its a tad easy!

Toxicity.

I have failed yet again in my attempt at having a sense of humour! No matter what I have tried over the last six weeks, it all turns BLACK!

I feel like a certain character out of The Fast Show, I simply need to get an easel, thankfully because I have prevailed, I have at last started to climb out of the morass of ill feeling that has been surrounding me, I would also like to thank all of you the discerning readers who have latched on and have been rereading all of the old blogs, and again thanks for all of the kind words, they have indeed helped. If anybody has noticed or even cares I am slowly but surely removing myself from social media, I’m not going to delete the accounts, I will still control them as much as one can. The reason why the last blog was musical was simply because I was at my lowest ebb ever, I was trying to stay positive but I couldn’t, so to fill the gap I went with what I know and that was music, it didn’t do great numbers but it did OK for what it was. By the end of the year the only place where I will be posting will be here on the blog.

By removing myself slowly from social media, rather than going cold turkey, my self esteem has been slowly building trying to retrieve some kind of sanity, I have been suffering from major bouts of jealousy, Misery and all of the other bad feelings that were simply overwhelming me, I wasn’t simply being a big girls blouse, I was deep in the hole and I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to make it out, I decided that I would simply remove myself from my work Farcebook page, stop posting altogether and see the reaction, I waited 53 days before someone even noticed and asked if I was alright, I’m glad it was that length of time as they might simply have got a mouth full of abuse/bile, thankfully the climb had started. Having said that I felt worthless that it took so long for anybody to notice I wasn’t there, especially as I was normally prolific annoying the shit out of my former boss at my former job, generally trying to be a fun and happy person, not one person missed me, I could have been lying dead somewhere, it kind of puts your life into some kind of perspective, love those close to you and keep them in your hearts.

I blame Christmas and the fact that I was allowed time off, I could fester to my hearts delight, my black heart! it was the first time in nearly 35 years, there’s a term for it I’m sure I will remember it at some point, I retreated into my own shell and although we had a nice Christmas I was sinking slowly, even Bob wanted nothing to do with me, he did want to be named the guilty party for pushing me truly over the edge. I do try and keep myself busy when I’m off, simply pottering here and there, But this time I would simply sit there and stare blankly at the world and hating it, hating it with every fibre in my body, life wasn’t fair and I wanted to bite back, I wasn’t being fair to anyone, everything was bleak, it’s the only way that I can describe it. The wife kept trying to throw me a life line and I simply kept throwing it back at her, this was my problem not hers I didn’t want to talk I didn’t want saved I was simply waiting for that big wave to come in and claim me!

I went back to all of my bad habits, staring inward, eating all the wrong things, I put weight on that simply didn’t help, I didn’t want to be happy, even music the great redeemer did nothing, many times I simply went to work and left my MP3 players in the house, I wanted to wallow like a whale in my misery, I was good at it, work was simply that work, again no joy, I don’t think I have the words to say how bad it was, it was probably the closest I have ever being to doing something stupid, not self-harm, but to be self-destructive, I drank in the house again which spiralled into eating the wrong things again and my mood spiralling ever downward. I have nobody but myself to blame, I did everything I could to break my heart over and over again, I simply didn’t care for myself or anybody else, that is the worst thing that I could be so selfish, I honestly never thought I would or even could be, but there was the proof, I always say as long as I wake up happy, I’m happy with life, I went to bed praying that I wouldn’t wake up and I awoke cursing the fact that I woke the next morning!

Why did I feel like this, simply because of the pain that I thought I was causing my loved ones, that they would indeed be better off without me, alcohol helps those feelings, when I’m in the house I can drink to excess (for me anyway)  I realise that I was drinking way too much, I’m not a heavy drinker by any stretch of any imagination, but it was heavy for me, and it caused me  severe mental health problems, thankfully I only ever drank at weekends and never on a school night, I would go to work with animosity in my heart, I would spend long hours thinking were I had gone wrong, I know I hadn’t gone wrong, life is what it was, but when that mood arrives there is not a lot anybody can do, I pitied myself and that drove me further away from my family and friends, thoughts of being alone with no family or friends, isolation was self-inflicted, it always is, I realise as I enter my final innings, we are born alone we die alone, sometimes that sweet oblivion cannot be close enough! I’m sure that’s a theme I have touched on more than once.

I have been conflicted about family, I love my family, but I wonder why my family life has been so fractured, why does a father desert his family and make no effort to stay in touch, I think it didn’t affect me as a kid, but those seeds are buried deep and like Japanese Knot weed almost impossible to eradicate, I have always tried to be a better parent than my father, I like to think I have been, but the gnawing is always there, so many questions I would ask, if he was still alive, is he dead, why does it bother me now, it gnaws and gnaws, that’s when jealousy creeps in and I hate myself even more.

In the middle of all this I was having major memory issues, it was a nightmare, simple things that normally I would know, gone lost to God knows where, it didn’t help my mood swings, I’m still having issues but I am trying exercise mentally, sometimes it works sometimes it doesn’t, but there are still some big gaps in my memories, maybe it’s the onset of dementia, that’s all I need, actually it is that could solve the main problem, I could sit and drool to my heart’s content! Damn that’s not the happiest wish in this blog, is it?

I then had a fall on my way to work, one small patch of ice one giant leap for mankind and I was like a superstar of the winter Olympics, you couldn’t bend wire the shape I landed, yes it hurt, no I didn’t bounce, a nice lady stopped to see if I was alright, I wasn’t but I soldiered on, one foot in front of the other, I bashed my head, cracked my collar bone, a few ribs, I got through the day but when I got home all I wanted to do was go to bed and sleep, well that’s what I did, and had a deep sleep, I dreamed about people who I worked with all through my life in all of the jobs that I have worked I woke in a deep pool of sweat as there was a person in my dream I couldn’t remember his name and every time I couldn’t remember his name something bad happened, it was a weird dream, but when I woke I spent an hour trying to remember his name and for the love of money it simply wouldn’t come, that’s a really bad feeling to have at 3 in the morning, when the dam broke, I nearly cried with relief, the mind is a bad thing to mess with and I felt like I was playing with something dangerous, I honestly thought I was losing my marbles!

My physical health was destroyed and in a bad way, thankfully I am back on an even footing no drinking at the weekend, trying to get my diabetes back on track as well, that will take more than a couple of weeks, a minor surgical procedure was meant to help me with my ongoing medical issues, it didn’t help and it just poses more questions, questions that aren’t being addressed by a medical professional, I feel like a professional complaint coming on, I might even go for the scorched earth approach just burn the it all fucking down,  I have had this condition going on nearly 4 years and I’m sure its probably at the base of all my other issues, watch this space! And yes, I am still in pain since my fall slowly getting better, except my collar bone, at times like this I wish I could retire forever!

Then at the beginning of this week, it felt like the sun was trying to break through, I do feel better, well a little bit better, still single digits, but that’s an improvement on the last 12 weeks I can tell you, and so to the retreat, music is creeping back into my life, as is my family, and I do appear to be a tad less bleak when I wake each morning, The social media profile shall be pruned back to its roots I don’t want it to die I simply want to be in control, this will be the last blog that will be advertised on Farcebook, I know I will get some people genuinely concerned about me don’t be it is what it is, there’s nothing anybody other than myself can do, I shall still post at least once a month you will simply have to look to see if I have posted, I do with good intention intend to try and write something humorous, musical, historical, watch this space is all I can offer. So here is the deal, the intention is to try and write something no later than the last week of every month, so you will really have to watch the skies if you do indeed want a dose of my life.

So to close the longest blog in a while, I have shaved this down by over 80%, I have pages and pages of misery that I intend to burn once this is posted, time to put my best foot forward and simply take a deep breath and try to live each day to the best of my ability, that may not be very good to some of you, but it’s all I can promise, so until the next time, take care and stay alive…………….TOODLES!

2021 – My Musical Year!

And so, the last year disappears in the rear-view mirror, it was not the best of years musically or personally for that matter, Bob was in attendance for more of it than I would like to admit, which is probably why I retreated into older music more than I had in the past.

I still had my regular supplier for downloads it was simply getting harder to collect, we did our best with visits from time to time, my intention to have more quality control, as always there was diamonds in the rough, however there was less quality than I had hoped for, enough of the gripes, here is what I liked.

None of these are in any particular order it’s just how I have taken it from my notes.

There were quite a few reissues this year and I will get to them at some point later in this blog: -

1.       Sloper – Pulverize. I do like to follow local talent and the singer of this band couldn’t be any more local, the rest of the band though are quite famous in Holland, Pete Shoulder who was in Winterville and The Union is the vocalist, a solid album here’s hoping there’s more to come from them.

 

2.       KK’s Priest – Sermons of the Sinner. Again, a good solid album, if not exactly astounding I enjoyed it for what it was, a Judas priest kind of cover band, Maybe, if KK had done this earlier instead of bleating to the press all of the time, I could have done without the return of the sentinel, it might have done a bit better, can do better is what I would say, the proof is in the second album,

 

 

3.       Yes – The Quest. The jury is still out on this one for me, it has its moments, but I’m not sold 100% I have played it a few times, let’s see if I return to it many more? but again the proof is in the pudding or rather how many times I go back to it! I love the original band I even loved the album where Trevor Horn sang (Drama) but I feel it’s ever decreasing circles with each line up since Mr Anderson was ejected!

 

4.       Bernie Marsden – Chess. I like Bernie he’s nice and social and he makes good albums, and that’s the problem, you won’t get a bad album, but he has never done a great album, I enjoyed this but again the proof is in the pudding or rather how many times I go back to it!

 

 

5.       Pepperkid2 – Adventures in Pepperland. I know I will get some odd looks over this one it’s the solo album of FM’s keyboard player, ably assisted by Laurence Archers Grand Slam band mates with a Steve Overland song added into the mix, I like it, it’s what I would call mature, again I need to play it a few more times but it is a grower, not what I was expecting!

 

6.       Pete Goalby – Easy with the heartaches. Famous for playing with Trapeze and Uriah Heep in the early 80’s I had the pleasure of working with him in 86 , I got this to see if any of my songs made it onto the list, they don’t , he disappeared from the face of the music business for some reason (for legal reasons I can’t mention Mickie Most) he still has a good voice and to be honest this should have been titled work in progress, as they sound like demo’s to me, I like them but they will blend into the background over the next couple of months.

 

 

7.       Smith – Kotzen – Debut. I love this album, I love the playing, I love the vocals, did I mention that I love the playing, I love the songs, great album and in reality, probably my album of the year in all honesty!

 

8.       Iron Maiden – Senjitsu. This is a little harder to quantify, is it a good album, yes it is, its just so dense, I must have played this more than 20 times and I’m still getting to grips with it, too many long songs for me, just when you are getting to grips with a song it buggers off on another bloody turning, do I like it yes I do, but the fact that there is only one 4 minute song, even that seems longer, sometimes I like the punch that they used to do, I will continue to wrestle with it, they don’t do bad albums but howay lads lets have a short one  next time please!

 

 

9.       Robben Ford – Pure. I get a lot of guitarists music and I do like Mr Ford but this isn’t in the same league as Talk to your daughter, do I like it, I do or it wouldn’t be in this list, I do keep going back to it, I’m not interested in learning the names, I’m not that invested, it depends on my mood, it is what it is a good album.

 

10.   Steve Lukather – I found the sun again.  I love Toto, I love most of his solo stuff (his debut is simply stunning) but I wandered away from his catalogue, this was a pleasant surprise, with a couple of odd covers, although they are played well.

So that was the new stuff but what else did I go back to, well I bought a new MP3 player simple to use with tons of space for complete discography’s so let’s see what else I have been listening to:-

1.       Whitesnake Restless Heart. Even though I now have the anniversary release playing on repeat I have had this on my MP3 player since day one with one exception there is a cover on here that sounds like Coverdale has been shot in the crotch by a nail gun, I have no idea why he put it on its horrific my third fave Whitesnake album after Trouble and Come and get It, give it a go you might like it!

 

2.       Thunder and all of the solo stuff. And I do mean all of it, I will play at least one of these a day, are they my fave band, hell no, but I do like them why the hell do you think I go to them on a daily basis, there is the odd dodgy track but by and large a cracking band with a go to catalogue.

 

 

3.       Fish – Discography. When Bob’s on the prowl this is my safe harbour or one of them, I actually prefer the solo stuff!

 

4.       Marillion – The First 4 Studio albums. My other safe harbour, I can listen to the Hogarth era but I wouldn’t go out of my way to, those first four are simply in another class and the band never matched them, they had one or two good moments, it’s strange their best effort without Fish and the only one I have listened to repeatedly is Seasons end, Go Figure!

 

 

5.       SO – Brass monkey. A twenty + year old album and more of a Beatles, soul, pop record one I never get sick of playing Steve Overland in his prime, it should have been huge!

 

6.       FM – Discography. Again, songs of my youth and I do love Mr O’s voice its not all sold gold but the bulk of it is, it all depends upon my mood.

 

 

7.       Thin Lizzy – Discography. I don’t have the words to describe these albums, let’s just say they remind of better times!

 

8.       Bad Company – Desolation Angels. Again, this is a rerelease, there is something about this album I love, simpler times I suppose, much better than their previous effort “Burning Sky”.

 

 

9.       UFO – Discography.  Again, I have always loved these but to be honest it’s the release of the 6 dates that made up the set for “strangers in the night” a great box set, it simply transports me back to the 70’s.

 

10.   Blackmores Night – Discography. Not even a guilty pleasure I love Mr B, and I love these albums, I will bounce through these and go back to Rainbow and Deep Purple, but these have been on my playlist for the last year.

So, there you go that’s basically what I have been playing for the last 12 months, music has been and will always my safe harbour, the blogs have been doing well and congratulations to Skep, not sure if that’s a nickname or your given first name well done, who not only got the name game also spotted the line from a Black Sabbath song (She’s Gone) in the last blog. The name game is not in play for this blog and this wasn’t the blog I intended to post this week but it’s the one I could finish, the next one will be here soon enough, I simply need to polish it, as I really do try my best, I don’t just vomit this literally onto the page!

Now to get on with life (and music) in 2022, life is……. shite, but you have to pick yourself up and move on, as long as I can still do that I will be happy, so look to the skies, for more incoming until the next blog all I can say is stay safe and stay alive, until then ……………………Toodles!

Where were you.

Yes the name game is as always in play!

These things don’t write themselves anymore, it would appear I have to do a lot of polishing of a turd to get here.

I’m hoping to keep this one as short and sweet as possible, keep some lightness in it as I’m sure that the majority of you are as sick as I am with regards the piles of misery, I seem to be good at producing, I have started this particular blog a number of times over the last few weeks to no avail, I haven’t been happy with the content or the feel of the various attempts so far, but any way here goes the final blog of the year, lets try and go with the flow.

Time has moved on and the world kept turning, the wife got the dreaded Co Vid and she was/is in a bad way, although she has returned to nearly normal cheery self, it was 10 days of dread, I was concerned as it appears a number of people who I have written about have succumbed to the awful disease, a long conversation with a person from my past confirmed more than a dozen old friends have passed because of it, to say I was in shock was an understatement, to say that my head was spinning would be quite the understatement.

Work has been simply work, although the pace of my days were slug like, I am not enjoying the one thing that seemed to bring me cheer, The Christmas holidays were upon us and I have sat and ate shite and drank stuff that will do me enormous amounts of harm with scant regard for my health, as I sit typing this I am coasting along on a high dose of sugar, well what does that matter, not a lot in the grand scheme of things!

Death has been in abundance as an older gentleman who guided me back in the day (when I dated his daughter) was a bigger shock than I thought it would be, he guided me in politics (when they meant something) and in the ways of doing what was right, I may not have seen him in nearly 40 years but there wasn’t many days when I went over what he taught me. Its strange what sticks with you over the years I hope at some point I have inspired someone in the same way I doubt it but it was always something to aspire to!

I had hoped to steer myself on a straighter course these last few weeks but it would appear I simply don’t care enough (at this particular moment in time) to want to fit in with anyone or anything, me with my reputation, go figure! You only live once, a common enough trope, but is it actually true, I have at some point been a baby then a toddler, a child who tripped into adolescence, a young man (allegedly) a middle-aged man heading God knows where at this particular moment in time, just how close to my finishing line am i? digging even deeper I was at some point a son (once to my knowledge) a husband (twice so far) a soldier, a lyricist, a forestry worker, a friend (those days seems so far away) a patient (the older I get the more times it would appear that I get to practice this one) a drunk (only semi-professional) a wise guy (failed) a teetotaler (again a failure at this moment in time) some might say at some point I have even been successful (not that I can remember) so which one was my one true life, did I blink and miss it, the endless hours of heartache are what I remember, I have a feeling if all these versions of me were to meet they wouldn’t recognise anything of themselves in any form!

At best they would view each version of each as strangers, or worse still as idiots who wasted the best part of the last 40 plus years! So maybe just maybe the real question should be do we real only live once or do we die a number of times and are reborn as a bigger idiot than before, food for thought or am I as usual overthinking life and the universe!

My health as been crap, not that I am helping myself (go figure) although I finally got to see a specialist, I turned up slightly early (ok 90 minutes early and had to sit outside) and was seen for a total of 4 minutes and told yes we will have to investigate further (WT actual F) sometimes I don’t know why I bother, maybe I should stop swimming against the tide and simply drown that seems to be the easiest answer, maybe I will get some further investigations in another 3 years?

And then the usual Christmas farce, to be honest I have tried really hard this year, I don’t think I was 100% successful but at least I tried, the last blog did even better numbers and the older blogs did just as well over the last four weeks as well, I have no idea why, I’m not expecting this one to do huge numbers as  I have two musical ones to follow (or I may simply join them as a common thread) to follow within the next few weeks (14 days on countdown) that’s if I can muster the energy to do something with my life, I’m still on holiday and I am still sat in a pool of self-loathing waiting for the big fella to blast me with a bolt of lightning, fingers crossed!

So I hope that you all had a great time I hope you all got something that you liked I hope you all have good health and the love of someone close to you, please don’t worry about this old ship wreck I am believe it or not trying to pull myself forward to be a better person (Allegedly) so place nice and look to the skies for there shall be more incoming, soon! Until the next time stay safe………..Toodles!

Truth & Soul.

The last month has gone and life (or my view of it) isn’t as bleak as the last blog would indicate, life is still crap, but to be honest I don’t care one way or the other, the last blog still did exceptional numbers even though I didn’t promote it, it seems you the discerning reader seems to like my misery. I don’t think that my misery lives on, I feel that I am at the simply don’t care stage, and I couldn’t give a rat’s ass who is interested one way or another.

Someone still cares as yet again there is a steady stream of numbers for older blogs, probably someone looking for the source of my misery. The content of the last blog was as honest as I could with 95% of the bile stripped out, some people were concerned enough to try and contact me, as I have said previously, yes, my mood is black most days, but I have no intention to cause to harm to myself or anyone in my sphere of being. All I can do is try and do my best each day, as long as I wake up with the will to take a step forward, I don’t think there is a lot else I can do.

The boat is still leaking however I have started the bilge pumps once again with the intention of making it to the shore line, see I can still do the old boating analogy, when I want to.

Some of you have asked why I have been writing what I have and the simple answer is I can only write something honest, the truth will out, I believe if I try to write something cheerful (when I’m not) will come across as false and I have always been nothing but honest and truthful. Life (for everybody) is not always rosy, sometimes it’s shit and that’s what I am sailing through at the moment, work, music, life etc, etc is simply not floating my boat, I’m generally unhappy within myself, I have no intention of burdening anyone with the tales of woe (except within the pages of my blog) I simply hope by spewing forth all of this crap it will lighten my load, it hasn’t worked yet, but the intention is to continue to put my best foot forward.

This has been without a doubt the hardest part of my life, its not PTSD related all though that is floating around in the background, I had to go to a new site at work and it was a long gravel path to get there, I was like a cat trying to walk on water (gravel is a key trigger for my PTSD) in reality it might be funny at the time for someone who doesn’t know me, but its pure torture for me. Thankfully I was given a lift back to the office, I only had a minor meltdown one that I was able to circumvent by walking to get my bus connection instead of getting the shuttle to my destination, once at the bus stop, I got on the bus that takes an hour and a half instead of the 40-minute journey and slept the sleep of the dead until I got home, shell shocked but all the better for it.

My new work colleagues don’t know of my little foibles and so far, I have been able to keep my quirks to myself, I prefer that there is at least some mystery, at least for now, as I still haven’t got full time employment I have a year’s probation, and yes, I can do the job, I simply don’t want to have to go somewhere else to work, I like stability and the year long probation is waying heavily on my mind

While I do feel marginally better, I still feel like crap, thankfully the wife hasn’t smothered me with a pillow yet, she hasn’t poked the bear, it’s a learning curve for us all, she could still bring a shotgun to bear to give my legs a slap, mind you she might simply be oblivious and think I’m just being my usual miserable self! I’m still drowning, I’m still clutching at straws, I’m sure that would make a good lyric.

One of the good things I don’t have is Christmas being shoved down my throat at my present place of employment, you never know I might enjoy Christmas for a change (highly unlikely) but you never know, faith springs eternal. My health is as bad as  it can be at the moment, my eating habits being my number one priority to get under control as they tend to spiral out of control my eating habits are strictly governed by my mood, the better I am the less I eat, the blacker the mood the more I hoover up, I have put about a stone on since I last wrote a blog, I know what I have to do, it’s only me who can do it, I am aware, my problems my way of life, one step every day, I do intend to get the better of this, I am tempted to ask the dr’s for help if the run up to the end of the year doesn’t improve, I’m hoping to do better, going to the Drs is enough of a punishment!

The black clouds are still black, but I can see some grey clouds on the horizon, as I steer my ship to fairer winds and safer shores, all I can do is to keep trying, that’s the one promise I will always try to do, its not perfect but I am damned if I am intend to life get the better of me, I will do better, I can do better, as always best foot forward.

So the intention is to get playing more music, classic or new material I don’t care, music normally does right the ship, I need to sort my health out the list is getting longer although most of it is diabetes related, so that’s down to me, I have tendonitis, that’s simply down to the miles I am walking for work, that is what it is I can simply try my best and rest up when I get home, my torn rotator cuff has gotten annoying after lying dormant for so long, I awake each morning  with a pain in my neck quite literally and although it wears away as the day goes on its been with me for about 6 weeks and as well as this pain I get pins and needles in my hand, so  I feel that’s its connected, again annoying and not helping, my tinnitus has been down to a dull roar of late so thank the lord for small ,mercies! Having said that my arse is still like a rag man’s trumpet with all of the wind and crap pouring out of me!

Reading through my notes as I prepare to write this, I do strip out the bile (honest) my notes have towards the end of the month have taken a brighter hue than the earlier notes maybe its just as well I am only doing these on a monthly basis, if I was still doing them on a weekly basis I would sectioned in a hospital where they tie the sleeves of their jackets to the back of me, I’m not quite there, but I reckon I have sailed pretty damn close to that particular shoreline, so that’s it another missive without shape or construction, I can only thank the people who have asked how I’m doing, its not you it’s me, I will keep trying, allegedly!

So, one more before the end of the year and the intention is for it to be something historical rather than me simply a miserable bastard as people have been asking for something to hopefully make me a happier soul (highly unlikely) I have a number of medical tests in the coming weeks although I don’t hold out for any new hope it just goes round and round in circles, I bet the only news will be bad news, its been 4 years so far and I’m still no further forward, lets try and be optimistic and keep everything that can be crossed will be successful!

So, until the next time enjoy, stay safe and stay alive, watch the skies for incoming as there could be a couple of blogs musical and historical being prepped and not the usual self-pitying bile that the last couple of have been, honestly the intention is to do better, I can do better so spread the disease and until the next time……………………. Toodles!

And the man in the mirror has sad eyes