Darker Side of Blue.

As always, my health is cack, I intend to write this blog and then simply leave it at that. I seem to be going around and around in circles when it comes to my health.

My mental health although not perfect is constantly being chipped away at, thanks to work and life in general, bad luck seems to stalk us everywhere we go, because of this I am not as happy as I make myself out to be! I do attempt to plod on through but the ship is leaky and there’s only so much I can pump out before I become exhausted, I’m under no illusion that there are people worse off than myself, but for once I’m thinking about myself and not just everybody else!

Bob has not reappeared, but it’s only a matter of time, I can see the tell-tale signs, the first one is I have become listless, not caring  in many of my daytime tasks and when I get home I am exhausted, my get up go left me many months ago but here I am trying to continue for the sake of everybody else, Pain seems to a constant with my hip getting worse, I now take regular doses of painkillers, not every day, but I don’t deny myself these days! The fact that I’m not blogging as often as I used to is another symptom, I still have an abundance of ideas, but having the gumption to attack the keyboard, not so much!

I need my knee operation, so, I need to lose ten kilograms before they will consider me, so far, I have lost one kilo, this is also a symptom, I am doing all the right things with little or no results, I am slowly getting demoralised, it feels like I am trying to swim against the tide, and just so you know I’m not the strongest swimmer! I am getting slower in my pace and I stop every 500 yards or so to take the weight off my knees! Thankfully the chest issue seems to have receded, I still get the odd pain in my chest but nothing on the scale that I used to, maybe the medication is actually doing some good!

What I’m not happy about is my other conditions, and I do think that the issue is the medications that are the actual cause for the actual problems, I never had any of my issues for diabetes until I started taking the medication for the condition, my legs now seem to swell slightly, so much so that the wife has gone out and bought special socks for me, they are a sticking plaster to an open wound, I bruise easily and have no idea what has caused the bruise, my sleep pattern is totally all over the place (around 3 to 4 hours a night) and I can fall asleep at the most inappropriate times at work, I could always sleep on the bus (eat while you can sleep while you can) but there’s been a couple of near misses, where I could have actually travelled past my actual destination, that’s simply not me!

The amount of my medications has increased, as I suffer from a lack of this or that, thankfully they are about to come to the end of the course so hopefully (I doubt it) those issues will be resolved, I seem to be padding about my own house like a burglar casing the next robbery! I am up at least three hours before I would normally get up to go to work, and that’s early enough, I have started getting the first bus available to work, I beat everybody in by about 90 minutes, I’m surprised they haven’t had a security Prescence to make sure I’m not sleeping within the building, I’m not, but hey ho I might end up there if the wife doesn’t see an improvement in me and my health, when I “snooze” on and off through the early evening, its only a matter of time until she takes an large stick to my head, my memory is shot to pieces as well I used to be really good with facts and figures is this the beginning of the end (I’m not trying to be dramatic but it is unnerving) I’m not saying that I have dementia, but the wife has said it a number of times, so it could be!

As I said in the opening of this blog, no matter what happens this will be the last one regarding my health, as I’m starting to sound like the band leader of Me, me, me and Wailing Minnies! I can assure you all that I am just as sick of it as you are, I don’t know where my health is heading, I get the impression its not anywhere nice and I don’t think I’m going to have the final word!

So, the intention is for the next couple of blogs are intended to be musical (fingers crossed) I have the bare bones I simply have to knuckle down and get them complete, hopefully there should be at least one in the next 7 to 10 days (that’s the intention anyway), thank you for the kind words, and yes the name game is in play (and this one isn’t an easy one) so stay safe and stay alive, until the next (happier) blog……………………….Toodles!

Damaged.

 

Since the last blog it would appear that I have had a fair amount of time to reflect on life the universe and the fluff in my belly button, and all I can do is come to the conclusion it’s simply the fact that I am damaged (and yes, the name game is in play).

What makes me think that, well the fact that I have to try and drag a song title into the blog title 99.9% of the time is probably a great indicator, if  I don’t have a song title in mind I have a tendency to waffle (what do you mean I always do……how very dare you) I had a weeks holiday away with the wife and we simply chilled, and the weather was fab! we did visit a few places of historical interest, but by and large we were away for 3 of the 7 days off and we had what I would consider a good holiday, yes I was still awake at silly o clock every morning, but I didn’t seem to mind because I was on holiday, I started a book (reading not writing) I didn’t finish it, but I started one so that’s a good start.

I also when allowed to it would appear I tend to overthink everything, its better when my brain is blank, or more dangerous I’m not sure, I seem to be aware of my mortality more now I have turned the dreaded 60 (how the hell did that happen?) I have realised that I have very few answers to anything if my life, so I tend to bimble from one disaster to another, if I’m honest I don’t care about it either! obviously I would like to have some good luck enter our orbit at some time, but as long as I wake up I ( I would love it to be a little later if possible) happy, I’m quite happy to bimble, as I get older it would appear that my ambition to lead from the front shrinks, if only my belly would!

I have enjoyed copious amounts of music (as always) but it would appear that I have taken to watching (very old) films (the older the better), films from a bygone era, I have always liked older films but I’m more inclined to watch the TV than I have ever done in my 60 years, I blame the wife I feel that she is a bad influence, I can blame her she forces me to watch rubbish as well, thankfully its tasteful rubbish none of this celebrity driven drivel, but cop shows and the such like, I still prefer documentaries more than anything else, I like factual things I do like to learn, but I want to learn the easy way, simply because my head is battered because of all the legal reading I do for my job (my latest reread is all about confined spaces…….oh the thrill of it all) work is still up in the air with everything that has been going on, we find out all that’s going to happen next Monday, I’m passed sweating it, what happens, happens I’m not in charge I can simply follow the instructions given! Well sometimes I do, honest I do try and follow instructions, just don’t ask the wife!

How has the blog been doing? well if you consider it against when I was writing consistently last year, its doing badly, but its still ok by me and the numbers are starting to lift once more in the right direction (maybe not after this one) and I still get the odd query trickling through, I think I can live with that, I do really have any option it is what it is, but its ok, maybe it might reach the heady heights of the previous years but I am simply going to go with the flow and not worry about it!

I think I will have to get my finger out and do a historical blog, I have a couple of irons in the fire, but I’m not sure which one to pull from the brazier’s heat to mould into something readable, watch this space and see what happens, life in the real world appears to be increasingly shite, and as I get older I wish to engage with less every day, at least I’m honest about it, I have to admit the last few weeks have been “Bob” free so that’s a good thing, I’m not stupid I know that lurks just outside of the sight line, but it’s a small victory that I will take, todays a good day so I shall take it!

 I think I will stop while I’m ahead it means that I can  polish this piece until it is a slightly shiny turd, I know I’m damaged, I have accepted as long as I have my looks and my hair……......hang on a minute! Enjoy the day enjoy your life, try and enjoy the blog you get one life and you don’t get out of it alive, so stay safe stay alive, I’m told by the wife there is the potential for life out in the big bad world at some point in the immediate future, who knows we might friends and it might just spark a blog or two! So, until then…………………. Toodles!

And remember we are all fools …... The Mob Rules!

A Road to the Isles.

As always it starts with a cunning plan, yes, another one, it never ends well, so this is a musical one pull up a chair and crack open a beer, this one might be a little long(hopefully).

So Covid hit and the world went to hell in a basket, people got quirks, some worse than others, some people weren’t affected, I suppose it was the luck of the draw!, I’m a fan of Fish the big Scotsman, yes he used to sing for a band, I’ll be honest I always preferred the solo stuff, until I met the wife I went to every gig I possibly could, the wife didn’t stop me, I began behaving responsibly ( I know me with my reputation) I still went if he came to the north east, and we both actually went to two conventions and met some lovely people (fans) and some lovely band members, that’s for another time and another blog, I’m not looking to do war and peace here, I was talking about a cunning plan, now where was I?

So, I kind of knew that the intention from the big man was one last album and one final tour, with the intention to play multiple dates in cities near and far, we had discussed our cunning plan lets try and do as many dates as possible, but then Covid hit and the world stopped. Slowly the world started to pick up speed, the final album was released, but no dates it was still too dangerous and financially complicated, then Russia got all bolshy and the world tilted again, touring became more expensive, as did a lot of other things!

Finally the grand tour was announced and we decided to scale back the plans, actually I wasn’t feeling it, the intention to do a couple of European dates then as much of the UK tour as possible, but the world had indeed moved on the wife had been battered by the world and its movements, work got in the way and solicitors simply took the piss (again another blog for another bile free day)I was concerned for the wife and I know I was trying prise the wife to go outdoors, that was difficult enough, I wasn’t going to jeopardise her mental health so we decided (actually I made the choice) to just do the our home gig, a blip in the road  was when he then announced a couple of extra dates in Haddington and an extra “final” date, I was tempted to try my hand, but again I wasn’t feeling it, I stuck to my guns lets just do our hometown show, mind made up we bought tickets and then got on with life!

Then life kicked us over and over again, I was proud of the wife as she could have spiralled but it was one thing after another, then I took a couple of hits and throw in the addition of potential redundancy yet again (second time in 4 years) could anything else go wrong, I’m not pushing my luck so don’t push your luck on that! The weeks in the run up was a flurry activity on Farcebook with pictures and setlists, I wasn’t feeling it, song wise I didn’t have an issue, I just thought a little more variety, hey what do I know you have to pace yourself, but it didn’t inspire me. This week the days were a blur of activity regarding work, a very busy week and a training day (that means me on my feet for the whole day) on the day of the gig. I didn’t plan that well, did I? I arrived home in bits, lots of steps and then a long wait for a bus, walking I can do, standing destroys my knees, was this going to be the state of the night.

Finally a bus arrived and took me home and I kind of zonked out, I took some painkillers and got ready, one good thing was someone asking me if I needed any merch as it was selling fast, a friend from a Haddington convention, we only bump into each other at gigs but it was nice to know that there are good people out in the world, I didn’t need any merch as I bankrupted myself on its release, bought straight away just in case, thankfully the wife lets me, I was hoping I could bump into him in the venue, we had to get going, allegedly it was a near sell out, the last time I had seen the big man in this particular venue was back in 1989, it was going to be good to see him on a big stage!

Traffic was light, and we chatted on the way down, I could tell that the wife was getting nervous, not for the gig just the fact of mixing in a big group of people, we got to the venue just as the doors where opening and it was a big crowd not a huge crowd and we navigated the pavements of the big city into the venue, now at this point the one person I didn’t want to see was my ex wife as she would be there with her partner  one of the big man’s friends, I hobbled upstairs to the seat with the wife making sure I didn’t fall over (ha me with my reputation) it was at this point that I realised that 50% of the audience were auditioning for the remake of Deliverance, ye gods there was some ugly people and fat   they made me look anorexic, oh yes and they were annoying, by this time I was concerned that the wife’s calming ring was going to activate the fire alarm, the wife was not in a good space thankfully I had spotted and friendly face and she went to say hello, at this point there was no way I could walk another step as my knees had finally told me to Foxtrot Oscar!

Hello’s said she went off in search of more people and when she came back, she was in a calmer frame of mind, not perfect but it helped, what was annoying was the amount of people who had ants in their pants bouncing about like someone had poured petrol down their slacks! Thankfully the lights went out and the Thieving magpie intro tape kicked in and then there he was for the his final gig on English soil, I wont go into the full track listing its out here on the web, the opening salvo was classic and rolled over everybody like a well fitting suit then came Long Cold Day a great song but not one that was expected, after that slap in the face we got Shadowplay again another unexpected shot of fiddly prog, the set list was what I was expecting and it didn’t fill my heart with joy when announced, but I really did enjoy the set list, yes I would have liked to have a couple of tracks from some neglected albums, but I wont complain too much, the band was great, the big mans voice was the best I had heard in years for the full concert and the City Hall I would say was around 95% full, Fish had hinted he was going to do a Lindisfarne track in Newcastle, that didn’t materialise, of the set list what would I say was the highlight, to be honest there wasn’t a low point nearly two hours forty minutes of well placed bloody great music easily a 9/10 gig the point lost was the nuggets who kept bouncing around, hey we all like a drink but did you come for the gig or did you really need to go to the loo every six minutes, and the seats had us both crippled, we disappeared just as The Company came to an end as I needed to get down the stairs before I got trampled as I’m pretty crap going downstairs, a slow drive home thinking about the gig and an artist who I have followed for more than forty years, I wish him good luck to his wish for a new life after the end of the tour, do I regret not doing more shows, no that was the old me, this is the new me, the one that is falling to bits, we have to accept that we can no longer do what we used to, my only complaint was that I wasn’t able to have a quick look around the venue and find friends to say hello to!

So there you go a blog with a bit more of meat on the bones (or a large carrot if you are a vegetarian) the world moves on and I shall retreat to the multitude of Fish albums and live albums/DVDs and videos, that should keep me going for a while yet, but as Fish sang last night the world is totally ….. FUGAZI!

Question.

Hello, it’s been a while I know, but I had so many cunning plans then life stepped in front of me and slapped me right in the face, I had to have a rethink, it has taken a while, but at least I’m still here and here is the cunning plan for today!

So, I had a blog written called “Fresh Horses” detailing my intention for the coming weeks of blogging, then I ran into technical difficulties in the computer world and then as I said life slapped the bitch right out of me. My get up and go simply got up and ran, that way, I still haven’t caught up to it, God help us all when I do as I shall be writing up a storm! So many plans and not enough spirit to deal with it.

I had a slight medical emergency, in so much that the Dr I was asking for advice actually did something about it and sent me straight to the hospital, a couple of hours talking to various medical people it was decided it was potentially an issue with my heart ( I do have one) it was finally decided that I should have a stress test, however because of my knees they were going to have to medically induce it (OOOOPS!).

Christmas came and went and although it was a pleasant affair it was a little subdued, the wife was still having issues, and I was mired in my own little world of…… well, to be honest I was feeling sorry for myself, the new year arrived the same as the old one (decidedly shite) but we tried our best, back to work to find out that potentially over 200 of us were/are facing redundancy, just another to add to the list of shite, legal issues were still dragging on, and I finally went for the dreaded “Stress test” it was a weird sensation as they ramped up my heart to 136 beats per minute (it’s been a while) and keeping like that for what felt like the longest time (probably no longer than 5 minutes) and then home to mope around the house it seems I can be quite good about that!

I was still attempting to be a rock for the wife, I wasn’t doing too bad, but I think the attempt can be filed under “can do better” all the while I was missing writing/blogging, but I simply didn’t have the urge, I was still making notes and was tempted to simply post the aforementioned blog (Fresh Horses) but something made me hang back, I was still trying to get the wife out of the house, I might just have to use dynamite, we shall see. I have kept my head down and simply played a lot of music read a few books and watched a lot of classic movies, so life hasn’t been all that bad, again the hunger was there to write but I still didn’t do any, I got my initial results back from the hospital that discounted a number of things, but not angina, here we are heading into March, 6 weeks after the test still with the issue, probably with the condition a little worse but no definitive answer, you cant ring them as there is no number to the person I need to speak to, I have a week’s leave coming up let’s see what I can do then if I haven’t heard (pfft as if).

And that really is that I have had a couple of people asking me if everything was ok (no I died…..only kidding)which was nice, it did help, a little bit, so today I’m working from home, I’ve had a little light lunch and decided I had to have a go at this, my intention is to keep my powder dry blog wise as I truly don’t know what my intention towards the blog is, if we had a social life that might help and then I could go back to writing in code about the exploits of friends and I wish the Tee Hee Club (that would be so good) could ride again.

Considering I haven’t posted since the end of November the blog seems to be doing ok as there has been nearly 1000 hits, I know I will have to start and rebuild the readership, who knows if I get made redundant I might just finally write the great novel( erm no) things are decidedly pap at the moment but we will not be beaten, this will be a better year than last year, it simply has to be! Will I post Fresh Horses? I might revamp it and I could still yet do the holiday one as I still have all of my notes, so until next time (and it will be a damn site quicker than this one has been) stay safe stay alive and I will be back soon……………………. Toodles!

And yes the name game is in play!