Today I’m
fine I’m not unhappy, I’m not walking around laughing and slapping people on
the back, but I’m doing ok, this has been written for a while (with just a few changes)
I had tried to do it when I was really down and to be honest the police would
be at my door because the original was so bleak, hopefully this version isn’t, let’s
go with the flow.
I’m usually
ok if I wake up “happy” I may not stay that way but as long as I get up in a
good mood, I’m pretty sure I can survive the bulk of the day, go figure! On this
particular day I got up tired but I wasn’t in a bad place, I went about my
daily routine, bathroom, washed teeth cleaned, dressed, breakfast, cleaned my
teeth again (I know I’m nuts) sort the dishes out pack my bag, make some bait
and then head out for the bus around 05.50, normally there might be one or two
others there, but it’s the holidays so nope its just me for my bus.
I’m left to
my thoughts, I choose the first album of the day, Jellyfish Bellybutton, I like
it it’s a good album, however my good mood hasn’t lasted, dark thoughts have
surfaced, nothing in particular just dark for the sake of being dark, no idea
why, the next album played is the Regatta debut ( a Canadian group from the
early 90’s) again the music is chipper I’m
not, off my bus and wait fifteen minutes for my connection, I’m like everybody
else in the bus station no eye contact no interaction, just chill time, bus
turns up and I get to play some bus seat bingo (see previous blogs) the people
who get this bus really do like their personal seats (tee hee) I reach my
destination, a slow walk across the car park, I’m usually the first person in
the building apart from the support team, I get to the desk (I don’t have a
desk it’s a hot desk situation) I never put the lights on, its summer I’m next
to a window I don’t need any additional lights, it feeds my mood..
Soon like
the tide people arrive, some converse, some don’t, I wear my mask of smiles and
pretend to be cheerful, these people haven’t done anything wrong why should I take
my mood out on them. I start work slowly ticking things off my list, emails
tick, investigations tick, be jolly with my boss (gritted teeth) tick, not at
my boss I just hate having to pretend to being jolly, print reports off tick, I like to be
organised, start the first main job of the day, I don’t want to chat so I put
my headphones on (UFO Mechanix) and just knuckle down to it, first meeting of
the day, my mood stays the same, my mood has flatlined, but I’m with people so I
have to get on with it and try to be “nice”. I do genuinely try to get in a
good groove its not other people it’s me and I know it is, the days not helped
by dealing with educated people who are thick and feel entitled (grrr).
People in
the office are getting the vibe thankfully the people in my team are aware and know
just to let me get on with it, I’m concerned that my mask could be slipping,
maybe food will help, it’s my usual, a small sandwich (turkey today) as I am desperately
trying to lose some weight so I can have my knee operated on, the sandwich is
nice but boring, that’s not a complaint I make my own food, more music (FM
Indiscreet) my mood hasn’t improved but the mask is back in place, my work mate
to the side of me knows how to get me back on track we talk about music, (Iron
Maiden’s world slavery tour) and it does right my ship a bit more, but now I have
to play Powerslave, hmm metal music isn’t conducive to a happy office (see I have
started to cheer up purely because I am playing it at a volume that can be
heard lol) it’s the simple things in life, unfortunately my work mind has
slipped I can see blue sky and I have started to drift, maybe its time to head
home.
The journey
in reverse with more music (Prince 1999) the bus is more full, at least I can
make my connection and I can drift off for the next 45 minutes, a slow walk
from the bus station to home all 279 steps (I’m sad I counted them) then to
wear my last mask of the day the wife has a crap time of it of late, I am
trying to help her, so I try to be cheerful for her when I go through the front
door, I am happy to see her, my mood at this stage isn’t terrible it’s just
slightly off, I do my few chores I cook the tea ( I like to cook) then to veg
for a couple of hours talking to her and watching TV. So ends another day, not
one of my better ones, not one of my worst, I’m a lot better than I used to be,
I’m not the angry young man that I was, world weary at times but I do try to be
happy.
So there
you have a day in the life of a miserable bastard, work for five days (I wish I
could retire)then allegedly two days off at the weekend, never seems like two, I
really am in a much better place than I used to be, honest would I lie to you,
actually I do believe I have addressed this before, I do try to be as honest as
I possibly can, life’s crap but it wont beat me it might kick me in the arse
from time to time but I can deal with that!
Numbers are
slowly coming back to normal, but the newer blogs seem to be doing better than
usual so I can live with that, I do have a few blogs kind of half way written,
so that’s why there’s been a few have come along in quick succession, don’t worry
it wont last, it never does, the name game is an easy one (its from the album
that I played this morning I do have such an eclectic taste Dua Lipa is up next
who knew????) so stay safe stay alive and try to stay happy, be aware there is
a “Now Hear This” blog on the horizon so if you want to ask something, ask now
or forever hold your peace! And with that I go back to do some more work in preparation
for tomorrow, it’s a big day, so until the next one………. Toodles!
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