He knows you know.

Wheels within wheels, I’m still begging to ask questions of reality, about life the universe and just about everything, reality has been so strange over the last few days, being at work has made me realise how spoilt we are as humans and why does everybody feel like that they are so entitled to have everything?

My mind has been racing with all things blog like, when the last two have done such fantastic numbers and I am now in the why? Phase of blog writing and I’m starting to second guess myself, not a good thing and my health although better is still toying with my emotions, damn it, I’m not a happy bunny, having said that I seem to be in a continuous loop wondering if I ever am…..Happy, I think that I am but I just don’t know how to prove it to myself!

Am I tumbling towards a conclusion, I haven’t been so far, the numbers keep climbing and again someone is reading through the old blogs as those numbers keep pricking ever up wards, but with no comments, so I start thinking why and trying to second guess myself again, what are they thinking are they reading the meanderings of an old man, its at this point that today the penny dropped, I am old, my body is old and crumbling and the way I look at things (I have always been old) makes me a grumpy old man, I do want to do good things for people, I go out of my way to help others (its true nice guys always finish last) and still I have no positivity from doing these deeds people just expect them without any kind of gratitude, not that I am really expecting anyway, but a grunt or two in my general direction wouldn’t go amiss.

I have no idea why my brain does this, and it is my brain not me, its like my brain is toying with my emotions, I get the feeling that people who I have helped generally don’t want to mix, converse generally just don’t want to be in my company, which probably isn’t true, but again my brain being my brain overthinks everything, the last few weeks ( I would say months but again my brain is toying with me) have seen me in a reasonable frame of mind, my mind is off walking in the world and not walking on water as I would like it to!

I have a song acting as an earwig and the lyrics are peppered throughout this blog although the title is not being used for the blog as It have already been used, again my brain is toying with me as I type this as a stream of consciousness, my thoughts are out stripping my general mood and as the day comes to an end my mind is slowly poisoning my general frame of mind, this week cannot end soon enough as I look forward to my 7 days off so I can break down the walls of indifference and become the better person that I know I can be, or so I like to think I can be…..who knows!

I have to face up to the facts I have to face up to the truth or even reality but as I get older (back to the old age thing) I am aware that my body is breaking down and I don’t like it, its these things that are causing my mood to slip, I can remember being able to be more mobile damn it even skinny, yes I know it seems like such a long time ago, to be fit and then wallop life has crept up on me and hit me a number of times with a bloody big stick. There’s a lurk in the mirror trying to catch my eye and its laughing at me, not with me, and again anger is not far from the surface, admittedly this is aimed at me and not at others, its simply my brain , playing games as it can!

As always of late this is not the blog I intended, I feel the need to vent, otherwise its has the potential for me to go tap dancing through a bloody minefield of my own making, I bought some more flowers (damn it I am a keeper) for the wife simply because I thought she needed cheering up, hey have you seen who she is married to, people have been dying all round us in our little street maybe that’s what’s causing the bad kind of vibe, I don’t know, I just know I simply wanted to blog!  The shutters are closed arm the alarm hide all the weapons (yes I’m still riffing on that damn lyric) I intend to post this on Sunday (let’s see if I do) and then get another one out by the middle of the week, let’s see if I can get one out that I have prepped and done some actual prep work on. Who knows which way the wind will blow, we can all but hope?

The Gary Moore Blog was good and rather positive, with some good thoughts, again thanks to all that did read it , as they rocketed within an hour of posting, its like you all have some kind some of Spidey sense when its gets posted, again there were lots more of drivel thankfully I was able to get it paired down to the bone, damnit if only I had an editor , more than likely probably more than half probably wouldn’t get posted or again is that my brain tickling its fancy, simply wheels within wheels my brain is tumbling towards its conclusion.

That’s another one down getting closer to 500 and the change in the new year will be seismic, it is  going to happen, I’m kind of looking forward to it as the historical ones will cease along with the whinging ones (hang on that’s just about all of them) so watch the skies for incoming and thank you for listening to an old man’s drivel I know its drivel because I’m old, honest I know, until the next time…………Toodles! 

Run for Cover.

Music has always flowed through me, ever since I can remember, I have seen just about every artist that I want to (with the exception of  Steve Walsh of Kansas) I think I have done alright, some artists I have seen more than once, that’s why I usually get the odd blog out of it, I have mentioned in previous blogs I’m not really bothered about meeting the actual stars, I have many times, some of them have been great/good/bad/shite (delete as you feel fits)This blog is about my obsession with Gary Moore that lasted from around 1977 through to about 2001.

I had seen in a couple of TV programmes one for Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Variations album and one was a Sight and Sound Concert on the BBC for a band called Coliseum II now I’m not saying that I liked the music (I did however I was too young understand it at that point) but I loved the guitarist the afore mentioned Mr Moore, then I found out that he had joined Thin Lizzy and I was desperate to seem him live so to speak, my brother got tickets and was going with two girls from school (one of the girls dads had said they couldn’t go unless there was a boy with them, someone that they could trust) now my brother took every opportunity to rub it in that he was going to both nights, then our mum was taken ill and me and my brother were let loose to do some shopping, otherwise we would starve, thankfully it was only a bad case of the flu for my mum, it was the first time I had seen her poorly, as it happens we were in the store arguing over the shopping (that’s my brother and me) and we bumped into the two girls that he was going with they were both Lynott fans and they thought I was cute as I raved about Gary Moore, so much so one the girls taped (those were the days) the album for me, how nice.

Then karma bit my brother in the ass, as he caught the same lurgy of our mum, it was a deal breaker, at the time I had a beard (three years younger than my brother and I could grow a full beard hahahahaha he still can’t) so the girls asked if I wanted to go, I hate to say it but I don’t honestly cannot remember the girls names, although one of the girls dads owned a chemists in Gimpsville, any way I went both nights I was the perfect gentleman ( I was 14 for gods sake and these were sophisticated women of 15)the band (as always in the days before I became jaded) blew me away damn I was happy, then  the git up and left I went to see them plenty of times after this but it was never the same for me!

Then he upped and released the G Force album/CD or whatever format you have, I recommend it, then I discovered they were supporting Whitesnake on the Ready and Willing tour, I couldn’t get in for the first night although I did hang around outside and met the band and got my album signed by all of the band (long gone in the mists of time) and Gary was nice he asked if I was coming to the show the next night I was honest and suitably crestfallen and told the truth “no I cant afford the tickets, all I can afford is the bus fare down I was going to hang around the back stage door to listen” he then turned to Mark Nausef the drummer and asked if he could organise to get me on the guest list (my first time ever) again to say I was naïve was an understatement as I didn’t have a clue what the guest list was, the drummer soon told me all I needed to know, I got down early the next night (too early the list wasn’t out) finally got in and yes I was the annoying person down the front going absolutely mental (I’m sure they were going to through me out, thankfully they didn’t) as soon as they finished I rushed out to the backstage area to say thank you, Gary was not as happy as the previous night, but he did cheer up when I said thank you, he then asked me if “I was going to watch Whitesnake”? now I didn’t know that I could go back into the venue but I simply said “no thanks I have seen who I wanted to” I was simply being truthful, years later I was annoyed at how dumb I had been as I could of and should have seen them (whitesnake that is , oh the folly of youth).

I then went and joined the army, but all was not lost, I was still music mad and I still started to collect as much music as I could, (still do) I found a bootleg of a Thin Lizzy gig at the Mayfair in 1973 with Gary Moore covering for Eric Bell and his solo was essentially the main solo from Black Rose, I still have the tape somewhere, then I found out G Force had folded (bugger) and that he had joined Greg Lake, now this was a slight hiccup as I couldn’t get home to see the gig in Newcastle as I was down on the south coast and they didn’t like you going AWOL, however all was not lost as a couple of NCO’s were going to see the gig at the Winter Gardens in Bournemouth, I was allowed to tag along, I wasn’t disappointed even though Greg Lake was a dick outside, Gary again was pleasant (I didn’t get to speak to him).

I was soon back on civvy street and was trying to stay solvent, which in the early 80’s was hard then I found out on the night of the gig he was again playing the Mayfair the closet day ever for my birthday I was despondent, however Big G was as always a good guy and he paid for me to get in, I didn’t have a drink all night and I watched the gig from the  rear of the stage with another friend watching what Ian Paice was doing, go figure Gary was again brilliant but we couldn’t work out why he had John Soman with him, I liked Gary’s vocals just fine!

It was another two years before I say the Irish Wizard I saw him in Newcastle and Middlesbrough (Town hall) this time Gary seemed unhappy outside but was pleasant with the gaggle of people hanging around, I then saw him ten months later at the Marquee in London, to be honest I don’t remember much of the gig as I was slightly …..erm….drunk, I know I was happy as he played hurricane and white knuckles back to back, I’m told that there was famous people there but sorry I have no idea and the person who gave me the information couldn’t remember who they were , he can remember waking up in the marquee toilets the next morning bless him, no names as his mum could be reading this lol!

Then it transpired that he had hooked up with Glenn Hughes and they were playing the City hall, double Joy as FM were the support, I was disappointed as Glenn was off trying to get sponsorship from Mars bars (look it up) I enjoyed the gig but I was disappointed as I was desperate to see Glenn, I had tickets for other gigs but we usually left after watching FM, me fickle, no not really but FM were on fire and Mr Moore wasn’t!

I next caught him at the Garden Party gig at Milton Keynes for Marillion, I wasn’t there for Gary and again I was disappointed, I was there for the headliners, who also disappointed but for completely other reasons, I then caught Gary on the wild frontier tour at the NEC in Birmingham and the city hall (actually paying for one of them) and both gigs were great although I preferred the city hall as it was more intimate (and I payed for the ticket) I will be honest though I was getting a tad jaded by now, gigs had to special to keep my attention by now!

Next it was the After the War tour and I simply did not enjoy the gig and I have no idea where I saw it, I’m guessing London, I do know that Mr Moore was pissed off after the gig and jumped straight in his car and buggered off, a friend saw a couple of other dates and said he was even more unhappy then (I don’t even know how that is possible). My love affair with the Irishman was starting to turn sour I still loved his playing and his albums (to date)however it appeared that he didn’t, then shock horror he went and released Still got the Blues  and it looked and sounded pretty damn good, I saw three shows (Edinburgh, Newcastle and Hull) I have to admit by the third one I had probably overdosed, I certainly wasn’t happy that the album afterwards was another blues album, mix it up a bit mate we parted ways and I didn’t go to see him again until the “A Different Beat” tour at the city hall and to be honest I got in for free and I thought that was too bloody expensive, too many covers too indulgent and again he just looked miserable, before he always looked as he was enjoying it on stage.

The last time I saw him personally was on the Monsters of Rock tour wedged between Y&T who were awesome and Whitesnake who I did enjoy (probably one of the last times at least in a bigger venue) it was a welcome change as he did a couple of the covers that he had done but the rest of the stuff was off the Scars cd, largely unfamiliar material well played but not so great, if he had done a few more older songs he would have gone down a storm, mind you  he had also put on tons of weight and generally looked pasty, and even more unhappy, was this because he had gone back to rock, even if It felt a little half-heartedly, not a good look. however, after the set Y&T had done, he didn’t really stand a chance especially in Newcastle! And that was me done, he went back to the blues (yet again) and I wasn’t bothered it was all good it just didn’t float my boat year in and year out.

I then watched on You Tube a gig he did in Dublin to celebrate Thin Lizzy which was damn good, could there be redemption for him? Yes, I think there could be! And then he buggered back off to the blues until 2010 when he did a European tour with old cohort Neil Carter featuring a Wild Frontier set list with three new tracks that all had a decidedly Celtic feel to it, the music and the playing was excellent, however he didn’t look the picture of health, I was skinnier than he was and then the sad news came that he had died while on holiday just before recording what I think a  lot of people would have said would have been a damn fine new rock album.

I kind of get it you don’t always want to play the same old stuff but you get stuck in a rut, but he did the same with the blues, and now we will never have another round of blazing solos, there’s plenty of great stuff on You tube though get on there and enjoy it all!

So there you go a blog that reminisces about music and has a slight historical bent, enjoy, stay safe, stay alive, watch the skies for incoming, until the next one ………..Toodles!

Choices.

It would appear that I am being spoilt for choice in just about every department of my life, this has come as quite a surprise, for once in my life it seems that I get to choose, when did this happen? And why did I simply stumble onto the fact by mistake?

Ok so this isn’t the blog I intended, I had a great musical one percolating, then a couple of others popped into circulation and I worked hard at them all and they will see the light of day sooner rather than later, this one won out, I have no idea why it just did! The last blog did great numbers and as always thank you for the kind words, they do help make a difference.

I am back on my own two feet, quite literally, it’s a glorious feeling, but its still quite painful, I will live with it though for the sake of my mobility, I’m still not firing on all cylinders but I am trying to keep an even keel, I’m having good days more than bad, but I still feel like hammered crap, the NHS is great but damn this taking ages to even get anywhere near a first step. Having said that I don’t intend to be beaten as always, its onwards.

I seem to be making lists of things to do from blogs, books, music, food, jobs I need to do, Jellybeans (yes jellybeans) time off, people I don’t like (only kidding……. I think), work and so many other things some I will go over here some I won’t, ha me with my reputation!

Blogs, well I’m trying to tie these ones up and get ready for the next phase, it’s a bit of a struggle as I want to have all the good ones done and published and the rest of the ideas tied up in a box and then buried, me weird who knew?

Books, well finally I’m back to reading non work material, at the moment I’m sick of reading current legislation, standards approved codes and all the other things that go with the job, maybe I’m just feeling a bit burnt out, I think (hope) that its an age thing and after some rest I come back brighter and stronger, I’m reading mainly biography’s, musical ones its simply awesome to be able to switch off and enjoy a read of historical fancy about stuff I seem to have a great handle on already, who knew  I knew stuff, its worthless but dammit I seem to know one or two things.

Music, well I’m simply letting it wash over me, I am 11 albums into it today, I’m currently listening to Nick D’Virgillio Invisible, I am enjoying all of it, but I am trying to be eclectic, and so far I am succeeding and enjoying myself most of it is virgin territory  for me and I will go back to most of it, one or two although enjoyable I doubt I will (The Revolutionary army of the baby Jesus I certainly won’t) but its not all encompassing I am still trying to fit in with the family and be part of it, so we do watch tv and other things, I simply get up before them so I have more time on my hands!

Food, Again because of the bland days whilst being ill, I have to make sure that I don’t over do it and be a glutton on some of the nicer things, I’m finding that whilst I’m finishing my meal I’m already planning my next one I made a curry for me and my daughter last night and as I was plating it up, I was already  plotting what I was going to have for my breakfast, I’m trying to convince myself I’m being healthy but I have my doubts!

Jobs I need to do, well there are a number of tiny tasks that I have set myself to do, I simply need some get up and go to do them my ill health has knocked my self-belief and confidence, I have never been so lethargic in my life the spirit is willing but the body keeps telling me no, again its good days and bad days, my good days I can do everything, today I got up made breakfast for everyone, did the dishes and then faded, as I type this I am not long out of a soak in the bath but my get up and go has definitely gone into hiding, I’m sure it’s an age thing LOL!

Jelly beans, well I am obsessing over gourmet jelly beans and how to eat them (its my one treat) separating the flavours and then seeing if I can guess the flavours by the colour, me weird hell yeah! It’s not as easy as it sounds!

Time off, damn it I was on furlough for 78 days I really don’t want to be off, however I realise I do need some time off as I am suffering, just a tad!

People I don’t like, is actually a very small list and getting smaller by the day, life is way too short, I want a life, they certainly will not be thinking about me, why should I waste my time on them, not that I really ever did, I simply had a few good sound bites (a grudge is for life not just for Christmas and a few others) trouble is its all bullshit, as I already said life is too short, the one person who I really should hate ( you will have to guess) I don’t even think about them at all, I simply want to be the best person I can be and I don’t want hate to be part of my make-up, that’s not to say I won’t be hateful and petty at some junctions of my life I’m simply hoping that they won’t last, after all I am only human.

Work, I love my job and most of the people who I work with but it is all encompassing I really do need to try and break the chains of self-confinement (of my own making) work is not the be all and end all, if I don’t give my head a shake there is the potential for me to burn out and lose what I have about my job which helps me tick, about the only positive thing that I have, for me with no other involvement, I know what I mean you guys might not, this is definitely an age thing!

The lists go on and on and I seem to make my choices, so far so good (not) I’m not perfect but more of a work in progress ( a little like this blog) one foot in front of another, and one day at a time good times and bad moments all rolled into one.

So, there you go another blog another slight detour, however I think its getting to the end game and no amount of pleading (from all over this small blue pearl) is going to change that, there will be the odd blog to keep you the discerning reader up to date with goings on, and trust me I want the Tee Hee Club to rise up like a phoenix (although the wife and my working rota needs to line up like the planets) life is what it is and always I want to thank the people that help get me through my day at work and outside of work most of these people may not have a clue but you do keep me on the straight and narrow, if not for you lot I would be a bitter and horrible (more than I am now) person.

Watch the skies for incoming, I’m off for 13 out of the next 16 days so there will more incoming, lets get the written word out there, until the next time…...Toodles!

A Plague of Ghosts

So I thought I was doing better (that shows what I bloody know) and I let my guard slip and it came back to bite me in the ass yesterday, so I had to return to my diet of cup a soup and water, I’m starving today but I want it to go back to normal as quickly as possible as I had five good days and then wallop.

I was also looking forward to some social interaction last night, but as I was picked up from work, I was sat in the front of the car with a plastic bag in my lap waiting to hurl, thankfully I didn’t, but the wife was thoughtful and took me home before I spoilt the birthday girls party, we left and I climbed in the back of the car burping and farting and wishing for some deity to take my life and I so wished that I could climb that wooden hill, I got home and did indeed climb the wooden hill and was soon fast asleep, thankfully this morning I did indeed feel just a little perkier!

Although I have been doing better, I have been allowing (for some reason)  my brain to start dwelling on certain negative memories that hasn’t helped with my recovery, work has helped as have one or two lovely people who gently steered me back to calmer waters, and I have managed to keep my brain busy and focused (well kind of) nothing too serious but enough to have me thinking about things from the distant past.

Its funny how old ghosts can pop up at the oddest times with little or no need of a direct link, that in itself has had me thinking about all manner of things, but I promise I have done better as the week has progressed, help does also come from unexpected quarters whether they know it or not, I have noticed some of the staff have been having rough times and again simply trying to offer some kind of support even to annoying people is the best kind of medicine for oneself.

Eating proper food has been a blessing (even though it has caught up with me) simple plain food is a god send when you haven’t been able to eat anything, the number of get well soon wishes because of the last blog (that wasn’t the intention but thank you thank you thank you) was fab and the last blog did double the numbers of the previous blog, so I must have done something right,  but sending up the distress flares, obviously did the good deed, it’s all good in the hood apart from the odd speed bump, (or speed burp) as always onwards is the order of the day!

Music has crept back into my view point, but I still haven’t played as much as I normally would, however I did get distracted and got the Pete Way autobiography, then he went and bloody died, I also got the KK Downing one, I’m frightened to read that one in case he pops his clogs as well, I’m hoping it’s just an age thing, we all get there eventually, I have two rest days coming up, so I intended to engross myself in as much music as possible we will have to see though as I need to eat something solid first!

I know I will get a load of grief (from the same people who wished me well) as this blog was meant to be something historical (I do have one bubbling and I’m quite excited by it) but because so many people reached out I simply had to let the world and his dog know that I was alive……kind of! This wasn’t meant to be a vanity blog, but it would appear that that’s exactly what it has become, oh dear me!

The wife is still having a hard time (have you seen who she is married too) she is having a few more speed bumps than me and I do really want to be better so I can help her with her needs, hells bells I even bought her flowers (allegedly the florist said I am a keeper) sometimes it really is the little things that helps perk up some ones day and I hate to see the wife down in the dumps (again have you seen who she is married too) I want to see her guided to safer waters, its one of the reasons I wasn’t happy about heading home early last night as she deserves some human contact more than me and that’s saying something.

So, going forward the next blog should be a historical one unless something deviates me from my goal, I’m not easily distracted (oh look a butterfly) but I had one or two other ideas before I settled on this train of thought. Honestly there will be another along on time in the coming week no matter how the numbers go on this one. So as always thank you for all your kind words, whatever you are doing, please keep it up as the numbers have been wonderful and I know for a fact that by the end of the year we will have passed twice the numbers what were being recorded five years ago and believe me that’s no mean feat.

I have had a couple of queries regarding blog number 501, the format will change and the numbers will plummet, I am under no illusion but I need to change the format, I feel as this one is starting to tread water just a little (the format not the blog) and I seem to have settled on my course, I have made my choice and I will fall on my sword if it fails I have no intention of returning to this format once I change course, there will be a familiar feel as it should be its me writing the bloody thing, but it will change to a more musical bent with around 22 to go before then, lets hope some of you stick around, I have got 501 prepped it’s the others that I need to start on as I have a list that I wish to do and it takes a while to do them they wont be short and I doubt that there will be one every week as we have had so far (well with the exception of the hiccup of that last month or so) this year.

There you go that’s another one done I am alive and well (well sort of) and feeling in a better frame of mind to write in a more positive attitude, I was hoping that because of the potential social interaction I could have done a more blow by blow account of our secret rendezvous with Martin Fry (NOT) but it wasn’t to be, I hope the birthday girl and her toy boy had a great night (it’s his turn next….let’s do something a little crazy) we might have only been there for a short while but it did lift our flagging souls, the name game is in play and indeed should be even easier than last week and although we had record numbers reading the blog, only four got it right(maybe be I should give a prize…….hell no) so watch the skies there will be another one along this road very soon, stay safe, stay alive until the next one…………………Toodles!

Last Man Standing.

I know it won’t be me, I have had a horrendous couple of weeks, exploding and projectile is all the rage, it got so bad that the wife called the paramedics for me, I felt a right fraud! I even went to the Dr’s for a face to face appointment, no news is good news ………allegedly!

I had been gearing up to do the follow up on the last blog when I was struck down with galloping gut rot,  I was/am weak as a kitten, and I’m ill for a couple of days then recovering only to fall victim again, this has been the pattern since that last blog, I’m not a good patient, I hate being sickly, but this is driving me nuts, I have been up since 5 this morning with my mood flipping between nauseous and needing the loo……..rather quickly, if I try to eat anything the nausea returns toot sweet and I’m back to square one, I feel as though I should be sponsored by cup a soup, because that’s about all I have had in nearly three weeks, I thought I should throw a few words onto a blank page just so that you all know I am alive, well kind of!

The last blog did the numbers I expected, this will probably do the same or less I need to get myself sorted and back on the horse, I have missed getting my thoughts onto a blank page, unfortunately today is not the day, but it’s nice to know I can at least attempt to put my best foot forward. I will say thank you for all of the kind messages, I am not suffering from a mental malaise, but a poisonous one!

I have played next to no music in the time I have been off colour, not a good sign and I have done no reading, rather I have been like a lazy dog I haven’t even left the room when the family is watching pap on the tv, me with my reputation. I have gone to work although I haven’t been firing on all cylinders I don’t feel as though I’m bad enough to be off work, however if it continues that may change, and I will do the unpleasant deed of collecting a sample to find out what is dragging me down.

My diabetes has been loving me being this down, as it revels in kicking my arse when I’m as low as this, I really do need some solid food regardless of the consequences, some sleep would be nice as well, my mind is on a constant state of alert I have no desire to defile our new mattress in any way.

The name game is in play even though the last one seems to have broken you all, even by googling it nobody got it right, and no I’m not telling you who the artist was, this one is considerably easier it’s a rock band!

That’s your lot, I’m simply telling you that I’m alive (at the moment) the wife is having her own issues (getting old is really shit) another reason I go to work so that she doesn’t waste her time fussing over me she needs to get better as well, hopefully the next one will be of better quality I cant promise anything other than I will try! So, until the next time watch the skies for incoming, stay safe so until the next one……Toodles!