Bulletproof

Its all about tipping points in life, I seem to have crossed over a few and I seem to be in constant denial regarding where I am going!

I mused regarding this in the Spiral Architect blog but little did I know it was going to be in  a way more profound than I thought, again this is not, I repeat this is not a “oh woe is me blog” simply a stop on the roadside of life moment, and an attempt to give my head a shake, things are not in the correct order at the moment, slight aspirations of paranoia, thankfully due to social media, which I need to give a damn kicking to, I have fallen into old  bad habit of darkness, but at least I can recognize them these days and I can bitch slap them to hell!  I’m not sure what has happened, but at least this time I’m happy to take them on head first.

I’m not as bulletproof as I assumed that I was, maybe that was the issue? I thought I was doing better than I actually was. I’m not the most social creature on here in real life or even out there in the  big bad world, I used to be, what has happened to me? but those outings do a lot to gee me up just a little, however the wife although on a short hours contract she always seems to be on the wrong shift to have a social life, I hope our friends realise we are not being anti-social we are simply trying to juggle life and all that seems to come with it!

My health has been kicking my arse big style and I have to come to realise I’m never going to do the things I used to, play football, run, play squash, go canoeing, used to being the operative word, I have to accept this I don’t want to, so consequently my brain sends me off on spirals, I may not have been very good at any of those things I mentioned but I did enjoy them, again simple reasons for my happiness levels have been shrinking, it’s the little things that keep you sane, it’s the little things that keep your life in balance!

I am trying desperately to keep my health both mental and physical on an even keel, its tipping the scales in the wrong way at the moment and that’s why I am trying my best to retain some semblance of order, the medical professionals keep reading me the riot act, not believing that I am trying my best, I am, it’s just harder than I ever thought it would be, the chip, chip chipping away from the  mental health hasn’t been helping, but I can do better, I will do better, I must do better its as simple as that!

The wife’s health has not been the cure all that we thought it would be after major surgery back in January, and there are many minor battles still being fought, she is so much stronger then I ever could be, but even she has had some tough times and unlike me she does simply get on with it, with only a few moments of doubt on her part, all I can do is offer her my support and to let her know that I am indeed here for her. I am simply recognizing what is circling us and I know we have to be prepared to battle that little bit harder. Who knew getting old was going to be so complicated?

So that’s number 399 done, there is till time to get some serious questions in for the next one, I am also thinking that there is a shelf life for doing this, its great for me, however I have plateaued numbers wise, and although my vanity is quite happy with the numbers, I think if I can’t consistently break out of the box then maybe its time to shuffle off, don’t worry not just yet, maybe a break or something, I need to keep this fresh for me and all of you guys, this one of the better things for my mental health so don’t think that you are shot of me just yet, simply musing aloud so that you know what is swirling through the thought process!

So, get your arse in a comfy seat and get some snack’s because the next blog is number 400 you can’t say that you haven’t been warned and while you are at it, remember nobody is bulletproof we all die in the end, so watch the skies for incoming and keep spreading the disease until then though I guess it’s …………Toodles!