Sue Lawley (So Lonely)

Here I am on day four of what appears to becoming a five-week cycle, tonsillitis and generally feeling crap, don't get old kids it stinks, I have been suffering on and off since I was a kid with tonsillitis, it seems to rear its ugly head usually when I have tons of work on, I haven't lost any time off work yet, that's basically because it tends to hit me at the back end of the week as I crawl over the finish line.

A wedding last week and a birthday this week, well it appears that me and the Mrs. have a social life again, actually that's not quite so true, my friendly disease hit me Thursday night and I struggled through Friday, I managed to crawl home and surprise surprise all I wanted to do was sleep, I awoke with a set of bulldog's bollocks at the back of my throat (I know not a nice thought) with a ton of gunk around them, I spent most of the morning trying to get rid of it and  then most of the afternoon sleeping it off, not very successful either, the wife finally gave in trying to bully me into going, I had no intention of spoiling anybody's night, so I sent the youngest with the wife I knew she would help keep the Karaoke party going until the early hours, me I contemplated my navel and wondered how I was going to do the blog.

I had noticed last week at the wedding how well people integrated families, friends and acquaintances, how easy it was for them, not so much for me, admittedly it was whilst there was a disco blasting away but I noticed how separated from the pack I was, now this isn't a whoa is me blog, I just noticed how different I have become over the last ten - fifteen years, hell I used to burst through the doors and try to be the centre of attention (shy people do that) these days I feel very disconnected, again not in a bad way, I'm just not that kind of person anymore, I'm not a natural hugger(go figure), I don't do kisses I'm a definite hand shake kind of a guy, I didn't realize how I became this kind of person, I was always the introducer the go to jokey person, the jumping jack, now I just fade into the background, at the sight of a camera I do a great Lord Lucan impersonation, definitely a face for radio.

I love my family my wife my kids my grandkids, and I do tell them frequently, I just don't get the touchy feely kind of things that occurs, I hope in later years if my family find these blogs I hope they don’t get too shocked by reading this, I love them all with my heart I just don’t know how to connect like other people do, I don’t make friends easily, I suspect that I never did, but the friends that I have I’m fiercely protective of them all and yes there’s that word again I do indeed deeply love them, they do indeed help my world turn each and every day, all the while I feel as though I shrink  myself every single day, I pine for the days when I really didn’t give a rats shit these days it appears that I do, I’m not jealous of anybody and their ability to reach out to the world and the friends and family truth be told I’m just a little in awe that’s all, is that a bad thing?

I don’t do cliques like some of our acquaintances do, hey it’s all good, good luck to you and yours but I left school a long time ago and I never played the game then, I have no intention of doing it now the game is to treat people humanly not to try and get to the top of a hill, that’s a sad empty place I can tell you, maybe I do prefer my own company a little too much there’s nothing better than sitting around listening to some fierce craic, that’s a connection I can get, my encroaching deafness isn’t helping matters or is that the main cause who knows?

As I said earlier don’t feel sad for me I don’t, I just hadn’t noticed the change that crept up on me, is this the hand of old age starting to reach out and touch my shoulder is my time drawing to a close, I don’t feel like it is but you never know, I just want to let anybody who is interested know I tried my best every day! I have noticed my black cloud getting a little closer is that because I’m a tad more fragile at the moment or does it think it can take advantage of my defense’s being just a tad loose, well let the sneaky thing creep up on me because I will kick its black lined arse I ain’t going down without a fight! The title crept into my mind after watching a rock goes to college gig on YouTube, which I sadly remembered watching on a black and white TV in the family abode all of those years ago and it does sound like they are singing “SUE LAWLEY” and if English isn’t your mother tongue life is too short to explain what the hell I’m going on about! Hell even I don’t know half of the time!

Well another blog done and as soon as the numbers fall of for this one there will be another “Now hear this” style of blog I have about 15 questions picked so there is plenty of time to get some more in if you so desire, I hope that nobody thought that this was an unhappy blog it wasn’t the intention, with the exception of the lurgy I feel pretty good mentally (I have jinxed myself haven’t I?) so here’s to the next one I hope you are all in good health, enjoy life because it’s the only one we get, until the next time Toodles!