A Night At The Opera!

OK so it was another night in a bordello but there was Machiavellian deeds so an opera sounds so much more dramatic!

The day started as always with me on pooch patrol (I have got to buy that dog a damn watch!) and after the night before were I had vented my spleen, I was happier but not really happy if you know what I mean. I was travelling fast through the tunnel marked as "depression" and I could see the other end I wasn't being a misery (the wife might beg to differ) but the sun was definitely peaking through the clouds. I had recorded a few programmes from the night before about Prog rock so I thought I would zip through them before I bored the wife to death and although the music was more choral than happy I enjoyed them.

The wife came down stairs around about eleven , to be fair she had done the first pooch patrol but she has the ability to go back to sleep and I don't, she wasn't happy as she had wanted to go through a list of tasks and I didn't wake her but she was OK with it as she settled down to breakfast  and to watch Scream 4, as the time clicked on I reminded her that we did have a number of tasks to do(including the making of something to be slow cooked for our tea which she did and it was lovely) before we could enjoy ourselves( see you all thought I wanted to avoid the tasks hahaha wrong), so she cracked on (eventually) and we headed out to strut our funky stuff, firstly to post a letter ( I know in this day and age) then to call into Barry's Bargains (a shop in the heart of Consett that sells foodstuffs that are very nearly on their sell by date at greatly reduced prices) I could tell the wife didn't really want for me to go in especially me being in the frame of mind I was in (I was craving junk food and I was going to get it whatever the reason) It wasn't too bad some sour jelly's some Jaffa cakes some chocolate for the daughter and we were done then off to the bank for some beer vouchers and for me to growl because although my bonus was in I had been robbed and that was yet another issue GRRR!

We shuffled off paid a bill or two went and bought a bag of dog food (well you have to feed them you know) and then for a few bits and pieces in our local Morrison's and for some reason we were drawn by the Siren's song of the drink aisle but we resisted, we did have a quick look but we decided against it as we had enough stock at home, food was consumed and the pooch was taken to his holiday home in the hills (woo hoo a lie in the morning.....Not) the wife came home and started the preparations for our journey she only had a couple of hissy fits but actually it was probably the most focused I have ever seen her for getting ready and we did actually leave on time, although I did crack the whip (as always it took me ages to get ready all of 107 seconds) and we jumped aboard the good ship robbing bastards ooops sorry I mean the local bus company who had put up their prices a whopping 10% (yes I whined on facebook about it and a couple of people got onto me about fuel costs, although in actual fact their fuel costs have only risen 1.9% I know this because of the contract at work they have to inform us in case it impacts on our business model and they have instigated a pay freeze so they can't claim that they are paying their staff more lets just not go there GRRR!) we travelled down in relative silence I was happier but if I was honest (and I like to think I am ) I wasn't happy, but the wife deserves a good night out  I have to like being in her company while she enjoys herself!

She had bought a pair of cowboy boots while on holiday and she had decided not to wear her thick white socks with them as this would be constrictive on her feet, so guess which socks she put on to go out in? how the hell did you guess, yes the white ones! which if I'm honest nearly tipped me into a killing spree on the bus but I held my breath and counted to ten and offered the advice "we can buy some thinner ones once we get off the bus" we got off the bus only to find "Primarni" shut so we had to make do (altogether now aaah) as we headed to the pub the phone rings and the eldest wanting advice on how to look after the grandson (WTF) we dodged the bullet( I could feel would you like to babysit early routine coming on) and arrived in the pub to find our drinking compatriots all ready there (woo hoo result) and we nipped into a table and settled down to have some fun, at some point a lady did a triple somersault down some stairs and still managed a pirouette as she stood up although her wig wasn't on straight! some food was ordered and it turned up warm(ish) and to the right table well actually it was thrown at the table so J very nearly got to have a bowl of chips for nothing it was at this point G was in tears as he realised his pet kestrel would have swept down and directed the food to him, we had to ply him with drink to bring him back to the room. We then tried to do a strange thing we tried to get a taxi for five people only to be waved off by people who didn't have a grasp of the English language as we were only asking them if they could order us one (nononononononononono I'll take that as a no then) so in the end after walking for 26 miles we just jumped into two taxi's and finally arrived at our destination.

The venue had people in but it wasn't rammed (yet) and I was plied with even more drink the wife kept going off like an air raid siren whenever she saw somebody she knew, which was often, I sat in the corner (well I would have if my legs had been longer) and generally people watched and although I drank copious amounts I don't think that there was any fear of me getting drunk, but the night flowed and more people showed up including M with his flask of dangerous moonshine(I do have to admit some people were missing in action no doubt there's a tale there but I'm sorry to inform you I don't know it) actually it was full of Kraken how he got the mother in law in such a little flask I have no idea, I acquired a DJ name which even this morning I can't dodge (Rancid Hamster's in the house) Mr Spence was there with the brightest flash in the world and skinny lusted after someone who thankfully was/is blissfully unaware! I sat and discussed the merits of all time favourite albums/singers and various things, thankfully there was no cuckoo but there were several animals that did wander in off the Serengeti plain (I suppose you had to be there and no one of them wasn't Chris Curry's coat) there was no toilet paper in the ladies but there was plenty of supplies in everybody's handbags and pockets getting a taxi home was proving problematic (the clocks going forward, we had endured this in Las Vegas and we argued that we shouldn't have to go through it bloody well twice) the night got better although there was an issue with some of the music being repeated (Nicola had been dropped in it at the last moment but she still did a cracking job as far as I'm concerned) and on the odd occasion that I actually wandered through the madding crowd I found it mildly disconcerting that not one person minded me rubbing there butts in fact a certain post person even tried to to a bit of crotch thrusting in my direction,at which point I ran as fast as my poorly legs would let me, as the night went on I got happier and happier (in mood and not with drink) I even had a meaningful discussion and about Glenn Hughes and his quality control issues and I'm still yet to find anybody who likes his bloody awful Christmas album.

As always the night slid to a halt sooner rather than expected because the pub put the clocks forward at one instead of two and threw us all out into the street to try and get some transport home which wasn't too bad although the students who had had a bottle of Peronni and were being annoying to the Taxi drivers nearly got a slap from the wife! although if the wife had to wait much longer she would have been sunk, Big G turned up as everybody was leaving I couldn't possibly say what he said as he climbed out of his lift but the highlight was him saying goodnight through the mass of people (you may take the boy out of Consett but you can't take Consett out of the boy we were all taught good manners when I was a lad) we waved goodbye to friends Romans and countrymen and headed back to Gimpsville with an annoying driver who wished to tell us about his exploits in Amsterdam (erm feck off) we got through the pea soup of Fog and were in bed within minutes of coming through the front door (although I was tempted to blog while it was all fresh in my mind) this morning morning I awoke at seven so in reality that was six and no bloody pooch patrol hahahaha what the hell!

The night lifted my spirits some people said some nice things some people said some sexist things and some people didn't really say a lot I feel as though there has been a bloody great weight lifted from my shoulders and as I prepare to knuckle down and crack on with the new book which is about half way done my mood is heading to a happy place (for a change), but can all the people who read the thing on blurb buy the bloody thing as your really only getting a smattering of it, I get no profit from it other than I have given somebody some (hopefully) pleasure in a none sexual way, its set at the lowest price possible so go on buy one or two or three because there is three to choose from very nearly four if you include the Las Vegas one which I hope to have finished for Friday. I know I can be the shy wallflower type and last night I wasn't the best company but I had a cracking time and thanks to some wonderful people I'm ready to write up a storm so until the next time Toodles!