Dancing in Fog

So I had blogged I was also on holiday, and for once I didn’t feel like a ten-pound bag of shite in a five-pound bag, how did that happen?

So I took a jolly jaunt down to my brothers, my first time out of the house, by myself in a none work kind of deal, it felt freaky like a high wire without a safety net, it was good to see everybody, they usually make the effort, I don’t ……go figure, I didn’t over stay my welcome, I have been having minor gastric problems (potentially tied in with my diabetes)so I didn’t want to be too far from home, I was in pain all the way home, nothing serious just a slight burning sensation in my belly, hopefully the coming hospital visit will set my over worked brain at ease, I have been told it’s nothing sinister, I’m just trying not to dwell on it! I then dozed on the settee with the youngest watching over me, pointless going through my pockets as I have nothing LOL!

The wife finally arrived home from work, it was official we were both on our hollibobs! We had our cunning plan all sorted although something had twisted her melons as she left work, me and the youngest tried to lift her spirits, thankfully whatever we did certainly did the trick! We had a lazy night and a late rise, well for the wife who has been suffering with her back of late, I wasn’t going to hurry her, just as well, as I had found a supply of Pineapple Jam mmmmmmmmmmm. Our carefully laid plans went awry from the off, but I for one was going with the flow (yep you heard me right), it didn’t take us long once we had our game face on, bag packed (hell we are away for less than 24 hours and I had three changes of clothes WTF) and into the car, the youngest was ensconced in the house to look after the hell hound, we decided to take it slow, we filled up on provisions and petrol and off we went, us acting like adults ……… well I never!

The weather (no surprise) was erm…...wet and extremely foggy, we could see where the sun was trying to break through, but it didn’t win, a few clear spots all the way to the border but that was it, we stopped and had our sandwiches in the fog in a layby somewhere over……..there, there we were acting like adults chatting and make more than usual cunning plans, both of us (I think/I hope) enjoying each other’s company, nothing to weigh us down, just enjoying that thing called company, we set off again and once across the border the weather although still damp and foggy was trying its hardest to make a day of it. We arrived at the hotel it felt like an old familiar friend, it was lovely pulling into Haddington like putting on old slippers even though it’s more than ten years since we have been there, I did try and persuade the wife to have a run down to Dunbar beach, she wasn’t having any of it, time for me to behave (well for a short while at least) the hotel was definitely three star chic now (I had seen that it was up for sale) it needed some love and affection, but it was still good enough for what we were after, we still received a warm welcome, we headed straight up to the room, to regroup and press ahead with cunning plans, nothing really changed only the fact that we were here later than planned and found out that the restaurant was closed for Sunday evening (D’oh), thankfully the sun had now made an appearance, so we went for a jaunt to revisit old the town and old haunts, we enjoyed the jaunt past the Corn Exchange and at no point did either of us look out for a certain Mr Dick of the said parish, we were simply enjoying our company for once with no issues!

Actually an issue had arisen, I was starting to have issues about being out in public and I was getting ready to go for the default position, I had initially suggested that we go the Waterside Bistro but the closer we got the more I wanted to use the hotel restaurant (both lovely as we had been to them before) as I have previously mentioned the hotel closes their restaurant on a Sunday night, so  I was forced to being out in public, we wound our way through the village looking at old places, we didn’t go in any of the pubs as it wasn’t that kind of break this was simply for us, we soon wound our way back to the Waterside Bistro, it  hadn’t changed since the last time we were there (where we had enjoyed a Sunday Lunch and the sat through John Wesley’s acoustic gig on the terrace outside) we entered the bar and got a round in the wife a wine (WTF ) and me a pint of the black stuff well actually they didn’t do Guinness, I got the closet thing they did (I didn’t get its name, although I did get a sample and was like a noddy dog straight away it was also rather strong 6.7% ) we grabbed a seat in the bar and settled in to enjoy ourselves.

After our initial drinks we had got ourselves a lovely little table in the first side room of the restaurant, now we don’t go out for a meal very often, so I wanted to push the boat out, it was a have whatever you want night, the wife wanted another wine (WTF) me I opted for lime and soda, I had felt my temperature rise as soon as I had sipped at my pint, I wasn’t going to let my diabetes spoil the night, we both ordered the Garlic mushrooms on bread, they were subtle but oh so nice! Again we both opted for the 9oz ribeye steak with fries, dammit I never eat red meat (well steaks) and it was nice, so much so I even demolished the rather large tomato that came with it, I had decided I wanted a pudding and the wife didn’t take too much of persuading, I so wanted the crumble, I would have liked it with custard but hey ho, ok I would go with ice cream and do as I was told…………………..OMG the best crumble ever and the ice cream was to die for, at this point we had been calculating the bill (and was way off) not wanting to count the pennies but old habits die hard, thankfully not to worry as we were way over so we very nearly skipped back across the bridge (well we would have if we hadn’t been so full of food) once we saw the bill, more than we would normally spend but so much cheaper than we thought it was going to be, but that’s simply because we don’t normally go out for a meal, we only live once allegedly, so what the hell, we walked slowly admiring the swans as they gathered their children in for the night.

We took a short cut back to the hotel through St Mary’s graveyard and as strange as it sounds we enjoyed conversing with the dead as we read aloud the gravestones of the people who had been asleep for so long, it didn’t take long and we were back in the hotel lobby (Pfft Lightweights) we headed upstairs to allow our stomachs to settle, the wife decided on having a bath but not before having a battle with the subtitles on the TV for her luddite husband, as it happens it was here luddite husband who sorted that out (WTF with technology) it was at this point I realised I wasn’t happy with my side of the bed for two reasons one I was on the same side as the bible and the other if I looked just slightly to my right I could spy myself in the mirror and I looked like a fucking beached whale, my eyes kept drifting to the mirror, it wasn’t a happy time, I was so glad the wife agreed to move, I could see me on the battlements next to the bridge we had come across trying to throw myself into the River Tyne as it really did make me unhappy!

The night drifted along and although my neurosis raised its head again when the wife was contemplating going down to the hotel bar, I would have gone, I would have been apprehensive, but it was whatever she wanted, she finally decided against it, truth be told I didn’t really want to share her with anybody, this was some us time and I was being greedy, it may sound boring to everybody else, but it was a lovely night just what we needed, the only fly in the ointment was the bed (this is usually the case as the wife suffers with a bad back) it was quite firm and unforgiving, the wife was going suffer me I could sleep on a clothes line, but the wife was going to go through hell. So consequently we were both awake at silly o’clock I even had a chance to check over my notes and have a nice long bath before heading for the most important meal of the day! A full Scottish breakfast, actually although the breakfast was nice it was a disappointment, my yoke was hard (unforgivable) and the rest was simply……. OK, actually no the black pudding was the redeeming feature as it was simply sensational (the best I have ever eaten) however it made the rest of the breakfast appear to be bland (it wasn’t) maybe it’s just me as I do like a good breakfast!

While we waited for our toast and other sundries we sat and listened (we were the only people up at for the start of breakfast not that I think that the place was over booked!) to the rain on the conservatory roof, enjoying the view of the gardens in the rain, the wife even saw a Robin, I could make it out (Stevie Wonder had a better  chance than me) but it had to be nearly on the window sill before I could confirm that it indeed was a Robin (when did I get this blind) the wife was even considering the spa but decided against it for reasons I promised never ever to divulge (I’m a good boy I am) did I mention that it rained all the way through breakfast I wanted to take a couple of pictures of the wife in the gardens next to the water feature (we should have done it the night before) but it wasn’t to be, oh and did I mention the fact that it rained!

We had decided to head home via the coastal route as we headed out of the car park and the south out of Haddington we knew we were simply going to be chasing rain and fog all the way home, if truth be told we wasted our time (mind you we did miss all the road works on the A1) as we barely caught brief glimpses of the rugged north-sea shoreline with the tide in, when we did it was glorious, once or twice out of the fog towering above us was the white stalk of a modern day windmill (which I just love) with the blades majestically gliding through the air effortlessly, we got to Berwick and discovered the malaise that is destroying our little towns the same shops everywhere or simply overloaded with charity shops (I’m not against them) but Berwick simply seemed empty and devoid of a soul, mind you we did buy the hell hound the biggest raw hide bone in the world it was a happy moment when he realised it was for him, but he didn’t (and still doesn’t) know what to do with the bloody thing! the weather didn’t help but we pressed on although the journey would have been picturesque, though Amble Craster, Warkworth, Beadnell and various other Northumbrian holiday destinations Pfft you need the sun, a good idea hidden by huge shards of fog and the occasional down pour!

The journey home wasn’t helped by various white van men driving like idiots I know you will be on a time table but is killing yourselves and some other poor soul at the same time worth it……. No it’s not thankfully that was the only blimp on the journey to and from Haddington. We missed second breakfast simply because nothing was open (WTF) in the end we went to the American embassy (I wish I had gnawed my foot off it was disgusting) simply because we were home and starving (that’s how they get ya) so the suitcase is in the hall, let’s see how long before it’s taken upstairs (coming dear) I think we need to go out into the big bad world and mix with people as we had a really nice time and for a quick weekend away I can’t recommend Haddington enough, but hey ho here we are home back in the arms of Gimpsville wondering what the rest of the week will bring?

Another blog so soon, it would appear that I’m getting the hang of this blog malarkey I hope this made a welcome change and some light into my usually darkened view of the world, until the next time keep spreading the disease………. Toodles!

Owed to G

Well its time to get historical (and maybe in some places hysterical) and do something just a tad sassy, just like the person that this blog is all about, now its not going to be long (the innocent need to be protected) but it certainly brings a warmth to me when I think about this individual.

Now I'm just going to call this individual G if you know me or even if you are out on the periphery of my circle of friends you will know G, but as always I'm getting ahead of myself, we didn't go to  the same school, G went to school with my brother (pfft) and was the year below him, but I heard about G and a small group of people at said school as I did knock around with most of them G though lived in the badlands! actually he didn't he just lived further away than the rest of these people, so I never got to meet him until a couple of years later, I can remember the first time I met him it was sports meeting for our respective schools I was there for short distance running and G was there for the shot put, he was also having a massive swig of strongbow cider (isn't it amazing how you can remember some of the smallest details in your life but none of the more recent stuff tee hee), we sort of introduced each other almost grudgingly he knew who I was and I knew who he was and that's were the seed of friendship was planted, I'm not going to say we hit it off from the off, but we were cordial and we had similar interests.

I'm not sure if G trusted my musical instincts either as I tended to take the piss out of certain artists that he liked, he probably thought I was a slave to my brothers musical indoctrination (oh how many people thought that and were wrong so wrong) I just didn't want to follow the herd on some bands, Rush I love them but I got so  much fun winding people up, look at my collection I have all of their albums although as usual I tend to like the albums die hard fans don't, Michael Schenker who I love with UFO I only liked two solo albums First and Third ones I didn't want to be like a sheep and again I derived some humour from poking people with sticks, there was however so many more bands that we bonded over and of all of my friends the person I love conversing about music is G, so insightful and still championing new music where as I most certainly am still in a bit of a rut both stylistically and of a certain age. I do miss the weekly turning up at G's house and being given a mix tape of the latest music that he had devoured that week (most of which I still have and yes I still play) good times , actually they were bad times as we reconnected after I left the army and I tried to keep up with G and his drinking buddy Piggy, I was never in the running these boys were champions league and I was strictly non league hey ho but I tried, and many times G warned me off the deadly sin of drinking but in his heart of hearts he knew it was something I had to do for myself, and boy do I remember the states I was in, sooooooooooooo drunk but it was necessary at the time for what I was going through! And lets just mention the trick he pulled on me when he introduced me to Joe Satriani flying in a blue dream (the new Buck Dharma CD .........you Bastard!) I can still remember when he played me a flexi disc of a guy called Steve Vai..........yes a flexi disc something called Blue Powder damn it music so does move me, and he knew how to press my musical buttons!

Again life took over and we drifted G went to Durham and I gravitated to other places with other people but we were always friends going to great gigs and doing outrageous things (G was the one who could snort shots of whisky out of a clowns nose, me I just used to get pissed) G taking me to see Gary Moore at the Mayfair as I was skint and never once was the mention of monetary recompense, Hellanbach in Gimpsville, Saigon Kick at the Riverside and so on and on!G actually introducing me to most of the people I know now, although I bet if you were to ask most of them they would claim I was introduced to them by my wife (Wrong) drinking escapades in Newcastle me trying to be Indiana Jones (all of the tales are so much better in person over a pint) stealing flowers from a local pizza hut and then passing them out to all of the ladies on the last stage coach back to Gimpsville, and this was the golden age the time  that I look back on with the most happiness, the best of times with the best of music and most of all the best of friends.

But as always the world as always continued spinning and we gravitated to (slightly) different universes I met the wife and my life went that away even though he was involved in that moment of my life as well ,soon the world changed again or rather I did as I became once again more insular, the worst point in my life was that at this point I lived closer to G than ever before and although we reconnected again my life was in shreds and although I needed all of my friends I was selfish and hid away in my shell, I didn't travel the short distance between our universes, we still saw each other but I was not the same person, and I hope he understands that, it was never him it was always me. I still listen to a lot of the music G introduced me to and I always listen to what he posts on his farcebook page, I sometimes wonder how many people has infected over the years with his love of music!

I did say I wasn't going to blog long about G but it has made me happy reminiscing all the good times and believe me when I say I can't think of any bad times with G, one of my many happy memories was finding him at the bottom of Front Street after chucking out time pissed as a fart bellowing "Frank" over and aver again because he was convinced that Frank Marino had wandered off over the derelict site of the steelworks me and another really good friend stood for nearly for an hour  in winter trying to convince him to head home with us but he wouldn't, we at that point left as we were sobering up and frightened of freezing to death! the next day in the local there was G having a pint and looking at us as though we had two head "as if Frank Marino would come to Gimpsville"! all the DJing that he did, the times he would play Yes just for me (yes that's right Yes!) even if it meant clearing the dance floor, or the time that a very popular artist (ACDC) would clear the dance floor because nobody wanted to head bang to them, I still remember the vinyl album being thrown across the dance floor at the individuals who requested it but wouldn't get up to it, the girl who requested some Deep Purple and when she came back to complain after he had literally played a full side of Come Taste The Band! yes she was a real fan, all the clubs he has played the Mayfair, Walkers and so many others, that one we did in Chester le Street and he wanted me to be the door man .........erm go on then! so many good times!

He recently turned  up in Gimpsville (his first time in over ten years) to see Warrior Soul at a local club and it was a really good moment for me, familiar faces in almost familiar places, I know G has had his moments in his life (I mean he has to look after Jack) but he seems to be in a great place with a great lady in his life, I wish him all the best, what am I going to do for the rest of day I'm going to find my G's to blame tapes Volume 1 all the way through until the wife beats me about the head and shoulders! G has posted about a record fayre in the town I couldn't go without the wife as a chaperone as like old times I would buy a million things that G would recommend until the next time .......Toodles!

Crocodile

Sometimes I feel like I'm standing in a harbour watching Western culture drift away from me like a big supertanker. As I see it, everybody on the deck are not waving goodbye. They're looking away, toward the horizon. Their future. And the boat is getting faster. I don't bring this up to elicit panic of any kind. No one threw me overboard. I jumped it was a conscious choice. And so is returning. With a little effort I can take a rowboat out to sea and scramble up that gangplank anytime I want. I just have to stop being afraid of Facebook. And Instagram. And Twitter. And LinkedIn. And Tumblr. And Pinterest. And Snapchat. And, well... I guess the Internet. Also, I might need to jettison my love for belabored maritime metaphors. I do believe I have said this before!

Yes, I know I have been missing in action, what can I say other than life got the better of me for a day or two and then apathy kicked in, in all aspects of life, I really do not grasp how the wife puts up with me, I have yet again grasped life with two hands and I am endeavoring to show an interest, wish me luck on that little journey.

Life has been an endless circle of travel, work, travel, eat sleep wake up with the wife annoyed, stay up because I feel I have to keep the wife company because of my earlier snooze, then off up the wooden hill and once again to slumber to awaken a few hours later to repeat the previous day’s experience, I really do feel like a hamster at this moment in time, but it’s not life it’s me, bright light drives me back in doors, I should be out and about but no I keep shrinking back into the back room, Sloth is the order of the day it’s a habit I need to break.

Writing for once took a back seat, I decided to leave it alone see if I could break the habit, it wasn’t a happy experience, just made me more miserable, so over the last couple of nights I have broke myself back into the perfume river of life! Whimsical and nonsensical (as always) but nothing that is fit for consumption (yet) I have yet again felt the need to explain my absence, because just when I feel I’m onto a rich vein of material, my malaise hits and sends me back down a ladder in the blogging game of snakes and ladders, thankfully you the discerning reader has followed like a crocodile in the river following gracefully behind me, just biding your time!

So I’m not going to make any promises or fanciful predictions anymore, I will just be here when the mood takes me (hopefully more than not) with the intention of being humorous and insightful (as if I ever was) and if I’m not well that’s just tough titty because I can only give you what I am and not what I sometimes have been pretending to be, so look to the skies I promise we have incoming but until then Toodles!

Bargain Basement Howard Hughes

I got all methodical with facts and figures in the last blog, oh and as always my cunning plans went astray!

My intention was to do a historical blog, but I went of the reservation almost straight away with my doodling's and other strange thoughts, the intention was good but not really there from the start, it took me five days of my holiday to get myself in a frame of mind to leave the house, not like I am storing pee in a bottle or anything, just sheer exhaustion, the only time I left at all in the first four days was to  put the bins out in the lane and to go to the quacks, by the Friday I was in a better frame of mind and we ventured  out into the bright new world, we bickered (apparently its what we do) and the Saturday and the Sunday we did more of the same although quite a bit more bickering.

Some new shit regarding E who had been taken poorly and we realised that we had been cutting ourselves off from our friends, it didn't make us feel any better it certainly made me a tad morose but cunning plans and ideas are abound so watch this space. the holiday zoomed past and I will admit to getting virtually nothing done, here's high hopes for the next lot (soon) we had been looking for a little getaway for the start of the next holiday as it will have been 25 years since me and Mrs have been together, we soon realised that we were ill equipped to deal with this( a small budget that would get us a couple of trips on the shields ferry maybe) nothing sprang out at us so it looks like spending the money on the house (WTF) and another stay at home moment............maybe!

Going around the shops while skint maybe wasn't a good idea, we had loads of cunning plans, me reverting to bargain basement recluse didn't help, however our stash will not let us getaway with it, I need a break a flight somewhere, Vegas seems like a life time ago and if I'm honest it was a special holiday for me, something I would love to repeat, I cant believe I work so hard just pay taxes and the wife's bills (hell I spend nothing so they must be hers in my name! how the hell did that happen!) it is what it is, just a little luck anytime would be nice.

Back to work and back to the bus, and although I'm tempted to play bus seat bingo (please see previous blogs) I'm more inclined to people watch I don't understand why nobody sits next to each other until the seats all have some one in them, if there are no seats why does everybody crowd at the front so people cant get on or off, finally why the hell is my bus always bloody late, huge amounts of work that I left which basically was just as big as it was when I left, I only have pair of hands it is what it is, hey ho I know I must get some focus on the blogs I'm just not in the groove ........yet I need to make better use of my time.

The wife is at work again tonight and I'm sat in the back room typing away as the darkness starts to fall, I need to do this in a more enlightened mood and yes I will have to do a historical blog soon! the name game is in play although I didn't know the song it popped into my head and I simply couldn't shake it and I know I haven't heard the song, the words just meant so much as I planned the blog, again I have gone off tack, this isn't the blog I intended, look toward the weekend and see what the winds blow in hopefully something cheerful and maybe a little historical, I intend to do another question and answers type of blog soon just before the big 300 which is hurtling towards with unbelievable speed, that's all for now keep spreading the disease and watch the skies for incoming, so until the next time .......................Toodles!

Finish Line

Lots to write about (allegedly) as it would appear that I have not been keeping my  side of my promise, blog writing is exactly what I should have been doing, however life over took me (that is work life) and gave me a shoeing, I headed towards the finish line thinking that I had everything under control, only for me to pop my knee and for me to be once again limping at an Olympic standard, then spinning plates that I thought I had under control came crashing down but again as always I digress let’s see what’s in my list of notes to write about?

The title of the last blog came from the Lonely Robot album I was singing praises loud and clear, I didn’t think that it would be that hard but it appears that it was, a touch of vitriol from some of you the discerning readers hey ho it’s not meant to be easy, but I don’t think I could have made it an easier, let’s see who gets this one then?

I keep giving myself injury after injury the fatter I get the more I walk like a bloody penguin, I keep stubbing my toes as I try and get through the debris that litters our house, Furniture and the such like, I would laugh if it wasn’t so painful, and if the wife throws me anymore bloody fish I will pppppick up something to throw back at her (biscuit joke if you are not English you may not get that reference) health issues are the order of the day and the walking like a penguin is one of the ones I have to watch because of my diabetes.

Work was work I did bite off way more than I could chew, but I had to try as there is nobody to pick up my slack when I’m not there, thanks to new technology I am at least keeping abreast of my emails, not replying just deleting the minutia that I don’t need, the weekend I intended to lay waste to vast tracts of work, I wasn’t helped that I lost seven inspections, no copies these were the  only copies, no chance of remembering all the details I was in panic stations wasting nearly 5 hours of time that I didn’t have trying to locate them, a sleepless night on the Saturday night and me pleading with the wife to take me in early just so I could rest my weary brain one way or the other, I soldiered on with all the other work, finally finishing and tidying up the wasteland that was my desk only to find the reports, I nearly cried, I copied and uploaded the report’s finishing literally minutes before the wife picked me up, as I flopped into the passenger seat I was a happy camper (for once).

Through the week I had been enjoying some serious bus seat bingo the bus times had changed and the bus I had been getting at silly o’clock didn’t turn up, imagine my surprise when I discovered all of the missing participants on the later bus, I'm not sure they were that happy to see me as I was to see them, let’s just say I enjoyed my jaunts to work, I’m wondering if they are missing me this week as I’m not travelling by bus.

I am admitting defeat with my sleep apnea mask (bomber command) I feel tremendously energized when I can wear it for more than three hours a night however that is not the case I’m switching it off and removing it in a quite civilized manner after less than an hour, I don’t even know I’m doing it, as I'm fast a sleep! it has caused a few bouts of verbal sparring over the last few months, I’m sick of it now and I’m genuinely unhappy that I’m giving up, however I think it would be better off been given too somebody who will get more use out of it than I currently am, I will have to endure the consequences to come.

Numbers seem to peak after about four days and then sporadically older blogs get a few hits so I should in reality be looking to blog every 5 or 6 days, the numbers seem to be pretty consistent, it would appear that have indeed found my ceiling for readers with only the occasional spike heavenwards, so now I know what I’m working with I need to polish and improve, it would also appear that the local readership has  started to dry up, not a lot I can do about that, I will endeavor to re-engage however I think the fact that we rarely cross our threshold there’s not that much too hold the local reader, something me and the wife are trying our best to put right!

The good weather arrived at the back end of last week which didn’t lighten my soul at all after crossing the finish line I haven’t wanted to do anything remotely outdoorsy! Today I ventured out to the quacks twice, it didn’t make me happy, but that’s for another blog………. Maybe! this week is flying over I need to get my back side into gear just so I can do some of the thousands of little jobs that need to be done, including continuing with a blog and not one of me whining (which seems to be the norm of late) so let’s see what you think of my thought for the day!

The human mind is very adept at labeling. If left to its own devices, it will label situations, things, places, and people. It's a pretty handy almost like one of those phone apps everybody is downloading at the moment. Except when it comes to people. Over time those labels tend to solidify and harden. They become all we can see. They become what we experience. The true depth of a person, the breathtaking miracle of their very existence, is replaced with a word. A sound. An assemblage of vowels and consonants. Ink or digital letters on paper or screen. Which is why I sometimes try to look at people and see them, one of the best things in the world is to people watch try it sometime it’s fantastic, witness them if you will, without immediately attaching a mental label. This is especially fun to do in a crowded public place. Not a toilet people will think that you are weird! After a few minutes of practicing nonjudgmental looking, I find my heart filling with affection (or is it bile) for total strangers. It's an extraordinary experience. I encourage you to try it sometime. Be warned though, when you feel affection, you can't stop smiling. This may cause total strangers to react fearfully, or, in the north east of England, say, "What the hell are you looking at, ya f*****g' freak?!" "F*****g' freak" being your new label.

And that’s me done there will be a blog at the weekend something historical could be the order of the day but first some of the little jobs I have been promising myself (and the wife) that I will complete, I have a day too myself coming up with some shredding and just a little bit of work to complete, so onwards not as bleak as I was feeling at the start of the week, which if I’m honest was simply mental exhaustion, a best foot forward every day until the next time ………...Toodles!

The boy in the radio

It seems to me that the biggest, most single momentous choice of our lives is the one that none of us gets to make. (do we actually get too make any choices in our matrix style existence) I'm talking about the decision to be here, to be alive. Now before I digress into the choice of leaving this life, a subject best suited for handwritten notes left on the bed stand, let's investigate the initial premise. Simply put, we all arrive here screaming, crying and covered in goo, without prior consultation. Or so it appears. If in fact we were part of the decision to become cognizant, the memory of that process has been completely wiped from our consciousness. But what if it were retrievable? What if we could become aware of the primary decision to live, the fateful choice to participate in the world of time, energy and form? Wouldn't that improve our daily condition? No matter how difficult and confusing life was, we would always be clear on one thing, "I asked to be here. This is my choice." Of course, there's another option to consider. We are here against our will. The unending cycle of birth, life and death is a sentence. We are souls in prison. But that grim, Matrix-like scenario falls apart the minute you ask how hell on earth could possibly include Music…………. oh and chocolate?

I have been beavering away with various projects and other things in a slow kind of way, pottering on here and there and the blogs have been pottering along as well so why piss in the pool if they are ticking over, I have been playing lots of glorious music and getting ready for my week of hell next week however I am looking forward to a week of bus seat bingo and an MP3 player full of new music, 7 days in and then 7 days off, more music more blogging and generally getting up to mischief, well that’s the plan!

Numbers have been going in the right direction I have to keep blogging otherwise I will lose myself in watching thousands of Princes performances on YouTube, love him or hate his performances were indeed mind blowing, I have been weening myself off the purple one by playing lots of Prog (no chance of getting funky to some good old fashioned Prog) at the moment Lonely Robot is my favorite, find it and check it out, some of you will understand why I like it! Because I haven’t had to worry about numbers (well you know what I mean) the musical distraction has indeed been a godsend, although it hasn’t helped me with work I failed an exam last week for various reasons, music being mixed in amongst them, don’t worry I resat and passed it today! I still find it amazing that music can still inspire me like that 7-year-old all those years ago!

Life has been going (so far) in a positive direction, life is still crap my health is still fucked but I am making the best of a bad situation, and I’m happy that for some reason I have been happy, ha I could be happier, but I will take what I have at the moment, the black cloud has been dispatched to the far horizon, I don’t think it likes my taste in music (Lonely Robot, honest go find it you will love it) I’m sure he will make an appearance over the next few days, my intention is to have some fun and to leave the confines of my dark back room, the wife doesn’t believe me, but I do intend to have a go (watch this space) I need to break the cycle of chaining myself to a rock in some dark dank place (ok my dining room with the lights out) again I’m hoping for inspiration and a modicum of good weather.

Hopefully I will stay on track with the blogging I only slightly deviated from my course (again it was the music that did it) my only concern for the coming week is a new piece of kit (electronic hand held device) that doubles up as a phone and allows me to send my work straight to somewhere on the interwebby…………………...I broke the last system, oh well in for a penny in for a pound, let’s see how long it is before I am suicidal or trying out for the Olympic throwing of hand held devices team, I’m sure you will be some of the first people to know about it, and that’s me done in a slightly positive way, keep spreading the disease, until the next time Toodles!

Cookie Monster

This is what transpires for a blog when you have been padding around the house in the dark since silly o’clock!

I've long believed that my Blogs should not just be used for your light entertainment or amusement. Every once in a while a Blog should be written that aspires to make everybody’s life better who takes the time to read it. This is one of those Blogs. After years of struggle, I've finally figured out how to eat cookies/biscuits in bed without getting crumbs all over the place. The trick is to break the cookies/biscuits into small bite-sized pieces while still in the box or bag, then, and only then, pop the pieces into your mouth. Get it? There are no crumbs because the cookies/biscuits are never bitten, they're only chewed. Of course, there is some downside risk. Whenever you bring an entire box or bag of cookies/biscuits into bed, there is a strong likelihood that you will eat every cookie/biscuit in the box or bag. This means that your bed, while crumb free, will be filled with regret. Not to worry. In a future Blog I will explain how to handle regret. Like cookies/biscuits, it involves breaking them into bite-sized pieces.

Who says that a blog has been 6000 words long and to be full of misery not I hahaha, oh and Nils got the name game last time around, there isn’t one this time around until the next time watch the skies…………………………………………………….Toodles!