Under Pressure.

Its been proven beyond a doubt, I’m an idiot, I set myself up to fail every single time, I overthink things (well I have of late) I have no idea why I do, but I do, the numbers were doing great so I got complacent, when I get complacent I start to over think things, I have had a number of blogs (I’m not telling you how many simply because it will underscore the fact that I am indeed a bloody idiot) as each day passed I got gradually unhappy with them , so guess what happened, yes I deleted the bloody lot over 13000 words worth of toil, to be honest the ideas had flowed and so had the words, but then I got complacent, and slowly but surely I stripped away what I thought wasn’t good enough, soon it all went the way of the shredder (figuratively speaking, no paper was harmed in the making of any blogs).

Why do I put myself under such pressure, I have no idea, ideas simply float past me like fire flies in the night they fade as quickly as they came, only my note books suffer they are bulging with half thought out ideas, which I think that they might be good, only for me to shred them as being rubbish, maybe I need to get an editor, who can save the good from the bad, no doubt I have posted some rubbish, that I thought was good enough to post, I seem to be caught up in a maelstrom these days, ideas are plentiful, the execution of them don’t seem to pass my exacting standards (oh how I wish I had standards) to be honest I should simply type them up and get them out, take the rough with the smooth, the numbers will speak for themselves, if its good it will fly if its rubbish it won’t!

I do enjoy writing the blogs, however I seem to be holding the new blogs up against old ones, I had done some work on the blogs recently and I soon realised that there was in my opinion a lot of dross, quality control doesn’t appear within my grasp, I need to give my head a shake, I do believe there was a couple of really good historical blogs, but once I stopped developing them I seem to get maudlin about them and simply don’t feel its good enough, it probably is, however my brain takes over and then doubts rain from the heavens and drowns any happiness I had for the blog, self-defeating, that’s why I am writing this one of the cuff and simply posting it and damn the torpedoes!

So the intention is to get this one out and try and write something fresh at short notice next Saturday, I will pluck an idea from my many journals and simply let the words flow, that’s the intention, lets see how we do, Numbers haven’t been brilliant for the last couple of blogs, however I have been happy with them, just they seem to have crawled, the last one was in double figures up until yesterday, when it burst into life and took off, maybe I should stop trying to workout why or how it works, the numbers for April were awesome the numbers for May were still good but simply about 50% of April, why do I bloody look, I’m glad I’m not a recording artist, I would be crying when I saw that the latest had only sold about 12 copies, as if I could sell that many tee hee!

So lets take the head shaking under control, I need (yet) another cunning plan, an editor possibly, my editor of choice isn’t available due to health issues, I also need to be able to come up with fresher material, rather than rely on historical blogs, not that I’m going to stop the historical ones, I need to crack the whip on myself and simply write my heart out and post the damn things one after the other, now there’s an idea, maybe just maybe, let’s see shall we!

So I shall try and be consistent this week lets see what I can do, I’m off for pyshio on Friday for my knees, I reckon they will say there’s nothing wrong with them and that I should suck it up buttercup, me a pessimist hell yeah I am, so here is the blog, as I sit with as much positivity as I can muster and I think I know what the next blog will be about and it should if all goes well feature a grown man in a monkey suit and no I am not on about someone wearing a tuxedo! so stay safe and stay alive, please keep spreading the word as I do prefer it when the numbers are on an upwards trajectory, until the next one ………………………..Toodles!