Consider Me Gone.

Me and the first wife didn’t really have much in common musically other than Queen, I’m not saying that she didn’t like good music but it was at the “pop” end of the scale and I still hadn’t crossed that line, I was getting there but it was still dark days (Metal Hell Yeah) with only some small incursions into pop town, a good song is a good song, but hey I was young, Big G was still teaching me!

Sting had left The Police and his solo album was out now, I did like a couple of the tracks (Russians and Moon over Bourbon street) but it was a bit too much Jazz for my liking and not Jazz in a good way, the wife wanted to see him play so I organised through work some tickets to see him at the Royal Albert Hall I was in the good books for a change, I had managed to wangle three dates, this wouldn’t last long though, about a week after I had done the good deed John Waite announced a small residency at the Marquee for three of these nights. Damn and blast, how was I going to wangle this one?

Over Christmas I got a call saying would I do some work on the days of the gigs (it was intended to be a mini holiday in the big city) the wife wasn’t happy but the money would pay for the jaunt without hitting our savings (correction my savings she didn’t make enough to live never mind save)I booked us in at our usual hotel (she didn’t care much for my friends, so we always stayed at the Novo Hotel on Hammersmith Broadway ) I plotted our itinerary, I was hoping we could slot in at least one of the John Waite gigs, I wasn’t going to hold my breath, I was trying to be the dutiful boyfriend, I was aware that at times I could be a tad moody (fuck no) when I was younger I was a major pain in the well you get the picture (it would be another 25 years before  I would ask for help with my own issues) I was permanently in denial.

New year approached and my partner (we weren’t married just yet) was ill a bad case of the flu, I had a week in Edinburgh booked to do some writing with a band called Zoosk booked (exactly!!!  what a pile of drivel, but hey they paid cash) I believe there was another band with the same name I hope they were better than these boys, a 3^rd rate Cure, and the vocalist was a mummy’s boy go figure! I got back and the wife had infected her whole family, it was like a plague one after the other got it all except me, I was concerned for the gigs and finally the day before that we were about to travel, she said she couldn’t go , I was heartbroken, I jumped on the train met the guys and plotted three days of john Waite just as well as it had sold out almost instantly, thankfully I had a friend who had connections.

We had a few pints and then I dropped my stuff at the hotel to met with a message (these were the days before mobiles) “phone home” Bugger! She couldn’t make the dates but what about the 24^th would that work, it was like she was reading my mind and what would I do to fill the time in, well I had work then I would catch up with the guys on the night time as I didn’t really want to see Sting without her!, OK she said I will see you on the 24^th, as I put the phone down I turned around just as Bennett my publisher rocked up and said that the work had been cancelled, but I would still get paid 75% of my fee and he would wave his cut as I was there and had booked  a hotel(this was a win win situation for me maybe there was a god after all) I put my unhappiest face on and then he said as an incentive he would pay for me to have a meal on expenses (woo Hoo) Table for five please (I was able to entertain up to four people) the next three days were a blur drink induced frenzy, we were in the bars for opening times and we left when we had annoyed enough people and they threw us out, actually we always left well before we were asked to leave we were good boys really, the John Waite gigs were …..erm attended but I have little memory of any of them as I was out of my tiny skull, I used to drink to oblivion with little or no consequences,  other than vomiting not only at the bar of the marquee (thankfully I didn’t splash anybody…..I hope) but also down the front on the last night, as for the gigs themselves Mr Waite seemed as if it was beneath him, I don’t know anybody who has seen play with his many bands in a good mood, he always comes across as unhappy, what do I know I was pissed woo hoo, I did wake up with lots of tomato in the sink at the hotel (I must have had a kebab) otherwise you couldn’t tell that I had been in the room, but there was a smell, at the end of the three days we all looked like hammered shit, and this was in the days before I discovered shorts, (well does Pernod count).

 I was glad of a day off the drink and I spent the afternoon in the hotel watching classic black and white films (The Quiet Man The Maltese Falcon and The Dawn Patrol if my hazy memory is true) it was a great afternoon, the morning of the 24^th I met my lady at the train station she asked if I had missed her “of Course” my liver had, those were still the bad days, we returned to the hotel had a lazy day wandered up to the box office to do the walk of shame, “nope no tickets under that name” WTF try all the different spellings finally got there some nice seats on the floor on the aisle, I claimed I had a dicky tummy whenever I wanted to nip out for some (cough splutter) fresh air, which was often as the gig was pretentious twaddle, I do  like him as singer, but howay you come from Wallsend you know what I mean, it was the last gig of his I attended.

We had a lazy weekend then headed home I was being a good boy as I had spent four days earlier in the year watching Marillion at the Hammy Odeon and I had wangled some more work in early February to do the same for the 4 gigs at the same venue, it was a simpler time, soon to be complicated with all of the shenanigans that were about to happen, I was soon to take up gainful employment at my present place of employment, dark days indeed were ahead.

There you go a historical one to while away these dark times, keep spreading the word, watch the skies for more incoming, until then………….Toodles!

And yes the name game is in play!

White Heat.

Rome is still burning and some people are still insensitive arseholes, that’s not really a surprise!  I’m not going to blog about that (today) however I will be doing a shorter piece than usual, purely as my head is not exactly in the frame of mind to right something just a tad frivolous.

I’m not in self-imposed exile, but I am on holiday albeit with my works mobile and laptop switched on, the week got decidedly shit for reasons I wont elaborate just yet, lets say that all my attention is supporting the family (loose lips …..usually speaks  the truth) in  my self-imposed exile I will be listening to music non-stop, having already waded through over a dozen albums so far (damn good) thankfully this will help me with my sanity, some small cunning plans coming to fruition, so starting tomorrow  a low profile over the next couple of days.

The blog numbers have been super doper, so all I can simply say is thank you, as it makes this old man rather happy, so as you self-isolate tell all your friends and family to read the previous blogs (as if lol) the name game is in play and no its not Judas Priest! As I am in the list of vulnerable people I intended to do all I can to stay safe, so I hope that you all do the same, this is not a game boys and girls we need everybody to be as safe as possible, don’t just think of yourselves think of your loved ones as well!

Our main cunning plan is gathering traction but we need to get other peeps involved, this will be on hold for the foreseeable future as people (allegedly) self-isolate, but at the moment its all going in a positive direction (forwards) I intend to keep the details intentionally sparse hopefully so that the wheel doesn’t fall off!

So that’s me off my soap box you never know I might simply get inspired to write some historical blogs (OOOOOOOOOOH there’s an idea) but you will simply have to wait to see what comes down the line, now I have  to go and poke the family with a big stick to get them out of bed, admittedly it a stick with a bloody big bacon sandwich on the end of it!

So staff safe look after yourselves, think of others and don’t hoard you nuggets and watch this space as there will be another (better) blog in the next few days……Honest, but until then, and  you really do need to make sure that you all stay safe, all I can say until then ………….Toodles!

View From a Hill.

So as the world goes to hell in a hand basket, I sat on top of a hill today and I chuckled, life is way to short and with so much drama going around, we are puppets dancing to someone’s tune, when you find out whose tune it is will you let me know?

So here I am once more, sat in a vigil in a wilderness of mirrors, watching as the world is going Fugazi.

Holding onto a white feather, dreaming of magpies and rainbows, of a misplaced childhood while clutching at straws and facing the man in the mirror. Weltschmerz....

Its been a strange week, the blog has done good numbers and I have been contemplating my past, trying to decide where I was going with the blog I had a number of paths to choose from, however that was all too change, I bumped quite literally into an old friend, an acquaintance  who at times has been my musical nemesis, someone who pushed me to better myself and did so many good things for me, however he could never stop himself being a dick, he could out Yngwie in all departments musically and  in life, he was always so self-centred, but we were good friends we battered each other verbally all the time , that was just us, innocent fun until, well that will be a blog in itself, we were both in the wrong , varying degrees of macho stupidity and all it did was make friends withdraw into walled compounds and take pot shots at each other during gun boat diplomacy, things that need never have happened, but they did, we mended bridges about twenty years ago but the damage had been done on both sides, we both suffered. We all lost a lot of friends along the way, and we needn’t have!

As did other friends and as I have said it’s a blog I intend to write, it will have to be sooner rather than later as we crossed paths and he is in the final ravages of MS, (he admits to reading the blog and enjoys it) to say I was shocked is an understatement, we were both manly enough to not shed tears, but we understood every single syllable not mentioned or uttered! I’m now starting to feel that I’m a fish being reeled in and its nearly my time to take that last big bite, I have lost so many people close to me in real life, friends who I thought were indestructible, I always knew that we were not, late nights , drinking music and all the things that come with youth, a belief that life will go on what ever happens, the hangovers the girls the break ups, the late night talks walking home because we were skint or had missed last buses, tubes , whatever old wounds resurfaced and then resealed as quickly as they burst forth!

Remembering individual days, personal thoughts personal times, late nights, being belligerent with myself, remembering what a cock I could be, never mind anyone else, the silly things we did, we all did, the dodgy hair, ah it’s, what can I say, it just seems so long ago, maybe it was! the fashion faux paus, the travel, the pubs, the irritating things we did simply because we could, its what friends do to friends, we were oblivious how fast we were travelling down the road and then the crash, the splintering,  we all went to our separate corners with little civility and some down right open hostility mainly on my part, I was more of a blunt weapon in the group, I was never very articulate, maybe because I was the baby of the group, more likely because I was a dick. I would not compromise, I was a mass of contradictions, because of it I missed out on the love and support of my friends, many who probably wouldn’t piss on me if I was on fire, things that should have been said but never were! simply we didn’t talk things out like we used to, nobody’s fault, but in reality everybody’s!

I’m sorry to see him in the state he was in, but if I’m being honest I was blank inside, the ship had sailed, too long, the bridge was not fixed as we all thought, I suppose I’m human after all, the world has moved on, I’m still sat on my hill watching what’s happening, we are all just library books with no idea when the due date is, some of us have passed the date and are on borrowed time, damn I’m old how did I get here without noticing, the time has flown by, not in a bad way I have the wife the kids the grand kids we have had good times bad times and some shit times but the time has been spent, friends as well, damn we don’t see people as much as we should, life really is too short, no wonder people think that I’m such a miserable twat, I am getting better honest I am, well I think I am!

So, what was all that rubbish well that’s me being shocked into realising partly because of that brief encounter and the fact that the world is going to hell! I have been overly critical of my life, things that I have had no control of, the blogs that I had planned are being rethought, simply because I now know I need to be as truthful as I can be and not flippant, the majority of you might not know these people but some of you do so therefore, if he reads them who else from my past does, that’s a worrying question with no answer, I have to do the right thing and I know that there is a huge spotlight on me maybe just maybe I can pull the old bridge down and rebuild a better stronger one, not one that gets used on a regular basis, but one that’s there for when my past decides to visit even if its just for a short time, I will bid my time, I will await the prompt!

So there’s the blog enjoy life say sorry say hello don’t be a stranger if you know me, wave as I pass I will try and wave back, I’m still climbing the hill hopefully there’s still away to go until the peak, it’s a bit cloudy at the moment, let’s try and break through to the sun, stay safe stay alive and until the next blog……………Toodles!

Booby Trap.

 I have set myself up for a fall with the last blog, I’m not ready just yet to do a historical blog, I thought I was but boy was I wrong! I cant complain the booby trap was of my own making, it’s not like I make a habit of sticking m my head in the bear trap on a regular basis, well ok so I do!

Work has been at the forefront of my mind this week whether I wanted it to be or not, I didn’t, it did, guess who won, I have struggled with human interaction this week, not in a bad way, I simply didn’t wish to interact, I simply wanted to listen to music and to growl at the world, why? well simply because it seemed like a good idea at the time, I simply wished to growl.

However I had to interact even if I didn’t want to, I wanted to do some much, I did some stuff but as always the wheels have a tendency to come off, I did manage to put cunning plan into motion 90987341211  ( I hope this one bloody works) that was as much human interaction outside of the family that I wanted, sometimes I don’t wish to be an adult, sometimes its forced upon me! Tonight, as I type this, I have some music, some chocolate and some booze, I’m happy, I could be happier but for once I’m not complaining, I know, me with my reputation!

The main reason I don’t wish to interact is that most people are lying scum bags who want to use you but don’t wish to repay the favour, I don’t play well with people these days, nice guys do finish last, I sabotage myself at every turn, mind you that’s probably better than being the angry young man I used to be, life is way too short to let these individuals into my life other than as a fleeting experience, I know who is having the better (not bitter) experience, having said that these individuals are so shallow they have no idea what others think of them!

Music has been my saviour this week, way too many to name, but the newest is the Silverthorne EP, Pete Shoulder from The Union and Brian Tichy from just about everybody!  23 minutes of moody majestic rock I cant wait until the album is released, my mood has been enhanced by all of the music, some good, some very good some bloody awful, but it all helps, a lot of travel on cold plague carriers to and from work, music does help focus on the good things!

The last blog was well received and is still chugging away, its not really a surprise, and for all of the queries of what’s down the road coming, wait and see, when I know, you lot will be informed about it a millisecond after me! The next one will be a little more informed than this one has been, I wanted to stay in a positive state of mind and the couple of historical ones although by and large perfectly benign, I simply felt the need to avoid them, I felt I wasn’t ready to rip the plaster off just yet, so I will stick to playing music and continue to be a nice person (allegedly).

The coming week hopefully will return the stress levels (not that I believe in stress) to normal, that will return me to being the nice guy I think I am, hopefully it will also help me stop growling like a bear with a sore head, some people might get the wrong idea about me, honestly I am nice………honest!

And that’s it for now, not perfect but what is these days and its bloody free so stop moaning, the next one will be along sooner simply as I  know this one won’t have the legs to carry itself for that long, hey I tried, as always I try to be a better person and the blog helps (most of the time) as always thank you for the kind and constructive comments, any others get deleted virtually straight away as I can produce enough negativity into my own life LOL, hey it is what it is, so what the skies for more incoming, I have eaten my chocolate, I don’t really want to drink anything more (I only do big boy measures) but I have a shit load more music to play to help me through my days, some of it is new as well, me with my reputation, who would have thought, until the next time……………Toodles!