Hotel Hell

I don’t normally blog about work or work related items, I’m going to break this rule just this once, don’t say I didn’t warn you…..Enjoy!

For the sake of the innocent the names of some of the inhabitants of this blog have been changed to protect the innocent!

For six years I had been bleating on about doing a particular course (BS 9999) and then all of a sudden it was agreed that we could do an over view, that sounds like a start, go on then I will, it was short notice, but I was able to get accommodation sorted while I was off on holiday and passed the details to other people who I worked with. It was decided that because there was three of us off to the course it was cheaper to get a hire car and that it would be easier for us to get there (you know where this is going don’t you!) the course was in Birmingham; everything was going swimmingly!

Well it was until I got in  my lifts car and my work belt burst, I have lost a little bit of weight so walking around with my hands in my pockets was not going to give the best impression to the new starters that I was going to be doing the induction for, I have lost about 10 inches off my waist mind the crap I ate over the next four days didn’t help, also what didn’t help was the lovely L&D person (that’s learning and development for you out there in the real world) was trying to ruin my reputation by saying I was a good person to know, I soon put them right on that score, pfft!

Because I had been on holiday I actually did an early start on the day (it benefited me, or so I hoped)as I  got in to see the hire car was already there, that was a tick in the box, I trawled through as much of my emails that I could, before I went off to buy a new belt I did not wish to be dropping my pants at work! I then carried out my portion of the induction course for new starters, again this went quite well I only went 5 minutes over my time slot, which really was a plus, I then had to see a few people and then myself and Porridge Boy (for the rest of the blog he will be known as PB) headed over the Tyne to pick up the Buffet Slayer (for the rest of the blog he will be known as BS) traffic was light so off we headed south to much merriment and jelly babies (don’t ask) I didn’t partake although I was getting a contact high from the sugar fumes. We only had one pit stop I stayed with the car as I actually wanted a quick snooze, the sugar really was knocking me off my game.

The drive down was long and tedious, well it was once we hit Birmingham, we had made really good time until we hit the outskirts in rush hour and then it added a full 90 minutes to reach the suburb called Dudley, I can honestly put my hand on my heart and can say I didn’t see any kind of architecture that cheered me up, I found Brum to be , well lets just say not nice. Our humour took on a much darker tone when we pulled into the hotel, it wouldn’t look out of place in Beirut after a particular bad Hezbollah attack, industrial with a 50’s vibe, well actually the vibe was from all  of the electrical substations that were buzzing due to the moisture in the air (that was not our tears!) around the camp I mean hotel, heavy industrial trains passed by on a regular basis, this was looking to be a different type of trip away from work!

We booked in and although the place was clean the staff (sorry the Hag) at the counter wasn’t really communicating to us in anything other than grunts, I was defeated I just wanted to go to bed but we decided to head off and get some food, arrangements made we headed to our cells I mean rooms which again were clean, but everything was jammed into one side of the room leaving what could only be described as enough space for a ballroom, maybe they had competitions on at the weekend, and our doors had good old fashioned keys not the electronic type, and people say we are backward, bag unpacked and stowed away we met downstairs and found ourselves down the road in a nice little Indians offering us substance, it was lovely and just what I needed, once we ate we headed back to base I needed my bed a long day with irregular eating habits had put me  on the back foot  we dropped BS off at a bar a couple of hundred yards from our camp I mean hotel, the Blue Brick was…….. I wont spoil it as it pops up again later in this story. I had no contact with the wife which was worrying but I dropped off to sleep a lot quicker than I normally do, maybe in the morning!

Next morning I was disappointed to discover that the breakfast that had been paid for was……erm not good, it would have put me in a hospital, all that sugar would have put me in a diabetic coma, I decided to pass, thankfully I had taken emergency rations so I was in a good place, I had at least had a good nights sleep as the bed was just how I like it, a quick bath, more like a bird bath! the sink was deeper I should have stuck my ass in there to get bathed, dressed like an adult, I was a proper shirt and tie guy not dressed like an Italian ice cream salesperson, we made our way to the course and then when we got there it was pleasing that we started to bump into familiar faces who were on the same course, BS told us a few tales of the Blue Brick, mmmm maybe lets avoid it having said that it did appear to be the only pub open to say the whole area was depressed was an understatement it looked like the Luftwaffe was still blitzing the place on a daily basis and the RAF was losing the battle! There were some modern buildings but even they were empty, most just abandoned overnight, maybe the shape of things to come for all of us!

I had been unhappy getting up (not a great start) thankfully friendly faces pulled me into the land of the living and I greatly enjoyed and actively  took part in the course, finally the wife opened lines of communication with some texts to make sure I was alive, I’m glad it was just text as she would have heard how unhappy I sounded, the course was also rather intense, at times in the first couple of hours I was drowning not waving, it was fine once the penny dropped, I soon picked up the baton and ran with it, I enjoyed day one, surely it was only going to get easier…………….erm nope!

Lunch wasn’t up too much, which was strange as normally the grub is a thing to look forward to on a course like this, there wasn’t much and the options were limited, we had opted to a short lunch break so that negated the opportunity to pop out and get something else, thankfully there were a few people who voiced their opinions on the food, maybe when my director popped out and came back with sandwiches for those of a vegetarian nature, I should have known that something would be said. Then straight back to the course, thankfully we were to be allowed an early finish (well 40 minutes) as the instructor could see that we were all punch drunk, we headed back to the camp in the knowledge that just about everybody (with the exception of one lucky person) were all staying with us in hotel hell, they were all worried after our description of our short term abode, it was all true. I sense that when they get back to their respective places of employment harsh words maybe said about the hotel!

After a slight detour ( what us lost never) we arrived back and we all made plans for an extended excursion into the battle zone known as Dudley, most of us agreed to head to the Blue Brick for a pint (yes folks I was definitely back on the drink) we thought the area was third world, the pub was down right ancient history, a real spit and sawdust kind of place (which I normally love) I think we startled the bar maid, people with their own teeth and out while the sun was still up, the company was great just what was needed the beer tasted like it was pulled directly from the Birmingham canal, it was bad, probably the worst pint that I ever have drank, and I do mean that, the place only had a one star food rating and that was for selling crisps (I hope), we gathered our senses and the rest of us and headed to a spoons for food, we arrived mob handed and filled the place (15 of us)  we were well behaved and we laughed long and hard as our director (new in the job and really was meeting most of the team for the first time) bought the first round and had his credit card declined, thankfully nothing wrong with the card just a glitch with the pubs machine.

Food ordered drink drunk and much nattering about life the universe and everything else, my soul was lifted and the drink barely dinted me, as always I love these situations talking to my opposite numbers to see what they are doing and do they have similar issues that I have (they do) the night was as always soon over and we all meandered back to our camp I mean hotel, with one or two sloping off into the Blue Brick, I needed my bed, I wanted to talk to the wife and I had a huge swelling on my gum, disease I could do without.

I was up with the larks, it was a wet morning it didn’t make the place look any better, my gum was inflamed, I did all the old tricks (mouth wash tooth pick to lance it etc) thankfully it all helps, we all gather down stairs and head off to find a cooked kind of breakfast, back to the centre some went off to find the centre’s spoon’s, I didn’t want something huge, so we attended the Geordie embassy (Greggs) one bacon sandwich later I could have fought the world, well not quite but at least I felt human again, and then the course was off again at a pace, again very heavy but thankfully I knew I was doing ok, Lunch today was more of the same but much better quality, and lots of it, people were happy, fed people really do equal happy people!

More small talk over lunch and for once I simply sat and listened it was a source of pure gold for me, mostly good things, only one or two things I wasn’t happy about, but I will keep them for a rainy day, back into the course, thankfully another early finish, by now I wasn’t wanting to play I really did want to be anti-social, as soon as I was back in my cell/room I pulled the curtains and sat in the dark contemplating being a pathfinder for the Luftwaffe so they could bomb the whole area flat, there was nothing really wrong I just wanted to be anti-social, I soon gave my head a shake and headed downstairs to eat tea, it seemed we were heading back to the same spoons as the night before, tonight it was full thankfully there was only 8 of us, we managed to get seats and ordered, another good meal and another uplifting night for me, the wife rang me and we conversed like adults and again that cheered me up, we decided to head to another pub which was really nice before heading home, again a nice slow walk back to camp, honestly we were only looking at the barges, we were not going to steal one, people from Nottingham have a tendency to lead people astray!

A few people again nipped back into the Blue Brick (including PB and BS) I needed the loo and didn’t want to risk going to the pubs and getting anything clean was not in the pub’s vocabulary, also I didn’t want to drink anymore canal water from there! PB wanted to see for himself the mystery that was the Blue Brick, ha he learnt the hard way. Back in my cell I packed and was soon in my bed asleep ready for the last day, I awoke the next day with Tinnitus actually its what woke me, it stayed with me all day, another scout around the room to make sure that I hadn’t left anything behind, I then sat watching the TV from 5 in the morning, let’s just say I was ready to leave! I made my bed (old habits die hard) unpacked and repacked my bag and sat next to the car in the vain hope we could get the hell out of dodge, we were actually the last car from our wagon train to leave, who would have thought that, bacon sandwich for breakfast then into the course to be told “oh there’s an exam” “Oh Bugger” is not what I really  thought but I’m trying to keep it clean.

Thankfully the exam wasn’t as bad as it could have been, but the course was still as dense as  the previous days, my tinnitus wasn’t helping, lunch came and went and was just as nice as the previous days (still not a patch on what we do) and we crossed the finishing line and we all said our goodbyes, I may have scored a couple of brownie points, I was a good boy and quite the adult, who would have thought, go figure, it was great to say hello to people who you know but don’t get to meet very often, some cunning work plots put into action, back to the car and then time to get out of dodge before the Luftwaffe, I mean rush hour snarled up the place.

The journey home was a little quicker with only one slight detour because of the amount of traffic, and it really was quite uneventful mainly because I was sitting in the back and the radio was on and my Tinnitus made me nearly deaf, I sulked towards the latter part of the journey my issue not PB or BS’s fault purely mine, a nice uneventful return and then just like that it was over, I was back in the arms of the family, admittedly the dog was the only one who was over joyed to see me, I took a lieu day to catch up with the family including the Hurricane on the Friday, the weekend is nearly finished as I type this up all my clothes are ready shoes are shined and I’m ready for the plague carrier in the morning its been a while but bus seat bingo returns tomorrow morning with a vengeance!

It would appear that I’m back in the saddle with this blog thing so keep spreading the disease, watch the skies for the next one until then…………………………. Toodles!