Cold Sweat

It was the night before Christmas and not a thing was stirring…………ok maybe not, but at the time I was giddy as a boy scout on Christmas eve! as always I seem to have gotten a head of myself lets go back to the start, which truthfully was not a very good start.

Work had been a pain, I had been away for my course and then spent the following week trying to catch up, not complicated, just busy, on the Friday I had an appointment for fasting bloods first thing so I was able to travel in with the wife to work, which I happened to think was excellent, however the day was starting off with ominous omens, a single magpie (one for sorrow) Friday the 13^th, my phone ringing off the hook (but thankfully on silent) and nuggets attempting to drive (badly) in our way. I had agreed to hang back and travel homewards with the wife so hopefully a good start to our week off together!

The day dragged with some minor complications for me, I was thankful when the wife was ready to leave, I soon realised that it wasn’t going to be a happy journey home, she was in a foul mood and no matter what I said or did helped the situation, I was simply making matters worse, by now I had given up, I get it if she doesn’t like my advice she is an adult, however I do not like being spoken to in a raised voice (shouting I mean I was being polite) so I returned the compliment and it didn’t go down well, I could see this was spiralling out of control (probably our worst argument ever and one that could have been avoided) she snapped and pulled the car over and told me to get out, I didn’t need a second invitation, I got out and marched away (double quick time, I know how to march quickly I was in the infantry) deep breathing all the way, childishly I slammed the door I knew I had lost the plot as soon as I heard it slam into position.

I kept marching away at a really good pace I was soon out of sight, but no doubt not out of mind, I thought that the car would come up behind me and we would get over it sulk for the night and then come out of our respective corners in the morning feeling better for sleeping on it.  I heard a car toot and as I turned around I was surprised to see my boss who was trying drag me in the car , which was nice but I was still annoyed so declined the offer and kept on with my forced march, still no contact I decided that I would use the Derwent walk and yes I walked the 12 miles at double quick time, losing the madness with each step of the way, I was unhappy though and I couldn’t shake that feeling, was this the end, I truly didn’t know and I wouldn’t until I got  home, nearing the bottom of the hill to Gimpsville I realised I had made a bad mistake, my knees were now in agony and I still had the hard bit to do, when I got home I was actually happy to see that at least the car was parked up and that the wife hadn’t had an accident due to her upset state of mind!

I half expected to see a pile of my crap next to the front door , I would have accepted it as well, no matter how much we argue, my only wish is for the wife to be happy, but at some point I have to realise that if she is unhappy then so will I be, and that’s not good for me, I soon realised this was not the point this time she was in tears when I got in and we kind of patched things up, not perfect but at least we were on the same page and wanting the same things……………….peace!

Saturday and Sunday glided along with many cunning plans and other things going slightly astray (just don’t mention petrol) fences were mended but everything was tender and raw, I was home alone on the Saturday night as the ladies went out to celebrate the youngest’s 25^th birthday, they went off to see some drag queens (sorry not my cup of tea) I sat and did some reading and did some prep for the coming blog and munched through crap, my stomach felt off, I was hoping that it was just a blip!

Sunday I awoke at silly o clock with my mysterious exploding (from both ends) disease, and it got worse through the day, by close of play I simply wanted to die, I was as weak as a Kitten actually if I had been a kitten a vet would have put me down, cancellation of the trip was a reality, thankfully through the night I was better, walking wounded not perfect, but I was feeling human (just) we took the pooch off to his holiday home, he didn’t even look back as he was led away the ungrateful whelp! back home we packed and sorted the car out for an early start, I awoke early (me with my reputation) fingers crossed, I was still human, the trip was a go!

The name of the blog changed in the course of the trip it was originally going to be called “Panzer Division Destroyed”, a Budgie song before you decide to Google it, it was finally decided to call it “Cold Sweat” for a number of reasons firstly the first part of the trip down south looked as though it was taking me back to Dudley……oh hell no! we even stopped at the same services I was glad once we got past Birmingham.

I had a bath and then made breakfast for the sleeping beauties upstairs, we even left on time which is unusual for us, we then traveled southwards peacefully and visited at least 32 WHSmith’s well that what it felt like, I cracked a small tooth less than 8 miles from our front door (no surprise there then) we took a slow but steady approach to the journey as our designated driver needed plenty of stops to stretch her back, she did fantastic as well as there was hardly any swearing at all, we thought she had been swapped for a doppelganger! Doughnuts were bought for her as a treat because she had been so good, We arrived at the hotel to find it was on a main street and parking was first come first served, we were able to slot into the last spot thankfully a full-blown atomic explosion was avoided, the hotel was alright, it had obviously been an old coaching house, with oodles of history, the eating area had obviously been recently refurbished but the bedroom had a slightly worn feel to it, the bed was a cause for concern for the designated driver, we would have to cross that bridge when we came to it. We decide to have our evening meal within the hotel before venturing out and about, the food was nice however I thought that the price was outrageous, I was soon to discover that the whole area was off the map price wise, I know I’m from the north but the prices were ridiculous £5 for a pint of Guinness ( I must keep an eye out for a spoons) after the meal myself and my wallet staggered out the door.

 We had a smooch around the town centre and it was actually quite nice, in a holiday kind of way. Rest assured we discovered other eateries (but no spoons) slightly cheaper than the hotel, that’s a cunning plan for tomorrow, we sat and watched the ducks and the swans, the wife spotted an orange fish, turns out it was a reed (Bob Mortimer and Paul Whitehouse won’t be inviting her to join them on any fishing trips LOL) we headed back to the room for a relatively quiet night, all of us peeps were tired after the long trip, me I just wanted to crack on. And somebody got hob nob crumbs in the bed and it wasn’t me I didn’t eat any!

It really was like Christmas eve as I was awake at 04.00 in the morning wide awake simply wanting to open my present, I had to wait for the other two, if my legs hadn’t been so sore, I probably would have been happy to head off on shanks pony! I hadn’t noticed the town hall clock directly outside the hotel but the wife and daughter did bless them, every hour on the hour LOL, I don’t mind clocks mind you I am slightly obsessed about time in all its forms! I used my MP3 player until everybody else stirred and we got sorted and headed for breakfast, a full English which was OK, we all did swapsies as some people didn’t want certain items, but I simply wanted to hit the road, we still had time to kill, we all read or played distractedly with mobile devices, we checked the distance to the museum and not long after 09.15 we were on our way arriving at our destination  just after 09.35, thankfully there was tons of stuff to look at within the car park areas, it was like my birthday and Christmas all rolled into one, I don’t normally get excited over much, I know that I can be a very boring person, I don’t even have a bucket list I awake everyday waiting for the reaper to come and collect me, in a non-morbid kind of way honest! this took me back to being a kid of about 7, I was blissfully happy, the lovely lady opened the doors and we were off, now I’m not going to go into great details about the various tanks and the such like, I will say that as I arrived at the ramp for the main hall I honestly thought the wife was going to slap me to keep me under control as I saw a Panther Panzer (OMG) thankfully we didn’t come to blows as we did the tour we took pictures, we viewed, I had a smile on so wide it could be viewed from space! We did the Tiger collection, twice, we then had an early light lunch and then I went berserk in the gift shop, I did a wife thing I bought whatever I wanted, to be honest I was a good boy I didn’t spend as much I thought I might, but it did indeed feel strange me being allowed to spend my hard earned cash!

And as soon as that it was done as I headed back to the car I was indeed a happy boy, I very rarely make requests but I’m glad that I did this time and I have to say a huge thank you to the youngest as she paid for the hotel and the tickets (which last a year, woo hoo me coming back…….maybe) we passed Monkey World on the way out I’m glad they didn’t want to call in I might have been kept in, who wants to pay £60 for the three of us to watch monkeys through shite around, I can do that every day at work, only kidding, but let’s do it next time,  and then we had a slow drive into Poole, with only one slight detour, which was lovely and did I say that the weather was stunning!

I found a record shop and probably for the first time ever in my life I didn’t find anything I wanted to buy (WTF) to be honest it was rather naff, we headed down to the harbour and had an ice cream, well isn’t that not what tourists do? We then had a cunning plan to make sure we all got a couple of cups of tea each we headed to the local asda to get a small carton of milk, came away with £40 worth of T-shirts including a Kiss one for the wife, go figure, at least Gene $immon$ will be happy! Once back in the room we had a short respite before heading out for food, we ended up in the Quay Inn were we all had a starter, then finished up with fish and chips, yes it was expensive, still cheaper than the hotel, yes it was lovely, just to do something a little different I actually felt connected to this spinning ball we call earth! we headed back up the slight incline and had a quiet evening I was the first asleep, I had been a good boy all day, I needed some peeps!

We all awoke around the same time it was our longest lie in of the trip we were all awake for 07.00, off for breakfast and trying to keep the youngest at arm’s length as she had turned into a snot monster and was suffering, we all did passy the breakfast items, some items didn’t agree with certain peeps, back to the room and packed all the items stowed away and then to hit the road, the daughter handed the key back and we waved farewell to Wareham, we started on our journey home in good spirits, it didn’t last long, Downton Abbey is filmed in this part of the world and we saw signs directing us, “shall we go” the wife asked in a jovial manner (danger danger danger) “hell no” I replied in an even jollier manner, we drove on.

At the first stop at the first opportunity the wife told me in no uncertain terms that she had wanted to go, it seemed like we had returned very quickly to the previous Friday! I soon pointed out that I thought she had been joking, I also pointed out (danger danger danger) that as she was the driver, she was in charge, I might as well kicked a dozing Lion right up the arse, at this point the trip was poisoned if my legs hadn’t been screwed up from the previous Friday’s sponsored walk I would have gladly grabbed my coat and fucked off right there and then and gladly walked the rest of the way back. After all the fuss it turns out that the bloody place wasn’t even open (WTF all that grief for nothing) I relegated myself to the back seat and kept a low profile, I was trying really hard to be a responsible adult, I don’t think it worked, the youngest picked up the vibe virtually straight away, I don’t do subtle…………….allegedly! it turns out that once the wife had vented her spleen she forgot all about it (yeah right) while I sat and festered in the back of the car, it wasn’t a pleasant return trip, we were also all concerned as we received a call from the kennels saying that the pooch had picked up an injury, we weren’t too bothered as it had happened before we knew what to do about it.

Once home we dropped into our respective spaces and kept everybody at a safe distance, watched some TV and vegged out, we were glad of our own pits once we had climbed the wooden hill, I felt for the snot monster as she was up to go to work at 5 in the morning I slept until 08.00 a bloody long lie in for me. We had our normal breakfasts and then had a slow trip to pick up the dog, he was pitiful when we got there, he had ran his pads raw bless him, he has slept on and off for nearly 48 hours he is only now coming back to life.

And that’s the jaunt, we had a mostly good time, something me and the wife need to work out though as I’m still crippled from the weeks half marathon, the wife and the youngest daughter are out to see Stephen Fry tonight me I have to prep to return to work in the morning I haven’t checked any emails at all in the last week, I am dreading heading back in, then a trip to Manchester for work and duty manager all next weekend, I will need a week off to recover from all of that lot! I did a lot of work on this one as I didn’t want bile to obliterate all of the good stuff that happened, it took me nine months to save for the trip, and I spent virtually penny within four days, and you know what if felt bloody good, now back to hum drum and to plot the next thing, the wife is going to sulk as I have asked her to contribute if we are indeed to return to that neck of the woods, nothing much just something for the fuel costs, I can see another battle ahead, until the next time……………………………..Toodles