Jealousy

So, the last blog (quite literally an hour ago) blasted through the internet like a rocket it would I appear to have hit a nerve, not my intention, I was simply spewing my weekly melancholic blog!

Again, the numbers are still climbing however I got a shit load of comments 99.9% of which I don’t publish, I don’t wish to have another Redneck infestation, please see previous blogs if you don’t know why! The split is about 50 – 50 as to I shouldn’t hate my father and the fact that I should forgive him, well to be honest I don’t hate him, how can you hate someone who simply vanished 45 years ago, more than likely he is worm food somewhere as he would be in his 80’s! Again how can I forgive him if he is not present in my life, I do admit to pangs of jealousy when I see people posting on Farcebook how great their dads were, again I get the fact thatI had some pretty damn good male role models in my life growing up, I simply didn’t know it at the time, but the main reason behind the last blog if I’m honest is, I would have liked to have been given the opportunity to choose if I hated him or if I wanted to forgive him.

I honestly as a kid didn’t think a great deal about it as I was growing up, I was a kid, I had enough shit going on without adding to it, you know normal kid stuff, so yeah forgive  me if I didn’t think of him I got the impression that he didn’t think of me go figure! At least I had music music and then a bit more music!

If he did have another family and I certainly don’t begrudge him that right, why did he simply choose to ignore us where we that inconsequential to him, I’m sure there are many factors that I have not been made aware of but until they are presented to me, my view on my relationship with a person who kind of didn’t exist will stay the same, I am not after building something that obviously was never there, I never got the impression that he cared for me when he was around, I believe my brother was probably more affected than me as there was a better connection, shared interest’s ,simply because of age and the fact that my brother is the spitting double of him, my brother got everything from my dad except a full head of hair, LOL you can guess what I got!

I suppose I do have the right to be bitter if I so desire, but to be honest I’m not, I was upset about 20 years ago for a couple of weeks but then I simply let it go, as I get older I try not to let bitterness into my life, I have enough problems without fabricating more and let them dictate the way I feel! Sometimes though and it is very rare I wonder why he did what he did, I have always assumed rightly or wrongly with the information that I have to hand, and yes I know it to be biased, I am assuming that there was mental health issues, without further data I cannot improve on what I know or feel, it is the one thing I genuinely do not hold a grudge for, I mean what is the point.

I don’t hold a grudge against anybody having a great relationship with their dad good luck to them, I can see that some of them have become awesome parents simply because that they indeed had a strong father figure in their lives! Good luck to you one and all, and yes, I know at times when I blog on this particular subject there is a certain sense of paranoia creeping in, I don’t need to be told, I know I’m a dumb ass!

So 2 blogs in less than an hour you now how to make an old man that little bit happier , the day can only get worse, lets see how this one does compare to the last one, and as always yes the name game is in play, until the next one (and no there wont be another one today) keep the comments coming even if I don’t publish them all, I no w need to lie down as I have a number of chores to complete, typical bloody blogs got in the way……………Toodles!