Father Figure

Its that day of the year where we celebrate 50% of the people who bring us up, for me I try not to look backwards for this particular person!

I didn’t have a particular hard upbringing, my mother had 2 growing boys to bring up, she did her best and I know she had it a lot harder than me and my brother will ever know, she was even after her stroke a tower of strength, I cant say much about my father as he simply wasn’t around, the fact that I haven’t seen him in over 45 years kind of sums it up.

He allegedly moved away from us, I have no intention of mentioning the lies, I do know he was close enough for me to drive past his place of living when I came out of the army, I didn’t discover this fact until twenty years down the line, call me naïve but I’m betting others knew he was there but didn’t share the information, at a time when I needed help all I know was that he simply wasn’t there!

Did this effect the way I brought my kids up, probably but hopefully in a good way, having said that I have a feeling I was too hard on them too much like an NCO at times than a  loving parent, simply because I didn’t know how to interact, everything was black or white instead of shades of grey! do I,  did I love my kids at the time? hell yeah, it would appear though I had some of my own issues at the time.

I was simply trying to do the best or what I thought was the best for them!

Why do I think like this, well for one reason there were only 4 people in the area with my surname me my brother and two cousins on my dad’s side, who I behaved abdominally when I met them as a teenager, now there’s a lot more people with my surname and I wonder is it my dad with another family and did he treat them better than his first, I don’t really connect with my family much anyway my brother who I speak to as often as possible (when work for both of us permits) I would like to spend more time inside his sphere of influence but its simply not to be, and my favourite cousin down in sunny scunny, however I have allowed work and my own issues cloud how I interact with the world, I will die an  old lonely man when my time comes to an end

I like to think even after all the trials and tribulations of the last 28 years, I did ok for my kids, I had no field manual, but I feel like I was there when I was needed, I was a shoulder to cry on, I was there to laugh at whatever was needed, to be the adult or to be the man child at things that only family can laugh at (sorry Shaun).

I’m not going to labour the point today is the day I hope my dad is getting buggered in an old folks home somewhere, but I know I’m not that lucky! I’m going to spend the bulk of the day in the company of my youngest and I might just get to see the oldest if she gets back to Gimpsville in time to bring the grand kids with her, I wont lose any sleep I am the best person that I can be, I love my kids and I will always be there for them when they need me.

So that’s that one done a short blog, I don’t expect this to run like the others have of late so expect another historical one in a couple of days so keep spreading the disease watch the skies there will be more incoming soon, but until then …………...Toodles!