Thursday 11 July 2024

Now Hear This – 10.


1.      A quick return? – It is for this type of blog, there may a longer break until the next one, but I have been inundated with so many queries of late, I thought it best to try and wade through some of the more popular questions, you all know how this works, please keep all body parts inside the car while in motion that way nobody should get injured, let’s see!

2.      There’s been a lot of death? – There has and there’s been even more since the blog “Father to Son”, there have been a number of queries regarding the death of my father, can I just say, I don’t think I care, I didn’t wish him ill while he was alive, I don’t wish him ill now, I simply didn’t understand how you can stay away from your own children, I don’t suppose I will ever find out now, one of life’s great mysteries I suppose! They do say Dead men Tell no Tales (that was the original title for that particular blog). There’s actually been two deaths of people who I knew, one better than the other but they were both younger than me and a nice guys, a bit of a shock, you really do need to take each day as it comes!

3.      Dreams, what’s that all about? well, the blog is about what’s in my head at any particular moment in time, so I thought I would do something that was there at that particular moment in time, instead of trawling back through older ideas, it came out better than I thought, it might not have been perfect it might even have been drivel but it was what was in my mind on the day,, but it tried its best and the numbers were bloody respectable, I realise that not everything can be golden, I didn’t consider that blog to be a lump of coal, if I had I simply wouldn’t have published the bloody thing, I am just a little picky.

4.      Still obsessed about numbers? – Hell yeah I am, the page has beaten last years figures already, and we did 112,000+ last year so of course I’m still obsessed, I am simply trying to work out the knot of why something does so well and others (some of which I think are better) simply don’t, hopefully I never will as then it will simply become tedious and I would walk away forever, I do however have a theory that the robots on Twatter or whatever it’s called this week are helping, another blog for another time.

5.      Music? – it comes in bursts so sometimes I could write 5 or 6 musical review ones, then have to try and work out which one will I publish, I do know if I post about once a week the numbers stay consistent, and if I don’t pick them I do delete them as I may have a different opinion, I mean I am male so yeah something I hate I may just like it later go figure!

6.      Why the name Game? – I have answered this a number of times, but basically it started as a bit of fun (with a lot more readers having a go) it’s a habit I can’t seem to get out of, so unless I can come up with something better, I will keep going, I do miss Nils and his funny guess’s, I’m sure he knew them he was simply being provocative!

7.      Countries? – Seem to change all the time, Sweden has gone down the lists, Malta is in double figures for the last couple of weeks, Japan has stayed roughly the same, I’m quite happy with the mix, it could be worse, all the hits could be due to me simply checking the numbers, no I don’t check them more than once a day!

8.      Do you have a Favourite blog? – I have over the last couple of months been doing some tidying up of the blogs and sorting out an archive, so I have read a couple of them, but I’m going to revert to my original answer, no, I don’t even recognise the writer sometimes, and the subject matter tends to a tad eclectic to say the least, but I think there is an even keel starting to show, I do have some ideas where to go but as I have said in the past, slowly, slowly catchee monkee!

9.      Health? – if you hadn’t noticed my health is decidedly shite, its stable at the moment but still crap, my knees, my hips, my chest seems not to be able to shake the minor infections and the amount of phlegm I bring up in the morning is nobody’s business, I get slower every day, I am actually trying to do all the right things, not that it seems to be doing any good……..yet!

10.  Pet Hate/thing to make you very angry? – Filters that people use on their photos, somebody said hello at work and I didn’t recognise them as they looked so different to their profile, be natural, everybody looks so much better in real life, some of us have the face for radio, who cares, love yourself, its better than the Barbie lookalikes that appear on here, I’m going to stop there as I tend to vent quite a lot on this subject, me with my reputation, who knew!

11.  Most read blog/ most asked question? – I have combined these questions, it hasn’t changed, everybody wants to know who stole my heart and then buried it out on the moors in the “Girls” blog, and for some reason the “Intruder” blog is streets ahead of all the other blogs, I have no idea why for both blogs, maybe they simply struck a nerve!

12.  Abandoned ideas? – Several blogs actually that would be in triple figures, so let’s not go there, they just lost the feel/emotion, they lost something some I still have but it’s unlikely they will ever see the light of day, some were simply full of bile, some were simply crap, I am at least honest, I do believe with an editor someone to give me  some perspective It would simply help me improve, it’s not going to happen so I will simply have to go with the flow, as for ideas other than blogs I have three very good story outlines for books, simply fiction, not blog based one I have been working on for over 25 years, I simply don’t seem to be able to put flesh on the bones, so to speak, maybe I need to be retired to focus, I don’t thing any author has anything to worry about!

13.  Improving Social Life? – Well we have been out once in god knows how long, but the blog from that trip was the best numbers for the year so far, so go figure, and yes I will always write in code I wouldn’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings, it seems unlikely that the Tee Hee Club will ever fully reunite (I do live in hope) an occasional mini jaunt might happen, getting the wife out of the house is the main issue at the moment, I knew it would be hard once the Kraken passed, but I will do whatever it takes to make her better, baby staps boys and girls baby steps, but yes if we go out more there will be more blogs of that nature, so watch this space!

14.  Advice for Bloggers? – again what the actual f***, I have no advice other than get out there and do it, when I started on Myspace all of those years ago the first couple of blogs were in single figures but the more I did it, the bigger the numbers and within six months I was getting regular four figures per blog, how does that happen? I have no idea, the numbers I’m getting now are pretty damn good, but my last years on Myspace I was getting three times the numbers annually, mind you some of those people were simply wanting to kill me!

15.  Are you happy with the blog? – Today I am, ask me tonight I might not be, I can’t do anything but go with the flow, I have found once I have accepted this simple truth, by and large I am, I can do doom and gloom, but thankfully nowhere near as bad as it’s been!

16.  Do you still have a stock of ideas: - It would be easier to simply take a picture (if only I could) I currently have 12 notebooks with lines, paragraph’s, nearly completed full blogs, as I said previously I did some archive work on the blog I sat down and compiled the ideas that I thought I could still work with for blogs, the book ideas have their own special folders and there are many pages of ideas and histories of characters, once I had compiled the blog materials I got rid of over 25 books and notes some large some simply tiny notebooks, so I was able to keep around 50% of what I had, some of the ideas I had no idea what I was trying to say, or even what planet I was on as I put pen to paper!

17.  Are you honest? – I like to think so, I get my knickers in a twist if I’m not, I believe life will get you back if you are not, even while writing about my ex-wife, I have never stretched the truth, she lied and did a despicable thing, if she had been unhappy we could have sorted it all out without any unpleasantness, not that there was much,  it was done we moved on, thankfully there were no children involved, I don’t like liars so to lie in the blog would not be genuine, I would never knowingly lie or stretch the truth to suit my purposes, I might bend the truth to make them look better or preserve their innocence LOL you work it out! so the answer to this one is, you probably won’t meet a more honest person!

18.  A Social Life? – Yes please, I would love one, and nothing better than to write about my friends and their experiences, if it happens you lucky people will be the first to know!

19.  “BOB” – Yes, he is still with me out on the perimeter, some days he crawls closer and I can throw stones to get him to go back where he came from, this has probably been the longest period in my life without him, I’m not stupid enough to think he has gone, he will be with me until my death bed, but if I can keep him out there on the perimeter maybe just maybe I might live a quiet peaceful life, I can but hope!

20.  The Future: - well to be truthful nobody knows, it could all end tomorrow (it might not) I really am taking it one day/blog at a time as long as I have the desire to write it will be in form or another, no promises, no lies, it is what it is!

 

So, there you go one blog as promised, the next one should be a musical one, I said should be so don’t hold me to that, but who knows what sparks in my brain as I sit down and start to write/type, take care there is far too much death around, I want to stay away from morbid tales, so until the next time, keep spreading the disease, but until then……………………………Toodles!

Thursday 4 July 2024

These Dreams.


Yes, the name game is in play, its so bloody easy, but its better to start the blog with that line than to say I have problems. Now that might seem dramatic, it’s not, I have questions but no answers, so I thought (I know a dumb move) I would ask you lot the discerning readership what it all means beyond life the universe or if it actually means anything!

So, if you are a regular reader, you will know I didn’t have regular dreams like a normal person, I was involved in a firearm incident in Her Majesty’s Armed Forces at the age of 16 and it simply screwed me up, from that day for the next 37 years I relived the incident around the same 6 minutes in a loop virtually 24 hours a day (no wonder I was nuts). Now through the day I could distract myself with life and other crap, but sleepy time was not a good time for me.

I had good times and bad times, yes even though I was simply reliving it over and over again, you adapt, it might not be great but you do what you can, eventually I had a couple of incredible meltdowns and I got help, yes a man who asked for some assistance ( the whole book is on the blog from start to finish) I did a course of CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and it eased me back towards normality, I am not cured, I think I’m bright enough to know that, but its as good as I will get, so I will pick up that particular ball and run with it, my life is probably about 90% better, most of the time, yes I still have “Bob” but that’s something different and simply the way I am wired up, and again what I learnt from the CBT I can use in other life skill moments.

What was freaky after the 22 weeks of CBT, the loop kind of faded into the background, yes it still plays but on a scale of 1 to 10 it’s at a .5 most of the time, its not nice but its manageable, for the most part, I’m not the drooling lunatic I could turn into, again can I just say I’m simply setting the scene for where I am at this moment in time, I slowly started to dream, it simply freaked me out, as it had been so long since I had done what everybody else did on going to bed, there was nothing creepy of sorts, just vivid Colours in happier moments, Black & White in my more melancholy times, if I was asked I reckon they sit at about 50/50, I’m nearly 60 and I’m probably the happiest I have been in 44 years, but I still find it strange.

I don’t think I dream every night, I can dream both in Colour and in Black & White in the same night, in the last 7 years I would say that I have had to endure the six minute loop 4 times at its full on intensity, the last about a fortnight ago and the first time in 5 years, that loop leaves me hollow and I’m not fantastic company the next day, that’s not to say that I’m an angry man (like I used to be) it simply takes me a little longer to be productive. I seem to dream of people who I haven’t seen in years, some even that I went to school with, Both the male and female and no nothing icky just dreams, playing football doing kids stuff, well stuff we used to do as kids, people who have passed, but not family members which I do find strange!

If I’m happy then certain colours (and never the same ones) are so vivid, its all about good times and peeps who me and the wife know, (not necessarily in buildings I have been in) I had a dream of listening to Ace Frehley’s first solo album, yes the Kiss one, but the music was simply not the music that is actually contained  on said album, that dream stuck with me for months, I have no idea why, the dream itself was meaningless but I spent an age devouring the information that I could remember, very rarely do dreams repeat themselves they are a one time deal, if they do resurface they might be similar but things will have changed, maybe places or even different people in a similar dream. Music features heavily, gigs I have been to, but not with the people who I actually attended the gigs with.

Even the melancholy dreams are simply that, simply melancholy nothing too untoward, nothing scary just a different twist on the view of life, touch wood I haven’t suffered from an actual nightmare, scary dream, mind you reliving the same six minutes on a loop for a number of years could be construed as being one.

Why am I telling everybody this, simply because have no idea how to compute the amount of information that streams through my brain on a night time, some people might have some ideas (trust me I have no intention of analysing individual dreams) some might want to poke fun and I have no issue with that, I just want to see if after all of these years I am indeed the same as the people who read the blog, just an ordinary member of the public of the planet earth! This particular blog has been sitting around in a couple of different formats and I have “blended” them together simply because I don’t want to waste stuff that could of some use, who else dreams like this or am indeed a freak, I have discussed this with the wife at certain junctions of our life but I think she is wary that I might be trying trap her, I’m not I’m simply not articulate enough to express myself (another man trait).

Lately what is starting to freak me out I have remembered that my name has been said but not by people within the dream or I can be by myself and my name is said out loud, now what the hell does that me? Yes I know it means I’m going nuts, any insights thought for once would be welcomed, I know I could be opening a can of worms here but I would genuinely like to know but I don’t want to pull the wrong thread or even end up down a rabbit hole, no I do not dream that I’m the matrix, so there’s the blog and the next one is going to be a “Now Hear This” blog so if you have questions now is the time to send them in, the shortest turn around in one of those blogs but the amount of similar questions I have been asked I think I simply have to answer them.

So thank you, for you time, your patience, and in some ways a look at the way the world operates (sometimes really badly judging by some of the responses I get) but life marches on the good times and the bad, so stay safe, stay alive, keep spreading the word and until the next blog, its Toodles from me!