Dreaming.

Praise the lord I thought I was still in a downward spiral, thankfully my head has been given a bloody good shake (thanks Dr Vodka).

Life as a whole has been freaking me out, the new normal, I don’t bloody think so, how the family have been putting up with me I have no idea, thankfully my sleep pattern hasn’t been too disturbed, well I say that, but I have been dreaming (hence the blogs title and yes the name game is in play) so vividly, I have mentioned this previously, I am not used to this vivid multi coloured kind  of distraction, places that are so familiar but just so altered, things that have kind of happened, with a different outcome, but then people who I don’t know twisting it into a different reality!

They are so vivid but fade so fast, then there is a fog of confusion for the rest of the morning as I try and piece them back together, with little or no success, this then leaves me bewildered, the fact that I have so much time on my hands through the day I think  is adding to the problem, what the hell do I know I’m the victim to all of these dreams, as I have mentioned before I hadn’t dreamt in over 30 years now everything seems to be on x6 on the Sky TV remote, it’s not helping, they aren’t sex dreams or even violent just, yeah I have no idea, people who I haven’t seen since I left school, well lets just say a long time!

It hasn’t been  helping me or my general demeanour, I do try to be a happy camper (I know me with my reputation) but they are so intense and real, I relived the same nightmare (24 hours a day) for that 30 years and although that is not that far from the surface, I have the tools to deal with that, well in a simplistic kind of way!  I simply do not know how to get a handle on the emotions that they generate! I was starting to feel like a prisoner, not wanting to go bed, actually because of the lock down, I didn’t have to go to bed, so I avoided it and it simply made it worse, I then realised that what I was missing was actual human contact, not necessarily people who I knew (although I do miss my friends) just some interaction with others, I need to go outside, you know where other people are, now why I didn’t think of that before, this time around I hadn’t even gone into the yard to do my exercise, I stayed in the house, my human battery needed to be recharged, thankfully my grandson give me the push I needed insisting that we go for a walk on each of the days that he was here!   

I had noticed I was also becoming superstitious, simple things I was avoiding, this wasn’t normal (for me) is this the beginning of me losing my mind (what little I have left)  I needed to shake my head (quite a lot) I realised the dread once a year day was fast approaching and I have fallen back into old habits of not celebrating the day, in fact coming to resist it, as its simply another day closer to death (isn’t every day) I was up early and put all of my dreams out of my head I got ready and left the house, a small walk to the bank (I hate not having ready cash in my pocket even just a fiver) then some shopping, well food shopping nothing for me …..kind of…. I spoilt myself with a couple of pork specials (if you know Gimpsville you will know what I am on about) they were simply divine! Straight home then dragged the slow cooker out to make the tea (I know it was barely 09.00 but I like to be prepared) I was in a much better frame of mind, go figure!

The day progressed and I went with the flow, a few issues with technology, but I got over the hurdle and kept going forward, as the night went on I decided it was time to have that drink I had been promising myself, oh dear I bottle of vodka later and a load of music from YouTube (sorry to anybody who I know on Farcebook) I went to bed a happy camper, and I didn’t dream at all, it was bliss, I got up the next day refreshed and feeling good no hangover, I knew that I had to crack on, the rest of the weekend has been me formulating future cunning plans, playing lots of music trying to get the title of this blog out of my mind, it’s the earworm of the week, and its not a band I would normally listen to! back to work soon and I can’t wait, I’m not looking forward to going back to the crap that I have to do but I have so missed people, little do they know that one or two of them actually do help this grumpy old git!

So again another step towards the end of this era, something that has also been prying in my mind if the truth be told, the next couple of blogs will be happy and historical, that’s a promise, one I intend to keep, honestly I have a reputation to keep up, some people have gone AWOL in the last couple of months (and are missed) but numbers are pretty consistent as is the reading of old blogs, I have given up trying to work out why, so watch the skies for incoming, I have turned the corner and have shaken this dumb asses head, so onwards, thanks for all of your kind words, life is shit so what, onwards, again if you want to ask a question for the last “Now Hear This” get it in because I will be compiling it in the next two weeks as it stands I have 120 questions some are simple variations of previous “Now Hear This” blogs so if you have a burning question you never know it might just get in there, so watch the skies, until the next time……Toodles!