Internal Exile.

We got new double glazing fitted before the lockdown, unfortunately we weren’t quick enough to get the new blinds fitted. The only thing I like seeing out of these new windows is a small pair of birds using my hedge, the rest is just muppets walking about as if nothing has mattered, I have been stuck in the house now for almost four weeks and I mean in the house, the only time I go out is to sort the bins for their collection, it is true the bins go out more than me these days!, me I’m being a good boy as I’m in a target group so I’m susceptible, and all I see is muppets!

Bob has been circling the house I haven’t let him in, yet! It’s the one battle I am determined to win during these crazy times! (please see the previous blog simply called “Bob”) but it’s getting close, I am trying to be good but its only a matter of time, before I go bat shit crazy! So, I like most of the country has been furloughed and at first you think I can do this, but now I simply feel like a bloody criminal locked up for a crime I didn’t commit.

There is just me the wife and the youngest, and the hound within our prison compound,  the eldest has her own issues (her two kids of differing ages god help her) and so far we  have been good, me and the wife have only had one altercation, we normally do that every fours hours so we must be doing something right, we had ordered a new mattress for our bed as the wife is suffering with her back at the moment, we thought we might just sneak it under the wire, but we were not successful, the wife unfortunately will just have to suffer on (in silence). She is always checking emails to await the new delivery date.

They have been out of the house  on shopping expeditions and I just gaze out of the window again looking at muppets not social distancing, wondering what fresh air seems like, I could go in the yard but that simply would reinforce the fact that I am indeed in a prison of my own making!  I do enjoy seeing the postman on his rounds not that we are getting much post, but its human contact, I feel happy as I wave at him and he looks at me like I am a bloody nutter, go figure!

The person (I say person ha) enjoying the new windows more than anybody else is the hound, who is up at the window every thirty seconds …….oooooh what’s this, oooooh can I chase that, oooooh a flying thing etc we spend most of our time telling him to get down (yeah right this my house human) he’s like a horny teenager he simply wants to be at it every thirty seconds! me because of social anxiety I came out like a spotty teenager, my face was killing me so I have shaved the beard off to give my face time to breath (I know all of the jokes so save your breath) the one thing I crave is fresh air, but if you know me at all you know I will only obsess about it and I’m not doing anything at all about it.

I have tried to do a digital detox (it hasn’t worked) and I have simply spent time sorting out my hard drives, I’m usually quite anal about being digitally tidy, however it would appear that I have been a tad tardy, three weeks into the first hard drive (and yes you read that right the first one) I am nearly there, nearly! I will need a break before I go near the other one I have, damn me and my musical OCD filing! The only good thing is that we can Face Time the Grand Kids as they tear around their own house sword fighting with large plastic bottles (damn it they should be doing that with me).

Over eating has reared its ugly head as I will eat anything because I am bored, not that I really need any excuse to eat, my diabetes is kicking my arse simply because I am overeating and its all a vicious circle I have barely had a drink, not for any other reason than I don’t fancy one, see I can be a good boy, mind you I would simply just eat more, my diabetes nurse is going to try me on a new wonder drug, lets see what that does, I just hope I haven’t put all my weight back on after my time here in the big brother house! I’m not even dressing like an adult, just T Shirt and joggers how do the unemployed (those of them that wish to be, we all know some people who do not want to work) do this, admittedly they are usually Junkies who sit in the pub all day and know how to screw the system, again not all unemployed just some of the muppets I see on a daily basis when I’m off  to work, I don’t envy them the lifestyle this is doing my head in, I do have the pleasure of nice long leisurely baths, which seems to have become my only guilty pleasure , well that and eating mainly eating hey ho!

At times I feel like the character who went bat shit crazy and simply couldn’t stop himself from escaping in the film The Great Escape, I might just climb the back wall to get the hell out of dodge (or simply to get myself shot) and never come back (who am I kidding and leave my record/CD collection, yeah right! I’m hating the TV simply because I am sick of chinless wonders skyping their opinion in like some kind of ministry of propaganda, I did do a nice thing and get the wife to get Disney + as she is a fan of the old Goggle Box that sits in the corner of the living room!

I’m just hoping that everybody that I know is staying safe and is in a better place than this loon, mind you I don’t think I have been this consistent in writing since my Myspace days of blogging! I will definitely need a new lap top after all of this, the blogs have been doing well, some spikes of the old ones, it’s like someone is discovering the blog for the first time, which is nice! but then there are days when it is simply the latest one and although traffic has been good, conversations have dropped to a minimum, you can’t get Co-vid from posting comments guys, I am ahead of the blogging curve as I was going to blog every 7 days the last few have been every 5 or 6 days so I am about a week ahead of myself, please don’t get your knickers in a twist if the next one is not along as quickly, as it’s a historical one and well for me its quite a heavy one , it will probably be the least read one of the year but I have to do it, I need to flush my system in a blogging sense of direction, and its one I have been threatening for about the last three years.

So there you go something to fill your time in to while away the hours as you sip wine reading a book on the window sill of life, or whatever other bullshit gets you through this crap we are calling life at the moment! So please be safe and stay alive don’t be a muppet there is enough of them out there we don’t need anymore, I hope that you are enjoying these blogs as they come along, watch the skies for incoming there will be another one along presently until then though…………Toodles!