Death on Two Legs.

I can remember quite vividly the day that I realised that life was not always sweetness and light and that people usually lie to do what they do, some people will probably call me naïve after reading this blog and they would be right, I was and to a degree I still am, I  have a strong desire for truth in my life, the quickest way to make an enemy of me is to lie. That usually is the be and end of all of any of my friendships, lie and I will cut you out of my life forever, with no bitterness or rancour you will simply cease to exist in my small universe!

This is a blog about my first wife, this is not a rant, this is not hate filled, in fact I don’t hate her at all, but it was the first time that I became disappointed in someone, I hope that she is happy in the life that she chose, I do wish her good health and happiness she wasn’t a bad person she simply wasn’t an honest one! I just wished that she hadn’t lied to me, it’s the little things!

I met her when my best friend and I decided to go and see Queen at the NEC (August 1984) on a trip from the city hall, we got on the bus sat in front of her and in the end got chatting to her, actually my mate did because to say I was shy was an understatement, if I was a character in a sitcom I would be Raj from Big Bang, I could talk to females just not ones that I liked, well at least not until the ice had been broken, anyway we enjoyed the gig she enjoyed the gig, it turns out it was an all round success, we chatted all the way home and she offered us a place to sleep as we were going to stay in Malbourgh Crescent Bus station and wait for the first bus back to Gimpsville! We gratefully accepted then chatted some more and then slept in our respective rooms I was a gentleman; I don’t think she expected that!

My mate reckoned she liked me, I didn’t agree with  his hypothesis, in the morning we said thank you made our farewells and passed address’s so we could write (those were the days) as pen pals, I visited a few times and we soon discovered that we were attracted to each other, it turns out my mate was right she did fancy me and I was wrong (D’oh) I was the first person to stand up for her (I’m not going to bore people with the details she had been given the shitty end of the stick from her parents, it’s one of the reasons I strive to be the best person I possibly can be for my kids) she was living in a crappy flat with a crappy job and lots of debt, I was moderately wind swept and interesting, I had my issues nothing she couldn’t fix (WRONG) I paid her debt off and we moved to a nicer place she got a better job, things were on the up, we were a young couple we had dreams and aspirations.

Her family or I should say her parents were a ghastly nightmare and things soon spiralled out of control when they realised I wasn’t going anywhere, killing me with kindness soon turned into genuinely wanting to kill me, go figure, I know that I have made passing comments to these people in previous blogs but to say they were insane is an understatement, how their kids weren’t more messed up is a bloody understatement, again she marvelled how many bands we would go and see and how we could get backstage and chat to people in the know, she liked this new life but it soon became apparent that she didn’t like some of my straight talking friends, some of them sussed out the lie long before me.

We had further troubles with her parents so we moved back to Gimpsville a place where she didn’t know anybody and at this point I was an ordinary working Joe working long hours for crap pay, we thought putting some distance between us and them would work, unfortunately it didn’t it was simply a recipe for disaster, we had married, we were upwardly mobile, but me being out of the house for 15 hours a day for six days of the week didn’t help, I encouraged her to find a job closer to home and to make friends in the new job, these “friends” used to go clubbing in Gimpsville on a Thursday night,  again I encouraged it, I was supposed to meet up with them, but after a long day and an early start the next day I fell asleep on the settee and was awoken to find my blushing bride coming home at 3.30 in the morning, harsh words were said, simply because she had woke me not because I knew anything was amiss.

I went to work the next day but felt crappy about the argument, so I sent her flowers by way of an apology, I decided to blow the weekend shifts with an excuse for work (Cough Splutter) and it all seemed rosy in the garden we babysat her nephew and her sister came to visit, there was however something hanging in the air, I couldn’t quite put my finger on it but Friday night and Saturday was all good in the hood, Sunday dragged until we were alone, her nephew was picked up and I walked her sister to the bus stop, as soon as I got home I knew that something was amiss, I picked at the scab for once she was honest!

The only thing I had ever said to her at the start of our relationship was to be honest, if you are ever unhappy tell me, if you no longer want to be married tell me, we only got married to upset her parents, we were young and dumb and well you can guess the rest, kids eh? was it perfect? of course not, at least I tried my best or so I thought I had, apparently I wasn’t the person I thought I was, but my trust was shattered, it took me a long time to trust someone, the only good thing was my sister in law again a friend, we had gone to school together she told me that I was in denial, she insisted that I should see a solicitor, which I did and he gave me the options, I just wanted out, no fighting , no war of words I just wanted to leave, she received the divorce papers on valentine’s day (sweet revenge) she thought I wouldn’t go through with it, she thought I was too nice a person and that she had me on the hook, guess what I did, so I gave her the house, that house I had paid for, me once again I tried to be the good guy, I wasn’t I was angry and she saw that, I wanted my record collection, I got it after some toing and froing, it fizzled out I have to admit I didn’t know where I had gone wrong as I had always been truthful. She wouldn’t divulge what had turned the relationship dead it simply was!

It turns out she had been unhappy for a long time, why she hadn’t said anything I have no idea, she should have just said, I would have been true to my word, but she had turned deceitful, again after I had paid off her debt for a second time, I still see her from time to time, I am always pleasant, maybe once every 9 years or so, I have a rough idea where she lives, she never remarried and still has my surname although she has been in a long term relationship and had kids, I know her brother and sister are doing well because I have spoken to them, they both  thanked me for standing up to their parents as that was the beginning of the end of that particular dictatorship! I don’t wish ill to anybody in the family, I should for the crap that was pulled, I walked away with my dignity, not much else but it mattered to me, but that was the day that I realised that the world was no longer black and white but full of various shades of grey, I wish she had been honest that is my only regret in the whole relationship!

Me I picked myself up (allegedly) had a fab time with the usual suspects and avoided women for more than four years, until I met the wife, the one thing I asked from the start was that she would be truthful, and she has been, sometimes brutally so (it would appear that I can’t dance) I have never lied, I have never cheated, I have been oblivious to the world around for nearly the last thirty years and I am a better person for it, If I  have  learned anything from the experience, well just the fact  that I am naïve in many ways and that if me and the wife were to split up I would bugger off and live in a cave and stay single, I think that would be best for everyone, I only have and have always had eyes for her (But don’t tell her that she will use that info against me…..coming dear) .

There you go something different from me I know that I can do things with a twist, life isn’t perfect, but be honest with the ones you love, it’s the only way life can improve, thanks for all the kind words from you the discerning reader, watch the skies for incoming and keep spreading the disease, until the next time ……………Toodles!