Save Yourself

The penny had dropped ages ago but it finally hit the ground with a clatter!

I started with a flourish three blogs in a relatively short space of time after my self imposed exile, with some fantastic numbers and then life came along and took a huge bite out of my ass, along with a very scary dose of reality, my health took a detour without telling me,I hadn't been the happiest camper, I wasn't down, just life had climbed on top of me like I was a rodeo bull, I simply didn't have the strength to shake it off!

Work (my usual go to place to cheer me up) hit me hard and I simply didn't have the get up to go, a lot of legal documents to read and dissect then to give my professional opinion , lots of inspections and more report writing and back to working more than my allotted working hours (and not getting paid for them) nobody put a gun to my head to say I had to do it, however if you lot know me,give me a time specific job today, you know i'm going to bust a gut to do it! the only thing that suffers is me and mine, yes me with my reputation, I was struggling, my eyesight has deteriorated, I took myself off to the opticians (under protest) only to be told how bad my eyesight had gotten, damn I didn't expect that! I then started to stress about everything, some people noticed and came to my rescue, some just didn't give a rats ass (a grudge is for life ......remember).

My general health got worse and I didn't do anything to help myself, I just joined in with more apathy, I struggled not in a bad "oh no the world is going to end" type of mood, I was just not firing on all cylinders, I was simply trying (and failing) to do too much, I was doing a fair bit of research for bits and pieces, work and blog related (yeah I know I do actually do some kind of research from time to time, what you think I just wing it.....................Oh you do know me) I had appointments for various clinics and I avoided them like the plague again feeling sorry for myself. then I got an even harder slap in the face when we discovered that the wife was going to have to have a fairly serious operation in the new year and I was going to have to be it..........an actual adult, I know I was scared as well!

So I realised it was time to get serious , in life in general and stop burying my head in the sand, my health (as well as the wife's) has to be the number one priority. It's time to stop wasting the NHS's resources and to be consistent and do as I'm bloody well told, not that i'm being a bad boy, I believe I'm simply being a tad petulant from time to time with my health and I need to stop as I'm wandering down the corridor marked "last chance saloon" and if I don't get my life in order and save myself nobody is going to do it for me,and contrary to popular belief I do intend to live to a ripe old age, well older than 53 .....................please!

I have avoided music totally for long periods of time lately and this hasn't helped, trust me I am back on the horse in a big way, catching up playing lots of old and new sounds, no I'm not telling you what that can be in the last blog of the year, I hadn't written anything during this time simply because the well was dry, it wasn't crap or bile or anything I was simply dry, not even writers block, I had lots of ideas, I simply didn't know how to convey them onto paper (yes I still do long hand including all of the polishing right up  until publishing) I'm not usually far from my trusty black book scribbling shite, I mean potentially wonderful ideas down, in fact the new year does indeed bode well for my regular readers, I'm still not sure if thats a good thing or bad, I'm sure you will all tell me?

So I suppose what i'm telling you lot out there is that I need to be just a little bit more consistent, and all through all of the contact that I have with you lot is exactly that,the one thing that seems to bug you lot is my inconsistency of late, yes there will be more passages from books that haven't been published on here to help out with the lean times, but I shall be here a fair bit more (especially in the new year when I don the nurses uniform again (I know it's not a comforting thought is it?) to look after the wife after her operation) so as always cunning plans abound, not least a number of blogs to follow, I have plans for 4 in the mediate future!

SMOR reappeared in our lives earlier in the week, and although the wife's health has severely depleted our finances I am aware that our friends are indeed a life line that we need to ensure that it doesn't come untied as we are the fools who suffer without them! SMOR dragged me and the good lady wife off to see Dan Reed Network and Extreme and although we didn't stay to the end, nothing wrong with either band they were both good (yes I saw them when they were at their peak) but it was interaction with people who we saw at the gig that meant the most to us, we both know we need to get out more (I need to start regenerating organs to sell) I know the next 12 months is going to be tough financially but we will not be beaten we shall come out the other end stronger than we are at the moment!

So I have waffled on longer than intended I have at least four blogs (oh look i'm repeating myself) in the pipeline before the end  of the year not including a "now hear this " blog on new  years eve, the theme for the coming year is to aim high or  go home, I do not intend to go home! some cracking historical blogs in the in tray so to speak, so please do not think I have been in my usual pool of despair, my black cloud in all of this time has been nowhere to be seen, oh and did I happen to mention me and the wife are off to see Mr Dick perform all of "clutching at straws"on Wednesday, this years is going out with a bang, keep spreading the disease and watch the skies...........incoming, until then Toodles!