One step forward

Apathy rules………I suppose, this is something I’m used to because at times I just can’t be arsed...ooops! What I meant to say is that probably I’m not like everybody else I wake up some mornings and I just really can’t be arsed ....ooops done it again!

Well almost because to be honest I can always be bothered to write some kind of crap I seem to be always jotting something down these days with the hope of sitting down and expanding my weird thoughts of the day. I’m not a fan of apathy, if I’m honest it usually means I’m down in the dumps and that in itself means that I will start rooting around in the cupboard to eat random crap, and with my weight issues that’s not a good thing! Even with all the weight I have lost recently I am only too aware of how easy it is to put it back on! I’m not even sure if everybody feels the blues, gets in a funk and all the other clichés that generally go with this particular mood I hope not because it’s not the best mood in the world to be in, I’m also not a fan because the wife goes into mother hen mode when in actual fact if she left me be I would probably come out the other side the happy go lucky person that I always am, hang on I need to call an ambulance I think the wife is having a fit!

Not all people are happy campers and by that I don’t mean that they are suicidal or even killers, it’s a fact some people have a blue attitude to life in general, I like to think that I’m usually happy 95% of the time from when I wake up and yes I may slide through the course of the day but generally I’m ok I don’t wander around with a grin on my mush but I’m ok, then you get people going “cheer up it might never happen” or “what’s up” now that does get irritating, I am always wary of people who are “up” all the time it’s not natural. Apathy is usually the breeding ground of my neurosis, even after completing a course of CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy)  it feeds off my inability to get motivated, now this can come in a number of forms usually people not giving a rats ass, either that does affect me, people going their own sweet way when in reality we don’t have the time to do that something that needs to be done, just simply get on with it, this affects me both personally and professionally, I know I’m not the world and everybody doesn’t revolve around my sweet being, but sometimes and I mean sometimes this does indeed bring me down, mainly though I go with the flow these days because it really isn’t worth the grief.

Now the bad old days, they were different it affected my friendships my first marriage, everything just had to be right, come hell or high water and I know this drove some people absolutely nuts!  Hopefully since then I have learnt my lesson, I know I drive my wife totally nuts about being on time (my life is ruled by time it has since I could tell the time and got my first watch), but generally I’m ok if I could find a happy medium I would, but I just probably drive this wife up the wall because even if I’m a little bit driven I’m annoying, so it’s back to going downhill and being apathetic ....again!

Apathy generally rears its ugly head when I have a few days off (no really, I suppose I need to find a hobby something like golf, cough…. splutter …..fuck no)and I have no clear game plan on what I intend to do, now I usually have a list of tasks that I want to do but apathy rugby tackles me and makes me lose focus, I sit with my thumbs twiddling and generally being annoying (just for information I’m really good at this...allegedly) having said that being industrious also has side effects you end up doing stuff that other people intended to do and then this starts to gnaw at you (I have to admit this generally happens at work when people who are getting well paid to be industrious are lazy t***s) and then that can be worse than apathy, anger management issues are far worse than apathy (and since I was a kid loads of people told me that I had anger management issues) so maybe apathy isn’t that bad at all!

Apathy is much worse when you infect everybody around you with the same issues and then you become a group of sloths not wanting to upset the apple carts of those who are being apathetic, because if you awake the sleeping giant well that’s no good either, so a happy medium has to be found just enough so not to tip you off into the world of maudlin (see I have done an official study) now I know that some people think I’m a misery all the time (hello Wife and family, friends and the outside world) I’m not and after you have met me a few times I’m sure that you will know that really sometimes I’m just apathetic, it’s not rocket science and I’m sure that you won’t mind me just going with the flow and hopefully we can all get along just fine.

I also think that apathy comes along on a more regular basis as you get older (hey I’m old I can say that) before I was just angry (honest I used to be, I’m a really placid person nowadays) so I think I will get more and more apathetic as time starts to flow by, I suppose I will just have to live with it and if you can as well that will be fine and dandy, just don’t try and harsh my mellow and I won’t try and harsh yours.

Now anybody who can write (drivel) for over twelve hundred words can’t be that apathetic I hear you say, well to be honest that’s exactly why I started writing this piece because I was feeling just that and I could see the wife building up to go to full mother hen mode (or even something worse) so the laptop was switched on and I generally picked at the first word that sprang to mind and seeing how it was the mood I was in I thought I would do whatever I could do to get out of my funk!  so I typed and I read then I adjusted and rewrote and reread and generally played about with this for the odd hour then I walked away scratched my butt came back and gave it just a little polish and at the end of it I was fine and this piece was written, is it any good? I’m sure if it’s not somebody at some point will take me to one side and tell me (that was shit!) in a polite way, but I can live with that, this isn’t going to fix the world, that was never the intention, but it just might fix me and in the long term that’s exactly what I’m hoping to do, now I could have done this as whimsical piece of poetry (WTF) but in the grand scheme of things I think it’s better suited to a blog sometimes you have to do a short thing to help get the long thing done and today that’s exactly what I did! Until the next time incoming……………Toodles!