Bargain Basement Howard Hughes

I got all methodical with facts and figures in the last blog, oh and as always my cunning plans went astray!

My intention was to do a historical blog, but I went of the reservation almost straight away with my doodling's and other strange thoughts, the intention was good but not really there from the start, it took me five days of my holiday to get myself in a frame of mind to leave the house, not like I am storing pee in a bottle or anything, just sheer exhaustion, the only time I left at all in the first four days was to  put the bins out in the lane and to go to the quacks, by the Friday I was in a better frame of mind and we ventured  out into the bright new world, we bickered (apparently its what we do) and the Saturday and the Sunday we did more of the same although quite a bit more bickering.

Some new shit regarding E who had been taken poorly and we realised that we had been cutting ourselves off from our friends, it didn't make us feel any better it certainly made me a tad morose but cunning plans and ideas are abound so watch this space. the holiday zoomed past and I will admit to getting virtually nothing done, here's high hopes for the next lot (soon) we had been looking for a little getaway for the start of the next holiday as it will have been 25 years since me and Mrs have been together, we soon realised that we were ill equipped to deal with this( a small budget that would get us a couple of trips on the shields ferry maybe) nothing sprang out at us so it looks like spending the money on the house (WTF) and another stay at home moment............maybe!

Going around the shops while skint maybe wasn't a good idea, we had loads of cunning plans, me reverting to bargain basement recluse didn't help, however our stash will not let us getaway with it, I need a break a flight somewhere, Vegas seems like a life time ago and if I'm honest it was a special holiday for me, something I would love to repeat, I cant believe I work so hard just pay taxes and the wife's bills (hell I spend nothing so they must be hers in my name! how the hell did that happen!) it is what it is, just a little luck anytime would be nice.

Back to work and back to the bus, and although I'm tempted to play bus seat bingo (please see previous blogs) I'm more inclined to people watch I don't understand why nobody sits next to each other until the seats all have some one in them, if there are no seats why does everybody crowd at the front so people cant get on or off, finally why the hell is my bus always bloody late, huge amounts of work that I left which basically was just as big as it was when I left, I only have pair of hands it is what it is, hey ho I know I must get some focus on the blogs I'm just not in the groove ........yet I need to make better use of my time.

The wife is at work again tonight and I'm sat in the back room typing away as the darkness starts to fall, I need to do this in a more enlightened mood and yes I will have to do a historical blog soon! the name game is in play although I didn't know the song it popped into my head and I simply couldn't shake it and I know I haven't heard the song, the words just meant so much as I planned the blog, again I have gone off tack, this isn't the blog I intended, look toward the weekend and see what the winds blow in hopefully something cheerful and maybe a little historical, I intend to do another question and answers type of blog soon just before the big 300 which is hurtling towards with unbelievable speed, that's all for now keep spreading the disease and watch the skies for incoming, so until the next time .......................Toodles!

Finish Line

Lots to write about (allegedly) as it would appear that I have not been keeping my  side of my promise, blog writing is exactly what I should have been doing, however life over took me (that is work life) and gave me a shoeing, I headed towards the finish line thinking that I had everything under control, only for me to pop my knee and for me to be once again limping at an Olympic standard, then spinning plates that I thought I had under control came crashing down but again as always I digress let’s see what’s in my list of notes to write about?

The title of the last blog came from the Lonely Robot album I was singing praises loud and clear, I didn’t think that it would be that hard but it appears that it was, a touch of vitriol from some of you the discerning readers hey ho it’s not meant to be easy, but I don’t think I could have made it an easier, let’s see who gets this one then?

I keep giving myself injury after injury the fatter I get the more I walk like a bloody penguin, I keep stubbing my toes as I try and get through the debris that litters our house, Furniture and the such like, I would laugh if it wasn’t so painful, and if the wife throws me anymore bloody fish I will pppppick up something to throw back at her (biscuit joke if you are not English you may not get that reference) health issues are the order of the day and the walking like a penguin is one of the ones I have to watch because of my diabetes.

Work was work I did bite off way more than I could chew, but I had to try as there is nobody to pick up my slack when I’m not there, thanks to new technology I am at least keeping abreast of my emails, not replying just deleting the minutia that I don’t need, the weekend I intended to lay waste to vast tracts of work, I wasn’t helped that I lost seven inspections, no copies these were the  only copies, no chance of remembering all the details I was in panic stations wasting nearly 5 hours of time that I didn’t have trying to locate them, a sleepless night on the Saturday night and me pleading with the wife to take me in early just so I could rest my weary brain one way or the other, I soldiered on with all the other work, finally finishing and tidying up the wasteland that was my desk only to find the reports, I nearly cried, I copied and uploaded the report’s finishing literally minutes before the wife picked me up, as I flopped into the passenger seat I was a happy camper (for once).

Through the week I had been enjoying some serious bus seat bingo the bus times had changed and the bus I had been getting at silly o’clock didn’t turn up, imagine my surprise when I discovered all of the missing participants on the later bus, I'm not sure they were that happy to see me as I was to see them, let’s just say I enjoyed my jaunts to work, I’m wondering if they are missing me this week as I’m not travelling by bus.

I am admitting defeat with my sleep apnea mask (bomber command) I feel tremendously energized when I can wear it for more than three hours a night however that is not the case I’m switching it off and removing it in a quite civilized manner after less than an hour, I don’t even know I’m doing it, as I'm fast a sleep! it has caused a few bouts of verbal sparring over the last few months, I’m sick of it now and I’m genuinely unhappy that I’m giving up, however I think it would be better off been given too somebody who will get more use out of it than I currently am, I will have to endure the consequences to come.

Numbers seem to peak after about four days and then sporadically older blogs get a few hits so I should in reality be looking to blog every 5 or 6 days, the numbers seem to be pretty consistent, it would appear that have indeed found my ceiling for readers with only the occasional spike heavenwards, so now I know what I’m working with I need to polish and improve, it would also appear that the local readership has  started to dry up, not a lot I can do about that, I will endeavor to re-engage however I think the fact that we rarely cross our threshold there’s not that much too hold the local reader, something me and the wife are trying our best to put right!

The good weather arrived at the back end of last week which didn’t lighten my soul at all after crossing the finish line I haven’t wanted to do anything remotely outdoorsy! Today I ventured out to the quacks twice, it didn’t make me happy, but that’s for another blog………. Maybe! this week is flying over I need to get my back side into gear just so I can do some of the thousands of little jobs that need to be done, including continuing with a blog and not one of me whining (which seems to be the norm of late) so let’s see what you think of my thought for the day!

The human mind is very adept at labeling. If left to its own devices, it will label situations, things, places, and people. It's a pretty handy almost like one of those phone apps everybody is downloading at the moment. Except when it comes to people. Over time those labels tend to solidify and harden. They become all we can see. They become what we experience. The true depth of a person, the breathtaking miracle of their very existence, is replaced with a word. A sound. An assemblage of vowels and consonants. Ink or digital letters on paper or screen. Which is why I sometimes try to look at people and see them, one of the best things in the world is to people watch try it sometime it’s fantastic, witness them if you will, without immediately attaching a mental label. This is especially fun to do in a crowded public place. Not a toilet people will think that you are weird! After a few minutes of practicing nonjudgmental looking, I find my heart filling with affection (or is it bile) for total strangers. It's an extraordinary experience. I encourage you to try it sometime. Be warned though, when you feel affection, you can't stop smiling. This may cause total strangers to react fearfully, or, in the north east of England, say, "What the hell are you looking at, ya f*****g' freak?!" "F*****g' freak" being your new label.

And that’s me done there will be a blog at the weekend something historical could be the order of the day but first some of the little jobs I have been promising myself (and the wife) that I will complete, I have a day too myself coming up with some shredding and just a little bit of work to complete, so onwards not as bleak as I was feeling at the start of the week, which if I’m honest was simply mental exhaustion, a best foot forward every day until the next time ………...Toodles!

The boy in the radio

It seems to me that the biggest, most single momentous choice of our lives is the one that none of us gets to make. (do we actually get too make any choices in our matrix style existence) I'm talking about the decision to be here, to be alive. Now before I digress into the choice of leaving this life, a subject best suited for handwritten notes left on the bed stand, let's investigate the initial premise. Simply put, we all arrive here screaming, crying and covered in goo, without prior consultation. Or so it appears. If in fact we were part of the decision to become cognizant, the memory of that process has been completely wiped from our consciousness. But what if it were retrievable? What if we could become aware of the primary decision to live, the fateful choice to participate in the world of time, energy and form? Wouldn't that improve our daily condition? No matter how difficult and confusing life was, we would always be clear on one thing, "I asked to be here. This is my choice." Of course, there's another option to consider. We are here against our will. The unending cycle of birth, life and death is a sentence. We are souls in prison. But that grim, Matrix-like scenario falls apart the minute you ask how hell on earth could possibly include Music…………. oh and chocolate?

I have been beavering away with various projects and other things in a slow kind of way, pottering on here and there and the blogs have been pottering along as well so why piss in the pool if they are ticking over, I have been playing lots of glorious music and getting ready for my week of hell next week however I am looking forward to a week of bus seat bingo and an MP3 player full of new music, 7 days in and then 7 days off, more music more blogging and generally getting up to mischief, well that’s the plan!

Numbers have been going in the right direction I have to keep blogging otherwise I will lose myself in watching thousands of Princes performances on YouTube, love him or hate his performances were indeed mind blowing, I have been weening myself off the purple one by playing lots of Prog (no chance of getting funky to some good old fashioned Prog) at the moment Lonely Robot is my favorite, find it and check it out, some of you will understand why I like it! Because I haven’t had to worry about numbers (well you know what I mean) the musical distraction has indeed been a godsend, although it hasn’t helped me with work I failed an exam last week for various reasons, music being mixed in amongst them, don’t worry I resat and passed it today! I still find it amazing that music can still inspire me like that 7-year-old all those years ago!

Life has been going (so far) in a positive direction, life is still crap my health is still fucked but I am making the best of a bad situation, and I’m happy that for some reason I have been happy, ha I could be happier, but I will take what I have at the moment, the black cloud has been dispatched to the far horizon, I don’t think it likes my taste in music (Lonely Robot, honest go find it you will love it) I’m sure he will make an appearance over the next few days, my intention is to have some fun and to leave the confines of my dark back room, the wife doesn’t believe me, but I do intend to have a go (watch this space) I need to break the cycle of chaining myself to a rock in some dark dank place (ok my dining room with the lights out) again I’m hoping for inspiration and a modicum of good weather.

Hopefully I will stay on track with the blogging I only slightly deviated from my course (again it was the music that did it) my only concern for the coming week is a new piece of kit (electronic hand held device) that doubles up as a phone and allows me to send my work straight to somewhere on the interwebby…………………...I broke the last system, oh well in for a penny in for a pound, let’s see how long it is before I am suicidal or trying out for the Olympic throwing of hand held devices team, I’m sure you will be some of the first people to know about it, and that’s me done in a slightly positive way, keep spreading the disease, until the next time Toodles!