So many mixed emotions after the last twenty plus postings, yes I had intended it to be yet another book but me being the Luddite I am it was safer to publish it as blogs, because to be truthful it certainly reached a far wider audience than my books ever do. numbers were a lot higher than expected and very consistent, so a lot of people obviously came back and followed the thread all the way through.
The blogs were not done as a vanity set, it was done because there are an awful lot of people out there that have issues and just muddle on, overall my issues were/are miniscule however they are mine, because I choose to not deal at the time and yes I know I went a long time (32 years in case you haven't read the blogs) before hoisting the white flag and asking for help, asking for help is the hardest step, its not easy and as I have said before I'm not cured its certainly raised more questions than answering the ones I went in with, but and its a big but, I feel as though I'm better equipped to deal with them.
I wasn't and I'm still not after sympathy it is what it is, sometimes just sometimes I would get overwhelmed by emotions (and if you ever got to know me you would find out I really don't do emotional) and it was the fact that I didn't understand how to fend off the marauding attacks of random thoughts of unhappiness, I'm more angry now, mainly with me but with some little things that really mean nothing, but because of the way I have dealt with similar incidents in the past, the new me wants to kick my arse for being such a prat!
There has been some touching messages left and I have to admit one or two from totally random strangers who have wandered into my world (and more than likely will wander away again) via the blogs who don't know but gave me some nice sound advice, there was only one troll who obviously thought I was a shrinking wallflower (wrong) I'm still waiting to hear his reply to my 3400 word (stinging) rebuke and what he thought about all "you nut jobs" (again wrong) I just needed a reboot with some new software at no point did I infer that I'm a tree hugging hippy conscientious objector, well guess what wrong again, maybe just maybe once that gaping hole of a new arse I tore has heeled he might be man enough to apologise.
Although the bulk of the last twenty plus blogs were written over the course of the last year I have worked on them continually to make them a better read and not seventy million words of bile, they were not sanitised just polished to be easier for the curious reader to deem more palatable. again I'm not looking for sympathy I'm just asking that consider people around you, you never really know what is going through someone's head even your nearest and dearest don't take people for granted you never know when that shoulder could come in to be helpful for someone who might at a later date be able to lend you a helping hand.
So I now have to soldier on and try and get semblance of order into my writing, less of the bile and some of the humour which has been missing for a short period of time, again I say thank you and soon (well for me anyway) there will a new happier blog on its way, watch the skies and keep spreading the disease (every little bit helps) until then Toodles!
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