Darker Days

Today in reality didn't even stand a cat in hells chance, Robin Williams died today and as always the world decided to have it's say, thankfully most of the comments were of the positive kind, as positive as you can when somebody suffering from depression takes their own life. It's never easy for the family but everyone still doesn't give a fuck, as always the world keeps turning.

I'm doing a week of early shifts so my writing like my moods have been sporadic, too much going on to concentrate on one thing and work being well.......work! (cack) yesterday had been a good(ish) day and an early night meant I was like a drunk puppy when I awoke at stupid o'clock and my wife told me the news about Robin Williams, I'm not going to say I was a huge fan (I could take or leave most of his stuff) I liked what I liked and what I didn't I soon forgot about, what I did find refreshing was his honest approach to his issues, drink, drugs and depression, tomorrow is my last appointment with my therapist, she is of the opinion that she cannot do anything else for me, it's time for me to move on, has it helped? without a doubt! do I think I'm cured? fuck no!

I have been suffering from my little condition for in excess of thirty two years, thankfully my wife and family and friends have helped through some crap times and have hopefully enjoyed the few good times that has been along the road, I know I have been a pain sometimes and I know I will be again hopefully less than intended, depression is an insidious bed fellow and kicks you when you least expect it, it bullies you when you can least fight it, I know a lot of people out there are suffering, no not just me, it's not about me, take a good long hard look at the person you are closest to! they say one in four  people suffer from depression, at various times I'm in charge of 180 people at work do the math that's a lot of unhappy people, it's not all sweetness and light and it's not all self inflicted, some people have some serious problems that are not easily resolved, some inevitably take the wrong route and go down the path that can not be walked again, thankfully in all of my darkest days I have steered clear of it, please give some time to those who did.

I wanted (see I'm being selfish today) this week just to slide, I want tomorrow to come and go as quickly as possible, I want my therapy to end and I want to stand on my own two feet and see if I can ride the bike of life without my stabilisers on, no matter happens I don't intend to give up without a fight, what ever happens just remember everybody needs H.O.P.E - Hold On Pain Ends, until the next happier time.......Toodles

And if you are in the mood for some subtle Robin Williams look out for a little film called The Secret Agent, he's not credited it's a Bob Hoskins film but he steals the film for me and what and end to a film, enjoy and remember live life like you stole it, as you only get one chance, this isn't a dress rehearsal!