Damaged.

 

Since the last blog it would appear that I have had a fair amount of time to reflect on life the universe and the fluff in my belly button, and all I can do is come to the conclusion it’s simply the fact that I am damaged (and yes, the name game is in play).

What makes me think that, well the fact that I have to try and drag a song title into the blog title 99.9% of the time is probably a great indicator, if  I don’t have a song title in mind I have a tendency to waffle (what do you mean I always do……how very dare you) I had a weeks holiday away with the wife and we simply chilled, and the weather was fab! we did visit a few places of historical interest, but by and large we were away for 3 of the 7 days off and we had what I would consider a good holiday, yes I was still awake at silly o clock every morning, but I didn’t seem to mind because I was on holiday, I started a book (reading not writing) I didn’t finish it, but I started one so that’s a good start.

I also when allowed to it would appear I tend to overthink everything, its better when my brain is blank, or more dangerous I’m not sure, I seem to be aware of my mortality more now I have turned the dreaded 60 (how the hell did that happen?) I have realised that I have very few answers to anything if my life, so I tend to bimble from one disaster to another, if I’m honest I don’t care about it either! obviously I would like to have some good luck enter our orbit at some time, but as long as I wake up I ( I would love it to be a little later if possible) happy, I’m quite happy to bimble, as I get older it would appear that my ambition to lead from the front shrinks, if only my belly would!

I have enjoyed copious amounts of music (as always) but it would appear that I have taken to watching (very old) films (the older the better), films from a bygone era, I have always liked older films but I’m more inclined to watch the TV than I have ever done in my 60 years, I blame the wife I feel that she is a bad influence, I can blame her she forces me to watch rubbish as well, thankfully its tasteful rubbish none of this celebrity driven drivel, but cop shows and the such like, I still prefer documentaries more than anything else, I like factual things I do like to learn, but I want to learn the easy way, simply because my head is battered because of all the legal reading I do for my job (my latest reread is all about confined spaces…….oh the thrill of it all) work is still up in the air with everything that has been going on, we find out all that’s going to happen next Monday, I’m passed sweating it, what happens, happens I’m not in charge I can simply follow the instructions given! Well sometimes I do, honest I do try and follow instructions, just don’t ask the wife!

How has the blog been doing? well if you consider it against when I was writing consistently last year, its doing badly, but its still ok by me and the numbers are starting to lift once more in the right direction (maybe not after this one) and I still get the odd query trickling through, I think I can live with that, I do really have any option it is what it is, but its ok, maybe it might reach the heady heights of the previous years but I am simply going to go with the flow and not worry about it!

I think I will have to get my finger out and do a historical blog, I have a couple of irons in the fire, but I’m not sure which one to pull from the brazier’s heat to mould into something readable, watch this space and see what happens, life in the real world appears to be increasingly shite, and as I get older I wish to engage with less every day, at least I’m honest about it, I have to admit the last few weeks have been “Bob” free so that’s a good thing, I’m not stupid I know that lurks just outside of the sight line, but it’s a small victory that I will take, todays a good day so I shall take it!

 I think I will stop while I’m ahead it means that I can  polish this piece until it is a slightly shiny turd, I know I’m damaged, I have accepted as long as I have my looks and my hair……......hang on a minute! Enjoy the day enjoy your life, try and enjoy the blog you get one life and you don’t get out of it alive, so stay safe stay alive, I’m told by the wife there is the potential for life out in the big bad world at some point in the immediate future, who knows we might friends and it might just spark a blog or two! So, until then…………………. Toodles!

And remember we are all fools …... The Mob Rules!

A Road to the Isles.

As always it starts with a cunning plan, yes, another one, it never ends well, so this is a musical one pull up a chair and crack open a beer, this one might be a little long(hopefully).

So Covid hit and the world went to hell in a basket, people got quirks, some worse than others, some people weren’t affected, I suppose it was the luck of the draw!, I’m a fan of Fish the big Scotsman, yes he used to sing for a band, I’ll be honest I always preferred the solo stuff, until I met the wife I went to every gig I possibly could, the wife didn’t stop me, I began behaving responsibly ( I know me with my reputation) I still went if he came to the north east, and we both actually went to two conventions and met some lovely people (fans) and some lovely band members, that’s for another time and another blog, I’m not looking to do war and peace here, I was talking about a cunning plan, now where was I?

So, I kind of knew that the intention from the big man was one last album and one final tour, with the intention to play multiple dates in cities near and far, we had discussed our cunning plan lets try and do as many dates as possible, but then Covid hit and the world stopped. Slowly the world started to pick up speed, the final album was released, but no dates it was still too dangerous and financially complicated, then Russia got all bolshy and the world tilted again, touring became more expensive, as did a lot of other things!

Finally the grand tour was announced and we decided to scale back the plans, actually I wasn’t feeling it, the intention to do a couple of European dates then as much of the UK tour as possible, but the world had indeed moved on the wife had been battered by the world and its movements, work got in the way and solicitors simply took the piss (again another blog for another bile free day)I was concerned for the wife and I know I was trying prise the wife to go outdoors, that was difficult enough, I wasn’t going to jeopardise her mental health so we decided (actually I made the choice) to just do the our home gig, a blip in the road  was when he then announced a couple of extra dates in Haddington and an extra “final” date, I was tempted to try my hand, but again I wasn’t feeling it, I stuck to my guns lets just do our hometown show, mind made up we bought tickets and then got on with life!

Then life kicked us over and over again, I was proud of the wife as she could have spiralled but it was one thing after another, then I took a couple of hits and throw in the addition of potential redundancy yet again (second time in 4 years) could anything else go wrong, I’m not pushing my luck so don’t push your luck on that! The weeks in the run up was a flurry activity on Farcebook with pictures and setlists, I wasn’t feeling it, song wise I didn’t have an issue, I just thought a little more variety, hey what do I know you have to pace yourself, but it didn’t inspire me. This week the days were a blur of activity regarding work, a very busy week and a training day (that means me on my feet for the whole day) on the day of the gig. I didn’t plan that well, did I? I arrived home in bits, lots of steps and then a long wait for a bus, walking I can do, standing destroys my knees, was this going to be the state of the night.

Finally a bus arrived and took me home and I kind of zonked out, I took some painkillers and got ready, one good thing was someone asking me if I needed any merch as it was selling fast, a friend from a Haddington convention, we only bump into each other at gigs but it was nice to know that there are good people out in the world, I didn’t need any merch as I bankrupted myself on its release, bought straight away just in case, thankfully the wife lets me, I was hoping I could bump into him in the venue, we had to get going, allegedly it was a near sell out, the last time I had seen the big man in this particular venue was back in 1989, it was going to be good to see him on a big stage!

Traffic was light, and we chatted on the way down, I could tell that the wife was getting nervous, not for the gig just the fact of mixing in a big group of people, we got to the venue just as the doors where opening and it was a big crowd not a huge crowd and we navigated the pavements of the big city into the venue, now at this point the one person I didn’t want to see was my ex wife as she would be there with her partner  one of the big man’s friends, I hobbled upstairs to the seat with the wife making sure I didn’t fall over (ha me with my reputation) it was at this point that I realised that 50% of the audience were auditioning for the remake of Deliverance, ye gods there was some ugly people and fat   they made me look anorexic, oh yes and they were annoying, by this time I was concerned that the wife’s calming ring was going to activate the fire alarm, the wife was not in a good space thankfully I had spotted and friendly face and she went to say hello, at this point there was no way I could walk another step as my knees had finally told me to Foxtrot Oscar!

Hello’s said she went off in search of more people and when she came back, she was in a calmer frame of mind, not perfect but it helped, what was annoying was the amount of people who had ants in their pants bouncing about like someone had poured petrol down their slacks! Thankfully the lights went out and the Thieving magpie intro tape kicked in and then there he was for the his final gig on English soil, I wont go into the full track listing its out here on the web, the opening salvo was classic and rolled over everybody like a well fitting suit then came Long Cold Day a great song but not one that was expected, after that slap in the face we got Shadowplay again another unexpected shot of fiddly prog, the set list was what I was expecting and it didn’t fill my heart with joy when announced, but I really did enjoy the set list, yes I would have liked to have a couple of tracks from some neglected albums, but I wont complain too much, the band was great, the big mans voice was the best I had heard in years for the full concert and the City Hall I would say was around 95% full, Fish had hinted he was going to do a Lindisfarne track in Newcastle, that didn’t materialise, of the set list what would I say was the highlight, to be honest there wasn’t a low point nearly two hours forty minutes of well placed bloody great music easily a 9/10 gig the point lost was the nuggets who kept bouncing around, hey we all like a drink but did you come for the gig or did you really need to go to the loo every six minutes, and the seats had us both crippled, we disappeared just as The Company came to an end as I needed to get down the stairs before I got trampled as I’m pretty crap going downstairs, a slow drive home thinking about the gig and an artist who I have followed for more than forty years, I wish him good luck to his wish for a new life after the end of the tour, do I regret not doing more shows, no that was the old me, this is the new me, the one that is falling to bits, we have to accept that we can no longer do what we used to, my only complaint was that I wasn’t able to have a quick look around the venue and find friends to say hello to!

So there you go a blog with a bit more of meat on the bones (or a large carrot if you are a vegetarian) the world moves on and I shall retreat to the multitude of Fish albums and live albums/DVDs and videos, that should keep me going for a while yet, but as Fish sang last night the world is totally ….. FUGAZI!

Question.

Hello, it’s been a while I know, but I had so many cunning plans then life stepped in front of me and slapped me right in the face, I had to have a rethink, it has taken a while, but at least I’m still here and here is the cunning plan for today!

So, I had a blog written called “Fresh Horses” detailing my intention for the coming weeks of blogging, then I ran into technical difficulties in the computer world and then as I said life slapped the bitch right out of me. My get up and go simply got up and ran, that way, I still haven’t caught up to it, God help us all when I do as I shall be writing up a storm! So many plans and not enough spirit to deal with it.

I had a slight medical emergency, in so much that the Dr I was asking for advice actually did something about it and sent me straight to the hospital, a couple of hours talking to various medical people it was decided it was potentially an issue with my heart ( I do have one) it was finally decided that I should have a stress test, however because of my knees they were going to have to medically induce it (OOOOPS!).

Christmas came and went and although it was a pleasant affair it was a little subdued, the wife was still having issues, and I was mired in my own little world of…… well, to be honest I was feeling sorry for myself, the new year arrived the same as the old one (decidedly shite) but we tried our best, back to work to find out that potentially over 200 of us were/are facing redundancy, just another to add to the list of shite, legal issues were still dragging on, and I finally went for the dreaded “Stress test” it was a weird sensation as they ramped up my heart to 136 beats per minute (it’s been a while) and keeping like that for what felt like the longest time (probably no longer than 5 minutes) and then home to mope around the house it seems I can be quite good about that!

I was still attempting to be a rock for the wife, I wasn’t doing too bad, but I think the attempt can be filed under “can do better” all the while I was missing writing/blogging, but I simply didn’t have the urge, I was still making notes and was tempted to simply post the aforementioned blog (Fresh Horses) but something made me hang back, I was still trying to get the wife out of the house, I might just have to use dynamite, we shall see. I have kept my head down and simply played a lot of music read a few books and watched a lot of classic movies, so life hasn’t been all that bad, again the hunger was there to write but I still didn’t do any, I got my initial results back from the hospital that discounted a number of things, but not angina, here we are heading into March, 6 weeks after the test still with the issue, probably with the condition a little worse but no definitive answer, you cant ring them as there is no number to the person I need to speak to, I have a week’s leave coming up let’s see what I can do then if I haven’t heard (pfft as if).

And that really is that I have had a couple of people asking me if everything was ok (no I died…..only kidding)which was nice, it did help, a little bit, so today I’m working from home, I’ve had a little light lunch and decided I had to have a go at this, my intention is to keep my powder dry blog wise as I truly don’t know what my intention towards the blog is, if we had a social life that might help and then I could go back to writing in code about the exploits of friends and I wish the Tee Hee Club (that would be so good) could ride again.

Considering I haven’t posted since the end of November the blog seems to be doing ok as there has been nearly 1000 hits, I know I will have to start and rebuild the readership, who knows if I get made redundant I might just finally write the great novel( erm no) things are decidedly pap at the moment but we will not be beaten, this will be a better year than last year, it simply has to be! Will I post Fresh Horses? I might revamp it and I could still yet do the holiday one as I still have all of my notes, so until next time (and it will be a damn site quicker than this one has been) stay safe stay alive and I will be back soon……………………. Toodles!

And yes the name game is in play!

Four on the Floor – Queen, Cats in Space, Beth Hart, Amanda Marshall.

Queen – One.     9/10.

Why review an album that’s 50 years old, well simply as it has been picked apart and lovingly restored, the instruments are so subtly different the tones on the drums, guitars, vocals, just about everything is so improved, it’s part of a vast box set, and yes its expensive, in the old days I would have panicked as to how I was going to pay for it, now I have Apple music, I simply click the button and I have it.

So why not a perfect score simply as they have restored a track that was supposed to be on the album “Mad the Swine” it was released at the time of Innuendo as a b side and that’s what it feels like I’m afraid a little too similar to other songs on the album, is it any good, I like it but it does pop up unexpectedly in the running order. So, what do you get in this box set well its quite comprehensive.

Disc 1 – The album and extra track, its like a warm hug, I can’t wait until they do the second album, you can hear every little thing that was recorded.

Disc 2 - The De Lane Lea demo’s, the originals I’ve heard them before just not in this depth of clarity (dodgy tapes back in the day).

Disc 3 – Trident Backing tracks 13 tracks in various stages of construction and banter, if you are a fan, you will love this.

Disc 4 - Various backing tracks and instrumental versions, my least favourite disc, but still good from a historical point of view.

Disc 5 – Live at the BBC – this I have had for a number of years, as it was released in 1989 (I think) this has 11 tracks as opposed to the original 8.

Disc 6 – this where I thought there might be some rare stuff, sadly not, its mainly taken from live at the Rainbow video but the last 4 tracks haven’t been released before including Hangman one of the oldest Queen songs which I had on a few bootlegs usually of crap quality, it was nice to finally hear a good quality version of it, although its safe to see why it was never recorded for an album, then a couple of tracks from their first gig at Imperial College London.

Is it worth it, most definitely and if I had the disposable cash to hand, I would buy it in a heartbeat however because of the quality it is very expensive (but worth it).

Cats in Space – Time Machine.     7/10

This is a great album , to be honest I haven’t had it as long as the others and it’s a slightly complicated piece of work, its like City Boy (The Band)  mixed with Styx, it’s all  a bit too clever and sometimes it comes across as musical theatre, that’s not a bad thing its just hard to put your finger on it, the writing, singing and playing is all superb ( I would like to hear the guitars being a bit louder in the mix) the more I play it the more I like it, I have had it since since Monday (the 28^th) and I have played it 6 times, every time it’s played something else jumps out in the mix, they have played close to us twice recently, unfortunately life gets in the way, but they are top of the list to go and see, if you like classic well written well played and ultimately well sang songs this is the band for you, maybe start with a couple of the earlier albums that aren’t as dense (musically speaking) one of the best British bands out there at the moment.

Beth Hart – You still got me.     7/10.

This lady never does a bad album , however the first two tracks are the weakest of this bunch, both with special guests (Slash & Eric Gale) they both add nothing to the tracks in my humble opinion, its when she’s let off the leash by herself and her band that’s when it gets slinky, lots of different styles and just damn good music, I know her singing in vibrato puts some people off, but she uses her voice to devasting effect on this album, I avoided her last album as it was a tribute to Led Zeppelin, I’m simply not a fan of the band, I might go back and try it, is this her best album no, but its not a bad album, start with her “War in my Mind” album and work all the way through her back catalogue you won’t be disappointed.

Amanda Marshall – Heavy Lifting.     7/10.

Again a lady who should have been massive but a shit manager and record label and the lady wanting to do things her own way, well its taken a while for her to come back, 22 years after her last album she is finally back, I discovered this quite by accident and I was over the moon to discover it, the one issue I have with it is its obviously a break up album as the songs clearly indicate that, that doesn’t make it a bad album (because its not) it does come across as slightly bitter, I suppose she’s entitled to, it’s a great starting point and its closer to her debut album style wise (which is totally awesome) not her more polished “modern” albums, if you find them they are all worth it, and again the more I play this the more I get into the groove, and it is a great groove album, I would love to see her live one more time as a headline act not as a support.

So, that’s the albums on rotation this week, not a bad album among them, just maybe as good as some of their previous albums its all good, play and kick back and watch the world keep spinning, until the next time…………………………. Toodles!

600.

Well, we got here, blog number 600, how did that happen? I know before anybody is a smart arse, its because I’m boring and I need to get a life, so here it comes when life was peachy and I had no worries or debts etc, it’s all about the music, see if I care, I do but don’t tell anybody else that, they might find out I actually had a life!

Newcastle city hall is without a doubt my favourite music venue, and I have been in a few, there’s just something about it I have been there with family and friends, I have been there by myself, it is my favourite since day one, I have seen bands I love, I like and bands I have hated but I still love the venue.

There’s too many too name especially in a small blog like this, I haven’t been there that much over the last 5 years, a few times but life keeps getting in the way (damn it) Covid didn’t help but my knees are the biggest issue, I can’t stand for long periods as I have no cartilage (see previous blogs) in my knees so if I can grab a seat I will.

I have seen bands abroad and by and large most venues fall into the same category, PAP! There is one or two in the states I like, both relatively small the House of Blues in Disney Springs Florida (Downtown Disney back in the day) but my Favourite was/is Vamped in Las Vegas, were we given a fantastic booth and the vibe was fantastic, it didn’t hurt we were on the guestlist that night, but it is a great venue.

In Europe I went to the North Sea Jazz Festival a couple of times and although most of the gigs were in arenas (with a few small club gigs) these were all pretty slick operations with a good vibe, I never got a bad vibe which occasionally mars gigs in England, usually because people get hammered and then behave despicably, it spoils the gigs, I haven’t got an issue mixing it with arseholes, but I’m a lot older and as I’ve said my knees aren’t what they used to be!

Theres a few good venues in the UK (Nottingham Rock City, the Marquee before it was demolished in London, and I quite like the Underworld in Camden, but its usually the venue that sets the vibe for the band and if the band are happy its usually a pretty good gig. I wont name and shame the venues I don’t like as there are quite a few, but by and large I’m not a huge fan of gigs in Glasgow or Manchester, it might be the city’s and not the venues, but there are always tons of crap at those locations. As for London there’s some good ones and great ones but there are bad ones as well, I’m not a huge fan of the Royal Albert hall and for the life of me I do not have a clue why, it just has a weird vibe, mind you I have been there when the Proms have been on and had a great time, its probably just me, again the Hammersmith Odeon, some good gigs (Stevie Wonder) some poor (way too many to mention), and I will put my hand on my heart and say I have never enjoyed a metal act there!

Seeing artists in small clubs before they were big is a good laugh, or even artists on the way down after being a headliner in  arenas and are now playing “clubs” can be just funny, I mean I nearly saw Bruce Springsteen on The River  in the City Hall but I dint know who he was LOL, I never thought I would get to see the likes of seeing Kiss in the City Hall and they played it like is was a massive arena, I saw Diamond Head at the city hall on the Borrowed Time tour then jump 20+ years and seeing them in Trillian’s just across the road from the city hall, both gigs great and the band were excellent before, during and after the gig Fish at the Riverside (both old and new) and various Haddington conventions, the venue helps but it’s the audience enjoying themselves that matters the most, god I sound like a bloody hippy.

I probably don’t have many gigs left in me unless I get my knees sorted (doubtful) at the moment I am on 4997, 3 more to hit the magic 5000, I used to write them down (yes I have always been sad) and give them a 5 star rating, list the support acts the same mini reviews write the set lists down, those books went the way of mystery over thirty years ago, I mean in 1984 I attended 310 gigs, no wonder my brain is fried, I could never remember them all, never mind the support acts, I might try before the brain revolts! I always get asked who was the best the gig and to be honest it changes depending on the day and the mood, one of the worst gigs I ever attended (for free) was Soft Cell (there was free drink) who were simply horrendous and very drunk at least they admitted it on stage bless them (remember that for the moment because I do circle back to them) the worst gigs I have attended from headlining superstars were……….Roger Taylor at Newcastle Riverside, he really didn’t want to be there and boy was he bitter I left after 4 songs, and Queensryche on the Empire tour, I left after 5 songs.

Theres been more good ones than bad ones but the best support act I saw (apart from FM with Gary Moore) was Marc Almond supporting Cher at the Newcastle arena, (there’s a bootleg from the show where you can actually here me say “oh for fucks sake”) but he was great, I didn’t know most of the songs but he was sober in tune and funny between the songs, I tip my hat to him as it was indeed a bloody good gig. The only artist I never got to see was Steve Walsh who sang solo and with Kansas (either would have done) I mean come on Arthur Askey was my first ever gig with Lulu supporting what a fab first gig the rest have all had to match them, lol I kid you not!

So, there you have it, will I do another 600 blogs? I would love to but I think it’s unlikely, I could pump them out daily but I prefer quality to quantity (god help when I retire and I have but time on my hands) so thank you for sticking around for the ride here’s to the however many more I have left in me, keep spreading the word stay safe and stay alive, until the next time…..Toodles!

And yes i do still miss the Newcastle Mayfair!

Man Down

It should really have been called whack a mole, because I took some time for myself and well to be honest, I haven’t had a great deal of luck with that, however I’m not down, I am surprisingly “up” for some reason, not all of the time but I reckon about 90% so that’s good for me!

Actually, splat the rat would have been a good title as well, we occasionally get vermin in our loft I have checked the whole place (me in my condition, a 9-month pregnant woman could do a better check simply for mobility reasons) I do put poison out and to date I have been doing well and sometimes we can go months without any furry trespassers, but its been annoying of late and to top it all off we think something has chewed through a cable as we had no lights for a week, we are back in the land of the 21^st century but the bedrooms have to be lit by bedside lamps! I had had enough and bought a trap, bang got the little blighter first time, now we just have to work out what to do about the lights?

Health wise it appears that I’m probably as good as I’m going to get, I  have a number of issues and by and large I get on with it, I have a flesh eating disease that rears its head when I’m run down, I know how to deal with its part of the curse of my diabetes I have it under control, the flesh eating disease not the diabetes, I’m a grown up and the NHS is not the place it was, not the staff but I don’t think any government has funded it correctly in the last 40 years, that and the whole sale stealing by contractors and “specialists” not NHS staff, well apart from the managers who get paid a fortune but simply sit at a desk, but I digress, I’m a man of a certain age and I’m well aware that my issue will get the bare minimum treatment, it took 8 years to diagnose my diabetes, a nurse simply looking at my bloods was able to guess what the problem was by then its too late to actually do anything about it, the main issue is they keep trying to patch a leaky boat (that would be me the actual leaky boat) its not worth while trying to fix a fat crippled nearly 60 year old, you might think I’m being cynical, well I’m not I can see the professional staff trying to help me but their hands are tied, it sums it up when I’m told “well at least you know what your cause of death will be” thanks for that that really makes me happy!

Its all the little things that add up, and well keep kicking me in the old bollocks! The flesh eating one being the first thing, my knees, I have been told I need two new ones, am I any further forward, hell no, just more obstacles thrown in my way, my BMI is too high you can see that I am indeed losing weight, but nope it has to be lower, I don’t think I made any friends when I enquired “where does it state this”? erm yeah no answer came the loud reply. They are making it up as they go along, watch this space for the further adventures of trying to get a knee replacement!

Consequently because of the pain and suffering I am trying really hard not to hide in food, my biggest issue, but I am doing way better than  I thought, but how long is that particular piece of string, and if Bob comes charging in I’m fucked, as I said at the beginning I’m not too bad but its starting to build and I don’t want to be the old man in a strait jacket when I finally pop, I have a lot of friends who work in the NHS, they do a brilliant job under extraordinary circumstances, but they have there hands tied doing paperwork rather than nursing, Drs seem to do more privately paid work than NHS stuff, I know one way to bring it down don’t let them do private work for the first 5 years that they work in the NHS, employ more nurses rather than doing bank work I know a person who paid off a substantial mortgage simply because they pay more doing bank work, I’m not knocking it we would all do it if we could, but the practices put into help the industry (because that’s what it is) is killing it, I predict there will not be an NHS in ten years all of the political parties are guilty of its murder!

There are a few other things but you expect it when you get to my age but I’m not being helped, “help yourself” they say guess what I have been doing that for nearly twenty years now I need some actual help, I have actually started to take painkillers  at the end of the day simply because ……..I’m soft, actually because my pyshio has told me to, My mental health is actually better than expected, but this is a very leaky boat, if I don’t get a pump to clear the bilges well lets see shall we, my chest has a slight pulse after any exertion, yes I still try to be a helpful member of society, but I am slowing down and I can’t figure out why, I’m breathless quickly, another reason why I can’t exercise like I want too, I know I’m going to get some stick for this blog I’m not whining, simply stating facts, my wife was a nurse who was injured on the job, thrown on the scrap heap and just left in the dust, she suffers in silence, with a lot worse than me.

I can fall asleep at the drop of a hat, I recently took an NHS questionnaire it said I have the heart of a 90 year old, hells bells I have I have[CI1]  never smoked, rarely drink and I have being trying to get to grips  with my weight on and off for the last 20 years, basically my health is a shit show, but as the songs “always look on the bright side of life” trust me you should listen to me when I don’t LOL!

As for the rest of things it is what it is life isn’t a bowl of cherries but you do have to get on, it would appear that I went off on a rant that’s not what I wanted but after running silent for six weeks I need to vent the bile as the next blog is number 600 so we need sweetness and lollipops for that one (something musical me thinks) I want to thank all the nice people who reached out, but I’m fine, well as good as I can be considering I’m a leaky boat! Things will get better I have to think that, if I don’t well let’s not go there, so spread the word like, whatever you do this is a new phase and I promise to keep the bile to a minimum, stay safe, stay alive, and I will be back again really soon! So, until then it’s simply………...TOODLES!

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 [CI1]

Dum, Spiro, Spero!

 

I may have mentioned I am not in the best of health; well, the title of the blog is Latin for “while I breathe, I live” well it would appear that at the moment I am struggling to do both things!

This is not a woah is me blog, this is a wake-up dumb ass and give your head a shake, I realise that I am burning the candle (life wise) at both ends, I am also taking a flamethrower to the middle bit, let me explain, I have been carrying a couple of injuries for more than the last 20 years, knocks here and there, but by and large just little niggles,

A torn rotator cuff and yes I did go and see about it however back in the day the recovery time was over four months , at the time I couldn’t afford the time off (this was pre Management role) so I did the pyshio and then soldiered on, and to be truthful  there is probably way too much scar tissue to resolve the issue now, I still do the exercises the DR prescribed for me and simply get on with it., although as I now carry a pack that at its heaviest is 24 KG’s at it’s lightest its around 15KG’s, I have to carry it with me everywhere, I don’t drive so can’t just dump it in a car, I could leave it on the bus, but in this day and age it might simply be blown up as a suspect device!

I have had a number of broken bones and so consequently they hurt when they feel the need to, I have a fractured bone in my hand from when I was 15, didn’t hurt then, I wore a cast, now I can barely hold anything in it, copious amounts of painkillers when it decides to kick in, a fractured skull, eye socket, the list goes on nothing major and all healed (trust me the list is longer) but every now and then they flare up,  my knees are well documented and its beginning to wear me down.

The one that’s bugging me more than anything is the thick coating of phlegm that I try to expel from my throat and chest every morning isn’t helping, with a slight niggle in the top left side of my chest all at the same time! What’s that Blue Oyster Cult song again?  I’m not going to go near a quack (not that I can get an appointment) as my holiday is in 10 week’s time and I need some RNR, the old irritable me is returning to the surface, generally because of my health, I sleep when I shouldn’t, and then sleep for around about 4 to 5 hours a night, I learnt in the army to eat while I can and sleep while I can, I have a normal size meal then I’m out like a light, not good.

I have been the wife’s crutch during the time after the Krakens death and I knew this would be hard and long I simply didn’t understand how long and how hard, and I’m there for her every step of the way, but I am getting slower and slower, soon I might not be of any use to her, and that’s not what I want, I have realised (better late than never) that I need some me time, I need to chill and relax and recharge my batteries, I mean god help me if I had any form of social life at all as well, we are fine on that front!

So I am not stopping this is not a goodbye this is me simply saying I need sometime for me and the wife, nothing else, nothing more, I need to take stock and get some answers from a DR for a change, so I may be missing in action for a couple of weeks (fingers crossed) we are too close to number 600 to stop now, I’m 60 this year and I really do want to reach 61, I only have three things on a bucket list , make the wife better, get myself better and finally reclaim my social life, so don’t panic, the earliest you might see me is the 1^st of October, either way I will keep everybody in the loop, don’t panic I’m not about to shuffle from this mortal coil just yet, however the engine could seize on me if I don’t do something about it soon, I would hate to my timing belt go twang at a most inopportune time, so until the next time, stay safe, stay alive and for now its………….. Toodles!