Sunday, 19 July 2015

Sensitive to light


Work, work, work, work, work, work, stay in the house, work, work, work, work, work, stare at blank walls, work ,work, work, work, work, feelings of alienation, work, work, work, work, eat obsessively, work, work, work, work, work, do nothing at all just stare at bank account, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, worry about the family, work, work, work, work, work, work, something bad goes wrong, work, work, work, work, work, work, worry about my health, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work.

I don’t always have black thoughts but when I do there is little I can do to control them, as I always say if I can wake up happy I can take anything that life throws at me!

Work, work, work, work, work, work, work, staying the house, work, work, work, work, dark thoughts, work, work, work, something crap happens, work, work, work, play some music, work, work, work, work, work, sleep, work, work, work, work, work, sit and stare at the darkness, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, laugh at my bank account or lack of it, work, work, work, work, work, try and drag myself back to the light, work, work, work, work, work, feelings of hatred, work, work, work, work, work, grit and determination.
I don't always have black thoughts and I do fight them every day, I know there are people out there in a far worse predicament than me, I just have to shake my head and remind myself! 
Work, work, work, work, work, isolation, work, work, work, work, work, music makes the day better, work, work, work, work, work, resentment, work, work, work, work, work, stay in the house, work, work, work, work, work, work, worry about my family, work, work, work, work, work pain and heartache, work, work, work, work, work, work, more shit happens, work, work, work, work, sleep deprivation, work, work, work, work, work, work, grinding halt.
I don't always have black thoughts but when I do I struggle to motivate myself I don't feel sorry for myself I just don't like the person I have become, I have to strive to be the person I was, I haven't always been like this!
Work, work, work, work, work, work, miss my friends, work, work, work, work, work, sadness, work, work, work, work, work, work, feelings of jealousy then shame, work, work, work, work, work, anger, work, work, work, work, work, work, despair, work, work, work, work, work, work, helpless, work, work, work,
I see the pattern developing all work makes me a very unhappy person, although it seems that all I can do is bury myself is in work, I don't have black thoughts for my family or friends, I will always be there for them, it's me I have lost sight of, I feel that the devil is me, darkness is not friend I need the light I need to burn as bright as I have before.
I know I'm not in a great place but please believe me I am doing everything that I can do so until the next (happier) times.....................Toodles!

Sunday, 5 July 2015

Reward

Some of you who have been following me will be aware that I have been trying to resolve my health issues for quite a while now, just over a year ago I was diagnosed as being a sufferer of Type 2 Diabetes, a clear vision was now forming, I needed to know what I could do about it, there was no hurry or so it would appear by the professionals treating me, so for once rather than getting my knickers in a twist I went with the flow, I didn't rock the boat just went with it, I had my feet checked my eyes photographed and was checked for a fatty liver (yes I had one fatter than me!)the one thing I wanted to sort out though, was I wanted to see an actual dietician, I know I wasn't perfect but I wasn't a devil in disguise either.

I had been diagnosed purely by chance and I'm not going to bore you with the previous 10 years attempts of trying to get to the bottom of things primarily weight gain for no obvious reason, I did what I was asked and lo and behold I lost the weight, I then moved back to Gimpsville to be told that "we don't do that treatment here" and then that was the cue for me to be the stubborn wooden head that I can be, I was finally ambushed by a Dr who knew that I needed to checked over. More checks more tests a different diagnosis, different treatments, I then broached the magic age, I then had to go to the Wellmans clinics once a year, hey ho no problem, early last year I was asked to go for a blood test, which came back as abnormal, I was requested to do another, no problem. another blood test, same result abnormal, this wasn't funny anymore, I attended the clinic and did all the usual things did the usual tests, broke another set of scales, we were just about done when I thought I would ask about the blood tests as I had been requested to do a third, I wasn't happy and I was getting just a bit paranoid, thankfully the nurse was brilliant looked at all of my results and came to the conclusion that I was a diabetic (no need for another test) she went and brought a Dr in to confirm the results then they both conferred while I was there and the nurse enquired that with all the blood tests why had nobody twigged to the obvious conclusion, silence .....................alright then lets just get on and deal with it.

As I have already stated the year has passed by quite quickly and although I have done everything requested of me I have been suffering of late and I wanted to get to the bottom the malaise surrounding me. Finally I got an appointment to attend a Desmond clinic were I was told diet would be discussed, we had a small road trip to find it the week before as it was off the beaten track, I was happy as it was next to some windmills (which I appear to have become addicted to) and a duck pond (woo hoo) and so on the appointed day I turned up hot to trot and bright as a button..........that didn't last long. I was by far the youngest and I was the only single person there (the wife was baby sitting) I tried my best to interact, I had that sinking feeling I wasn't happy and all of a sudden I felt that I was being backed into a corner. Now before I go any further can I just say that the staff were bloody fantastic, well they were when they finally got to grips with this nugget!

The course was decidedly new age type of affair, all touchy feely everybody join in type of affair, against all odds I did, they could see I was on the defensive, and they had no idea why, hell neither did I! we did the introductions and I had been diagnosed for more than a year, they had all been diagnosed within the last fortnight, why had I taken so long to do the course? well work, oh I'm sorry you guys are galls are all retired this is a day out for you, deep breathing exercises and some talking through gritted teeth, we moved on we were all given our last results, it was at this point I got scared my results were way off the charts not by a few points but by thirty to forty, they then started to ask if any of us had these symptoms, I had six of the seven and now I didn't want to talk about it, they still hadn't realised that they had a fucking Grizzly bear in the room, they were still talking in that mildly condescending way that seems to be the new way of teaching, me I wanted to be a rebel and I kept fantasising about turning the table over just to see the look on their faces, I was however brought back to reality with a bump a very big bump!

They didn't mention me by name, but we all could do the math, the consequences were bleak the moral of the tale  is potentially I may have passed the point of no return, the organs that have been working flat out to keep this hulk a float could be about to peg out on me......WTF! worse case scenario if I didn't (although it wasn't personnel it sure as hell felt it)sort my wicked ways I could be dead within five years! and on that note lets break for lunch, now it was going to spin out, I was dropped off by the wife the letter said lunch (in whatever form it was going to be) would be provided, that to me implies a free lunch ..............you guessed already, nope you had to pay for it so I sat and fumed not wishing to cause any more problems, although the undercurrent was detected, when everybody shuffled (they really did shuffle) off to the restaurant, I just sat and glowered out the window, when they realised I wasn't going any where they asked if there was a problem, the look of incredibility on their faces when I said I had no money with me ( boy was I pissed off now) I felt like the poor boy at school all over again, I quickly changed the subject and they literally ran away.

Lunch over we got back to the task in hand, I was still brooding and I think it was starting to show itself in the room, thankfully we were getting cut from the herd to do individual interviews, Thankfully when it came to being my turn the full charm offensive was being used, they asked me to do a depression form, I refused, why? because I'm bloody depressed about my weight and now I'm super depressed because of all the information that you have given, the only five years to live bit has me over the fucking moon (excuse my French) they tried to sell CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) to me, love it however I have just had a course and I know unless I intend to harm myself or the moon it's not going to happen, at this point sunlight flooded through the defences as they realised that we were both on the same page and they knew that I had some sand bags to at least mount some form of defence, we continued with team activities (deep joy) but I was being swamped by dark thoughts, I was generally just so unhappy about life the universe and my lot within that structure, finally the other people had realised that I wasn't in the best frame of mind although I was trying my best to be part of the activities.

We did the final bits and pieces and then we were free to go not before not one but two members of staff tried to get me to complete the depression chart, I declined as politely as I could, I did say that I would complete it at home with my wife, they looked dubious I also (lied)told them I would let them know if there were any issues and ................well you can guess the rest of the bullshit! the wife was on her way so I sat next to the duck pool and watched the windmills, normality was returning, well my kind of normality, the wife and grand kids turned up and it did bring some light into this black heart of mine, just don't tell them that! we chatted all the way home and they dropped me off I ran into our house as I was starving, but upon looking at something to eat I realised I really had lost my hunger, I had some massive decisions to make, many I already have made, but it was a sobering thought that if I don't get my finger out I might not be here in five years time!  

I completed the depression chart and no surprise it was off the fucking chart, I know I'm depressed, I also know I'm a thousand times better than I was this time last year, so give me some credit please, I need to take small steps with this, no big dramatic changes, I know I can do this, I just have to manage this sensibly, something I'm not always good at, I now know that a lot of my issues stem from my diabetes, it doesn't make me happy but at least I now have all the answers to my questions,I just need to get some solutions , CBT is something that I will have to try again, my last course of treatment did open lots of cans of worms, but I had been sent there for one thing, and time ran out I had to let some other poor soul be treated, how to grasp that particular nettle will have to treated delicately. I have many cunning plans and I will be keeping everyone up to date with my progress because the clamouring from you the readership has been to be honest quite touching, maybe I'm like one of the fungi I was told about, I do grow on some people.

Now all I can do as always is put my best foot forward, yes my condition is one of my own making, no excuses it's time to be a good boy and point this boat towards calmer waters, my reward for doing good is for me to be here longer than the five year diagnosis, I think I will give you (the reader) a rest as four blogs in such a short period of time can be draining although I wont be far, I will be keeping an eye on the numbers, so thanks for the kindness that has been expressed, keep watching the skies until the next time Toodles!

Saturday, 4 July 2015

Under the blade

I was introduced to the glory and majesty of Twisted F****** Sister not by a secret hand shake or even by Big G but by a girl ............I know I was shocked myself, I won't name her as she was a shy retiring type! I knew the name having read the Garry Bushell interview and I was aware that they were actually recording with the notorious Pete Way, I know this because it was all over Sounds and Kerrang my preferred music reading.

The girl in question claimed that she was into rock music but I believe she just liked the types that frequented those types of bands you know the types long hair bad boys..............damn I used to be one of those, mind you I'm not sure of the bad boy bit, more like damaged goods!

Anyway as always I tried to help out and do my bit to educate this young lady, she soon kept my Diamond Head "Borrowed Time" LP (oh those were the days walking around with JG Windows album bags trying to look mysterious) the relationship was always up in the air primarily because I was a dumb ass and usually pissed as a fart as I hadn't been long out of the army and my last instruction was to forget all about it, I wasn't very successful but I did try my very hardest, now what has this got to do with Twisted Sister, well a certain LP got damaged (GRRRR) and as an apology the Twisted Sister EP was the peace offering, and I have to admit to enjoying it!

Now me and my friends from Durham used to go to the recording of the Tube (a now defunct music programme) that was recorded live on a Friday night in Newcastle, we got in most times but on the night of the hard rock special not all of us did, it was a very distracted kind of day I got to the town early and I will be totally honest I was absolutely hammered at 11.00 in the morning, the days was going to be a long one we were going to try and see Twisted Sister but eventually most of my friends knew that I was in a bit of a state my girlfriend finished with me and got back on the bus because and I quote her directly "pig" that was the end of that well sort of, on and off she tried very unsuccessfully to make me incredibly jealous, it simply wasn't going to happen not when I so far into a bottle!

The day progressed badly, and it wasn't just me we all got hammered its just I was hammered early in the day, a couple of us made it into the studio but if I'm honest I have no recollection of the day other than saying to Lemmy "I'm glad you have a decent guitarist now" boy was I proven wrong on that one! anyway Twisted Sister were quite good, I have seen the footage many times but I have no recollection, I only remember the Lemmy story because so many people used to remind me about it ( I have all of your names and I know where you all live) so when tickets were announced for the Mayfair I was a good boy and stayed off the drink for a night and got one, dressed in my finest Ted Nugent T shirt (OK it was my brothers but I wont tell if you wont) and skin tight (yes I was really skinny at the time) red canvas pants, I still maintain I met my wife for the first time that night but the years and an alcohol impaired memory we both cannot confirm this!

A Lack lustre support band (Infidel if my memory serves me correctly) but the headline act were awesome I had seen the future and it was Rock and Roll! however I still hadn't managed to start earning money, I was working where ever I could and the usually pissing it into the wind, but by the time the Stay Hungry tour was announced I gladly bought a ticket for my hometown gig and blagged a ticket for the London show! a bus trip had been organised to leave from the Braes and I pulled into Gimpsville about three hours before we all had to meet up, what I should have done is stayed in Newcastle and got a hotel room, but no I was intending to see my beloved family, wrong I was back five minutes when I was dragged at gun point (OK it might have been a bottle of pernod) to the local park and then we end up at our pick up point several pints of Snake bite later and all kind of shenanigans were happening including me climbing into the ceiling of the pub as a dare and then getting stuck when the coach turned up!

The coach driver warned me as I got on about any funny business, "my dear sir I am in no way shape or form going to be able to do any funny business for at least an hour" he nearly threw me off there and then thankfully, Martin was able to talk him into letting me on and I soon fell asleep towards the rear of the vehicle I awoke as we pulled up to the traffic lights at Malbourgh Crescent bus station as a few people jumped off so they could for a few beers before the band started, I all of a sudden had an urge to go to the toilet so I opened the emergency door and hopped out as the bus pulled away, I waved at my friends as they watched in horror as I lurched down stairs (there was a set of old fashioned toilets there) I did my business and came up the opposite set of stairs and then my mind was blank, I was pissed in Newcastle and had no idea where the hell I was going, well I did but I couldn't remember how to get there, Thankfully two girls who actually knew me from previously mentioned girlfriend found me and escorted me to the venue, many months later when I was more sober they claimed that they had never seen anyone so drunk in their lives (hahahahaha they just didn't know the rest of my friends) I thought I was being an extremely courteous gentleman, it would appear I was being an extremely polite dick, ah well at least I was polite!

I arrived at the venue and then promptly fell down the stairs of the same bloody venue and if anybody was to know the venue trust me they were steep I landed at the feet of the feet of all my friends who were over the moon to see me, and then the night got serious, Lita Ford was the support act and I thought she was bloody great now at this point I stopped drinking as I wanted to see the bands I got a great vantage point up in the balcony and I was drinking water by the bucket full, the heat in the place was unbelievable and even then I knew that the place was way over crowded, again another astounding gig from the headliners, full of energy and still in my top ten of gigs, at the end we collected everybody and I was the responsible adult and helped everybody including a few waifs and strays, the bus driver eyed me suspiciously but like I said I was the responsible adult I even chatted with him up front and took the collection, a great night was had by all including me.

I awoke with the smell of a cooked breakfast and I devoured it, I had a quick bath thanked my mum and then headed back to the big smoke awaiting for Twisted Sister to hit the capitol, it was all arranged we were going to have a glorious day, we met up for breakfast and then headed to the pub the day then slide all out of control, I never did get to see the gig it would appear that at some point I took offence at something that was said in my direction and in a massive strop I fucked off, in my defence (or not as the case may be) I was totally off my face by two o'clock in the afternoon so no wonder I was stroppy, I have little recollection at all of the day, except I remember I awoke on a night bus travelling around London at some silly time in the morning going god knows where and that it cost me £15 to get back to Croydon in the early hours, and yes I had the biggest hangover of my life, when I crawled out of my pit I gave myself the biggest talking to that I could and although I didn't quite curtail my drinking (I had about another two years worth to go) I did limit myself to beer, nothing mixed and never more than six pints, and I got back into running and exercise (oh I remember those days) I never got to see Twisted ever again probably just as well it would just taint the memory of two perfect gigs damn it those were the days.

So there you go blog number three in six days and number four will be published tomorrow night, it might not be the frivolous type that I have done lately but I do intend it to be the last serious one for a while I intend the following ones to be typed in the style of early Van Halen.................party time oh yeah! so be careful what you wish for, and keep liking and sharing the disease must be further pollinated watch the skies until then.........................Toodles!

Thursday, 2 July 2015

An explosion of stars

No I couldn't believe it myself, a second blog so soon, I did promise and I like to thing that I'm a person who keeps his word, although this could soon spin off into the world of ramblings (like I normally do) as I haven't actually got anything written, I'm just heading off in a stream of consciousness (damn I spelt that right without the use of spell check). I'm going to give you a heads up of what's coming hopefully down the line........are we sitting comfortably, then lets begin!

I never know when or where a blog is going to erupt, that's why I usually have a little black book secreted about my body to write  down a random thought (as E knows to her cost) or to expand a riff that has been going on for a couple of days, now I have tons of these, some of them probably could get me committed in a non violent kind of way, some of them are deep dark thoughts that thankfully once spewed onto paper they get tossed in the bin and my mood lightens considerably, some of it is purely piffle I have a book full of titles that sometimes get me started (as this one has) I then mutate it into a song title (usually something that I'm playing at the time) to do the name game I'm not going to on this one so that the usual offenders don't have to Google obscure song titles.......tee hee!

The last blog is still doing well but numbers have started to dwindle and I have a couple already maturing just nicely, I didn't have a good day today (thankfully I'm in abetter frame of mind already so I will keep that for another day although I did sit all the way through taking notes) I came home and made tea for everybody and felt refreshed because of it, me and the wife did a couple of small chores, then I thought I would have a go at this.

My mind does go off like a firework sometimes, sometimes I have so many ideas I can't write quick enough, it used to be the same when I was writing songs, those days are few and far between nowadays, but I will admit I love to write, this is my hobby, I have decided, however not all of the writing gets published I have been working on the inner workings of my great novel for over twenty years now and basically I have a plot and a shit load of character back stories, damn I'm nearly as slow as Mr Martin the writer of a Game Of Thrones, but I haven't started on that tricky first chapter just yet, however I do intend to start by Christmas..............Allegedly!

I picked up a note book to take with me today and as it happens there was a number of life jackets inside, as I discovered a number of outlines for blogs (including this one). ideas that I wrote brief descriptions before they faded like snowflakes on a winters day, a snow flake probably lasts longer! flicking through the pages it brought a smile to my lips as I noticed a number of them with song titles already picked to go with them, some of them already published including The Dawn Patrol and Just For The Record that in note form bear no resemblance to the actual final drafts, this blog in itself is totally off the cuff not reworked and polished like the other ones (does it show) the others can be written and then rewritten up to six times with stuff added or even taken away, I will admit to being a control freak about the written word, I have already wiped large blogs from my notes and started afresh and on more than one occasion deleted blogs that were about to be published some of them in excess of 5000 words, those were the black days lets hope I have left those days way back in the dirt!

Some of the others are about Twisted Sister Gigs (oh dear) Identity Theft (something I was researching for an American newspaper before my redneck infestation of the previous site) Nights in the Mayfair (Newcastle's premier rock club hahahahaha well at least some people thought so) Old Friends (where they have faded off to, people who you think will be with you until your dying day) I have a fantastic one about sleep, I have about six pages of ideas (I don't even remember writing these notes, was I asleep at the time? lol) some other music related ideas mainly of a historical nature and as I typed that another one popped into my head (cue much scribbling)  so that should keep Mr Robinson happy (broadsword calling Danny boy broadsword calling Danny boy) now I would say that the bulk of these are humorous, happy and just a little mad, I suppose you deserve a few happy ones after all the shite I have written of late!

And that's this one done and dusted and I feel totally happy to let this one float on the river of life that we call the internet, I told you there would be a few short one coming your way and again as the numbers dwindle, I will endeavour to fill the void I always try to do one a week so that's 52 in the course of the year with only 16 so far this year its time to pick up the pace, so some of you may regret hat you wished for, some of you might actually enjoy them, keep spreading the word, click like, share whatever you have to do I am a media whore didn't you lot realise that, I'm sure you all did until the next time watch the skies ........................Toodles!

Sunday, 28 June 2015

Fragile

It would appear that I'm full of shit............no...........I meant cunning plans and although a fair few of you have been badgering me I have been distracted for the last weeks, don't worry nothing serious .......well actually it is but read on and let me tell what the crack is!

Not long after the last blog the tee hee club rose from the ashes of yesterday and we all met up for G's birthday and a fab night was had, not exactly the night that was planned as there was a lot of us G bitches there and there's only so much love that the welder can spread, lets just say it was a fab night and oh so good to see so many familiar faces, unfortunately we were on taxi duty for the youngest who just happened to be rehearsing for the Wizard of Oz in Mordor (Sunderland please do and at least try to keep up) so a hike and a late night conspiring with an early start as I was on the plague carrier (bus) to the asylum (work) meant I could just manipulate and go over what I had to write, however once I got to work I discovered that the world had moved on and I either jumped on board or got destroyed in its wake, yes you guessed it I jumped on board!

One of my boss's had been promoted (it gets complicated but yes I have a number of bosses in different locations stick with me and I will explain in my own demented way) had gone after a different position within the company and low and behold he got the job, which I have to admit I cursed him because as a boss he was Human, who just happened to be very very helpful, there's not many people like that, so although I was genuinely happy for him I wasn't for me because I could just see the work load spiralling out of control, who was I going to get now, then the world stopped rotating and I got all dizzy, what if I applied for his position? yeah, why not and then the world got back up to speed in double quick time!

So I did something that I hadn't done in over four years, I put my best foot forward and applied, then I had to get down to some serious revision, I'm getting old and I'm really good at doing the research, however I'm really crap at retaining said information, so for once rather than gliding I had to do some serious heavy lifting, so some serious discussions from the wife and then all the way to my Ops manager and other people in the higher echelons, all very favourable as opposed to bull shit so then I was stuck, I had raised my flag so I had to go for it!

A favourable reference from my general manager who is away on a secondment at the moment and a hearty push from his replacement was all that was required, a quick word with HR and the next thing I know is that my CV is in and I have an interview booked, bugger now my nose had to be right into the books and try and retain absolutely everything, cue panic and some serious talks with myself, this isn't just sticking my head above the parapet this is walking along the bloody thing at its highest point, with no safety net if I fail, I fall and that could be a pretty serious way to end things, do I think I can do the job? I do, if I get nurtured the way I was nurtured for this job, that might not happen the rest of the time has flown past in a blur right until I got confirmation what the actual time and format of the interview was going to be!

Then every slowed into slow motion and the nerves set in, I can certainly talk the talk but could I walk the walk, I did what I could and kept a very low profile , on the day of the interview I got a touch of the Delhi belly (hence the title fragile) but with no obvious reason for the urge that was surging through me, a quick side step to the little boys and a dose of Imodium and I was not so hot to trot if you get my drift then it was time, there was meant to be a presentation but that was cancelled (damn my best weapon in the art of Bullshit maybe they knew that) there were a number of questions to be answered and then an interview and I actually did ok, once I saw the questions I relaxed and as for the interview I have always felt comfortable in selling myself, even if I don't believe the hype myself. Interview complete I just had to get through the rest of the shift looking after the asylum and all its inmates.

Thankfully that went without a hitch now its just the long wait to see if I get through to the second interview, if I get it cool if I don't I won't loose any sleep over it, there is a candidate way better than me, however he's tad more introvert than me so therefore he may not be the person for the job, I actually think there are some much better people on site suitable for the post just by their nature , I'm afraid they don't have the experience, so we shall see what happens, I might be more gutted if I get the job, watch this space to see what happens, you know I will blog about it.

The rest of the weekend well because of the Imodium I am suffering so badly as is the family I need to buy some respirators for them as I don't have a flatulence issue, its emanating from my pores god help us and all that sails with us its not a good thing let me tell you one of those little tablets screws my system for around seven days so when the wife claims that I am so full of shit...............for once she could be right! 

So the moral of this blog is be careful of what you wish for you may just get it! and hopefully now normal service can be resolved well as normal as I possibly can, over the next couple of weeks there is going to be a number of smaller blogs just to prove that I have indeed been writing and not just contemplating my navel is terror at actually getting an interview, once the numbers start dying down I will blog to my hearts content to prove that I am indeed alive and kicking and actually for once feeling pretty good about myself you see sometimes I can! so until the next time watch the skies this has been fun getting this off my chest,  for now Toodles!

Saturday, 6 June 2015

Don't need your money

Ok so the title is a lying piece of crap, but we will get there all in due time, because of what has gone on in the world of roller coasters, I need you all to keep your feet and arms tucked in, this is going to be one long and bumpy ride.........................oh and yes drink was involved .....well sort of Hic!

So I had worked the weekend and took time in lieu for Monday doing some research of the settee kind (it has to be done) and I was quite relaxed when I went back to the asylum, on a duty shift so a late start to the day, politics soon came into play and I walked away not wishing to get involved, its not a game I play well and the aftermath usually ends up looking like a wedding scene from Game Of thrones (a tad bloody) if you get my drift, I only had to deal with one stupid person in the shift and I didn't have to hide anybody's body (I suppose that's a good thing then) a quiet journey home on the plague carrier in the arms of my first love (Music .........calm down ) listening to early AC DC why well because I can...........and I did so there!

Being nightshift the following two days so we could escape off into the wilds of Northumberland for a friends wedding, meant a lazy first day although I did get some snoozing done later in  the day I was quite refreshed when I headed to the asylum to cause chaos and mayhem, I always love the look on peoples faces when I turn up and give a cheery smile to all the staff who hate me being on nightshift (if I'm there working then so are you ) the shift was over quickly, however I didn't get as much done as I would have liked, times flies just a tad fast! home in the wee hours of the morning, I  sneaked in like I had been night clubbing (that's right knocking everything over) I was soon ensconced in my pit snoring like a small outboard motor ( and not like a bloody tanker like the wife insists I do). was up and out of bed for nine with a nice breakfast and more of the same, some revision for this new job interview (still no word but anytime soon) and no snooze, this could end in pain and misery!

As it happens it didn't, well not for us (however the poor bunny that was caught in the headlights of a Volvo car that weighs just over a ton and a half may not agree) more of the same, more misery for the staff (well they whinge that management don't visit them enough, I do it two nights on the trot and well you can guess ...........Tee Hee) again a jaunt back home in the early hours and again creeping through the house to my pit, back up at nine and a full English (mmmmm) and a completely lazy day I was determined to avoid any negativity all work items were switched off and buried deep somewhere in the house, I didn't hurry the wife, I let her dictate the pace that the day was about to go at......which was slooooooow!

Once everything was sorted we headed off, bank first (sod the overdraft) petrol second and then a lovely scenic trip to our destination, just me and the wife no negativity, no bitching..............no seriously this is how its meant to be! we got there bang on time parked outside the hotel booked in and chilled a bit more, we then sensibly decided to go to the local Geordie Embassy (Greggs) as we weren't sure as to when we would receive sustenance, back to the room for me to blink for a longer period then recommended, the wife then takes a photo for evidence purposes (I go back to the car to see I still have that shovel) then the appointed time is here and we sort of float like angels to the bar..............I didn't say what kind of angels!

Then the party got into full swing, peeps who I know, some not nearly as well as the wife does, but I was intending to be on my best behaviour (well sort of), now as always I no have intention of listing all of the shenanigans, if you were there you know what and where it happened if you weren't .........it was a great night! lets just say a great time was had by all, except when the DJ kept emptying the dance floor by playing "pop" music pfft! we soon showed him the error of his ways, now a lot of you reading this bit will be waiting for me to have my hissy fit, well I did have one, but I gave myself a good talking to and resolved all of my issues without upsetting people, I  know  I'm putting it here in the blog , honestly it was nothing, yes I did get a tad grumpy for a couple of minutes, and yes I nearly did kick off, yes I did want to break a chair over a big ponces head, but I didn't, I stepped outside had some fresh air counted to ten very slowly, then sucked it up and got on with it, what was it? actually sod all, so lets just put it to bed it didn't spoil mine or anybody else's night, now there's a first!

The only thing that spoilt the night in a small way was  the price of the drink jeez London prices or what, the hotel was nice the staff helpful but Dick Turpin at the bar WTF, the wife wanted to be able to enjoy herself (and rightly so) so she ordered a glass of wine and a pint for me, £9.90 was the reply ...............erm shit what can we sell to have a bar bill, thankfully cunning plans were in full swing and other people had come well prepared (praise the lord and Halleluiah) only one person went to bed at 7.30 hahahahahaha ok it was just after 8 I think, some people thought they were in the spice girls and wouldn't have their picture taken, so much hilarity ensued when they thought that I had a camera in my hand (I didn't) and when I did (they didn't notice) so ahem you know who you are and if you are not nice when I have my stroke (another delightfully light conversation) you had better get me into that penthouse suite other wise those pictures will be leaked to the Hexham Cormorant, you know I mean it!

The night flowed as it was meant to great company, great music, some laughs, some dancing basically what life is meant to be and yes my life batteries were recharged even if the overdraft took a pounding, it was worth it just to see the wife having some fun with no worries, well other than me floating in the background , hell I even posed for pictures......yes me with my reputation, well life's too short I still think  I have a face for radio! we stayed up way past everybody's bed time and some peeps (no names no pack drill) had a late supper, someone also had an emergency kebab by the side of their bed like a comfy blanket like the kids have, they know who they are! I will admit around midnight I was starting to flag, not enough sleep no CPAP mask and only half of medication was catching me up, however once my medication was taken I was better for it, still tired but I was able to reach the finish line unlike (cough splutter) like some people .............oooooh that's right I may have mentioned this already hahahahahaha it was good good good!

Bed for just after one and up for just after seven (well I needed my breakfast) we met up with all the usual suspects to go over the night and do it in much less raucous surroundings, we dragged it out as long as we could, a great time over way to quickly, any wedding disco that will play the song (that's  the title of the blog) and had me on the dance floor (me with my reputation)has got to be damn good! the blog had the potential for two titles the one that won simply because it did get me on the dance floor throwing shapes like Ted Nugent who has just ingested half a ton of speed ...................hopefully no video footage exists (please lord please lord please lord) the other one was going to be Journey's Loving, Touching, Squeezing but a blow by blow account of the raising of a certain purple kilt well lets just say that the world and all its souls aren't ready for it, you could probably not stomach the gory deeds just going by the title, in the end the best one won through!

Actually you know something shit had to happen, a great time with great company the overdraft kicked into submission and we come home to the electric bill sat on the mat with both a knife and a baseball bat smiling, ah well shit happens, we are winning slowly but with barely no room to manoeuvre the fancy footwork doesn't always quite work  a bit like the lad dancing like that DJ Pitbull, mind you I was just jealous, and so the universe reverts to shitiness as I type this just waiting for the first argument in seven days with the loving wife ........well it has to happen at some point don't worry you lot will be the first to know about, normal service resumes at the next blog keep spreading the disease, click like or whatever you have to do until the next time Toodles! 

Sunday, 31 May 2015

Not Responsible

Alright yes I am still alive, no I haven't been sectioned, I haven't spun out in a mid life crisis or any of the other queries that have been flung my way since the last post, believe it or not I have been trying to behave like an adult! yah go figure

The main reason I have kept a low profile (no I'm not a lazy bastard ) is I am attempting to go for a new job that will bring many much needed pennies into my account, while at the same time attempting to move up the slippery ladder that is known as work, the main problem/shock/issue etc etc is that everybody has been so supportive I have to a small degree gone off in a small paranoid direction, not major, quite minor, but all the same disturbing, at the same time I have also been swatting up and attempting to have a game plan, I know the way my company works I have a figure in mind for the salary and if they don't offer it well lets just say I could upset a few people who have supported me because I have no intention of haggling, that's the end of that conversation it will either die on the vine or come to fruition within the next couple of weeks, watch this space.

The rest of life is as always just spinning plates and trying to pay the bills when they arrive, if its not one thing its another, this year as always looks as though its going to be another hard year but we will just have to suck it up and get on with it (no you can't have a new car yet, my liver hasn't grown back yet) I will admit to missing a social life who knew getting old was as shit as this, however a wedding to look forward to next week with some familiar faces will be a welcome relief, but its the tee hee club I feel the need to reach out to, that is something that needs to be resolved quickly as that particular battery needs recharged, if I do get this new job the first six months will be manic, I won't get an opportunity to spend any hard earned cash.

I'm also trying to avoid peoples holiday snaps cos I need one bad! but will not be getting one for a while, a nice lottery win would be nice and helpful (wink wink) ah well life goes on, music has been a great saviour these last few weeks and damn its mainly old stuff late seventies early eighties does this mean that I am an old .............yeah lets not go there!

Lots of you have been messaging me asking what the issue was and that's nice to see that some people have indeed missed me, not everybody but some of you and as for the numbers lets just say they have done pretty damn well, hopefully a more even keel will be the order of the day as soon as my current predicament is resolved and lets not go any where near my health issues that's another blog for another day, so onwards and upwards don't let life grind you down because to be honest we would never win until the next time watch the skies for incoming..........Toodles!