Saturday, 26 July 2014

Innocent Victim

It's been a while since I have done a historical blog, and I usually do what I want to, but with an abundance of material floating in my head what the hell, this one will  be a bloody good one.............I hope!

June 8th  1982 I was in St Austell in a crappy studio called Delgado, actually it wasn't even a studio it was a rehearsal studio with an eight track desk, I was working with a band called Indian Summer demoing stuff, basically rock guys who had missed the boat and were trying to grab the coat tails of any fad going, they weren't bad just a tad directionless every song was a different style and not in a good way, they were all competent musicians, and they had a singer called Frank who was funny because you could tell he just wanted to screech his tits off and he wasn't happy writing pap! that's why I got a call because at times pap was what I wrote for a living.

I had four days at £60 a day I wasn't bothered if anything was written, I still got paid plus per diems so I was happy, as it happens we worked on eight originals and one new one which Frank liked but we kept getting distracted, the first three days were just rewrites, funk, rock and pop stuff all pretty listless, I understood Frank's disillusionment, it was good work they tried bless them, but it wasn't terribly inspired, they had wandered down a track and were lost they were looking for a crossroads to sell their collective souls, unfortunately for them they had missed it, we worked through the day and on a night time we went for drinks and like I said they were ok, I had the distinct impression the keyboard player didn't like me, simply because of the way I dissected their songs, there wasn't much for me to do, I was on a set fee so I didn't get credit and I wouldn't make any money if it took off, it was  the work that was paying the bills and I quite enjoyed it..

On  the last day me and Frank worked on the new track it had a dance vibe and it went ok, Frank wrote the bulk of it and I came up with the catchy bit (the chorus) I didn't want to hang around as I had a train to catch from St Austell back home as I was on the guest list for Uriah Heep in my hometown and in those days it was a twelve hour train journey (with way too many stops) the journey was way too tedious fighting squaddies, and at Birmingham the salvation Army got on, now that was surreal. I got into my hometown at just after seven in the evening thankfully met by a friend who had a car parked up so I could throw my bag into the back of it, we jumped into a few bars on the way, I then had to do  the walk of shame, saying my name for my pass ...........erm your not on mate! feck tell them the correct spelling ...ah yes here you go ...praise the lord.

Once downstairs into the Mayfair we met up with more peeps and enjoyed the gig, more drink silly dancing and a great band. at silly o'clock in the morning we all got thrown out of the venue not before chatting to the band especially Pete Goalby who was fab and offered me some great advice (which was good because I wrote some stuff with him a few years later) we left and five of us headed to the car we were driving up to Edinburgh for a mates gig the next night (the driver) as I was shattered I opted to jump into the luggage space at the back (it was a range rover) so I could sleep the sleep of the dead, I was asleep before we pulled away, as it happens   it was the best thing I ever did because as we drove past the central station a Pakistani gentleman driving a VW camper van shot out of the parking area and rammed us in the rear at full speed, well the upshot was everybody in the car suffered some kind of injury and I didn't, I was roiled over the top of the roof and awoke on the dash board wondering what the hell had happened, once the police had turned we all got breathalysed and I was the only one with drink in me it was funny mind I was stinking like a brewery, it was funny as the Pakistani man made a break for it (as he was pissed) and he was rugby tackled by a police woman the size of a small car and it was even funnier as she dragged him back to the scene of the crime by his ankle!

We all ended up at a friends and ended up on the train to Edinburgh the next day...........I think, hells bells it was over thirty two years ago! what has all this got to do with the price of custard creams I hear several people bellowing, well this morning I came across a track on YouTube.......by a band called Indian Summer doing a song called just like lovers and it wasn't that bad, Frank wasn't the singer they had found someone who could sing poppy stuff and not pretend to be Ian Gillan (although he did have a horrific haircut and suit on) it was live on French TV but it was ok, it probably sold three copies or something and I probably made more than the entire band as I took a fee hahahahaha oh the good old days ......and no I don't miss them (well apart from being skinny) until the next time Toodles!

Sunday, 13 July 2014

F.O.A.D!

It's all been going swimmingly, for me anyways so at some point  it has to go pear-shaped, so before it does, I feel the need to reach out to the world as a whole and to apologise, anyway read on I'm sure you will get the drift of it.

Over the years I have taken the time to read and review some of the comments that I have received thanks to the continuing support of my blog, at times it seems that sometimes I seem to strike a nerve or two (or so the FBI said),so I'd like to take this opportunity to apologise to any person (living or dead)animal or alien (from another planet) who have at anytime been offended or upset by any or even all of my blogs (as if) it would appear I need to let you all know that was (erm......) never my intention, my quirky little take on what was happening within my orbit was just that a quirky view, as always each blog has spewed forth from a disturbed mind to a biro on to paper then transferred and fiddled with (and not in a bad way) onto an electronic device then let loose to roam the world, from the primordial sludge called my mind out there into the ether or as you lot know it as the World Wide web!

All of them (some successful some not)were written  in the vain hope some of you mad lot might find some humour in them (even the bleak ones)....oh dear best laid plans and all of that! if you happen to stumble upon this one (or any of the others that have been published.....and my books at blurb.com)and you come to the conclusion that I am indeed a truly horrible person, I hope you might try another one and give me a second chance, I truly believe if you took the time to get to know me there is the slimmest chance that you might just get to like me!

No ah well just Fuck Off And Die then until the next time ........Toodles!

Sunday, 6 July 2014

Food For Thought

Actually this should be called Denial as it's what I have really been in for the last few months ha-ha me with my reputation, no this won't be a doom and gloom type of blog but a truthful one ....go figure!

So low profile and I  know it's been hurting the numbers, but I'm not truly bothered for once, too many spinning plates and generally hating life (or so it seems) does not a good blog make, therapy has been on-going in a positive sense but medically the rest of me has been falling apart, oh whoa is me ....erm not! I have actually been positive for the longest time although I am hating work with a passion at the moment, I'm sure that will sort itself out when it wants to. I have been having blood tests and keep getting negative results, finally at my latest clinic visit it was confirmed  I have type 2 diabetes (me a fat bastard never) so that answers some of my questions along with sleep apnoea, and a faulty liver, lets be honest here I have been in denial for far too long, none of them sinister but add them altogether a resounding ten on the shit factor and the reason why I have been feeling like hammered shite for so long.

The only major issue is I need to get a scan for my liver and three weeks in I still haven't been able to get to see a Dr, not a complaint at the Dr's or the staff just the way that they schedule appointments not really any good if you actually work for a living, I'm sure we will get it sorted it will just be later than anticipated, my sleep apnoea well third day in, although it feels weird I feel refreshed so far , lets see what the coming weeks bring for that, its the diabetes that has me second guessing myself, again waiting for people to make appointments a lottery win would come in handy as I can't really afford to be a dole Waller to have the time to do what I want whenever I want it (damn I do sound like a daily mail reader don't I) any way best foot forward, lets take each day as it comes.

The rest of my life actually pales into insignificance at the moment I'm aware it's not the end of the world but the fact that I'm sick of being poorly isn't helping and I would rather (as would everybody else who knows me) have a positive outlook on life if I can,. so blogging is a positive thing so I have been told so therefore I intend to do what I can on  more regular basis, I don't want to hear from anybody saying they weren't warned, time to climb back on the horse.

The book is gathering speed and hopefully has a positive vibe, although I might have to rejig the first part and try and lighten the mood as it is full of piss and vinegar, hey what do you expect I was depressed............notice how I said I was! and that's it for today short and sweet (just like me) but the climb has been started the hill is being conquered so watch this space, I'm still saying prayers for G & E they still need all the goodwill in the world and I don't want anybody to forget them E is making slow progress and G is holding a steady course although suffering heavy weather that at times could swamp his ship, good vibes please peeps for two of the nicest people out there, play nice and watch the skies my intention is too catch up so until then .........Toodles!

Saturday, 21 June 2014

Crazy

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in
eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England nor French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find
that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig
is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

 And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't
 groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't
 the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?
 One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but
 not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all
 but one of them, what do you call it?

 If teachers taught, why don't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats
 vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the
 English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally
 insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a
 recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and
 feet that smell?

 How can a slim chance and a fat chance be
 the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to
 marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn
 up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and
in which an alarm goes off by going on.

 English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the
 lights are out, they are invisible.

 PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"
 You lovers of the English language might enjoy this .

 There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other
 two-letter word, and that is "UP."

 It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the
 list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a
 meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the
 officers UP for election and why is it UP to the
 secretary to write UP a report ?

 We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP
 the silver; warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP
 the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little
 word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for
 tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one
 thing but to be dressed UP is special.

 And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is
 stopped UP . We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at
 night.
 We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the
 proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized
 dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about
thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a
 list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time,
 but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When
 it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out
 we say it is clearing UP.

 When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.

 When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

 We could go on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now my time is UP, so... Time
 to shut UP.!

can't you tell i'm stuck in the house and bored i should have called this note the work of idle hands .....can i go to work now?

Sunday, 8 June 2014

Holiday Blues

Grumpiness is an art form ........allegedly!

Its actually been a while since I have posted anything (productive) and it would appear of late I have been attempting (and failing miserably ) to get in touch with my feelings, so lets go with the flow honestly there is some happiness in here!

It would appear that drink and drugs would be the most commonly used substances (emotional avoidance mechanisms can't you tell I'm undergoing therapy) that are used to mask ones true feelings! Less toxic (although in some cases just as deadly)to perform a similar function are Shopping (what with?) Sex (erm next) Exercise (erm no tried it and look where it got me ) Eating (erm yes) Travelling (yeah right please see the response to shopping) Vegging out in front of the big old goggle box (that's the TV to you lot and erm.....yep guilty) Reading (oh hell yeah....well sort of ish!) Sleeping (now this one really has me worried because it would appear that I'm really good at it) and at the top of the pile.....work (ooops..........guilty) I've only been off seven days and I know I'm going back to 412 emails (and counting) oh dear!

While I've been off, I have done sod all (and that's not what I wanted to do, but I'm claiming life conspired and kicked me in the bollocks or so I feel) I ate a bit (That was always going to be a given) I think I might have put just a little more weight on (nooooooo me with my reputation) I failed my annual blood test (now that is worrying, but I'm sure all will be explained when I go for another next week) I flicked through one or two magazines (of the music variety) tried to order some music stuff (yeah as in buy not steal)from the interwebby and again life conspired against me, but we will give it another go, well after I have calmed down from my strop (four days and counting) and with the help of my youngest I have sorted through about five months worth of mail (that my wife always seems to hide within plain sight) oh and I slept in every single day .....WTF!

I know tons of you have missed me and I have chuckled at some of the messages asking me what has gone wrong and again I ask those of you who needs a translator for English I have a funny feeling Google translate is toying with you, but its keeping me sane from time to time, however like a priest in a confessional all of your secrets  are safe with me(well until I get really bored hahahahaha). music has not soothed the savage beats of late although last night we did travel across the country  to witness Groove Train who were so incredibly (good) tight I thought I was looking at a likeness of my bank balance and hey it was sooooooooooo good, we didn't hang around as we had to get home but it was nice to interact with real human beings. (the less said about that the better)

The rest can wait as I have to admit I'm just not feeling it, I'm still loving it, just not feeling it if you get my drift, I am posting this purely to prove that I have not disappeared off the face of the earth and I really didn't want to post a whole heap of misery as I really am trying to go in a positive direction, I promise I will haul my sorry ass back to the laptop and back to (more positive) writing which in reality is the last emotional avoidance technique left for me to explore..... so until the next time Toodles.....and on a much more disturbing note did you lot know that this year is the thirtieth anniversary for Ghostbusters!..........damn I feel old!

Saturday, 17 May 2014

All there is to say


So on the nicest day of the year I retreated as far back into the darkness as best as I could, for what reason…..because I wanted to, I believe I need beaten with a big stick, a week of drudgery at work and me being the happy go lucky person that we all know and love (cough splutter), yes I’m still going for my treatment, but and it’s a big but, it’s my treatment that is (in my humble opinion) making more and more issues than I previously thought I had! I was struggling with what I thought was one problem now it seems it’s got a gang and they are intent on kicking the living shit out of me!

I feel as though I am sabotaging all efforts to stem the tide (I’m told I have unimaginable high standards….must be true, a Dr told me), again simply because I can, I’m not going to go into too many details here (basically because I’m trying to write a book about it……..D’oh!) let’s just say the wife as always deserves a medal. As I sit here typing doing a rain dance and praying for the good weather to go away (I love the rain) I realise that I need to give my head a bloody good shake……..pfft maybe tomorrow!

Blogging hasn’t been the top of the list(go figure) although numbers of previous blogs have gone through the roof again for some reason, so in a sad way it has brought me a little ray of sunshine, but you know that will never last, simple things this week have been the major cause for concern, that and along the gimp mask it looks like I have to have fitted, all of my health issues starting to pile up and here’s me burying my head in the sand like an ostrich, I know life is fast approaching to kick me in my petite rear! It’s like I have at some point driven the car I’m travelling into a wall and have gotten unscratched out and gone looking for another vehicle to go do the same all over again just at a greater speed, (I feel as though I should be in the running for a Darwin award) so I sit here late on a Saturday night welcoming the darkness and before I head up the wooden hill to (stop breathing on a regular basis apparently) sleep, I thought I would let slip the dogs of war and get this out into the ether just to let you know Mr Grumpy is still in residence, but I am walking with all the speed I can muster towards a happier place (allegedly) and for the time being that’s all there is to say on the matter, until the next time ……….Toodles!

Monday, 5 May 2014

A hobby that got out of hand


Ok so I’m not dead as a few people have seen fit to say, I haven’t committed suicide (WTF) won the lottery or any of the more outlandish suggestions that has been sent to me, probably to see if I would react, and to be honest I have realised I blog for me, not for you lot, I’m not a performing seal or monkey (the wife might disagree on that last one) now if you remember what I said at the beginning of the year I was just going to go with the flow, if I had something to write about I would, if I didn’t I wasn’t going to, hells bells you could get thirty four blogs this week, you never know. I have had no life changing momentous epiphany, I have just literally been reading a few books (yeah me with my reputation) and generally just flowing with the go. I was contacted yet again by Farcebook saying that yet again someone had set up an account using my photographs and the such like, urging greater vigilance another reason for not publishing my real name etc on here! I am seriously considering retreating from all forms (see how I feel tomorrow) of social media with the exception of the blog, I have been hacked so many times it’s starting to get annoying, I like making new friends whether I know the individuals personally or not but it’s turning into a drag and I’m wondering that my friends (shhh you know who I am talking about the R word) have caught up with me as they seem to have nothing better to do, maybe I’m just a tad paranoid, but the whole idea of social networking is to be social able (something I’m not renowned for ….but I am trying) what’s the point if you have to have settings set to kill!

The blog well even though I haven’t written anything for a while still has had over 200 views this week, so maybe somewhere down the line I must be doing something right (that’s a first) I had a couple of false starts with a blog earlier on in the week but they were cul de sacs and I’m glad I put myself into reverse because believe it or not I’m on a roll for being (reasonably) happy (honest I am) what have I been up to well let’s see……..

Me and the wife went to have a look at a new house ( I need to rob a bank) the cunning plan never even got us through the first line of Flak we were strafed by fighter cover and shot at by 88’s from the ground (sorry reliving my childhood) we retreated both disillusioned that we were spotting climbing over the fence on the first attempt, I actually took it harder than the wife and went straight into I hate the world mode, which the wife put up (for just a short while) then dragged me off to the birthday party of the lord of the hounds, and although I didn’t drink I pulled myself out of my funk (thank you dear) enough to converse with friends who I love but miss, simply because we hardly travel to see anyone anymore (the world hates us hahaha) we got there fashionably on time (well ok slightly late) but everybody was having a great time (I went as a white Eddie Murphy in Beverly Hills Cop….it was an eighties themed party) there was great costumes but the birthday boy was the one who excelled and won hands down, well done that man. We left around one and headed home in some of the worst fog I had seen in ages. I started to blog the next day but wasn’t feeling the vibe so left my notes to one side and carried on with life the universe and everything else.

The week continued in a similar vein as Saturday morning had and again I kept a low profile, many legal issues to deal with at work (normally not an issue I just wasn’t motivated at all) Monday I was left to my own devices as the wife and the youngest went to McBusted and had a fab time (which I’m so glad for them). I went for my treatment on Wednesday (the new book 17000 words and counting) and encountered things that I had never really considered (feelings ….I mean WTF who invented them) and there was some cracks in the dyke, a long road ahead and something I will cover in the new book not here, let’s just leave it at this exact point in time…….it’s getting interesting!

As usual I come out of the treatment in a funk (emotionally exhausted is the official term) and it’s at this point I really don’t want to converse with anybody never mind the world, however SMOR had been on to the wife and it appears that we were off to see Magnum (damn I feel old I remember seeing them support Blue Oyster Cult sometime 78/79ish) so I went with the minimum fuss, I wasn’t equipped to deal with the wife at this point, my only problem the venue is a standing venue only, I knew my knees were going to bear the brunt ah well no pain no gain! We got there and the wife did a bit of skull doggery (and no I couldn’t possibly tell you for legal reasons what that was) we got there to actually enjoy the support band (Neon Fly) who were alright in a youthful kind of way but as always the sound in the venue was …..How can I describe it…..oh yes shite! I might go dig the album out on you tube at some point, a less complicated version of Dragonforce with someone who could sing and actually use the stage area, even though the rest of the band did throw in a couple of Germanic Accept poses here and there! Five out of ten (purely because I’m hyper critical) and because the venue sound is as I have already stated ….Shite!

Magnum I have seen so many times, I have lost count, but in the late seventies and early eighties it was usually a tie between them and Budgie who was the most seen support band, and since they have reformed a few years ago, I have been to see them a few times what annoys me now is that Bruce Forsyth…… I mean Bob Catley (bless him at 96 and still touring) and it now takes him a few songs to get warmed up, and because they have a new album they insist on doing forty minutes of admittedly nice (new) material but if you haven’t got the new album people get distracted and start doing Farcebook rather than enjoy the gig, it wasn’t bad but a 100 minute gig and only six……and I mean six old songs, come on give us a fecking break! Maybe why they only got 503 people in (I know somebody who works at the venue) I admire the fact that they don’t want to rest on their laurels but its ever decreasing numbers say something, people really do want to hear the classics, besides that a good gig (in a shite venue ooops sorry sarcastic button stuck in) never mind a good intro for the coming weekend!

Thursday and Friday passed in a haze again my get up and go had got up and fucked off but I made it across the winning line in an orderly fashion, Thursday I attended the Drs to be told I wasn’t as sick as I had originally thought (woo hoo) although I did ask about my snoring which allegedly is like watching Slayer in the front row…..FUCKING LOUD!  And I’m being sent to see if I need a gimp mask watch this space for further updates! Friday was well let’s just say Friday I got through the day with no mishaps  only to get home and discover that Fish had cancelled the opening couple of dates of his tour due to illness with a band member and yes you guessed it the gig I was going to was one of them (mind you this morning the whole tour had been cancelled not nice…..get well soon Mr Boult) so I was deflated over going to conquer the gig especially after what happened last year, the gig has been rescheduled already but to be honest, I have decided not to go, must be an age thing, if you are going please feel free to enjoy but I have decided to stay in and wash my hair on that night!

Then we just had to get through the weekend of babysitting the Hurricane who was really well behaved (although still a bloody Hurricane) we returned him to the arms of a loving set of parents and so not to waste the day we got our glad rags on and went for lunch, at our local spoons which thankfully when you consider it’s a bank holiday weekend was mercifully not full, the food was OK and the youngest turned up and we fed her as well (well it would have been rude not too) a few drinks for myself (in reality the first of the year) the wife went home feeling tired (erm ok) although we were only ten minutes behind her we put her to bed as soon as we got in (the hurricane catching up with her and not the drink I hasten to add as she only had one drink) and I disappeared off to listen to some more music (so far this weekend:- Clutch, Free, Big Wreck, The Pursuit of Happiness, Rick Springfield, Fishbone, Yes and some Tackhead all good stuff and the day is still young let’s see what comes over the horizon), then I read all the emails and felt slightly obligated to do something new if just to keep the Scandinavian contingent slightly happy! Me I’m Ok not happy not sad and so far (touch wood) I haven’t disappeared in a haze of over eating, now if  I could just get motivated enough to get out of the house at some point I might start living this thing we call life! So there you go I hope it’s enough to please the swarming masses, live long and eat cheese or some other kind of such nonsense, watch the skies you never know when I might have more thoughts on the life of a grey man until then……. Toodles!