Sunday, 19 October 2014

And now the waltz

Whoa did you feel that? the earth just tilted, yes it's me sat at the keyboard trying to be witty (if ever there was such a thing) trying to make sense of my life and all of the excitement that goes with it (NOT).

Work has taken over at the moment and every time I walk into a room all at work, all I get is the smell of fear, it's not pretty and I like to think that I have been quite an easy going guy, however as of today my contractor is nine weeks over from practical completion, something from day one they said they never would be, well I'm going to start busting peoples balls, why because people are going to start busting mine and well to be honest I'm pretty much sick of being Mr nice guy, do the job you are paid to do, I believe its called shit or get of the pot!

Music isn't even helping, not that I'm playing as much as I would like, but hey ho I have learnt that you don't actually get what you want, so as always lets just go with the flow and lets push the hatred all the way down into the pit of my stomach (no wonder I'm so fat) do I sound resentful? did my therapy course help me? who knows? who cares? I just want to get the next week out of the way, so I can become a more rounded person than what I have been, my sleep is all out of wack as well, I start with my bomber command mask on, but at some point in the night while I'm asleep I actually physically take the bloody thing off put it neatly in place and switch the thing off (WTF) I'm sure I will get a good old fashioned bollocking when I go back to the gimp mask clinic.

So am I unhappy? actually no I'm not, what I'm really unhappy about is that I'm not managing my time more efficiently, I'm disappointed that I haven't put pen to paper like I said I was going to, although I am quite happy with the numbers and Italy at the moment has become a real stronghold god knows why, so bear with me, I'm missing my friends and catching up with them is going to be my main order of the day, because I know that for a fact that all work and no play makes this particular bear into a raging grizzly it's not big and its not clever so you lot have stuck along for the ride so far! you're not  thinking of quitting on me just yet are you?

To be honest if I hadn't got this stream of bile onto the paper I probably would have just sat with my head in the fridge eating all the crap  that's in there, the thing that is tickling me though I am (supposedly) the master of my own destiny and yet I let everything else take over, go figure me a grown man hahahahaha trust me I'm fine just trying not to crash and burn that's all, so watch this space you never know what may come your way sooner or later (or much much later) and if you see my I will try and dance for you so that I don't just bulldozer past anybody I know, time is money or at least that what my contractor is going to find out tomorrow, until the next time keep spreading the disease, watch the skies incoming......Toodles!

Sunday, 5 October 2014

Wrapped up in time

So I took some time off.....go sue me, hey I helped Scotland remain part of the union! I'm bound to be
tired, ok so I did a short blog and that was that, I got wrapped up in other stuff but basically proved three blogs in one day was way too much as apathy ruled amongst my readers it barely made double figures initially and although its catching up it may take a while to hit the heights I have come to expect for my little cherubs that I publish..

Then life just over took me, lots of spinning plates at work and while I had tons of ideas to post I really couldn't be arsed after work to blog, so I left it and then my holidays were upon us, there was me thinking that I was in charge of my own life and it ran past me slapping me on the back of the napper laughing at the old fat man!

Fish had been going to play earlier in the year but he lost a guitarist due to illness and the gig was put back, I spat my dummy out ( I was in the middle of my treatment) and got a refund swearing I wasn't going to the rescheduled gig, thankfully SMOR turned up and talked me into going, we met up at The Bishops Mill pub in Durham not after a climb up to the top of K2, this getting old malarkey is really crap, firmly fixed into place I actually saw a few people who I knew from "The Company" and after some brief hello's we settled down to generally taking the piss we headed across to the venue after a few (ahem) drinks only to see Fish himself dashing up the road away from the venue, oooh was this a good start, as it turns out there was nothing to worry about, we found out what the time the start of the gig was and promptly headed back to the pub, were by I was pounced upon by people asking me what time the gig started, must have been my fish heads fleece , my public duty done we had a few more drinks before we headed back to the venue.

Am I going to review the gig hell no all I will say is that it was a fantastic gig apart from the flash light gestapo who nearly set the wife off on a killing spree, our original tickets where way up in the balcony and although they would have been great we ended up three rows from the front, my only gripe was that there wasn't a lot of banter (first night teething problems) but it easily goes into my top ten Fish gigs (that was my 52nd time seeing him solo) the set list I enjoyed although I knew what it was I didn't particularly look forward to  it, but it worked and I honestly had no complaints. gig ended back to the pub, with a slight diversion, we couldn't get to the pub we wanted to get to as it was fresher's week, we ended up in the slug and lettuce (crap name crap pub with a five pound hike in prices for the same drinks!) and then when we discovered it was closing, so we headed back to base camp (the car) thankfully via a flatter route. upon arrival we discovered that some of the shopping that "I" had left in the car had upended and partially emptied into the well for the spare wheel, oh dear at least the car smelt clean (it was clothes conditioner for the washing machine) we did a good deed and threw SMOR and his good lady out in the middle of absolutely nowhere, we then headed home and made it within 30 minutes (ye gods pray for me) and soon headed up the wooden hill for some well deserved sleep.

Tuesday was great just me and the missus doing things we very rarely get to do, I even took the good lady wife out to dinner, bless me I had to make the most of it, Wednesday the house erupted with Ebola or some other such disease, ok it was flu and thankfully I wasn't affected but everybody else was, so the rest of the week was really me looking after the corpses that roamed the house, it did hit me in the tonsils (still suffering but soldering on) but we kept going as a unit and we didn't leave anybody behind.

Illness scuppered our plans to go and visit E as we certainly didn't want her to get our illness, but she did escape and I as I type she has  headed out for lunch so hopefully this will turn into good times (they both deserve them), last night we headed into town to hook up with peeps who we hadn't seen in a while, and a jolly good night was had by all and a huge discussion about music bands gigs etc between myself and Mr G was greatly appreciated, however as I sit typing this trying desperately getting into Marillion albums without Fish, I have to admit I just can't, they are great and atmospheric but where are the hooks, the memorable lyrics and most of all the songs! I like them but they are not what I want good luck to them but nah sorry I think not!

Did we do everything that we intended to do with the time I was off don't be silly, but we did make some cunning plans on what we intend to do in the coming months good times hopefully. the book was one thing that took a back seat again rest assured it is finished but I think I'm going to need a hand (the wife) from my I.T department! An early night tonight as  I'm back to the grind tomorrow with some odd hours in this coming week and worry not there will be more regular blogs coming along the track, the numbers of the blogs have chugged along, with a few new readers in Italy welcome Mario and Lucas keep spreading the disease and I will be back soon so until then Toodles!

Thursday, 18 September 2014

State of independance

This is my view on the Scottish referendum, I have no affiliation either way I  have friends and family north of the border, its their decision not ours.

307 years is how long the union has lasted, I for one think its up to them, I won't think anymore of them if they stay I won't think any less of them if they leave, some people want it, some people don't, when I'm home I'm English and that's the way I think of my self , when I'm abroad I think of myself as British, it's a  national identity some feel stronger about than others, when I was in the army people kept calling me Geordie and I always argued the case I was from County Durham that did not compute, I'm not a Geordie or a mackum,I come from the land of the prince bishops, Durham, so that should make me a dunelmian or some such other name, I was fiercely vocal about where I come from, I have no axe to grind with any part of the country I just love where I'm from, mind you if you are from south of Durham you are by the very definition a southerner!

So what ever happens which ever way the dice roll just remember it was a choice, if you didn't vote you don't get a say, the world keeps on turning either way tomorrow will be a new day for everybody and as long as nobody got hurt, I'm sure it will be a good day, now if you do get independence I might play the family card and get a Scottish passport unless they want to invade and come all the way down to Durham hahahaha until that happens ..............Toodles!

Decline of the western civilisation

I hate shaving ....there you go I said it, I have been shaving since I was 11, actually it would been later but my school indicated that the bum fluff had to go, from the age of 13 if I felt like being a rebel, I would first buy a Bic razor and then collect a Drs note as my face would be ripped to bits hence no shaving and my school could nothing about it , I never even considered shaving until I was taken aside one morning in assembly and told I needed to smarten myself up, this coming from Mr Binks the scruffiest teacher in school, oh how we laughed when I refused to comply, to be honest I wasn't a rebel at school I just didn't like being told to smarten myself up by someone who looked dressed and smelt like a bloody tramp

I then joined the army and then I had to shave twice a day, not because I was particularly hirsute, I just had a tendency to miss the odd hair, and I didn't want to end on a fizzer cleaning toilets or any other dirty job some NCO might find for me, I didn't mind shaving whilst in the army it was part of the job and it was a job I loved doing. That didn't last long and although I grew my hair when I left I didn't grow my beard back straight away, I looked like a child without the beard (ask my wife she thinks she will be arrested for child molestation......I wish!......ooops bad taste) I had no problem getting served in pubs, I had been buying my (older) brothers beer in bars for nearly three years although I never drank in a pub until I was 17, I wasn't very good at facial grooming, if I grew facial hair I had a tendency to just let it roam wild across my face.

Then I hit my late twenties and I started to not shave for a long time, and then soon I had stubble and it suited me, I liked it but again I had no idea on how to groom or style it, so when it become unsightly it was ripped from my face very quickly, I was clean shaven when I met my wife but she soon indicated that she loved the beard so it was kept, I remember the first time I shaved my beard off and said hello to my youngest, she wasn't happy at all about it. Then I finally got to grips and I started (badly) to groom shave and shape the direction of my facial topiary.

It soon started to go grey (have you met my family) and I loved it but then health issues kicked in and now when I go bed I have to be trussed up like bomber command (ok chaps lets head for home) so the top lip had to clean shaven so I could get a seal (so many jokes) so I am clean shaven for the longest time in the last 25 years and I hate it, I'm not saying that it was glamorous but it was mine and I hate not being able to have one.

The reason for this blog and the dramatic title well, according to the news today  men's grooming is suffering a down turn and we are all starting to look like some TV refugee Arabs in some silly Cop show or like extra's in a ZZ Top video collection, but the real answer is the cost of the bloody things you need to get a mortgage to buy traditional wet shave razors, I could always go old school and buy a cut throat (lets not give me any ideas) but no I would in all honesty would love to have my beard back, but now that they are fashionable I think I will stay shaven, because I hate to follow any fashion, until the next time .............Toodles!

Pages of old

For once I haven't been a misery, just busy, busy, busy! work has kept my nose to the grind stone far more than intended,so this will be short and sweet, but please expect incoming over the weekend with potentially two or three blogs in the mix.

What made me avoid blogging has been my inability to get the next book published Blurb who I use  have upgraded their software to be more user friendly.......erm not! after numerous attempts I was left licking my wounds looking for a blunt object to batter my laptop with, ho hum that's what you get when you are a luddite, don't worry I haven't given up I have just been contemplating where I have gone wrong (again), working up the courage to have another attempt, watch this space, honest the book is finished, it's just me being a dumbass!

Numbers have been strong for older blogs so that means you lot are spreading the disease, and that we have a number of new readers, I have some time off and the start of some cunning plans over the next few weeks, so I think I shall be a tad naughty!

I have embraced some new technology this week and surprised the wife by upgrading our phones that in itself has been an ordeal, so I will need some time to recover from the shock of having to work out what does what , slowly slowly catchee.................actually lose your mind, but I'm not going to let it beat me (just yet) today I have a few tasks (allegedly) to sort out and then I intend to play lots and lots of music, I have had my vegetarian breakfast (ok so there was no bacon in the house) but I intend to enjoy my time off.

Ok so that means today I have to assist (sort of0 in the looking after of our grand kids, but I will try and be a happy soul for them, as they really are full of life, so I feel as though I should get me and the wife a case of red bull, thankfully the youngest is assisting us, well it keeps her off the streets or college whatever they call it these days! so onwards and upwards just a little ditty to let you all know I'm alive and kicking listening to tunes getting ready to unleash an onslaught of blogs, so until later you behave and have fun........Toodles!

Sunday, 7 September 2014

The Race Is On

No the title is not in honour of the great north run, but because of  The Buckets, as always I digress, lets set the scene.........once upon a time in a land far far away.................................

The week had been slow, work just grinding on and on, I didn't have a happy point to look forward to, I had discovered we had been sold a puppy so to speak we had our eldest daughters dog to look after on Saturday, the ultimate pissing machine, coming to stay while they went off on a jaunt, not really sure how we always end doing stuff for her and the tribe when they won't do jack shit for us strange that, but ho hum you can choose your friends but not ....................................continued at

Friday I collapsed in a food coma after having my tea, funny how since I have started eating sensibly (cough splutter...actually yeah I have) if I have a heavy meal its like the wife has asked me to sniff a chloroform filled rag (again), I dragged myself up the wooden hill and was soon ensconced in bomber command (still not loving the mask but boy does it help) the night soon ended with the wife heading off for the puppy from hell (actually he's not but I have to make it look as though I am being put on) the brothers then spend a number of hours doing there best WWE impersonation, and the only reason of unhappiness and issue is the uncontrolled bladder but not to worry you can't blame the puppy if it's not trained correctly!

The youngest was going to a birthday party in Jarrow so I had the bright idea of asking G if he would like some company for a few drinkies an ulterior motive to get us out of the house but at the same time see our friend, Then we found out that the Buckets were playing an impromptu gig at The Voyager and soon some other members of the Tee Hee Club being dragged into the mix the night really was going to be the silver lining to a shit week, we returned all the puppies to their starting blocks and left on time Flux Capacitor fully charged, some fancy footwork (organs sold) to fill the petrol tank (don't ask) and some coin in our pocket (I ain't winning the lottery this week) we headed to our first destination with four stone of Valium as we approached the Tyne tunnel, turn off completed succesfully, and breathing resumed at a normal rate, we proceeded to Sunny South Shields to collect the first part of the puzzle A Shandi and the keeper of the royal flight, we were welcomed by the hounds of hell (actually the friendliest bunch you will ever meet) a quick drinkie poo's (well I'm not the designated driver) well it would be rude not to and a quick tour of the star ship enterprise music system so jealous but pointless as  the family doesn't appreciate my musical choice nor do I care much for theirs!

We set off to meet up with G only to look back at the house to find Loki giving us the Eye because we hadn't taken him....bless, G had moved on earlier so we waddled (well I did) in his wake to the Voyager, two minutes later the gang are all smiles and The Buckets are all ready set up, we were met with the warmest of welcomes (as always) Mr Charlton in full on cheeky chap mode and we fought our way to the bar, a small unannounced gig and the place is full to the rafters, and that's were the truth and fantasy part ways, as always you have to see the Buckets to believe them, this had all the magical ingredients for a cracking night, lots of friends good drink and rockabilly music for the masses, although I got my fingers burned I have been watching the Buckets for years and initially they used to do California Man (by The Move but I prefer the Cheap Trick version) and for years I have/requested/ shouted for it to no avail, just cheek for having the audacity for requesting it, well I got it last night and as they started playing it Mr Charlton requested paying for singing it (4 Jagermiester for the band por favor) ooops I hadn't expected and after the Mrs sent me to the bar for once, I stood there in panic as I hadn't brought that much money with us, we were only intending to have a cheeky little drink with G not a full scale session hahahaha thankfully I wasn't embarrassed at the bar(just) and I didn't mind as they are truly a fantastic band, we only caught the first set (if we had stayed it would really have been messy oh yes) a great set, a snogging competition, somebody yawning (WTF) a game of Kerplunk and a stonking version of The Race Is On, see I do get to  the point at some time, now Smog claimed they were doing the Jack Jones version, well it did my napper in as to why I knew the song (we still think it was used in a film at some point)so I had to look it and .............yes it was the Dave Edmunds version I knew, problem solved I could rest my weary brain, and then all too soon it was over, we were introduced to Mr Charlton's sister  (who was lovely..I don't see the family connection hahahahahahaha) and then we headed off into the night just as the bar was running out of beer, oh dear.

Youngest picked up and another  panic at the Tyne Tunnel averted, we headed home back to Gimpsville to a trigger happy puppy who jumped into my arms (bless him) and another meal ( I had had a drink what did you expect , but on the plus side I didn't have anything else to drink once I got home) we settled down to watch Jay and Silent Bob Strikes Back, and then all I can remember is my better half poking me with a stick to get me up the wooden hill, once deposited in bed the land of nod soon returned, this morning I felt actually Ok (I had ditched the mask for a night) and here I am typing up a storm.

I haven't written of late purely as I had other things going on and not in a massively negative way, life just got in the way and instead of me retreating from it I took up the challenge and got on with it, the biggest pain is that Blurb books has upgraded its software to make it easier to upload books to be published and............yes you guessed it I am having major issues (GRRRR) the book is done and dusted just I'm licking my wounds trying to get it printed bear with me incoming!

As always thanks to everybody who comments ,clicks like or generally abuses me, there has been nothing to worry about , normal service has been resumed now lets just see if we can spread the disease and get these numbers back on the up, so here we go the new chapter of Walks With Broken Hoop spread the word the Kid is back and fighting fit, until next time .......Toodles!

Wednesday, 20 August 2014

Hang on in there

Like all well laid plans, mine for the holidays turned to rat shit pretty much straight away, a long weekend before the start of the holiday wasn't the best start, but I thought I would soldier on, my therapy had finished earlier in the week and I was feeling so damn good, yes you all know I was about to crash and burn!

The weekend dragged and I had a cunning exit strategy, which as always involved the wife,  that was the beginning of the end, the wife being on a different time line as to the rest of the world I was soon spiralling out on control like the Red Baron in a dog fight, I just wanted to get the hell out of dodge and It wasn't happening quickly enough for me! the day soon dissolved  into misery (not for me but for others and I felt sorry for them) the wife did a good deed and I was left alone with the youngest, which was a good thing and was  nice to have some quality (hahahahaha)father /daughter to speak!

 Monday wasn't going to be the best and as it happens it wasn't, the world and a dog conspired against us and I barely saw the wife, I didn't feel as though I was on solid rock more like sinking sand, I had technology issues (as well as just a little mental anguish) I wanted resolving, but with me being a luddite I needed my IT department at my side (yes that's right my wife), Monday soon disappeared and we decided to do it after an early start for Tuesday!

Tuesday I was up with the larks and I was off to the quacks for my liver result, I wasn't in the best frame of mood but I was trying I even decided to go by myself, big mistake my appointment was twenty minutes late, and when I did get in, I felt as though I was wasting the good Dr's time as he showed zero interest, trying to remain calm and still feel good I headed home knowing that technology was the order of the day, it was then that the world went tilt and I began feeling sorry for myself (that's why I needed the wife) now to be honest it should have been as simple as 1,2,3! but it wasn't, the wife had to put up with mood swings, temper tantrums and Mr Unhappy all at the same time, I wasn't the best and I admit to sitting staring at the four walls not wanting to do anything or be involved at one point the lap top was going to go in the bin and that was going to be the end of me online.

Thankfully the wife saved the day and late at night she salvaged not only my computer but my sanity with it, I chilled just a little before we headed up the wooden hill once to strap me into that infernal machine that helps breath on a night time, I would still like to know how and why I pull it off my face every night? this morning arrived and it was sunny, cunning plans and a little mischief means I can ignore the chest pains that the Dr was so dismissive of, I have a book to finish today and to hopefully get published tomorrow, me stressed already hell no, well maybe just a little ok so lots but you know me I will just through another temper tantrum and be stroppy for the rest of the day.......ho hum!

As for the rest of my holiday well to be honest it doesn't feel like a holiday it just feels like I'm sat here waiting to crack on and go back to work (fingers crossed for that lottery win) but in reality life used to be so much worse so I think I will hang on in there as the title suggests and try and live a little,  I know I have kept a very low profile of late well blame me and my issues hopefully soon I will be putting my best foot forward and trying to crack on...until then Toodles!