An explosion of stars

No I couldn't believe it myself, a second blog so soon, I did promise and I like to thing that I'm a person who keeps his word, although this could soon spin off into the world of ramblings (like I normally do) as I haven't actually got anything written, I'm just heading off in a stream of consciousness (damn I spelt that right without the use of spell check). I'm going to give you a heads up of what's coming hopefully down the line........are we sitting comfortably, then lets begin!

I never know when or where a blog is going to erupt, that's why I usually have a little black book secreted about my body to write  down a random thought (as E knows to her cost) or to expand a riff that has been going on for a couple of days, now I have tons of these, some of them probably could get me committed in a non violent kind of way, some of them are deep dark thoughts that thankfully once spewed onto paper they get tossed in the bin and my mood lightens considerably, some of it is purely piffle I have a book full of titles that sometimes get me started (as this one has) I then mutate it into a song title (usually something that I'm playing at the time) to do the name game I'm not going to on this one so that the usual offenders don't have to Google obscure song titles.......tee hee!

The last blog is still doing well but numbers have started to dwindle and I have a couple already maturing just nicely, I didn't have a good day today (thankfully I'm in abetter frame of mind already so I will keep that for another day although I did sit all the way through taking notes) I came home and made tea for everybody and felt refreshed because of it, me and the wife did a couple of small chores, then I thought I would have a go at this.

My mind does go off like a firework sometimes, sometimes I have so many ideas I can't write quick enough, it used to be the same when I was writing songs, those days are few and far between nowadays, but I will admit I love to write, this is my hobby, I have decided, however not all of the writing gets published I have been working on the inner workings of my great novel for over twenty years now and basically I have a plot and a shit load of character back stories, damn I'm nearly as slow as Mr Martin the writer of a Game Of Thrones, but I haven't started on that tricky first chapter just yet, however I do intend to start by Christmas..............Allegedly!

I picked up a note book to take with me today and as it happens there was a number of life jackets inside, as I discovered a number of outlines for blogs (including this one). ideas that I wrote brief descriptions before they faded like snowflakes on a winters day, a snow flake probably lasts longer! flicking through the pages it brought a smile to my lips as I noticed a number of them with song titles already picked to go with them, some of them already published including The Dawn Patrol and Just For The Record that in note form bear no resemblance to the actual final drafts, this blog in itself is totally off the cuff not reworked and polished like the other ones (does it show) the others can be written and then rewritten up to six times with stuff added or even taken away, I will admit to being a control freak about the written word, I have already wiped large blogs from my notes and started afresh and on more than one occasion deleted blogs that were about to be published some of them in excess of 5000 words, those were the black days lets hope I have left those days way back in the dirt!

Some of the others are about Twisted Sister Gigs (oh dear) Identity Theft (something I was researching for an American newspaper before my redneck infestation of the previous site) Nights in the Mayfair (Newcastle's premier rock club hahahahaha well at least some people thought so) Old Friends (where they have faded off to, people who you think will be with you until your dying day) I have a fantastic one about sleep, I have about six pages of ideas (I don't even remember writing these notes, was I asleep at the time? lol) some other music related ideas mainly of a historical nature and as I typed that another one popped into my head (cue much scribbling)  so that should keep Mr Robinson happy (broadsword calling Danny boy broadsword calling Danny boy) now I would say that the bulk of these are humorous, happy and just a little mad, I suppose you deserve a few happy ones after all the shite I have written of late!

And that's this one done and dusted and I feel totally happy to let this one float on the river of life that we call the internet, I told you there would be a few short one coming your way and again as the numbers dwindle, I will endeavour to fill the void I always try to do one a week so that's 52 in the course of the year with only 16 so far this year its time to pick up the pace, so some of you may regret hat you wished for, some of you might actually enjoy them, keep spreading the word, click like, share whatever you have to do I am a media whore didn't you lot realise that, I'm sure you all did until the next time watch the skies ........................Toodles!

Fragile

It would appear that I'm full of shit............no...........I meant cunning plans and although a fair few of you have been badgering me I have been distracted for the last weeks, don't worry nothing serious .......well actually it is but read on and let me tell what the crack is!

Not long after the last blog the tee hee club rose from the ashes of yesterday and we all met up for G's birthday and a fab night was had, not exactly the night that was planned as there was a lot of us G bitches there and there's only so much love that the welder can spread, lets just say it was a fab night and oh so good to see so many familiar faces, unfortunately we were on taxi duty for the youngest who just happened to be rehearsing for the Wizard of Oz in Mordor (Sunderland please do and at least try to keep up) so a hike and a late night conspiring with an early start as I was on the plague carrier (bus) to the asylum (work) meant I could just manipulate and go over what I had to write, however once I got to work I discovered that the world had moved on and I either jumped on board or got destroyed in its wake, yes you guessed it I jumped on board!

One of my boss's had been promoted (it gets complicated but yes I have a number of bosses in different locations stick with me and I will explain in my own demented way) had gone after a different position within the company and low and behold he got the job, which I have to admit I cursed him because as a boss he was Human, who just happened to be very very helpful, there's not many people like that, so although I was genuinely happy for him I wasn't for me because I could just see the work load spiralling out of control, who was I going to get now, then the world stopped rotating and I got all dizzy, what if I applied for his position? yeah, why not and then the world got back up to speed in double quick time!

So I did something that I hadn't done in over four years, I put my best foot forward and applied, then I had to get down to some serious revision, I'm getting old and I'm really good at doing the research, however I'm really crap at retaining said information, so for once rather than gliding I had to do some serious heavy lifting, so some serious discussions from the wife and then all the way to my Ops manager and other people in the higher echelons, all very favourable as opposed to bull shit so then I was stuck, I had raised my flag so I had to go for it!

A favourable reference from my general manager who is away on a secondment at the moment and a hearty push from his replacement was all that was required, a quick word with HR and the next thing I know is that my CV is in and I have an interview booked, bugger now my nose had to be right into the books and try and retain absolutely everything, cue panic and some serious talks with myself, this isn't just sticking my head above the parapet this is walking along the bloody thing at its highest point, with no safety net if I fail, I fall and that could be a pretty serious way to end things, do I think I can do the job? I do, if I get nurtured the way I was nurtured for this job, that might not happen the rest of the time has flown past in a blur right until I got confirmation what the actual time and format of the interview was going to be!

Then every slowed into slow motion and the nerves set in, I can certainly talk the talk but could I walk the walk, I did what I could and kept a very low profile , on the day of the interview I got a touch of the Delhi belly (hence the title fragile) but with no obvious reason for the urge that was surging through me, a quick side step to the little boys and a dose of Imodium and I was not so hot to trot if you get my drift then it was time, there was meant to be a presentation but that was cancelled (damn my best weapon in the art of Bullshit maybe they knew that) there were a number of questions to be answered and then an interview and I actually did ok, once I saw the questions I relaxed and as for the interview I have always felt comfortable in selling myself, even if I don't believe the hype myself. Interview complete I just had to get through the rest of the shift looking after the asylum and all its inmates.

Thankfully that went without a hitch now its just the long wait to see if I get through to the second interview, if I get it cool if I don't I won't loose any sleep over it, there is a candidate way better than me, however he's tad more introvert than me so therefore he may not be the person for the job, I actually think there are some much better people on site suitable for the post just by their nature , I'm afraid they don't have the experience, so we shall see what happens, I might be more gutted if I get the job, watch this space to see what happens, you know I will blog about it.

The rest of the weekend well because of the Imodium I am suffering so badly as is the family I need to buy some respirators for them as I don't have a flatulence issue, its emanating from my pores god help us and all that sails with us its not a good thing let me tell you one of those little tablets screws my system for around seven days so when the wife claims that I am so full of shit...............for once she could be right! 

So the moral of this blog is be careful of what you wish for you may just get it! and hopefully now normal service can be resolved well as normal as I possibly can, over the next couple of weeks there is going to be a number of smaller blogs just to prove that I have indeed been writing and not just contemplating my navel is terror at actually getting an interview, once the numbers start dying down I will blog to my hearts content to prove that I am indeed alive and kicking and actually for once feeling pretty good about myself you see sometimes I can! so until the next time watch the skies this has been fun getting this off my chest,  for now Toodles!

Don't need your money

Ok so the title is a lying piece of crap, but we will get there all in due time, because of what has gone on in the world of roller coasters, I need you all to keep your feet and arms tucked in, this is going to be one long and bumpy ride.........................oh and yes drink was involved .....well sort of Hic!

So I had worked the weekend and took time in lieu for Monday doing some research of the settee kind (it has to be done) and I was quite relaxed when I went back to the asylum, on a duty shift so a late start to the day, politics soon came into play and I walked away not wishing to get involved, its not a game I play well and the aftermath usually ends up looking like a wedding scene from Game Of thrones (a tad bloody) if you get my drift, I only had to deal with one stupid person in the shift and I didn't have to hide anybody's body (I suppose that's a good thing then) a quiet journey home on the plague carrier in the arms of my first love (Music .........calm down ) listening to early AC DC why well because I can...........and I did so there!

Being nightshift the following two days so we could escape off into the wilds of Northumberland for a friends wedding, meant a lazy first day although I did get some snoozing done later in  the day I was quite refreshed when I headed to the asylum to cause chaos and mayhem, I always love the look on peoples faces when I turn up and give a cheery smile to all the staff who hate me being on nightshift (if I'm there working then so are you ) the shift was over quickly, however I didn't get as much done as I would have liked, times flies just a tad fast! home in the wee hours of the morning, I  sneaked in like I had been night clubbing (that's right knocking everything over) I was soon ensconced in my pit snoring like a small outboard motor ( and not like a bloody tanker like the wife insists I do). was up and out of bed for nine with a nice breakfast and more of the same, some revision for this new job interview (still no word but anytime soon) and no snooze, this could end in pain and misery!

As it happens it didn't, well not for us (however the poor bunny that was caught in the headlights of a Volvo car that weighs just over a ton and a half may not agree) more of the same, more misery for the staff (well they whinge that management don't visit them enough, I do it two nights on the trot and well you can guess ...........Tee Hee) again a jaunt back home in the early hours and again creeping through the house to my pit, back up at nine and a full English (mmmmm) and a completely lazy day I was determined to avoid any negativity all work items were switched off and buried deep somewhere in the house, I didn't hurry the wife, I let her dictate the pace that the day was about to go at......which was slooooooow!

Once everything was sorted we headed off, bank first (sod the overdraft) petrol second and then a lovely scenic trip to our destination, just me and the wife no negativity, no bitching..............no seriously this is how its meant to be! we got there bang on time parked outside the hotel booked in and chilled a bit more, we then sensibly decided to go to the local Geordie Embassy (Greggs) as we weren't sure as to when we would receive sustenance, back to the room for me to blink for a longer period then recommended, the wife then takes a photo for evidence purposes (I go back to the car to see I still have that shovel) then the appointed time is here and we sort of float like angels to the bar..............I didn't say what kind of angels!

Then the party got into full swing, peeps who I know, some not nearly as well as the wife does, but I was intending to be on my best behaviour (well sort of), now as always I no have intention of listing all of the shenanigans, if you were there you know what and where it happened if you weren't .........it was a great night! lets just say a great time was had by all, except when the DJ kept emptying the dance floor by playing "pop" music pfft! we soon showed him the error of his ways, now a lot of you reading this bit will be waiting for me to have my hissy fit, well I did have one, but I gave myself a good talking to and resolved all of my issues without upsetting people, I  know  I'm putting it here in the blog , honestly it was nothing, yes I did get a tad grumpy for a couple of minutes, and yes I nearly did kick off, yes I did want to break a chair over a big ponces head, but I didn't, I stepped outside had some fresh air counted to ten very slowly, then sucked it up and got on with it, what was it? actually sod all, so lets just put it to bed it didn't spoil mine or anybody else's night, now there's a first!

The only thing that spoilt the night in a small way was  the price of the drink jeez London prices or what, the hotel was nice the staff helpful but Dick Turpin at the bar WTF, the wife wanted to be able to enjoy herself (and rightly so) so she ordered a glass of wine and a pint for me, £9.90 was the reply ...............erm shit what can we sell to have a bar bill, thankfully cunning plans were in full swing and other people had come well prepared (praise the lord and Halleluiah) only one person went to bed at 7.30 hahahahahaha ok it was just after 8 I think, some people thought they were in the spice girls and wouldn't have their picture taken, so much hilarity ensued when they thought that I had a camera in my hand (I didn't) and when I did (they didn't notice) so ahem you know who you are and if you are not nice when I have my stroke (another delightfully light conversation) you had better get me into that penthouse suite other wise those pictures will be leaked to the Hexham Cormorant, you know I mean it!

The night flowed as it was meant to great company, great music, some laughs, some dancing basically what life is meant to be and yes my life batteries were recharged even if the overdraft took a pounding, it was worth it just to see the wife having some fun with no worries, well other than me floating in the background , hell I even posed for pictures......yes me with my reputation, well life's too short I still think  I have a face for radio! we stayed up way past everybody's bed time and some peeps (no names no pack drill) had a late supper, someone also had an emergency kebab by the side of their bed like a comfy blanket like the kids have, they know who they are! I will admit around midnight I was starting to flag, not enough sleep no CPAP mask and only half of medication was catching me up, however once my medication was taken I was better for it, still tired but I was able to reach the finish line unlike (cough splutter) like some people .............oooooh that's right I may have mentioned this already hahahahahaha it was good good good!

Bed for just after one and up for just after seven (well I needed my breakfast) we met up with all the usual suspects to go over the night and do it in much less raucous surroundings, we dragged it out as long as we could, a great time over way to quickly, any wedding disco that will play the song (that's  the title of the blog) and had me on the dance floor (me with my reputation)has got to be damn good! the blog had the potential for two titles the one that won simply because it did get me on the dance floor throwing shapes like Ted Nugent who has just ingested half a ton of speed ...................hopefully no video footage exists (please lord please lord please lord) the other one was going to be Journey's Loving, Touching, Squeezing but a blow by blow account of the raising of a certain purple kilt well lets just say that the world and all its souls aren't ready for it, you could probably not stomach the gory deeds just going by the title, in the end the best one won through!

Actually you know something shit had to happen, a great time with great company the overdraft kicked into submission and we come home to the electric bill sat on the mat with both a knife and a baseball bat smiling, ah well shit happens, we are winning slowly but with barely no room to manoeuvre the fancy footwork doesn't always quite work  a bit like the lad dancing like that DJ Pitbull, mind you I was just jealous, and so the universe reverts to shitiness as I type this just waiting for the first argument in seven days with the loving wife ........well it has to happen at some point don't worry you lot will be the first to know about, normal service resumes at the next blog keep spreading the disease, click like or whatever you have to do until the next time Toodles! 

Not Responsible

Alright yes I am still alive, no I haven't been sectioned, I haven't spun out in a mid life crisis or any of the other queries that have been flung my way since the last post, believe it or not I have been trying to behave like an adult! yah go figure

The main reason I have kept a low profile (no I'm not a lazy bastard ) is I am attempting to go for a new job that will bring many much needed pennies into my account, while at the same time attempting to move up the slippery ladder that is known as work, the main problem/shock/issue etc etc is that everybody has been so supportive I have to a small degree gone off in a small paranoid direction, not major, quite minor, but all the same disturbing, at the same time I have also been swatting up and attempting to have a game plan, I know the way my company works I have a figure in mind for the salary and if they don't offer it well lets just say I could upset a few people who have supported me because I have no intention of haggling, that's the end of that conversation it will either die on the vine or come to fruition within the next couple of weeks, watch this space.

The rest of life is as always just spinning plates and trying to pay the bills when they arrive, if its not one thing its another, this year as always looks as though its going to be another hard year but we will just have to suck it up and get on with it (no you can't have a new car yet, my liver hasn't grown back yet) I will admit to missing a social life who knew getting old was as shit as this, however a wedding to look forward to next week with some familiar faces will be a welcome relief, but its the tee hee club I feel the need to reach out to, that is something that needs to be resolved quickly as that particular battery needs recharged, if I do get this new job the first six months will be manic, I won't get an opportunity to spend any hard earned cash.

I'm also trying to avoid peoples holiday snaps cos I need one bad! but will not be getting one for a while, a nice lottery win would be nice and helpful (wink wink) ah well life goes on, music has been a great saviour these last few weeks and damn its mainly old stuff late seventies early eighties does this mean that I am an old .............yeah lets not go there!

Lots of you have been messaging me asking what the issue was and that's nice to see that some people have indeed missed me, not everybody but some of you and as for the numbers lets just say they have done pretty damn well, hopefully a more even keel will be the order of the day as soon as my current predicament is resolved and lets not go any where near my health issues that's another blog for another day, so onwards and upwards don't let life grind you down because to be honest we would never win until the next time watch the skies for incoming..........Toodles!

Pocket

I drifted off today, it appears that I was meditating on a beach, after a couple of minutes of wonderment, words started to float towards me, "an impersonal life creating vastness is ever changing" this metaphor touched me deeply! I felt at one with my world, it made me feel as though time had stopped , or at least in a kind of stasis, finally a feeling of peace came over me, then suddenly another idea wafted towards me, "I'm alive in an impersonal world and it would appear that I can't stop taking it personally" then just as quick as that one went past "life can only be sustained by other life forms" WTF where the hell are these coming from? then from behind me "ever-changing is just another way of saying shit happens" by now I was starting to panic, I realised that I had strayed from the path of meditation (no not medication) I tried to chill, I too a deep breath of fresh air and once that being completed I turned to wards the ocean, realizing that it wasn't fresh air I had breathed in and that also the ocean was disappearing in a haze!

I awoke to the dulcet tones of the wife shouting at me, telling me I'm a dirty bastard and that I shouldn't fill me or the dog with cheese!

I knew all along it had been a dream, however the dog farting was way worse than the wife shouting me awake!

See I do compile things, that first part was written months ago and again its an attempt not just to be a big misery, I am trying or at least that's what the wife keeps telling me! many thanks and salutations the last blog was the second most read blog here on this little profile the numbers went right through the roof now if I could only work out why (lol) life continues noting to report so move along there, move along hahahaha, until the next time Toodles1

From out of nowhere (a Pagan wedding)

So we had the glory of the birthday party, we now had the wedding party to look forward to, I was a tad giddy with the thought of two nights out in great company within a week (WTF) I had gotten over the hissy fit and the wife’s comment, as I had vented my spleen over the incident, onwards is my motto of the moment so hopefully she had taken the hint(NOT), work was as always work but my get up and go had got up and fucked off, hopefully not too many people had noticed, the only blimp on the horizon was the eldest planning (or not planning in this instance) a weekend away with no thought for kids or animals (let’s not get started) and I just knew that the wife and the Kraken were going to huff and puff about it, deal with it and move on life’s too short, however as always I’m getting ahead of  myself.

Work flowed slow like treacle but I went with it and hopefully it kept my head away from any targets that were being shot at, I had a blood test on Thursday and that went swimmingly with another appointment booked for me to be told “you’re a fat twat” I shuffled  back to work and chilled as I am trying to learn, then somebody went and lied to me thinking that I didn’t already know the truth and I gave them the opportunity to tell the truth…….they didn’t, so they can reap what they sow, when the fruits of their deceit come to fruition  later! Friday came and again I kept a low profile even though there had been a serious incident on one of our sites, thankfully my boss turned up and dealt with it (praise the lord) I let the day play it course and rather than go home I had some eats at work then got ready for what had the makings of a great night!

I didn’t want to have to rely on the plague carrier to get me home and to stress the wife about arriving on time, so I got changed and chillaxed at work reading  while I waited, I was in a glorious mood as I got in the car and off we went, that’s there the night got kinky…….we got there on time , I know I was shocked and stunned as anybody else was, we said our hello’s to the happy couple grabbed a seat and again chilled talked to some peeps and generally went with the flow, the venue was a tad awkward for drink as you had to go to the downstairs bar for any draught drink and apart a little argument about different prices for the same drinks it wasn’t really that much of an inconvenience.

G &E arrived and it was so great to see them as we hadn’t seen them since before Christmas and with the current financial status it might be Christmas before we see them again we soon devoured all of the gossip and the world seemed to right itself again, good times with great peeps! Soon everybody else was there and the conversation and although I was to the back of it all, I didn’t mind (just the way I was seated I wasn’t being mysterious) as it was just nice the way the night unfolded, soon the food was flowing and instead of opting for the curry, I opted for the pie and mushy peas (MMMM) and the world seemed to be ok, more great banter with good people, even the pink panther was there (a personal joke that E has forced me to publish!) at this point I needed the loo I was about to break the magical seal the night wouldn’t be the same after this!

The toilets were rather quiet maybe people just didn’t know that they were here, but I did my ablutions in near silence and as I walked back into the hall I was met by a crescendo of cannon fire from incredibly loud party poppers, then my world tilted and I just wanted to run away! I hadn’t expected this, it was just one long wave after another, a full on barrage of cannons firing from all sides, I tried to calm myself I even tried to join in, but my cloud had arrived with reinforcements and my defences were down with all the guards asleep on duty, I had possibly the worst panic attack of my life I wanted to escape just get the hell out of dodge and runaway, thankfully the wife noticed and steadied the ship just enough, I told her I needed to go, I bolted for the exit (without any grace) unfortunately I didn’t (couldn’t) say goodnight or say thank you for our gracious hosts or our friends, I was stopped temporarily by a gaggle of girls heading down stairs and I didn’t want to get amongst them in case I panicked and sent everybody flying!    

The cold of the bridge between the buildings made me think, trying to remember all of the solutions I had learnt from my therapy, but to no avail, I couldn’t raise my defences the apaches were within the fort scalping any living soul they could find, the wife turned up concerned and all I wanted to do was to cry and scream then cry some more, we exited the building, all I could see was the river and a possible exit from this misery, thankfully and finally my exercises were starting to make sense, the alarm bells were sounding and reinforcements were on the way, unfortunately too little too late! Wave after wave of desolation hit me and nearly brought me to my knees, I was in tears and howling like a madman, something I had never done in years never mind since my therapy, I was pointed in the direction of our car but I couldn’t get in it, I wasn’t breathing, my wife was now getting concerned, I didn’t have a clue I just hated myself my life and just about everything in it! Finally I managed to gain entry and sit and calm myself with the help of the wife, she had never seen me like this before, and I could tell she was concerned, did she go and get help and risk leaving me there by myself howling in the night, thankfully not, as soon as I could control my breathing I sunk into a semi state of consciousness, repeatedly saying sorry on what must been an incredibly long journey home to Gimpsville for the wife, I walked zombie like into our house and fell into the settee, I don’t remember much of the rest of the night I know I slept but thankfully I didn’t dream because that would have been simply too much to bear!

I awoke on the Saturday like a new man drained of just about everything but better for it, I felt like a boxer who had gone the distance, thankfully though I wasn’t emotional, I felt distanced from the happenings of the previous evening, although the rest of the day would again see me in a zombie like state for some of the day repairing my defences and sleeping (always the best medicine) by evening I was in a better state of mind, not 100% but definitely better!

I think if that had happened before my therapy, I think I could have actually done harm to myself, without thinking of any of the consequences, that has been the worst attack in years, and my first one in over 10 months, my own fault, I had let my defences down and wasn’t compos mentis when the incident arrived, it wasn’t caused by alcohol (two pints) I now know how the Americans felt on December 7^th 1941 when the Japanese rolled into Pearl Harbour kicking ass! I feel a strange sense of detachment towards it now and I feel ashamed that I allowed it to happen, this isn’t over the battle was nearly lost and I can only say thank you to my wife who got me through it. I now have to shake myself out of this apathy and realise if given the chance, my black cloud will come storming over my defences at each and every chance it will get. Lesson learned I don’t intend to let that happen again!

I feel a lot stronger today whereas before therapy something like that would have stayed with me for weeks, to anybody who was there and concerned for me (if you spotted the incident) I am so much better and stronger because of it, I will not be beaten and I will never surrender all I can do now is put my best forward and say thanks for everybody’s support!

I’m sorry the night ended the way that it did and yet again the wife has to suffer the consequences, I will at some point make amends, today well today I’m here alone listening to the rain attack the outside of the house as the wife heads off to her place of work, I will finish this then post and intend to spend the rest of the day with music and reading………..go figure!

I know I’m not cured and I know that I can only take one day at a time that’s one lesson that I have learned from this, I take this opportunity to wish the happy couple lots of love and happiness, you really did make a sad old man believe in in happiness! So until the next time Toodles!

Its my life

You know this is serious if I'm dragging Gene $immons into the fight, I know I have gone really silent these last few weeks but you know what I felt I deserved it, nope there was nothing wrong, well no more than usual, but I wanted to step away from the programme, I needed to know if the published word was indeed doing any good, turns out it does so here I am, y'all ready lets crack on then.

I have done a fair bit of writing some good some bad some that will be published some that won't be all in all a good experience, some dark some not so much, all in the mix and all of it at some point useable(in some form or another), maybe not just yet, but yeah I sit on stuff and stock pile it for a rainy day, go sue me if you feel that way inclined.

it's been a few weeks of work and not a lot else in the real world some unhappiness mainly work but that's for me and not the general public, some movement of people (a good thing for some and one genuinely dumb ass move but hey ho not my problem unless he comes a knocking on my door) just been soldering on, trying to help when I can, I even took some time off .....yeah me.....well it didn't quite work out as expected, lets just say that I wasn't disappointed I knew what was going to happen and it did, I need to get my arse into gear when it comes to time off I really do need that hobby!

Music has been played to death and it has as always helped me, maybe not other peeps , that's their issue! its the time of year we normally sort out our finances, unfortunately a number of  things grew legs and caught us up, not a great issue but it just doesn't give us much room for manoeuvre , was I really put on this earth just to work, pay bills and die...........it looks like it!

My health is bugging me something rotten as I have been worse since taking the medication prescribed and  I feel like I have been pushed to a cul de sac that I have no control over, my health issues are really starting to hound me, not just my mental health issues but life in general is getting all of his mates together and look like they are going to kick my arse big time, fingers crossed on this one, but I am under no illusions, its not like I am in denial(anymore) I am doing all the right things however it does look like I'm about run aground, not intentionally, lets just see where it leads us, you know you lot will be the first to know!

Life in the big bad world has been on a level playing field, meaning me and the wife have done jack shit of late, hence the no blogs, I do believe you have to lead a life if you intend to write about life, thankfully we went to a friends birthday party and that's what I'm getting to so bear with me as I meander to the point! as a rule I am in fact a shy person, I always have been, then I tend to over react in public situations I do well in small groups the bigger the group the more I tend to float to the extremities then internally decide that actually I'm better off by myself (so not the case) and that people will not miss me if I float off, I was notorious when I was younger for simply disappearing, and I used the excuse "oh I was pissed and I lost you all" that kind of issue, then people say "but you work with tons of people" actually when I'm at work its all a front I would much rather be right at the back, the number of times I have thrown up at work due to being shy, unfortunately I have to put bread on my family's table, so I have to man up and get with the programme the fact that I can do this at work doesn't always help in my private life, why the wife puts up with me I have no damn idea!

I bumped into an old work colleague earlier in the week and thankfully he was the same old tonic that he has always been, good chat, good times he helped refocus me and my self righteous attitude, kept the boat on an even keel got me through a potential minefield, work throws so many curveballs I never know what will come my way, that's why sometimes I can be so damn volatile. where is the birthday party that was mentioned well hang on to your hat its coming, the keeper of the royal hounds was one year older and we were invited it meant that I could spend the week preparing for the social assault on my senses, all in a good way I just don't want to spoil the party for the world, I was doing ok, not great but not bad either I just needed to prepare, preparation is the key!

The wife had to go work on the day and was having some minor issues, one was trying to wiggle out of paying to have a light repaired in the house (I don't do anything with Gas Water or the Electrical things, not with my reputation) dummy retrieved and wiped off and handed back to the wife (she still came off better financially) I then had an afternoon bonding with the youngest who was going to be dog sitting rather than being at the Kraken's for a change, the afternoon went well and I did my (mental) exercises for the coming night, the wife got home and she was a tad annoyed but I will let her let her start a blog about that one, a quick spin and we were on the road to happiness!

We arrived just about the time we said we would and the night was soon on a roll a few people who I miss from my day to day to life including the birthday boy, I was a good boy and avoided excessive alcohol  consumption, I was in a good place I didn't need it, the night rocked on until we hit a speed bump! the wife had a game plan although we got there later than normal, the wife had tasks to complete the following morning and then back to work so the game plan was a necessity, as the night progressed I did gravitate away from the crowd that was to be expected, I was aware and I had my own game plan which took a tight bend when at the allotted time, the wife threw a spanner in the works when I reminded her of what we intended to do she piped up "there's the face " I had done really well up to this point I was now pissed off, only at the wife and I wasn't going to let it effect the rest of the party, I think the penny dropped and nearly an hour after she had wanted to leave, we said our farewells and headed back to Gimpsville, the birthday boy as always was gracious and said all the right things he's a good guy and there's not many of them left out there!

The journey as always was relatively quick back to hills of our house, mainly in silence I wasn't happy but I should have expected it the wife does an awful lot for me, whether she realises it, but little comments don't help, in the bad old days I would have raged on about it for days and I mean days, not in a violent way just in a pick pick pick kind of way! not a good way hopefully I'm better now, maybe the wife doesn't agree but I am doing my best and so far it's grooving in the right direction, today has been alright not world war three, maybe just some simmering lets see what happens when she gets back?

The blog numbers have been damned good, I could blog everyday at the moment but I notice that it dilutes the audience, so I have a good idea when saturation point and when it hits that I will do more, I'm getting to grips with you lot as rule and again thanks for all the good vibes we are nearly back to triple digits so that can only be a good thing! thanks for those of you who have decided to hang on and wait the train is back on the tracks so watch this space for any further literary nonsense, so until then Toodles!