Now Hear This

So here is the deal, the blog has been doing sterling consistent numbers (I have no idea why either) and although I am always writing some guff or other, I thought it only fair that I should take some time out to answer some of the questions that get thrown at me on a regular basis almost like an interview type of thing, now some of the questions have been asked repeatedly, so I’m thinking that you are all developing some kind of hive mind, is that good I’m not so sure, I’m not going to name who the questions are from (you can all claim the fame)  but the bulk of them come from the same thirty odd readers even though we hit consistently triple figures it seems that we have a tribe forming, now these questions have been compiled over the last couple of years I have picked the top twenty but if it’s a success, I have as always a cunning plan going forward, so there may be some curve balls thrown in. What did you expect some soppy shit just because its valentine’s day and I’m a hopeless romantic……jog on!

Why?

The simple answer is because I can, I have blogged for over ten years now and my eldest daughter suggested it in the vain hope I would stop being an angry dad (me with my reputation) in some ways it didn’t, but I did enjoy it and I seemed to get quite a few hits well double figures, it didn’t cost anything so I thought why not.

What’s up with the name game?

You may have guessed that I like music, ok that’s an understatement about the only things that I do love is music in every form that it can come in, I drive my wife nuts, if I talk to my brother 99% of the time that’s what we talk about, it makes me happy and that’s what it’s all about, music usually drives my mood, how I feel, if I’m down I go for something to cheer me up if I’m happy (it does happen from time to time) I try to keep my frame of mind from drifting, if I’m really down there are four albums that I go to simply because they speak volumes and they do ground me, if your interested they are the first four Marillion albums, Script as it was what I was going through having not long left the army, Fugazi simply because I was living in London and that’s where my head was, Misplaced again because it speaks to me about certain things in my life thankfully it’s the whole album and not just one song, Clutching I avoided until I got divorced and Sugar Mice just brought memories of what my mother went through and what could have been for me if I had had children in that relationship. So whatever music I am playing at the time of writing the blog there's usually a favourite song this one isn't a song title its the album I have on repeat today!

Honesty seems to be a thing that runs through the blogs?

What’s the point of doing it if you are not going to be honest, it’s the one thing that I strive to be throughout my life, that’s not to say I have never lied, if I have its purely from a tactical stance, to save some one or even myself harm, but I strive to be as honest as I can be.

Where does the anger come from?

Some of you lot see an awful lot of anger in the blogs yet I don’t its simply raw emotion, it’s usually just a stream of consciousness, that then gets worked on, until I’m happy with what I’m writing. If I didn’t then you would see some real anger!

 Is drink involved?

Not when I’m writing and if truth be told I haven’t had a serious drink in over two years because of my diabetes, it’s not that I am fashion conscious (teetotal), the medication makes most alcohol taste the same (shite) and then leaves me with a foul taste for ages. I’m ok with spirts (the devils water) Guinness and some ciders but I really need to be in the right company (The Tee Hee Club) for the craic.

What has happened to The Tee Hee Club?

Its slightly in hibernation mode, for personal reasons me and the wife don’t get out as much as we used to for financial reasons, if it was down to us we would be there every weekend still with the finest people that you could ever want to spend time with, situations have changed we are all still friends and it will raise its head again sooner rather than later.

Why do you write in code?

This question gets thrown at me just about more than any other, it started out as a fun thing to see if the people who I wrote about could guess who I was writing about, then we had the redneck infestation and it became a lifesaving tool, I was encouraged by the people trying to save my life to keep doing it so I did, when you consider the original blog easily hit four figures within 48 hours of being published, this one usually hits triple digits within a week, writing in code the way I do makes it hard for me to keep a dedicated base, it is what is,  I’m not about to go back to writing or even advertising the way I used to, it’s up to you lot to spread it word of mouth.

Do you have a favourite blog?

That’s like asking me if I have a favourite child, I love them all, however some evoke different memories, I miss some people, people who have passed so that makes me nostalgic, but I’m happy with all of the blogs even some of the depressing ones, they are a means to an end, that end being its helping making me a more level person or so people tell me! If I was to say that I had a favourite bit of writing, it’s probably the book “restrooms of the strip” as that was one of the best times in all of my life never mind a moment, a great time with three of the best people in the world.

Will there be any more books?

I would love to but Blurb changed their software, supposedly making it easier to use, that was not the case for this luddite, if I can work out the workings or if I had a tech savvy friend closer to home to help me, well the answer will always be “YES”.

What does your family think of the blogs/books?

I have no idea, I have never asked, the wife used to “chat” to me sometimes depending on the nature of the blog, but now that I’m in a safer harbour, I think she reads the first paragraph sees where I’m heading off to, if she sees it’s a happyish blog she doesn’t bother reading them, that’s her loss hahaha.

 How do you start?

I see something or I hear something, for the historical ones its usually music, I don’t carry a pen and paper with me as much as I used to, I would always be scribbling thoughts, sometimes something will just happen and its gold from the very start, some fade like snowflakes, I used to write them usually the morning after so some were started but never finished simply because the memory was hazy, I literally have hundreds started but not all are fully formed some are time specific and some well some just die on the vine.

What is your mood when you write?

Any mood at all, I have written some blogs several thousand words long and I have deleted them simply because they were so dark, I write most nights, it’s a bad night if I don’t, it’s always just a stream of consciousness, then its polished so that its fit for human consumption, so if you have been around for a while and have read some of the dark blogs that have been published, try and imagine what they were like when they were first spewed onto the page.

What is the spark?

Usually my mood, be it good or bad, sometimes it’s something that I don’t know how to verbalise, I’m not a touchy feely type of person, I am getting better, but believe it or not I’m not always sure on how to verbalise a thought, well I am but usually I blunder in and stomp on people’s emotions, sometimes I just want to howl at the moon, those ones don’t usually get posted. Sometimes I just want to write I suppose it’s my hobby some people play football or go fishing I just happen to write!

Are you suicidal?

I have never had thoughts of harm, even in my darkest moments, even when I have thought everything in the universe is against me, there has always been a spark of hope, that’s not too trivialise my dark emotions, I have been in as Fish’s lyrics say out on a “Perimeter walk” many times, and I think that if I couldn’t pull myself back from those thoughts then I would say that that darkness could easily engulf me. I still have good days and bad days, more good than bad but I know I still have a way to go, but let’s just take it one step at a time. A lot of people think that because you have dark emotions you are suicidal, many people who commit suicide generally wake up one morning not realising that later that day that this day will be their last, some obviously do, my dark thoughts are years old and pick away at me from a distance, as I say best forward one step at a time.

Have you many friends?

I had to think about this one, I have hundreds and I didn’t even realise it, some might not realise the help that they have done for me, a simple word of encouragement here or there, ask me on the street and I would say no not many, but the more I think of it there are so many people in my life and I don’t realise it, I feel very honoured to have the people in my life that I do I just wish I could see them more often.

 Have you any ambitions in writing?

I have a couple, one to write the great novel, although I have a story and I have characters and a killer twist, I’m stumped at every turn, I have had a few false starts then dumped it all, I once even completed 16000 words only to delete it simply because I was in a bad mood (yes I did regret that) E had offered to be my editor (something that I could use if I’m honest) but then she was taken ill, that has been the last and greatest set back as she really encouraged me with my writing, the other one is write professionally for a newspaper, this was very nearly successful as a local newspaper editor in Boston liked the way I wrote my original blogs, and he wanted to get an English perspective on things in the world in general, it wasn’t going to be ground breaking but it would have been something to tick off the bucket list, that all stopped after the redneck infestation, oh well maybe next time.

Are you miserable?

Again I think that you need to talk to others about this, there’s no doubt I do have my moments, some people see me as a really happy camper as I put on a brave face to project an image (usually at work) I am a work in progress and again I have many people helping me, I don’t think I will ever be a happy go lucky chappy, thankfully I’m no longer a man of extremes any more there are moments of grey between the black and the white (no that’s not a football reference) as I said a work in progress one step at a time!

Do you like sailing?

Erm this one has cropped up more than I care to say, that’s a no, well not really, it’s all the sailing analogies, I have no idea where they come from, even my therapist picked up on it when I was undergoing treatment, so no, I have no desire to own a boat, I’m not a huge fan of boats, although I did used to use the shields ferry from time to time.

Is there anything that you regret publishing?

No, nope, never! it’s what I’m feeling at the time, my only regret is that I didn’t do it sooner.

What’s next?

I have no idea, I intended to keep writing and hopefully improve, I would like to do more books that’s if technology would stop kicking me in the shins, I would like to spread my wings do a proper website again that involves technology and probably money, something that I’m lacking, but you never know all I can say as long there is an interest I intend to keep putting my best foot forward and writing these little specks of life.

So there you have it the twenty most frequently questions, maybe I should have saved it for the 300^th blog which is coming on down the line, no I don’t have a clue what I will do to celebrate, normal service should resume later in the week with a “proper” blog this took longer than I thought as the pool of questions were semi incestuous with many of the questions being asked in a similar way. That and the facy life got back in the way of my writing, too many thoughts/words too little time, I’m starting a 13 day run at work which will damned hellish but I do like a challenge until the next time Toodles.