Blind

The blog has gone quiet (again the summer malaise is upon us) numbers are still evident , just slow on the uptake (no not like me) it doesn’t mean that I’m not going to blog, it just means that I’m not going to get upset on the those (damned) numbers, Now Hear This 2 which is planned  should maybe be with us next week , I’m trying to be (too bloody clever for my own good) extra careful  on the questions because I don’t want a repeat of the first session and it’s amazing that some people have sent through the same questions as the last time (Nils I ignored them for a reason and I did answer two so why send the same list?).

Work has been kind this week still busy; I simply took my foot off the gas and kept as low a profile as I could, I again was blind to some people who saw me, but I didn’t see them ( I told you I was blind) but it was nice to have a little chat and even to be questioned on the blog as it would appear they both read the bloody thing (WTF) word does spread, Wednesday I was off , my usual  appointment to have my eyeballs photographed for my diabetes, I forgot to take some sunglasses with me, so when I came out I turned into the white Stevie wonder, well ok I can’t sing as well as him and he  has more dress sense!  The day turned into a comedy of errors as the youngest kept walking me off kerbs and then telling me far too late ….”Ooops kerb” what have I done to deserve these trials and tribulations?

A nice lovely meal (although the chicken was as dry as boot leather) it was still good to get out and about with the family, the day in reality was a welcome break in mid-week. Back to work on the Thursday, tipping the wife out of bed to get me there slightly early, as I had a training course to rewrite (for the specific audience) literally 30 minutes before they arrived, thankfully all went well, and to a responsive audience. The day continued on in a good mood until I had to leave, then I had to endure a pack of rats that were being thrown out of my place of work, which plague carrier did they get on, yes you guessed it mine, thankfully they weren’t too bad and they only stayed on a for less than half of the journey. I had made a rookie mistake in so much that I had not taken my MP3 player so I had to endure the sounds of the great unwashed!

The night disappeared quickly as I once again fell asleep in my new throne which I had a premonition that it would help curb these sleep addictive nights, what a surprise I was wrong and yes literally 30 minutes after eating my head is drooping, thankfully I have stopped the drool running from my mouth, but I feel so annoyed (mainly with myself) that I am wasting daylight, as always I have a number of cunning plans, going forward let’s see if they come to fruition. I know I haven’t had enough music in my life something I intend to correct this coming weekend if the hurricane will afford me some time to have a waking moment to myself.

Back to work today and I am in deep meditation mode because people have let us down and the people I am helping feel terrible (no need to) as the arranged it, not a problem I will have revenge when they finally turn up, then it will be a mad scrambled to complete everything that need to be completed by close of play and then some taxing and exploration of Mordor as the wife has to go and work there over the next week, cunning plans and the such like to put into action and then hey ho into a weekend before another seven days of hell!

Mental health training is being offered at work and I have volunteered to be the champion hopefully some of my issues will give me an insight to being able to help others, it’s something I’m actually looking forward to doing. Friday struggled on and if I’m honest it was annoying, annoying tasks, annoying people and me generally starting to fixate and hate people, I was over the moon when the wife rang and said “get your arse in the car, we are out of here” we drove home to collect the youngest to take her to a friend’s birthday party , while we were there the wife opened some post and went atomic, I won’t bore you with the details other than a bill that’s been paid they say we have then they say we haven’t then they say we have it’s all done and dusted we receive a letter to say that it’s done and dusted and then yesterday we receive one that states nope you still owe us a gazillion pounds, thankfully the wife couldn’t get through even though she tried for 30 minutes, maybe it was just as well, hey ho I come downstairs this morning and she’s at it again only to find out that yay they have lost the money, yep that’s right the money we paid into a bank to pay the bill, at least she was calm and level headed and an absolute delight, a lady is going to investigate and ring her back on Monday ………watch this space!

After dropping the daughter off me and the wife decided fish and chips were the order of the day we headed to the best chip shop in Gimpsville and can I just say it was AWESOME! We both sat and ahem cough splutter blinked for long periods of time just in time to go and collect the youngest from the party and drop here off at the krakens, just as well as the kraken was poorly but wasn’t going to tell us, why well that’s just the way she is, again another story for another blog. Back home well after the witching hour and I was so jealous of all the posts on Farcebook of all my friends who had gone to see BOC in London, yes you read that right I so jealous, but in a strange way happy that they had enjoyed themselves.

Once more to climb the wooden hill and it didn’t see more than a blink in the eye before the cock crowed (behave) and we were once again in the land of the living it was then and only then that the wife dropped a bombshell, telling me that I had to go and pick up my own prescription ……wait for it ……….by myself……………...WTF! believe it or not I was indeed shell shocked, I was trying to think of any excuse not to do it, to no avail she swept out of the house to go to work, my dilemma was I now just had to argue with myself, unfortunately I lost, but I was determined to be there and back as quickly as possible three minutes there, one minute at the chemists, three minutes back, hopefully I won’t make eye contact with anybody and I will be safe in my shell in under ten minutes!

I couldn’t win an arse kicking contest versus a one-legged man, I left the house, got to the chemist “ah the Chemist would like a word” why? what for? what have I done? can I leg it before she comes over? all this running through my mind in a split second, too late she asked me to follow her to a little room, panic mode not sure what to do, I was going to leg it but a mum and her stupid triple sized buggy got in the way , can this short fat bearded cripple jump the buggy? Of course I can’t I’m not going to brazil for the Olympics what a moron! then in the room only to be told it was a simple review of my medication to make sure that there’s no side effects (what like rampant paranoia you mean?  where the hell did that come from) once calm I became the cool casual gentleman that everybody thinks that I am (allegedly)I then walk briskly back from the chemists all in 15 minutes, those additional five minutes took years from my life I can tell you!

There’s the blog and that seems to be the mood of the week laid back as much as possible, thank you for all your kind comments and Dave Robinson we have our eye on you being nice to Mick Wall we know your game, oh hang on a second you were very nice about my books as well ooops until the next one, enjoy the summer I think it’s due on a Tuesday this year…………….Toodles!

The Devil Made Me Do It!

Time moved on as did the world spinning out there in the darkness, me I had promised another blog so I had better pull my finger out!

I thought I had discovered a great set of headphones for the plague carrier, I was unhappy with the ear buds that I had been using, I was so wrong they were too small for my petite ears (no I do not look like a copy of the FA Cup) they soon wound their way to the youngest, disappointment raised its ugly head I would just have to make do with the fabulous sport of bus seat bingo! But more of that in a while, as I had said life moved on, the yard furniture was sorted out and we tried it out at least once, the others may have tried it a bit more, hey ho that’s the summer done isn’t it?

Somewhere along the way a friend reached out, they weren’t having the best of times thankfully after we had conversed there seemed to be some light at the end of the tunnel, it’s not just me that has issues, if you can lend a hand do so you never know when you might need a friendly shoulder to lean on, then up the wooden stairs to my pit later than I normally would, but a good deed does need to be done.

The next morning, I was already at the plague carrier preparing for an Olympic effort in bus seat bingo I was attempting a six seat segue, its where you pick a seat that will cause the most upset on an early bus, a journey that people have been making for so long that they consider that seat to be their own, well seat picked it was hilarious to see that their heads nearly exploded, I then waited until that the bus was in motion and I moved seats “because the sun was in my eyes” the driver doesn’t see me make my move but he does see the six people scuttling to snatch there coveted thrones back, he slammed the brakes on and has a right hissy fit , I struggled so much to keep my giggle fit in, I’m not positive but I’m sure a little wee escaped, funny yes, however I just might need the use of the FBI to protect me again lol.

Back to work and the pace picked up, twice I went to work wearing my reading glasses this renders me nearly blind, so people who know me have to jump out in front of me, even then I know I still struggle to confirm that it’s actually me that they are waving (sorry Brother Norm) at, I can only hang my head in shame, hahaha and I do quite frequently, you really do have to rugby tackle me if you want my attention, if my own mother was still she would testify to that fact!

A duty manager shift thankfully flew over and then the coveted weekend was here, I was still reeling from the effects of the tonsillitis and to make matters worse early Saturday morning (about three ish) I experienced the worst case of calf cramps, as I pirouetted around our cramped bedroom trying to make as little noise as possible as we had the Hurricane staying, I literally cried with the pain, here we are on Monday night still in pain but the wife put on her nurses uniform on and massaged my calf’s informing me I had a huge stiffness in my left leg (down boys & girls) what a fantastic job she did, life keeps kicking me in the bollocks with all of these “Little Gifts” I do believe I have exclaimed in the past “getting old is shit”

Saturday I sulked and hobble around the house in pain, but cunning plans were afoot and they did indeed perk me up, now I need to collate weather information as a part of my job at work and for the last 6 days I was being told that Sunday was indeed going to be “Rainy” however my sources from the Shields posse were telling the wife “no come on down it will be fine”! You can see where this is going can’t you, well actually as we left Gimpsville it was actually alright however it got grimmer as we headed to the coast, it did fair up but it means that we had to change cunning plan number 3247, we went to Porters (come on boys and girls it will always be Porters) for lunch it was fab but I felt guilty as I didn’t want a pudding so I felt like I guilted everybody else, not the case, I was honestly just full, meal over we headed to the coast (I mean further along the coast) not before driving past Bents Park to see if we could get Mr Tony Hadley (as he was playing) to sing Musclebound to no avail! I thought I stood a chance, mind you if I can’t get the Buckets to do California Man without bribing them with Jagermiester, I didn’t have a burger to throw at Mr H , I kept a stiff upper lip we ended up at Marsden and we decided to have an ice cream then ended up following the imperial Japanese army as they tried to invade the caves of (Okinawa) Marsden grotto and we had another drink (non-alcoholic) because we are good boys and girls (cough splutter) the crack flowed and we ended back at the lair of the royal flight, and for some reason I was really popular with the royal hounds!

An introduction to Lucifer (oh fuck not you two again) and the day was done we headed back to Gimpsville and yes the weather actually had been good, well for the time of the year what were you expecting the sky to be split? Off to bed and then back to work today which to put bluntly my get up and go had got up and fucked right off, I di plenty I just didn’t really enjoy it, strange that because I do love my job! So that’s the blog, keep spreading the disease, numbers are good not great (they all die off in the summer for some reason) more coming soon but until then enjoy your life, this ain’t a practise you only get one go, and if you can help a soul please do you will find that it makes you feel so much better, until the next time Toodles!

Sue Lawley (So Lonely)

Here I am on day four of what appears to becoming a five-week cycle, tonsillitis and generally feeling crap, don't get old kids it stinks, I have been suffering on and off since I was a kid with tonsillitis, it seems to rear its ugly head usually when I have tons of work on, I haven't lost any time off work yet, that's basically because it tends to hit me at the back end of the week as I crawl over the finish line.

A wedding last week and a birthday this week, well it appears that me and the Mrs. have a social life again, actually that's not quite so true, my friendly disease hit me Thursday night and I struggled through Friday, I managed to crawl home and surprise surprise all I wanted to do was sleep, I awoke with a set of bulldog's bollocks at the back of my throat (I know not a nice thought) with a ton of gunk around them, I spent most of the morning trying to get rid of it and  then most of the afternoon sleeping it off, not very successful either, the wife finally gave in trying to bully me into going, I had no intention of spoiling anybody's night, so I sent the youngest with the wife I knew she would help keep the Karaoke party going until the early hours, me I contemplated my navel and wondered how I was going to do the blog.

I had noticed last week at the wedding how well people integrated families, friends and acquaintances, how easy it was for them, not so much for me, admittedly it was whilst there was a disco blasting away but I noticed how separated from the pack I was, now this isn't a whoa is me blog, I just noticed how different I have become over the last ten - fifteen years, hell I used to burst through the doors and try to be the centre of attention (shy people do that) these days I feel very disconnected, again not in a bad way, I'm just not that kind of person anymore, I'm not a natural hugger(go figure), I don't do kisses I'm a definite hand shake kind of a guy, I didn't realize how I became this kind of person, I was always the introducer the go to jokey person, the jumping jack, now I just fade into the background, at the sight of a camera I do a great Lord Lucan impersonation, definitely a face for radio.

I love my family my wife my kids my grandkids, and I do tell them frequently, I just don't get the touchy feely kind of things that occurs, I hope in later years if my family find these blogs I hope they don’t get too shocked by reading this, I love them all with my heart I just don’t know how to connect like other people do, I don’t make friends easily, I suspect that I never did, but the friends that I have I’m fiercely protective of them all and yes there’s that word again I do indeed deeply love them, they do indeed help my world turn each and every day, all the while I feel as though I shrink  myself every single day, I pine for the days when I really didn’t give a rats shit these days it appears that I do, I’m not jealous of anybody and their ability to reach out to the world and the friends and family truth be told I’m just a little in awe that’s all, is that a bad thing?

I don’t do cliques like some of our acquaintances do, hey it’s all good, good luck to you and yours but I left school a long time ago and I never played the game then, I have no intention of doing it now the game is to treat people humanly not to try and get to the top of a hill, that’s a sad empty place I can tell you, maybe I do prefer my own company a little too much there’s nothing better than sitting around listening to some fierce craic, that’s a connection I can get, my encroaching deafness isn’t helping matters or is that the main cause who knows?

As I said earlier don’t feel sad for me I don’t, I just hadn’t noticed the change that crept up on me, is this the hand of old age starting to reach out and touch my shoulder is my time drawing to a close, I don’t feel like it is but you never know, I just want to let anybody who is interested know I tried my best every day! I have noticed my black cloud getting a little closer is that because I’m a tad more fragile at the moment or does it think it can take advantage of my defense’s being just a tad loose, well let the sneaky thing creep up on me because I will kick its black lined arse I ain’t going down without a fight! The title crept into my mind after watching a rock goes to college gig on YouTube, which I sadly remembered watching on a black and white TV in the family abode all of those years ago and it does sound like they are singing “SUE LAWLEY” and if English isn’t your mother tongue life is too short to explain what the hell I’m going on about! Hell even I don’t know half of the time!

Well another blog done and as soon as the numbers fall of for this one there will be another “Now hear this” style of blog I have about 15 questions picked so there is plenty of time to get some more in if you so desire, I hope that nobody thought that this was an unhappy blog it wasn’t the intention, with the exception of the lurgy I feel pretty good mentally (I have jinxed myself haven’t I?) so here’s to the next one I hope you are all in good health, enjoy life because it’s the only one we get, until the next time Toodles!

The Long Run

Ok so the world took a breath I posted my 300th blog and the world kept turning, I took some time to take a breath as the blog although quite frivolous for such a milestone, (that was my mood) I felt I had to simply as things of late had been way too serious and I didn't want everybody to feel like I was losing the will............to blog!

So here we are 301 and where do I start from, well right on from where we left off in blog 299, we were on holiday and sort of getting along well that was until we did our usual amount of bickering, life wouldn't have worth writing about without a small amount of bickering..........well it wouldn't would it? we pottered on and I bought some yard furniture, well it said garden furniture but we don't have a garden, so yard it was, the weather conspired against us (a couple of weeks later we still haven't had the opportunity mind you it is only July! the week plodded on until the Saturday (this blog was originally going to be called Lady go figure) the one thing I wanted to do was go see G & E because it had been an age (hence the title) since we had seen them, with it being G's birthday we took the step of organising a little get together.

We arrived at the appointed time just as G & E arrived from the opposite direction, it really did fill my joy tanks to see two of the nicest people in the world pop into view, thankfully we arrived as the Wouldhave was nearly empty so we had the pick of all of the seats, we soon picked our seats and tucked into a pint of the black stuff and ordered food, no sooner than the food had turned up but so had Campbell and G Bucket and the conversation soon veered off into the land of whimsical and mythical simply they could be the new Hinge and Bracket (if you do not know who they are look them up they will be on YouTube) bickering together I actually thought it was a mirror of me and the wife, that was until Campbell came up with a fantastic Phrase which was designed to shut Glen Bucket up and it did Sheep Bleat Follow .............BAA! it was so wonderful but I bet they have both forgotten about it forever!

E was concerned that I intended to blog about our evening and truth be told I was (hence the title Lady ....because she is one as she admitted to us all) going to but if I'm honest I simply enjoyed the evening because we so rarely get to see them at this moment, and if you see her please let her know that I never mentioned her  lady garden although she did throughout the night, frankly it was bordering on an obsession and nothing to do with her meal in anyway shape or form, G ended the night with a few wee cheeky fellows (well you have to do don't you?)and the night was over way too soon, I suppose that's why you need to savour them!

A slow drive home, well we didn’t hit warp factor two! I had a cunning plan the next morning to cut my hedge and I roused everybody from their golden slumbers to harry and chivvy them along, however in my haste and with 80% of the hedge cut I sliced through the bloody cable (again ….third year running) I had to complete it by hand but the youngest was fab and the wife turned just as we finished, well ok just before we had as she had sauntered off on foot to buy some black bags for the rubbish, go on then she kind of helped, then I spent the day preparing the blog as I intend to publish it in the middle of the week, and then the world turned, the 300^th blog took off with a sprint and well work got me by the soft fleshy bits and didn’t stop until the audit just over a week ago.

I then needed some time to recharge my mental batteries as I was exhausted, I’m not a fan of this getting old malarkey! I continued through the week dodging bullets and other random acts of violence and other psychotic episodes with the wife (we bought a new sofa ….please don’t ask as it’s a blog all in its self but hopefully we will soon be finished then I will blog I just don’t wish to incriminate the wife if anybody gets it in the neck) then thankfully we arrived at the weekend and a delightful invitation to a wedding and so last night we descended on the reception in the same room that we started courting (is that even a saying anymore) and we had a  good night was had by all, seeing peeps we hadn’t seen in a while, I have to admit it’s not my forte as a rule, I can’t hear a bloody thing or I don’t know anybody! well I did know people I just couldn’t hear I was also suffering a bit of dodgy stomach as well (not to go into too many details I was fine but I avoided the food which looked wonderful) the music was all right but it was wedding music designed to get people on the dance floor which it did. I declined the food and the wife did as she was asked but she brought some quiche (my absolute fave) and teases me, she’s lucky I didn’t pinch it off her plate (greedy bitch that she is).

We arrived home after a great night with some cunning plans organised for the future (please see my social secretary) up earlyish to get the youngest back to Carlisle with a car full we only forgot the food (D’oh) she is only there a couple of days earning some needed funds to sustain her social life, the wife soon pissed me off hey ho it must be Sunday! Deed done we came home and I dozed see it must be Sunday, once my blogging task is complete I will lunch (bangers and mash if anybody is interested) the tile of the blog well I have been listening to a lot of this band lately and I realise that I am indeed here for the long run, you don’t just do 300 blogs for the hell of it, or do you? Normal service will resume as I still have to catch up with the rest of the year, thanks for all of the nice comments so here go for the next hundred until the next time ……………Toodles!