Cherry B

So here is the third and final blog on how E is doing, why the final one, well plenty of people are able to get the message out, and to be honest I don’t want to bore people with my version of how the lady in question is doing, and I certainly don’t want peeps to think that I am the font of all knowledge, I’m not I’m just a concerned friend of a very special (and  much loved) person.

A very elaborate viewing programme was now in place, we aren’t the only people who wants to visit our friends and we weren’t greedy, we weren’t able to go as often as we would have liked, we had other issues to deal with and again other people needed to visit, the week had dragged and we contended ourselves with reports from G on the patients progress and the insults he was receiving on a daily basis (that in itself is a great thing) and finally Wednesday arrived.

Straight away there was a lesbian affair or so I was told, I was polishing my glasses so missed the whole thing, but I did hear the wife getting whispered platitudes from the lady in the bed, the wife was given instruction on how to do Foof Fanning (a lot more complicated than you could imagine) and then for some insane reason the ladies broke into Mary Poppins the musical…..please don’t ask just take it from me it’s a good thing……….I think!

E had a raging thirst but she was being given her regulation wall paper paste to drink (well that’s what it looked like to me) and G was being very strict as to what position she was required to be in so that it all went down the right way, cue lots of old jokes and much hilarity mainly from the patient herself and finally she informed us all that “these beds are fucking shite” I was quite concerned for another patient who was snoring like an outboard motor and was quite frankly putting me in the shade, and she seemed to be such a frail old thing!

At this point E as always was asking news of her subjects ….erm I mean friends and she was thrilled that lots of you had read the blogs and she was determined to have a read herself, unfortunately the mobile phone was proving a little difficult to read so G whipped out his big boy (that’s his IPad to the uninitiated) I now have my instructions and I have to see how I can do a spoken word version so that E can hear my dulcet tones doing my best Stephen Fry impersonation, another reason why this trilogy will be coming to a close tonight.

E had by this time be glammed up, hair brushed by…. well herself and others who wanted to help, she had nail varnish and looked almost like herself although she does look tired, well she is worrying about the world having to deal with an unfettered G! The wife and G were in full on nurse mode and me well to be honest, I just got in the way and sat looking (cough splutter) pretty! We had a patient that had suffered a number of heart attacks and was not going quietly, either move the poor woman to a more private place or provide everybody else with ear defenders, the noise was most off putting, I have no idea how E didn’t get out of bed and smother her (I’m not being cruel just making an observation the woman was in pain), we returned our attention back to E who was considering Foof platting, and my fragile constitution was shaken to the core, we fought with her to get her sassy inflatable leggings back on and G will be a qualified Anaconda wrestler after E is done in hospital, it could just possibly be E getting him back for all the mischief he has caused over the years.

G himself was as always being naughty, well not really he was just getting the patient to do some things for herself, although the cursing only went up by a modicum. We soon departed and life as always went on. The week continued and we awaited any news that G had to give us, the very next day E was moved to Cherry Burn a rehab centre, but not the preferred option, but we are led to believe that the preferred option have accepted her, so all we can do now is to wait on the bed! G again had a lot to deal with and again I can only sing his praises for his fortitude, I know for a fact that I would have been a wreck by this point, also not helped by the Halifax being total Cocks! Don’t worry a special kind of hell is being worked out for the troops who cannot deviate from instructions, I’m so glad that after the banking crisis and all that we did for them that compassion has blossomed in their hearts and they wish us all nothing but goodwill ……..continued at lyingthievinglazyarseholes.com! Go figure!

The weekend arrived along with travel documents to see E at her penthouse suite and we arrived at what is left of the old General hospital (where I had my first ever operation at the age of five and a whole blog on the nightmares that were associated with it …..Even for the shortest time us kids are resilient) thankfully the rehab place wasn’t so derelict (it was actually quite nice) again it felt strange learning how to gain access to another ward once in we found E in her own cubicle and G flashed the fact that Motley Crue had been shoved into the wardrobe, it appears they are there simply to lie on the patients “sweaty tits” her words not mine, this time I had forgot to take my little black book to make notes and there was so much that I forgot 90%, it was good to see E relax once she knew that I didn’t have my little black book and the conversation flowed and it’s great to see her start on the long road ahead, let’s be under no illusion she has a long way to go, but with G by her side she can’t ask for a better companion who will not only be a hard taskmaster but a loving husband ( I know she will set her ninja’s on me but you know what I don’t care) the message is getting out there and she knows that she is loved one step at a time let’s keep giving our love and support to both of them.

Is Cherry Burn the best place I don’t think it will be, it appears under staffed and again they can’t be deviated from instructions, making G sit outside in his car because of rules, G understands that there are certain things that need to be done when he is not there but what would have happened if he didn’t have a car  would he have to walk the grounds for two hours as instructed, I understand that there are rules to be followed, but someone who has nowhere to else to go and can basically do more for the patient than what appears to be actually happening, I’m aware that the NHS has problems, this is not a critique but if a helpful person is ejected because of the “rules” then you really are up shit creek, because essentially this person wants to support the staff and not be a hindrance, who wants to assist in the rehabilitation of his wife and is prepared to do the small things that the staff seem not to have the time to do! It’s not all good but we make the best of it and offer our support

That brings the trilogy to a close, I’m not the mouth piece for either G or E I just felt I had to let as many people know what was happening from my view point, they do need all the love and support that everybody (a cast of millions) can provided, some of our prayers have been answered but not all of them lets continue with the support for a great couple, they need every bit of love we can send them. Until the next time …..Toodles!

 

Two Hundred

So here we go 200 blogs and this one is low key I’m not even going to promote the bloody thing, as I have to admit the shine is off the apple, my friend is still very poorly and no I do not intend to fire off fireworks to celebrate the blog  , I intend to do 200 words then post it and then slink off into the darkness and hopefully do another blog tonight yes that would be number 201, for what it’s worth I have a ton of writing to get on with and that’s exactly what I intend to do!

So here we go the first 199 have been hard work, but still a pleasure, as allegedly it helps with my therapy, I have had some great responses and some downright rude, silly, awful etc. Please delete as you find appropriate, at least I haven’t had any death threats (yet) I should probably keep my mouth shut on that one….for now!

Short and sweet I promised short and sweet is what I delivered thanks for sticking with this sad old fart, I’m here for the long run so until something better comes along (yeah right) ……err Toodles!

Dignity

Here we go again, although this one will be considerably shorter than my previous blog, but E has asked me to try and keep everybody in the loop regarding her health.

E had been moved to a ward and we spent Tuesday trying to work out where it was, thankfully my wife had left with tons of free time purely so that we could indeed find it in the maze that is the RVI, that's the thing when you build super hospitals you need to be super to find your way around them! We arrived before G and his Sis and we finally met A who E keeps insisting is a brother from another mother, we hunkered down in the corridor as this ward had a strict policy on visiting, I wasn't going to get to see E on this visit as I said in previous posts I was just glad to see that she was getting better, and my intention was purely to try and support G, everybody else did the deed and at the end of it we headed out of the area, me and the wife went with G for a coffee and G had biggest Jaffa cake in the world and a cup of that foul American brew (not that I mind Americans I just hate the smell of coffee)as they drank I people watched for a while and had to shake my head a few times.

Once we finished G said he would walk us back to the car as he had some time to kill before heading back to the ward, as we were parked on the wrong side of the hospital it was going to be a hike, we set off in a northerly direction (you really did need a bloody compass) I noticed that the wife was getting just a tad flush, just as she did one of her world famous "now would be a really good time to collapse" routines thankfully both me and G noticed and grabbed her as she went backwards faster than a tanker getting launched on a Wallsend slipway, cue lots of young doctors rushing to see if they could help, they were all quite impressed (as was I) when I gave them a brief medical history and they saw I knew what I was doing, thankfully she came around just as quick as she hit the ground and we were able to get her up off the floor and onto a seat so she could compose herself, when we noticed she had fallen right outside the Falls and Syncophy clinic who said they couldn't do anything for her.

We were then escorted by a concerned G back to the car and once he was satisfied we headed home, we had new concerns for E mainly that she was on a new ward but that she was surrounded by old dears, we found A on farcebook and connected and G text late on in the day to see how my good lady wife was doing, even in amongst all the shit the guy has time to be concerned for others, that's why we love him, we arranged to visit on Friday and get radio contact through the week with some terse texts with just enough information bleeding through the lines G was concerned and rightly so.

Friday came and we had learnt our lesson, we parked closer with only a little swearing (which was good considering) and again we were first there (so we bloody well thought) and claimed our seats we thought that G was already in and we hadn't been there more than a minute when a bed came crashing out of the ward being rushed (and I mean rushed) down the corridor now I didn't get a good look, but the wife was sure it was E! I said it couldn't have been as there was no sign of G, who then appeared from the ward but G himself, looking concerned and not too happy, it appears E had nodded off to sleep as G had been leaving the afternoon visiting session and when he arrived back, she was in exactly the same position, he wasn't happy cue much talking and a dash for a CT scan, we then listened to G's concerns and I have to admit he was so level headed about it all I have to admire and give kudos for his restraint.

Lady A turned up and saw three very unhappy bunnies sat outside the ward and she was concerned straight away, thankfully E soon returned, G trailed after her like a submarine hunting a trawler he was now a man on a mission, and nothing was going to stop him. he returned and seemed happier and he dragged the rest of us in to see E and fuck the two people policy! thankfully E was waking up oblivious to the horrors that our imagination had us all thinking, and her words "have you come to see the spacka?" greeted us like a wave of happiness, now at this point if you are of a nervous disposition step away from this busted ass blog straight away, as it's getting naughty straight away and those easily offended ....well you obviously don't know E that well, although tired the old E was there softer spoken, as you would be if you had had tubes rammed down your throat for a fortnight, but she was so happy to see us and in reality this was my first time speaking to her for any length of time, the previous Saturday she was shattered and I hadn't wanted to tire her out as there were lots of people wanting to see her.

I was immediately given instructions for the next (this) blog she was most insistent that I tell everybody how she is doing and was being instructed in that way only E can do, she had titles for the blog The Spacka Wifey erm no, The Cripple Botherer (directed at G and his attempts at rehabilitation) and many more that were even more cruel than I could think off, I will admit the joy of her being there in such fine form had me close to tears a couple of times, if she had seen me she would have just told me to" man up or fuck off " or some other subtleties, we discussed everything (in turns) from cunning plans to her dignity (hence the title) holidays, Tee Hee club road trips and beyond, this is the fighter we all know and love. there was concern that Foof Fanners has the potential  to be an Olympic sport, and the search has begun for a Nikki Sixx Tommy Tipper cup, ask me next time you see me hahahahaha again E had concern for peeps not close to home asking how SMOR was doing, the lady is lying there suffering a major issue and she asks about others, she was glad that me and the wife had finally met A after all this time, E kept trying to whip lash me with her piss pipe (her words not mine) asking me to stop eyeing up her home brew (definitely Stella and it looked like 6 pints of husband beater to me) and fighting off the lavish attentions of G who claims  that copping a feel is indeed an affective therapy, thankfully because we reasonably quiet (hahahahaha yeah fucking right) we weren't rushed out even after everybody wanting to pictures of the lady in her bed/throne (all pictures covered by a D noticed and embargoed at the request of G) the two hours flew by and although we aren't out of the woods I felt buoyed by the fact that E was there, right there trying to organise a window lickers competition, as only she would!

The road is still long and hard and thankfully she has the love and support of so many people close to home and lots of people including a couple in the best village in the world! including and they will both hate me for saying it but the best person for, her real best friend and husband the one and only  G! the love between them just shines out and I hope that this gets sorted quicker than any of us can pray, why does shit always happen to good people (rant continued at Ihatescumand theyshouldalldieslowpainfuldeaths.com). we left the hospital with a little bit of a spring in our step, actually mine was a limp, I just hoped that nobody noticed. I fell off the tall kerb and nearly broke my ankle, but at least we were in the right place if I had, we got home and headed to KFC so we could tease G and send him pictures (the threats we received were not from a gentleman oh no)of our supper!

I had intended to post this yesterday but when I got up I felt like hammered shit and I had to ease myself into the day and I lay around like a loppy dog, writing other stuff (the new book) after receiving instructions from E the night before, the wife did her tasks and while I felt better she slipped the other way and I put her to bed at 7.00pm ....go figure. E has instructed me to get the word (she who must be obeyed) out to let everybody who knows her, so spread the word, the lady is a damn good fighter! if you read this on Facebook I have no objection for people clicking the like button, but please click the share button to share it on your page and give it a brief description to let people to know it's about E.......and if you have wandered into the blog and haven't worked out who E is well tough shit!

So another week comes around more cunning plans and prayers being said if I could do anything else for them I gladly would I love both E and G with all my heart and if just a few more of you do (and I know lots of you do) the good vibe will get to her lying in her throne with her home brew strapped to her faithful iron steed, if I know anything I will post in a blog (as I have the lady's permission .....ooops I will get so much shit for that hahahahaha she will have to catch me) until the next time spread the word.............Toodles!

So much for a shorter blog!

Too Many Tears

Just a heads up if you haven't read my blogs before, I do have a tendency to talk in code and never name names, most peeps who know me know what there code names are, if you have followed a link to this blog because you know this person and not just because the subject matter, just go with the flow, you will get the hang of it soon enough, but you will just have to try and work out code names as we go.

I have kept a deliberate low key approach for the last fortnight and with good reason (that means I haven't blogged) as one of my most dearest friends I know suffered a stroke and to be honest I have been more concerned for them, more so than for myself, so all the emails asking if everything was ok were ignored purely for selfish reasons, my best friend was in a bad way (and I wanted to make sure she wasn't dying) so really you wanted me to blog, that was always going to be a no! anyway I digress, please keep your arms and feet inside the blog at all times because this is going to be one bumpy (emotional) ride.

I had intended to blog on the Sunday, but realised I was duty manager at work on the Monday so I would do it then (yeah right). I actually got a lie in and although I did indeed play about with Farcebook, time slipped away and I had to head off to the asylum to look after all the inmates, not before I had sent E (my best friend who had the stroke bear with me peeps I do tend to wander) a picture of Nikki Sixx reading to schoolchildren (yeah right like E is bothered if he can read) although there was a bit of banter "if Carlsberg made teachers" hahahahaha once my was job complete I headed into the asylum, as I had mentioned and dealt with the lunatics at work, The wife picked me up after my shift and I made a quick exit (faster than the Italian army surrendering)  and had just sat down in my fat pants and was about to get something to eat, when the wife received a phone call that beggared belief, the wife and myself were in total disarray and we both just couldn't believe what we were hearing, E is considerably younger  than me and the wife, and she never complained of aches or pains at all, it appeared she had had a stroke thankfully it happened when G was there, she had said she felt poorly and then a paramedic was called and then an ambulance, once in the ambulance G set off for the local hospital and beat them there (WTF) and no he hadn't broke the law, an assessment was carried out and she was moved onto the RVI, where more tests were done and she slowly faded and was soon in a twilight world between us and god knows what! we just sat at home and stared at each other not knowing what to do or what to say and yes there plenty of tears shed!

The wife visited the next day and came back with all sorts of information , all the while I was full of doom and gloom as this is how my mother passed away and I wasn't about to let E go the same way! as I sat waiting for my lift the next morning I posted on Farcebook could everybody say a prayer, something I wouldn't normally do, Life is pretty pap at the best of times, I didn't want this to happen. I was coming to the end of the biggest audit at work i was trying to keep a grip on all of the emotions I was feeling and people noticed a difference, I went from happy to grumpy in 0.000004 of a second, I had an appointment with the audit team which I dragged them into and said we are having our meeting an hour early and I was out of the door by 9.00 am (and nobody tried to stop me ....I wonder why) as I headed over to Newcastle on the plague carrier I started reading the whole out pouring of love for both E & G on Farcebook, I knew this was going to be extremely hard for all concerned.

I didn't want to see E(although I did pop in for just a few seconds as a sign of solidarity I was glad when the staff ushered us out), I remember seeing my mother and it chipped away everyday at me, I wanted to remember her as I always remembered her, chastising G over some misdemeanour and being the loving supportive friend she has always been (she will hate me for saying that) I wanted to be there for G to give the emotional support he might need, I failed at the first hurdle as soon as I saw him there were tears in my eyes, and he had to console me, girly fit over we sat down and talked as friends and relatives do in these situations, trying to put a positive spin on any glimmer of information, we dragged everybody down to the café and had some tea (we are English its what we do) and bacon butties, we knew that G was bunkering down like a bear in winter he wasn't (and didn't) going anywhere, he needed provisions, provided as when required, but he was staying but I think the hospital staff thought that he was going to go home, they really didn't know him, on a whim we decided to give him little tasks to keep him occupied to try and break the monotony of the waiting hours, he had already spotted a cable he wanted to "tidy up", we left him all of us feeling dejected but buoyed by his spirit and his ability to focus after just 30 minutes sleep in 36 hours.

Thursday came and I showed up again, in a better frame of mind, but tears were still close to the surface, G was made of sterner stuff and was proud to show how he had tidied up his cable! so I set him a task of sorting out the notice boards in the waiting room as we sat and waited for peeps taking turns to go in and see the  lady of the hour, sitting with her talking quietly to her to help the grey matter restart and still the out pouring of love and affection kept on coming with friends far and wide wishing good luck, I still avoided going into see her I was  there for G, as there wasn't anything medically I could do, if there had been anything  I could do to help I would have done it in a heartbeat, so hopefully I did some good for G as he soldiered on in all conditions. having said I listened in horror as he described how he plugged his phone in to charge, and he wondered as he flicked the switch "what happens if this crashes everything" ............erm G stop no don't ah feck it! crisis thankfully avoided he spent as much time as he could (he really did raise the bar for dotting husband of 2014).

The next day we came back and again we were all emotional, with more of the same as the day progressed, another G turned up(from now on known as G2 so not to confuse an already confusing situation) a friendly face that we don't see very often and another old friend of E, we were catching up just keeping the conversation going when I looked past G2 and noticed that G had indeed sorted out the message boards like a drill sergeant on a parade ground, I had to laugh through all of the madness and shit G was still a man on a mission, that mission was to tidy the world! The day was only slightly spoilt by an annoying person in the waiting room who had his phone turned on to full belt (the bastard) and every time it rang a town called malice (he did look like the oldest mod in town 70 if he was a day more than likely my age ...ooops) rang out like a bell it's officially at the top of my shit list and I hate the song with a passion,I felt like giving him a suppository with the bloody phone then he would have known what Malice was all about!

At this point I started writing things in my diary as there were just so many moments and my mind wandered and I knew that E would want me to blog about her time in the hospital (if I had had to  write her obituary I would never have blogged again! I told you I was feeling morbid!) I still didn't want to see her, I did but I felt as though I needed her permission, I also thought with G on the loose without adult supervision things could (would) get a tad naughty, he very nearly had one nurse believing that he was an actual abused husband, he didn't take long to revert to type, more  like a defence mechanism but it was great to see G shinning through, we all kept info to a minimum to the outside community, we didn't want it to turn into a freak circus we needed the love off everybody but we needed positivity more than anything else.

Friday came and went and work blew up in a strange way, a major  issue for me but I sailed through as though in a dream and a number of people were expecting me to kick off, what was the point I had to return to work on the way back from the hospital and then return on the Saturday as we went into see how treatment was progressing, thankfully others (A & C + P& G had dragged G  from the hospital for the first proper meal in a week....."you  lied to me you bastards " was his retort) at this point G was in full blown mode and every time E had an involuntary muscle spasm and raised her arm G kept shout heil! get well soon sweetie.

Sunday we crashed and burned and the day just didn't connect, we felt at a loose end and the Kraken raised her ugly head, thankfully the chloroform helped and we were able to get to sleep really early how the hell was G doing it and although he had a little billet (and he had threatened to bring his camper van onto the grounds) he was still managing on minimum sleep. we had turned into the walking dead, E had a tracheotomy which just presented G with more issues as she kept wanting to pull anything plugged into her out , cue chaos and much mayhem ( a sure sign she was on the mend) thank god she couldn't get to the home brew kit under the bed! soon we would be checking for tunnels as she certainly didn't want to stay in her bed but I digress!

Lots of peeps have been and visited and even more have sent love and affection, good friends best friends new friends and mere acquaintances, rock stars and work colleagues, it has been hard for everybody, including SMOR who has been driving around Europe with crap phone coverage and only minimal information, thankfully things are moving in the right direction  

Monday was a new week and hopefully new hope, lots more love and good wishes even G was taken aback by all the love being thrown their way, I'm sure it helped in some little way we were starting to get more responses from verbal stimulation and the fingers were starting to come up on a regular basis, G went into DR mode and was getting far more response from the patient, answers to requests and at some point I got the go ahead to go and see her, I really wouldn't have gone to visit her with out it, the week sped past in a blur and we got there as much as we could with everything thrown into the maelstrom we call life, I had a Dr's appointment I had to keep but thanks to the wife's great scheduling skills  I was able to have a dress rehearsal and turn up a full 24 hours early, not a complaint we had a lot going on in our life, I got there in the end!

Then the approaching weekend and I was in charge of the asylum again for the full weekend not a great mix as I still wasn't feeling the love, I hate stupid people and when I'm at work that's all I do (no names for legal reasons but the general public are all as dumb as mud!) we ventured over to keep G company after my Saturday shift and G2 was there as well and I was on my best behaviour and followed G onto the ward to see her battened down with tubes and stuff and looking visibly tired even after a fortnight in bed (lazy mare) I had seen her on the first day for just a couple of seconds but I spent a little more time with her and got a blown a kiss, I didn't want to wear her out as she was already tired and was yet again trying to escape from the bed prison, I still hadn't seen her stick the V's up as she had been doing it most of the second week in response to G, G had a shorthand when it came to communicating with her and after a few minutes I told her I would come back but other people wanted some time with her, I'm not greedy I got what I wanted, my friend looking frail but here in this life and nothing going to go anywhere just yet, we said our goodbyes after a while and with a Sunday at work I was crippled by the end of my shift (dealing with stupid people is very tiring) I just wanted to crawl into my bed and sleep.....and I did!

Today well I had a cunning plan (no 435679) and the wife had a better one while  I did a job of work she went and saw E, cunning little madam, who was looking great and had had her trachy removed and was talking without the aid of an interpreter (I know I will be beaten for that and I will gladly accept the punishment) E has been over whelmed by the support the love and kind wishes, although G telling her that Nikki Sixx had got married yesterday didn't help, she wanted us to get the message out, "thank you to everybody who has helped and wished support of any kind"  progress is progress so there are no time scales no finish lines, we do as G & E do take each day as it comes but the lady is there and fighting back she has been on the ropes but is finding inner strength from all the love lets keep it up! She has been moved to a proper ward thinks are improving but please be aware G is body searching anybody for shovels in case you try to help E escape, she is in the best place and the best hands, she also has G who isn't going to let anything bad happen so onwards and upwards!

That's the blog and it has taken me around four hours of writing and re writing with tears in my eyes every step of the way I don't care I'm usually what you call a cold kind of person , but this feeling I have at the moment is love and affection of the two nicest people I know, I don't make friends easily (you all know who you are)for the casual reader if you haven't read my blogs before I'm sorry, I do talk in code but E likes it that way and as she is the editor for all of my books I do as I'm told, spread the word, spread the message and say just a little prayer to whichever deity will help ( I don't care which, I have prayed long and hard every night since it happened) thanks for reading the ramblings of an old man (I feel my age now and I realise that I'm not as young or as bullet proof as I once thought) just remember we are here but for the blink of an eye don't miss the ones you love! ............................ until the next time Toodles!

Deep Breathing Exercises

I feel the need to get this out there, just to say that I have actually done some writing this week, I had done some earlier, but it was so bad I nearly trashed the computer, no it wasn't dark or black it was just so CRAAAAAAAAAAAAP!

Work progressed just as badly as it seems to have for the last few weeks, its not work its me (go figure), although I have started my treatment life in general just seems flat, I'm not having much spark in the old six cylinders of life at the moment.

Last night was really crap as it appears that I was argumentative (me with my reputation) then I got stressed and then well the cheese slid right off my cracker, the rest of the night was really poop, chest pains and the ability to not actually breath I hate this getting old (and fat ) shit, a chest that feels like I'm deep sea diving with no suit on, I'm sure I'm painting an attractive picture, time to slam on the brakes.

On the news front it's been positively pants, a close work friend has been diagnosed  with a major life threatening disease and he has sank off the grid so although I am trying desperately to help, his issues have put my piddley issues well and truly in the shade, so the time is to give my head a shake and grow (yeah right) up next weekend can not come quick enough to fall into the arms of the Tee Hee Club and the shenanigans that might ensue, I might even take a ball for G to chase hahaha

So here's the plan one day at a time be happy and thank the world for giving me one more chance I know I need to get out of the rut and hopefully the nice doctor will indeed help, onwards and upwards short and sweet high ho lets go and all of that shite until next time .......Toodles!