Sunday 30 September 2012

Captured By The Moment

Another week and still no salvation from writing, it does really seem as if i have been starved of adult company in the shape of the Tee Hee Club (OK so adult may be stretching it a tad far but you get the picture) all this week has been work related and spinning out of control until....

The fat controller left packed his bags and fucked off, result so the war has evaporated just as quick as a blink of an eye, but I'm expecting other fronts to open up as people jostle for position, everyone has assumed that I will try and move forward, but nope fools rush in, all that I intend to wait until the bodies and all the smoke is cleared. hopefully the 1000 mile an hour weeks will grind to a halt for now i'm not really sure i could take the pace for much longer anyway.

As for writing not one line has been attempted at all this week and it has left an empty hole, I have no idea why i have felt blank for most of the week and the weekend has been me staring just about at four walls, the only thing i have done writing wise is to return answers to questions asked by first time readers to the blog! I will admit that the juices have flowed and there just might be one or two small blogs through the week building to the blow out that is coming next weekend

I am like a kid waiting for Christmas knowing that next weekend is just over the brow of the hill, i solemnly swear i intend to get up to no good! My computer issues are being a pain i'm still not 100% happy with the new one and this old girl is dropping to bits, many things not working that kind of thing, but we push on and try and coax a little more out of her as we don't want to believe that the end is nigh.

The numbers have been strange but very consistent I hope that there is not a company of lawyers just waiting to pounce on me for any nasty things i might have inferred....ooops! I d really need to get back in the game I have wallowed in self pity for just a tad too long, so thanks for all the lovely compliments, the even lovelier sarcasm  people like my slightly warped view of this shit we call life! so i better bring my A game so watch for later in the week as i try and work some magic, i'm on the bus all week so that gives me an hour to write some magic....or something tragic but watch the skies there will be more to come this week so until then the countdown starts here for the debauchery that is planned for next weekend eeeeeh if santa comes down my chimney i'm going to bag and tag the fat twat until t hen Toodles!

Monday 24 September 2012

Mysteries and Mayhem

So that's the magic number out of the way, here goes for the next one hundred, I kept a low profile on purpose. because i really felt i was done and dusted and had used up all the stuff inside (not really but when i'm down i'm really down) i still have hordes of ideas but was in the huff and i didn't want to flesh them out so to speak.

Work has been the issue and the fact at the moment i'm not the master of my own destiny, too many people butting in and seeing other people struggling and not being able to assist them pisses me off. so it was a downward spiral from there on in. so i had to buck up my ideas and get on with it, I had a long weekend ahead and i didn't really want to rain on anybody elses parade.

I finished work early on friday and travelled home by a very empty bus, but upon arriving home there were some mixed messages from work which although i wanted to ignore, i simply couldn't, so not only did that eat into my day it kept me in a dark place (see previous paragraph) but in the end i simply had to let it go, but the day had got away from me and i tried ever so hard to claw it back from the brink (damn that sounds so melodramatic) slowly i did, i'm not saying i was a bundle of laughs but i wasn't the saddest cake in the shop window either!

Saturday was loppy dog day and i mulled over what i intend to write and yet again i binned what i did although the idea was there the format in which i wrote it isn't, so i will try again at some other point, i can write some good stuff(he shouts out modestly) in either frame of mood but i require to be happy or sad middle ground just doesn't seem to cut it, we had a late night but needed to be up as it was a busy day for sunday.

As always luck conspired against us i had the hedge to cut (as there were numerous plots over the previous weeks to stop me) i then cut through the cable (we have a mohawk for a hedge)so that stopped halfway there....was that blue flash caused by me hahahaha, i made dinner and then suffered from the worst bout of flatulance in weeks, and when we got to the town we didn't know where we were supposed to be! on top of that i had a bad case of tinitus so when people were talking to me i didn't have a clue (so sorry to everybody we met in The Telegraph) but the night then looked up, there was not the huge crowd of us,that i thought would be there but as we left to go to the next pub a few more souls joined us and a great night was had by all, we went to see W.A.S.P who were yeah alright i suppose, my knees kicked in about hour in but Lady J was helping me with the self medication (hic) and when we left we broke all land speed records to get home (about 17 minutes if anybody is interested) a really late night before bed and Monday off it was going to be good!

Erm don't be daft, yes i had a lie in but then my brother rang me and was on the phone for twelve minutes,yes you heard right twelve count them minutes but the crap i took for it, you would think i was chucking kittens into a woodchipper, for me then to be told off by the world as i'm not allowed to use the thing hahahaha i only pay the fecking bill dear! so i might as well have gone to work (yet again) than avoid being the crap on the wife's shoe (yet again) oh dear the rain has matched my mood, the grandson will be here this afternoon mmmmm wonder if i can get another part time job....no better not i won't get any of that pay either i must have been a very bad boy in a previous existance.

But you know what i don't really mind i do wish i could make the wife a tad happier (i can't afford the really good medication for her) but we have to amble as best as ever, a lottery win would do...oooops i said that 101 times already in these blogs, anyway the blog the numbers have been great and ooops sorry Nils yes i forgot to give you a mention last time around,  maybe if you tried harder at the name game i wouldn't forget you, again thanks for the nice comments, and welcome to some of the new comers thats why some of the older blogs numbers have being steadily going up, stick with us it's not alwaays doom and gloom sometimes it's about life's mysteries and all the mayhem that goes (yes Nils it is a fecking songtitle!) so until the next time when ireally must prep myself to be witty ....Toodles!







Saturday 15 September 2012

100 miles

Trying walking in my shoes, just once you might just be surprised.

100 blogs, can you believe it 100 blogs! I have now amassed a body of work that can now be classified as "pointlessly unique" in the history of literary efforts, there has never been a literary effort quite like this one, OK so I could be pushing the envelope on that statement.

This blog has been sort of hanging over me this week because I wasn't sure on how to approach this and thankfully my mindset as the week has progressed the blog has sorted itself out, Monday came and brought unhappiness as an unwanted house guest I didn't really have a clue why so I rolled down the hill and tagged along, thankfully Thursday came and I headed back up the hill and thankfully cleared the fog to break through to the sunshine, if only for a short period of time. In truth the blog is probably twenty four hours overdue, yesterday was a good day with my head buzzing with ideas, however I decided to rest as I had a shed load of work which I had brought home and wanted a clear head to tackle that long list that I had simply ran out of time for at work, I tackled some of it this morning the rest can wait until tomorrow (yahoo what an exciting life I lead). Consequently the blog has suffered sorry but there was too much pressure to come up with something remotely special!

I have followed numbers all week and they have been really good, new readers catching up with back issues and the feed back has pointed me into some new directions, when they will come about I'm not sure I have a number of things in the wings hot to trot, lets see how the ball rolls this week! we are gearing up for the weekend to come as we are going to see Blackie Lawless and his posse doing their best Paul Stanley impressions next week as its our wedding anniversary, and if we don't get out of the house soon into some adult (hahahaha I really am pushing the boundries with that statement)company and hopefully some of the Tee Hee Club will be present so that the whole month won't be a wash out!

So that's it 100 a magic number time to be positive and push on thanks for all the comments and the push to continue with the blog and the move to do the books, the list as always my long suffering wife, E & G, Mr Robinson, Fanny and her followers from Gotland in Sweden and all of the American readers who I have to admit have been building over the last few months (and I won't mention the R word), The Riddler and Lady J and a lot more who I know won't be that huffed as I try and get this done (why are numbers so important) and here's to the next one, as always the name game is in play and I guarentee that the wife will win this one hands down until the next one Toodles!

Sunday 9 September 2012

No Matter What

I have had such a strange week, one where I said I had no intention of blogging and for once I was true to my word, but boy did I get some stick for being truthful. Ah well you live and learn, what has really done my head in is the fact that the next blog is the big 100, for this page anyways and I cannot believe how many views the site has had even though it's been seven days since I last posted and for that I thank you, you have all made an old man.......nervous!

Again I hope to try and stick to my guns as I have no intention of posting "oh woe is me and my place of work" lets just say its been strange to say the least. But at least the way has been cleared of some of the dead wood lets see what the morrow brings, after a week on public transport I wait with baited breath to see what my lifts conversation starter will be? Probably the aerodynamics of an unladen African swallow!

Having tried unsuccessfully to buy tickets to go and see Mr Overland and the boys not once but twice I have given up! I hate the academy even more than I did before, but we all know we will try at some point for a third time Grrrrrr!

And that dear friends is just about that, I have tried a number of ways to blog today and the only way I could figure to do something is something short and sweet (a bit like me really) but to no avail it's also my youngest's eighteenth birthday tomorrow so maybe my own mortality has been weighing on my shoulders (and that has a lot this week) I have really been missing the Tee hee Club that gallant band of lunatics that really seem to keep me on par with the curve of the earth! so I like the rest of you wait with baited breath for the next one, I have no idea what to do or say but hopefully it will be better than this bugger, I really do have to get that magic three digit number out of the way! so watch the skies and keep spreading the disease the numbers have been fab and I have been here everyday to see them, and to answer all the questions (and there have been tons Hurrah) until then ....Toodles! 

Sunday 2 September 2012

The Long Run

MY NAME IS ..... AND I'M A BLOGAHOLIC, MY NAME IS ..... AND I'M A BLOGAHOLIC..... bear with me on this one boys and girls!

 So no game plan on this one and this will be (and that's a promise) the last blog for at least five days I know I bragged I had more than thirty plus ideas, but they need to be fleshed out and polished this one is off the cuff, a few ideas scribbled down (that pen has to go the distance the smell of almonds is way too distracting) and a hey ho lets go type of groove.

I will admit  to have enjoyed writing this week but I really do need a lottery win because (and the weather hasn't helped) I've done bugger all else all week, type type type and scribble scribble scribble my butt has been sat at the table doing that for a good seventy per cent of the time, It seems that the majority of you guys (and Gals) have enjoyed the blogs but the well is dry I have done enough this week and although I have no desire to go back to work, needs must hahahaha and besides I bet everybody has missed me(not)!

Babysitting sucks and that's official, I love the little terrorist but he is a handful and I have no idea how the wife will cope when I'm off to work, I suppose it's the ten days worth all in a row that sucks as always it seems as though we have no life (that's because we don't) we missed out on a great night at the office (I won't say anymore but will sulk at the table pretending to blog.....oh hang on I am) last night ah well there's always Christmas grrrr!

So I did something that I never normally do, I had a trawl through some of the old blogs god what a whinging bastard I am? how depressing are some of those blogs? or is that why you people enjoy them? actually no I have enough issues I no need for you people to add to them, so here is the game plan I will honestly try and tone down the bile, no honestly after this one hahahaha.

Anyway my intention is to do that much better in everything, lose weight, stop being angry/bitter/annoying oh you get the picture. that's a promise I do intend to try and keep! scouts honour (ooops I was in the boys brigade!) hahahaha.

As I sit here and type this I'm aware that I am a cripple at the moment as I have put nearly all my weight back on and boy do I feel like an old person so that's where it starts if I lose the weight I will be happy again so that's the way forward I have to be in it for the long run. The new book will now not be until October purely for financial reasons (I want to eat before then) but then there will be nearly three hot to trot by then, but my producer (the bank manager) has decided that October will be the first available time to go to the printers with "Buck Naked" being available in time for Christmas so in the grand scheme of things I'm sure it will be worth the wait.

MY NAME IS ..... AND I'M A BLOGAHOLIC .....thanks for the last week here's to onwards and upwards watch the skies and all that bollocks until next time.....Toodles!

Saturday 1 September 2012

Sailor to a siren

YOU MUST READ THIS BLOG YOU MUST READ THIS BLOG FOR ALL THAT IS SACRED AND THE LOVE OF THE CHILDREN YOU MUST READ THIS BLOG!

Actually I lied I just felt I needed to do something to grab your attention, and add a little drama into my writing, I needed this blog to gets it groove on and for it to head somewhere over there....just there in the right direction. OK so if I'm being honest (hahaha me with my reputation) I know feel incredibly guilty I should have posted this last night but I was so full of apathy it was unbelievable. I feel  guilty (as a Tory MP fiddling his expenses) I mean after all aren't we lied to enough without you been drawn (onto the rocks) to a Walks With Broken Hoop Blog?

Isn't our attention needed to specifically help us through the minefield that we call life, work, home, wife/husband, kids, parents, friends etc etc. Shouldn't we all be using this precious time to reach out to our unwanted cross dressing...(see list above) to say that their life is actually worth something to somebody other than themselves!

Wouldn't it be better for all of us if we were to use these never have again golden moments, when everybody has gone home (ahem) to sneak back into work and sneak that nanny cam out of the ladies toilets you installed into the office toilets.... well damn it we all know that will never happen!

anyway.......YOU MUST READ THIS BLOG YOU MUST READ THIS BLOG FOR THE LOVE OF SWEET JEEBUS YOU MUST READ THIS BLOG!

WTF was I thinking I feel so ashamed (not) until the next time ....Toodles!