Sunday 26 April 2015

Its my life

You know this is serious if I'm dragging Gene $immons into the fight, I know I have gone really silent these last few weeks but you know what I felt I deserved it, nope there was nothing wrong, well no more than usual, but I wanted to step away from the programme, I needed to know if the published word was indeed doing any good, turns out it does so here I am, y'all ready lets crack on then.

I have done a fair bit of writing some good some bad some that will be published some that won't be all in all a good experience, some dark some not so much, all in the mix and all of it at some point useable(in some form or another), maybe not just yet, but yeah I sit on stuff and stock pile it for a rainy day, go sue me if you feel that way inclined.

it's been a few weeks of work and not a lot else in the real world some unhappiness mainly work but that's for me and not the general public, some movement of people (a good thing for some and one genuinely dumb ass move but hey ho not my problem unless he comes a knocking on my door) just been soldering on, trying to help when I can, I even took some time off .....yeah me.....well it didn't quite work out as expected, lets just say that I wasn't disappointed I knew what was going to happen and it did, I need to get my arse into gear when it comes to time off I really do need that hobby!

Music has been played to death and it has as always helped me, maybe not other peeps , that's their issue! its the time of year we normally sort out our finances, unfortunately a number of  things grew legs and caught us up, not a great issue but it just doesn't give us much room for manoeuvre , was I really put on this earth just to work, pay bills and die...........it looks like it!

My health is bugging me something rotten as I have been worse since taking the medication prescribed and  I feel like I have been pushed to a cul de sac that I have no control over, my health issues are really starting to hound me, not just my mental health issues but life in general is getting all of his mates together and look like they are going to kick my arse big time, fingers crossed on this one, but I am under no illusions, its not like I am in denial(anymore) I am doing all the right things however it does look like I'm about run aground, not intentionally, lets just see where it leads us, you know you lot will be the first to know!

Life in the big bad world has been on a level playing field, meaning me and the wife have done jack shit of late, hence the no blogs, I do believe you have to lead a life if you intend to write about life, thankfully we went to a friends birthday party and that's what I'm getting to so bear with me as I meander to the point! as a rule I am in fact a shy person, I always have been, then I tend to over react in public situations I do well in small groups the bigger the group the more I tend to float to the extremities then internally decide that actually I'm better off by myself (so not the case) and that people will not miss me if I float off, I was notorious when I was younger for simply disappearing, and I used the excuse "oh I was pissed and I lost you all" that kind of issue, then people say "but you work with tons of people" actually when I'm at work its all a front I would much rather be right at the back, the number of times I have thrown up at work due to being shy, unfortunately I have to put bread on my family's table, so I have to man up and get with the programme the fact that I can do this at work doesn't always help in my private life, why the wife puts up with me I have no damn idea!

I bumped into an old work colleague earlier in the week and thankfully he was the same old tonic that he has always been, good chat, good times he helped refocus me and my self righteous attitude, kept the boat on an even keel got me through a potential minefield, work throws so many curveballs I never know what will come my way, that's why sometimes I can be so damn volatile. where is the birthday party that was mentioned well hang on to your hat its coming, the keeper of the royal hounds was one year older and we were invited it meant that I could spend the week preparing for the social assault on my senses, all in a good way I just don't want to spoil the party for the world, I was doing ok, not great but not bad either I just needed to prepare, preparation is the key!

The wife had to go work on the day and was having some minor issues, one was trying to wiggle out of paying to have a light repaired in the house (I don't do anything with Gas Water or the Electrical things, not with my reputation) dummy retrieved and wiped off and handed back to the wife (she still came off better financially) I then had an afternoon bonding with the youngest who was going to be dog sitting rather than being at the Kraken's for a change, the afternoon went well and I did my (mental) exercises for the coming night, the wife got home and she was a tad annoyed but I will let her let her start a blog about that one, a quick spin and we were on the road to happiness!

We arrived just about the time we said we would and the night was soon on a roll a few people who I miss from my day to day to life including the birthday boy, I was a good boy and avoided excessive alcohol  consumption, I was in a good place I didn't need it, the night rocked on until we hit a speed bump! the wife had a game plan although we got there later than normal, the wife had tasks to complete the following morning and then back to work so the game plan was a necessity, as the night progressed I did gravitate away from the crowd that was to be expected, I was aware and I had my own game plan which took a tight bend when at the allotted time, the wife threw a spanner in the works when I reminded her of what we intended to do she piped up "there's the face " I had done really well up to this point I was now pissed off, only at the wife and I wasn't going to let it effect the rest of the party, I think the penny dropped and nearly an hour after she had wanted to leave, we said our farewells and headed back to Gimpsville, the birthday boy as always was gracious and said all the right things he's a good guy and there's not many of them left out there!

The journey as always was relatively quick back to hills of our house, mainly in silence I wasn't happy but I should have expected it the wife does an awful lot for me, whether she realises it, but little comments don't help, in the bad old days I would have raged on about it for days and I mean days, not in a violent way just in a pick pick pick kind of way! not a good way hopefully I'm better now, maybe the wife doesn't agree but I am doing my best and so far it's grooving in the right direction, today has been alright not world war three, maybe just some simmering lets see what happens when she gets back?

The blog numbers have been damned good, I could blog everyday at the moment but I notice that it dilutes the audience, so I have a good idea when saturation point and when it hits that I will do more, I'm getting to grips with you lot as rule and again thanks for all the good vibes we are nearly back to triple digits so that can only be a good thing! thanks for those of you who have decided to hang on and wait the train is back on the tracks so watch this space for any further literary nonsense, so until then Toodles! 

Wednesday 8 April 2015

Jealous again

I'm still here just drifting along trying not to drop anchor in any particular harbour as my black cloud is back, but still keeping a safe distance, it knows if I get to grips with it, I now have the tools to kick its arse big style!

I'm also not writing anything structered purely because all my ideas are very untogether is the best way too describe them, lots of little things to write about just not sure how to approach them and how to keep them with a positive approach. they need to be joined up but at the moment I haven't got a clue on how to approach that particular issue, I might need a bit of practice.....go figure!

Others seem to be able to get on with their lives and I'm very jealous of them and their lives, it would appear that I appear to be sitting in neutral just ticking over and I have no idea on how to get it started, I know the wife will have a very big stick in which to deal with me sitting idling away the moments, it would appear that I realise I'm starting to act just a little "stir crazy"  I do need to get out of this sitting in darkened room routine its starting to become boring just a tad!

I managed to get the wife to take me further out into the wild lands, beyond Gimpsville, a glorious day with great weather and even better company (yes the wife), I even took my camera out with me and deleted every shot I took because they were so bland, but its a start I need to get that seed in me to germinate otherwise the good things that have been started may just come to yet another grinding halt, best foot forward and all that!

Numbers for the blog have been phenomenal, not sure why, but maybe that's a good thing, maybe I should just keep plugging away and not try to analyse the trends, I know nothing, I just know I like to write (as you can tell by this garbled mess ack ack ack) so yes I need to knuckle down and definitely do some writing, practise does indeed make perfect!

Music as always has been played long and hard, various formats tapes, mini discs, cd's I just need to take the plunge and get the old vinyl back in traction, lots of good stuff , Karnivool, Diving for pearls lots of Queen on a random shuffle that sounds a tad psychotic on my MP3 player old stuff new stuff and delving back into stuff that I didn't care for when people raved about it 25 years ago and nope I still don't get the fucker now boring and shite I can think of a million bands better just in Newcastle at the time, potential yes but very little spark I saw them twice and thought they were shite live as well, name them, oh no not me play the name game you might just guess!

Work is coming to its first natural break of the year, it cant come quick enough, I ain't got no money but I intend to do something with my life in the coming days, notice I didn't say wife we seem to have become slightly estranged of late but only in the word sense,  she has baby sitting (no not me) duties for the grand kids,pooches as well as the kraken and her pain in the ass husband, as well as work even though its those pesky zero hours take them while you can! I just need to complete four very long and painful days deep breath and yet again my best foot forward!

So there you go more drivel but a cunning plan moving forward at least in a writing kind of way, I have no intention of going all Kerouac on your ass's, bear with me I have some good eggs they just need nurturing, keep spreading the disease something is working out just fine, more music and some definite chilling is going to be the order of the day, I think we might be in for some good times and then lets see who will get jealous again but until then Toodles!