Monday 17 March 2014

Too Many Tears

Just a heads up if you haven't read my blogs before, I do have a tendency to talk in code and never name names, most peeps who know me know what there code names are, if you have followed a link to this blog because you know this person and not just because the subject matter, just go with the flow, you will get the hang of it soon enough, but you will just have to try and work out code names as we go.

I have kept a deliberate low key approach for the last fortnight and with good reason (that means I haven't blogged) as one of my most dearest friends I know suffered a stroke and to be honest I have been more concerned for them, more so than for myself, so all the emails asking if everything was ok were ignored purely for selfish reasons, my best friend was in a bad way (and I wanted to make sure she wasn't dying) so really you wanted me to blog, that was always going to be a no! anyway I digress, please keep your arms and feet inside the blog at all times because this is going to be one bumpy (emotional) ride.

I had intended to blog on the Sunday, but realised I was duty manager at work on the Monday so I would do it then (yeah right). I actually got a lie in and although I did indeed play about with Farcebook, time slipped away and I had to head off to the asylum to look after all the inmates, not before I had sent E (my best friend who had the stroke bear with me peeps I do tend to wander) a picture of Nikki Sixx reading to schoolchildren (yeah right like E is bothered if he can read) although there was a bit of banter "if Carlsberg made teachers" hahahahaha once my was job complete I headed into the asylum, as I had mentioned and dealt with the lunatics at work, The wife picked me up after my shift and I made a quick exit (faster than the Italian army surrendering)  and had just sat down in my fat pants and was about to get something to eat, when the wife received a phone call that beggared belief, the wife and myself were in total disarray and we both just couldn't believe what we were hearing, E is considerably younger  than me and the wife, and she never complained of aches or pains at all, it appeared she had had a stroke thankfully it happened when G was there, she had said she felt poorly and then a paramedic was called and then an ambulance, once in the ambulance G set off for the local hospital and beat them there (WTF) and no he hadn't broke the law, an assessment was carried out and she was moved onto the RVI, where more tests were done and she slowly faded and was soon in a twilight world between us and god knows what! we just sat at home and stared at each other not knowing what to do or what to say and yes there plenty of tears shed!

The wife visited the next day and came back with all sorts of information , all the while I was full of doom and gloom as this is how my mother passed away and I wasn't about to let E go the same way! as I sat waiting for my lift the next morning I posted on Farcebook could everybody say a prayer, something I wouldn't normally do, Life is pretty pap at the best of times, I didn't want this to happen. I was coming to the end of the biggest audit at work i was trying to keep a grip on all of the emotions I was feeling and people noticed a difference, I went from happy to grumpy in 0.000004 of a second, I had an appointment with the audit team which I dragged them into and said we are having our meeting an hour early and I was out of the door by 9.00 am (and nobody tried to stop me ....I wonder why) as I headed over to Newcastle on the plague carrier I started reading the whole out pouring of love for both E & G on Farcebook, I knew this was going to be extremely hard for all concerned.

I didn't want to see E(although I did pop in for just a few seconds as a sign of solidarity I was glad when the staff ushered us out), I remember seeing my mother and it chipped away everyday at me, I wanted to remember her as I always remembered her, chastising G over some misdemeanour and being the loving supportive friend she has always been (she will hate me for saying that) I wanted to be there for G to give the emotional support he might need, I failed at the first hurdle as soon as I saw him there were tears in my eyes, and he had to console me, girly fit over we sat down and talked as friends and relatives do in these situations, trying to put a positive spin on any glimmer of information, we dragged everybody down to the cafĂ© and had some tea (we are English its what we do) and bacon butties, we knew that G was bunkering down like a bear in winter he wasn't (and didn't) going anywhere, he needed provisions, provided as when required, but he was staying but I think the hospital staff thought that he was going to go home, they really didn't know him, on a whim we decided to give him little tasks to keep him occupied to try and break the monotony of the waiting hours, he had already spotted a cable he wanted to "tidy up", we left him all of us feeling dejected but buoyed by his spirit and his ability to focus after just 30 minutes sleep in 36 hours.

Thursday came and I showed up again, in a better frame of mind, but tears were still close to the surface, G was made of sterner stuff and was proud to show how he had tidied up his cable! so I set him a task of sorting out the notice boards in the waiting room as we sat and waited for peeps taking turns to go in and see the  lady of the hour, sitting with her talking quietly to her to help the grey matter restart and still the out pouring of love and affection kept on coming with friends far and wide wishing good luck, I still avoided going into see her I was  there for G, as there wasn't anything medically I could do, if there had been anything  I could do to help I would have done it in a heartbeat, so hopefully I did some good for G as he soldiered on in all conditions. having said I listened in horror as he described how he plugged his phone in to charge, and he wondered as he flicked the switch "what happens if this crashes everything" ............erm G stop no don't ah feck it! crisis thankfully avoided he spent as much time as he could (he really did raise the bar for dotting husband of 2014).

The next day we came back and again we were all emotional, with more of the same as the day progressed, another G turned up(from now on known as G2 so not to confuse an already confusing situation) a friendly face that we don't see very often and another old friend of E, we were catching up just keeping the conversation going when I looked past G2 and noticed that G had indeed sorted out the message boards like a drill sergeant on a parade ground, I had to laugh through all of the madness and shit G was still a man on a mission, that mission was to tidy the world! The day was only slightly spoilt by an annoying person in the waiting room who had his phone turned on to full belt (the bastard) and every time it rang a town called malice (he did look like the oldest mod in town 70 if he was a day more than likely my age ...ooops) rang out like a bell it's officially at the top of my shit list and I hate the song with a passion,I felt like giving him a suppository with the bloody phone then he would have known what Malice was all about!

At this point I started writing things in my diary as there were just so many moments and my mind wandered and I knew that E would want me to blog about her time in the hospital (if I had had to  write her obituary I would never have blogged again! I told you I was feeling morbid!) I still didn't want to see her, I did but I felt as though I needed her permission, I also thought with G on the loose without adult supervision things could (would) get a tad naughty, he very nearly had one nurse believing that he was an actual abused husband, he didn't take long to revert to type, more  like a defence mechanism but it was great to see G shinning through, we all kept info to a minimum to the outside community, we didn't want it to turn into a freak circus we needed the love off everybody but we needed positivity more than anything else.

Friday came and went and work blew up in a strange way, a major  issue for me but I sailed through as though in a dream and a number of people were expecting me to kick off, what was the point I had to return to work on the way back from the hospital and then return on the Saturday as we went into see how treatment was progressing, thankfully others (A & C + P& G had dragged G  from the hospital for the first proper meal in a week....."you  lied to me you bastards " was his retort) at this point G was in full blown mode and every time E had an involuntary muscle spasm and raised her arm G kept shout heil! get well soon sweetie.

Sunday we crashed and burned and the day just didn't connect, we felt at a loose end and the Kraken raised her ugly head, thankfully the chloroform helped and we were able to get to sleep really early how the hell was G doing it and although he had a little billet (and he had threatened to bring his camper van onto the grounds) he was still managing on minimum sleep. we had turned into the walking dead, E had a tracheotomy which just presented G with more issues as she kept wanting to pull anything plugged into her out , cue chaos and much mayhem ( a sure sign she was on the mend) thank god she couldn't get to the home brew kit under the bed! soon we would be checking for tunnels as she certainly didn't want to stay in her bed but I digress!

Lots of peeps have been and visited and even more have sent love and affection, good friends best friends new friends and mere acquaintances, rock stars and work colleagues, it has been hard for everybody, including SMOR who has been driving around Europe with crap phone coverage and only minimal information, thankfully things are moving in the right direction  

Monday was a new week and hopefully new hope, lots more love and good wishes even G was taken aback by all the love being thrown their way, I'm sure it helped in some little way we were starting to get more responses from verbal stimulation and the fingers were starting to come up on a regular basis, G went into DR mode and was getting far more response from the patient, answers to requests and at some point I got the go ahead to go and see her, I really wouldn't have gone to visit her with out it, the week sped past in a blur and we got there as much as we could with everything thrown into the maelstrom we call life, I had a Dr's appointment I had to keep but thanks to the wife's great scheduling skills  I was able to have a dress rehearsal and turn up a full 24 hours early, not a complaint we had a lot going on in our life, I got there in the end!

Then the approaching weekend and I was in charge of the asylum again for the full weekend not a great mix as I still wasn't feeling the love, I hate stupid people and when I'm at work that's all I do (no names for legal reasons but the general public are all as dumb as mud!) we ventured over to keep G company after my Saturday shift and G2 was there as well and I was on my best behaviour and followed G onto the ward to see her battened down with tubes and stuff and looking visibly tired even after a fortnight in bed (lazy mare) I had seen her on the first day for just a couple of seconds but I spent a little more time with her and got a blown a kiss, I didn't want to wear her out as she was already tired and was yet again trying to escape from the bed prison, I still hadn't seen her stick the V's up as she had been doing it most of the second week in response to G, G had a shorthand when it came to communicating with her and after a few minutes I told her I would come back but other people wanted some time with her, I'm not greedy I got what I wanted, my friend looking frail but here in this life and nothing going to go anywhere just yet, we said our goodbyes after a while and with a Sunday at work I was crippled by the end of my shift (dealing with stupid people is very tiring) I just wanted to crawl into my bed and sleep.....and I did!

Today well I had a cunning plan (no 435679) and the wife had a better one while  I did a job of work she went and saw E, cunning little madam, who was looking great and had had her trachy removed and was talking without the aid of an interpreter (I know I will be beaten for that and I will gladly accept the punishment) E has been over whelmed by the support the love and kind wishes, although G telling her that Nikki Sixx had got married yesterday didn't help, she wanted us to get the message out, "thank you to everybody who has helped and wished support of any kind"  progress is progress so there are no time scales no finish lines, we do as G & E do take each day as it comes but the lady is there and fighting back she has been on the ropes but is finding inner strength from all the love lets keep it up! She has been moved to a proper ward thinks are improving but please be aware G is body searching anybody for shovels in case you try to help E escape, she is in the best place and the best hands, she also has G who isn't going to let anything bad happen so onwards and upwards!

That's the blog and it has taken me around four hours of writing and re writing with tears in my eyes every step of the way I don't care I'm usually what you call a cold kind of person , but this feeling I have at the moment is love and affection of the two nicest people I know, I don't make friends easily (you all know who you are)for the casual reader if you haven't read my blogs before I'm sorry, I do talk in code but E likes it that way and as she is the editor for all of my books I do as I'm told, spread the word, spread the message and say just a little prayer to whichever deity will help ( I don't care which, I have prayed long and hard every night since it happened) thanks for reading the ramblings of an old man (I feel my age now and I realise that I'm not as young or as bullet proof as I once thought) just remember we are here but for the blink of an eye don't miss the ones you love! ............................ until the next time Toodles!

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