Digital Man.

And so it begins, I have been to my diabetes clinic, now big brother is watching!

I have been in the wars these last couple of months what with continually falling, having dodgy knees, my diabetes and my get up and go has got up and quite simply buggered off, now you put in the mix attempting to help the wife and her issues and the grandson and his condition, it doesn’t leave me with a lot of well, get up and GO!

My arse has been handed to me on a regular basis these last 12 months, if I’m honest I haven’t exactly helped myself, when I have been down for any of the above, oh and let’s not forget I went 3 months without my medication (thanks to Brexit) it all adds up to a colossal Cluster F**k, it feels like I have been swimming against the tide in a Maelstrom and I’m not the best swimmer!

So me and the wife came up with a cunning plan to get me into the Dr’s by hook or by crook, I had two meetings back to back (I have been working from home today) so the wife was going to ring up (their method not mine) to see if I could see somebody about my knees, my first appointment didn’t turn up (they are now on the shit list) so I headed downstairs as I heard my wife talking to somebody at the Dr’s “could I get there for eleven this morning” erm no of course I bloody well could, the wife said thank you and I headed upstairs to make a start at the long list of tasks so I could head out on time!

As always, I was in ten minutes early, maybes it wasn’t a good thing as everybody that was coming out of the consulting rooms was saying the same thing “that was a waste of time”, should I just go home now? Just then my name was called and a nice person listened to my waffle and took notes, explaining I was basically getting slower and I couldn’t stop a pig in an alleyway, then I was told to “get my pants off” erm I’m a good boy I am, a cursory examination of my knees, she looked for my notes from 13 years ago to see what the surgeon had said, once I sat down fully clothed again, she explained the “good news and then the bad news” there’s a system but I have done the right thing to come in and start the ball rolling, then she slapped me because I don’t take painkillers (it’s a man thing) take paracetamol and stop being a masochist, I need to have some X Rays taken of my knees (that’s tomorrow) then I have to see a pyshio and then and only then will I see a Dr, oh well we have started the ball rolling.

I arrived back home with a renewed vigour trying to sort my list of tasks out, that simply didn’t appear to be shrinking, funny that…...NOT! a small lunch and back to the grind, my mind was wandering as I know I needed to do a blog, but as I said my get up and go had buggered off, I had another appointment this afternoon, my diabetes clinic appointment, I had slopped food on myself (no surprise there for anyone who knows me in the real world) so a quick wash and a change and I was heading back to the surgery to take my usual spot ten minutes ( I am a creature of habit) to sail through the door as always bang on time, today was a results day some good some bad, some strange and a moment of scratching of heads, 85% of it was good ( I am the number one patient I do as I’m told) I new plan of attack and I was stuck like a suckling pig (well kind of ) I now wear a monitor stuck into my arm to record my blood levels without me pricking my finger, they disappear off to a cloud and are analysed by big brother, ok my diabetes specialist, this could be interesting, it will also make sure that I play the game and not veer off the beaten track and to be found  head first in the fridge at silly o clock.

A little skullduggery (if I tell you I will have to kill you all) and my X Rays tomorrow and simply tons of graft at work, so unless I feel inspired I do believe a low profile could be part of the coming weeks, lets just go with the flow and see when I drift upon the shoreline at some point, the name game is in play and its my least favourite track on this particular album, but hey what do I know, the blogs have been doing good, however the last one stalled at 50% of the other blogs, I kind of get it but it’s a disappointment so I know I need to pull my finger out and simply “Must Do Better” so watch the skies for incoming keep spreading the disease as the numbers really are kind of super at this rate we will break last years numbers and damn were they good! So onwards and upwards I might have some new knees in about 8 years and hopefully a better handle on my diabetes in the coming months, hopefully that will help me, stay safe stay alive, until the next time………………..Toodles!

IDGAF.

 

Yes, it’s a song title, no it’s not my usual type of music, it was playing at work, it stuck in my head, it’s my frame of mind, nothing to do with anything but my frame of mind, it’s been a while, but it was bound to happen! let’s be honest (I always am!)

It’s not a “Bob” blog it’s a me blog, trying to do way too many things with not enough emotion left in the tank, life’s not helping, works not helping, I will reach a point and then recharge and take on the world all over again. The blog has been doing silly numbers so I’m back to second guessing myself, a load of good ideas, I’m simply avoiding them, why? Because its who I am, simply allowing the worms to burrow and for me to feel, this way!

The emotion sinks then gets shaken off, it’s just the way life is, I’m currently operating on around the single figure mark, and I suppose I’m alternating between angry and non-committal to pfft, they are all in there I need to be in the high double figures to operate well.

The blog is annoying me simply because of typo’s and other anomalies, which I know weren’t there when they were originally typed as I’m a person with OCD wanting perfection, I never get it but there must be some kind of glitch in the programming of the page, as words are missing or simply just letters causing me to have a blow out, sometimes are worse than others, I spend a lot of time writing these and then receive a number of missives saying that their toddler could write better English, (maybe it should be DILLIGAF) obviously I do!

I have been compiling notes on the previous blogs, again some annoying things popped up some things that made me really angry, but mainly stuff that made me go Meh! A week’s holiday and yes you guessed it I was ill, just the back end of the worst cold in a decade (I don’t normally do colds but this one has been hanging in there for grim death, and yes, it’s a grim, grim death! I’m sure that’s been the prime cause of my mood, I need to get my get up and go back into my life, I have never been like this before, again this is me, I’m still trying my best for everyone else but me personally for myself I simply don’t seem to care, and I hate feeling this way!

I’m hoping by putting some of the bile down onto (metaphorical ) paper I can break the log jam, even music hasn’t helped, as always plenty being played, but I’m simply not feeling the vibe, it is what it is, I’m not looking for sympathy just trying not to use dynamite to break the log jam as I feel that potentially will have damaging consequences in the real world, so there you go a blog done not a great one, (I can be self-critical so sod off) but these pop up from time to time they do help honestly.

So, until I can create something that I can be positive about and have the sensation that it’s actually any good, this will have to do, so keep spreading the disease, do what you ever you maniacs do as the blogs numbers have been damn good, something to be happy about (NOPE) stay safe stay alive until the next time ……………. Toodles.

Four on the Floor – Judas Priest.

This one will be slightly different as I do intend to pass comment on all of the albums but these first four are my favourites……TODAY!

 Stained Class – 9/10.

My introduction to the Priest, although I heard Sin after Sin about a week later, this simply turbo charged music for me at the age of 13, I loved the cover art, loved the pounding production, some amazing songs including Exciter Les Binks knocking seven bells out of his kit still the best drummer they ever had, Beyond the realms of death and Savage, Halfords stuttering vocal in Savage is probably my favourite of the whole back catalogue, I even liked the cover, although I didn’t realise that it was a cover at the time, I couldn’t wait for my next dose of this metal behemoth.

Killing Machine 8.5/10.

A slightly lower rating simply because I thought the production wasn’t as intense as their previous album, and a couple of weaker songs (Evening Star and Burning up) the rest of the album hit the mark and yes, I had it on red vinyl, it took me ages to find a black vinyl version, I got there in the end, for once I even liked the singles Before the dawn and take on the world, and again an awesome cover.

Firepower - 9.5/10.

To be honest I love this album and although haven’t played it as much as the others in the main part of the blog, I keep coming back to it, I played it yesterday and its simply awe inspiring, one of the best hour long albums there is the only one track that disappoints me is Sea of Red, maybe if it was elsewhere in the track listing of the album it might impress me more, but this is my favourite Judas Priest album, who knew?

Sad Wings of Destiny – 9/10.

Simply stunning when you consider how crap the first album was, a huge step up in every department, playing, singing, songwriting just everything, its quite a raw album and that’s probably why its not my favourite, I bought this a week after buying Unleashed as I wanted to hear the studio versions, this was definitely the shape of things to come! Oh, and a decent cover, it was the most expensive Judas Priest album I bought as the others were always on offer but the first two (on Gull records) were always full price.

Maybe a surprise, maybe not, but those are my favourite four of the current moment, although the ratings would not change sometimes, I simply go to an album that I haven’t played in a while and get a pleasant surprise!

Rock n Rolla – 2/10 I’m glad I didn’t buy this album until 1982 as I probably wouldn’t have gone any further, I bought it for a pound at a record fair, I still think I was robbed the only track I care for is the tile track.

Sad wings of destiny – See above.

Sin after Sin – the only thing I don’t care for is Roger Glovers production, 5.5 /10.

Stained Class – See above.

Killing Machine – See Above, I also bought a USA copy “Hell bent for leather” and I was never a fan of the Green Manalishi, they had better originals.

Unleased in the east – 8/10. Its well documented that Halfords vocals were rerecorded due to an issue with the original, see if you can find Unleased in the West a bootleg, a lot rawer but virtually the same track listing.

British Steel – 8/10. This is when they stepped up into the big leagues, although I hate the singles (simply because they are overplayed) a great album and the last of the actual great album/ original art work.

Point of Entry – 8/10. The band have always been pretty consistent I didn’t care for the album at the time of purchase, but I do go back to it more than some of the others and Solar Angels was one of the best opening tracks I saw by them!

Screaming for Vengeance – 8.5/10. Where the hell did this album come from, erm exactly stunning production, great performances, I wasn’t keen on the actual cover, there’s a similar version of it drawn freehand online and its much better, again why the scoring if I never hear the single from the album I would be quite happy, it’s a good song but singles tend to be overplayed, this was them getting a bit big for their boots as they didn’t play home for a few years after this, well unless you count The Tube.

Defenders of the Faith – 8/10.

They worked to hard and jumped back into the studio and it shows its like a Screaming part two even down to thankfully the unsuccessful single, some good songs but a couple of fillers.

Turbo – 7/10.

I know you have to change from time to time but I think they went a little too far and a little too fast on this album, I hated the two singles, simply boring the rest of the album would have fitted onto Point of Entry, some good tunes spoilt by the supposedly modern production, I do still play it but the first two tracks are played through gritted teeth.

 

 

Ram It Down – 8/10.

Why do they do covers this was horrendous (Johnny B Goode) and I don’t care for the last track on the album, however what saves the album big style is Blood Red Skies possibly one of the best tracks the band has ever released, maybe they were simply finding their feet again, I hated the album cover, even though I do like the artist, better things were around the corner.

Painkiller - 8.5/10.

After the court case maybe, they thought that they had something to prove, and they certainly did with this album, same artist for the cover same thoughts on the cover, could do better, but musically Scott Travis kicked the band into overdrive, simply the band doing what they do best, playing Heavy Metal!

Jugulator – 7.5/10.

I love Ripper, I simply think the band took too long to record and went to brutal to match the others in the scene, something was missing and they were second guessing themselves, the production is poor as is the artwork, some good songs but nothing standing out and although I do have the album, I rarely play its not bad simply could do better!

Demolition – 8/10.

Back on the front foot the band doing what they do best playing their style of metal, great production I was glad to see them heading in the right direction.

Angel of Retribution - 8.5/10.

 This could have been great but I don’t care for the last track (Loch Ness) 13 minutes of drivel, and I didn’t care much for Roy Z’s production which is a shame as just about everything else he has done has been damn good!

Nostradamus – 7.5/10.

I find this to be a dense album, I can’t think of many metal bands that can get away with a double album, is it good yes, but I can’t play it all in one sitting, and there isn’t for me (probably because I don’t play it that much) a stand out track, I get what they were trying to do and applaud them for it, but a single album might have been better.

Redeemer of Souls – 8.5/10.

The first without KK Downing and it was again like a kick in the butt they got back to their roots and simply played Heavy bloody Metal!

Firepower – See Above, I don’t think that this can be beaten, no bad tracks just ferocious songs from start to finish.

Invincible Shield – 8.5/10.

I’m too close this one as I’m still trying to get a handle on it, I love it, I simply haven’t played it enough, having said that I like cover I like the production, there’s nothing to dislike but I’m still trying to get to grips with the tracks.

Now you may have noticed I haven’t done any of the live albums apart from Unleased, there’s a reason for that I don’t care for them, Priest live seems like a stop gap filler crap cover poor production, lets just get some product out, I do like the Jap only release Live and Rare, the first three tracks are from b -sides from the singles from killing machine tour in the USA and they are raw like the band that I saw live sounded like, now if any of their live albums sounded like those three tracks well might simply have the greatest live album of all time, Metal Meltdown 98 is a good introduction to Ripper live, again though simply released to some product out, Live in London a better live album, but some strange tracks (united) and a lot of the same tracks from the previous album, again simply to have product out. A touch of evil Live, is ok Halfords back but again I don’t see the point of it, it does simply feel like to get product out, to this day I don’t think that they have ever released the definite live Priest album they came close to it with Unleashed but that should have been a double! Battle Cry another tour another live album, have I played it yes I have but its simply just another per functionary release.

I’m a fan, I have been since the age of 13 and I couldn’t tell you how many times I saw the band live (more than 30 gigs) I have seen good shows I have seen terrible shows but I have always enjoyed them, I have never come away not enjoying the gig, remember this is my opinion for today, next week it could be different, probably not but you never know all hail the metal gods, until the next blog ……………Toodles.

Rise of the Robots.

I have been playing whack a mole for the last fortnight, it’s been annoying but it might just have answered a couple of things, I have been having some technology issues (me with my reputation shocking I know) I had some issues with some of my other accounts (Twatter or Y as its now known, Y because I don’t know why I bother, amongst others) passwords needed to be re-entered  and at times it was annoying, life has been kind of busy so I have taken my own sweet time to sort through those accounts and I actually deleted a couple that were of no use anymore.

I did notice however that the blog yet again was picking up numbers, I didn’t understand why, that was, until I reset my Y account (I know speaking in code is annoying but I like it and at least I explained this one…...just before…. For those with a short attention span) I noticed that I was being followed by over 30 new accounts, mainly young ladies with nothing posted by themselves, with lots of young people following  them in their wake, what stood out is that all of these accounts had liked at least one of my blogs (WTF) what were these accounts for? they don’t post I doubt that they are even real people (hence the blog title) but how come they attached themselves to the blog, consequently I haven’t posted anything in over a fortnight but the numbers for the last fortnight has been better than for the month before when I did actually post something!

So I set about deleting them and although numbers did drop of a little they were still steady, has the recent increase (stratospheric) in numbers simply been because of the robots I’m not sure, in all of my accounts I have a tendency to be wary of people that I haven’t had a real interaction with, and I believe that I shall be maintaining that habit, what I’m trying to explain is I’m not sure what it means but as fast as I was cutting them out of my account other similar type of accounts came back just as strong and then the numbers did rise, now the people who have been reading/liking the blogs are real people but why have the robots latched on, are we in the matrix, I don’t know but it is just a tad freaky!

Life and everything else that goes with it has been decidedly bleak in all aspects including Family, work and the outside world, there’s a couple of health issues within the family that’s not helping and at some point, I was actually drowning not waving, but the seas aren’t as rough today as I try and navigate through the channels to a safer harbour! I still feel at a loss at how to help those that need help but that’s not going to put me off trying! And so there you have the blog, something I felt the need to get off my chest and hopefully to exorcise the veil of bile that I thought that I might indeed spew forth, I didn’t, I have been a good boy, I’m not always successful at helping but that’s not going to stop from trying is it?

So best foot forward and all of that the next couple will be musical/historical or something of that nature, it always seems I hit a good streak and then the land is barren, I am trying to keep to an even keel, however I’m also trying to retain positive thoughts, so if I get a happy thought I might just post that, the name game is in play as I’m playing the artist a little loudly before I return to the new Judas Priest album, sulking as I didn’t get to go and see them last night like a lot of people who I know went, the lucky swine, but hey ho onwards and upwards, today shall be a good day so stay safe and stay alive and I will chat again soon but until then ……….Toodles!

Now Hear This – 8.

This little missive has been sat hot to trot for a couple of days now, but the last one was still getting the odd hit, so I have left it until today, with only a few minor adjustments and this intro, if you have been reading the blog for a while you know what the format is, you have asked and now I am answering ………AGAIN!

Saddest Moment of the Blogs: To be honest it has been an email I received about 4 days ago, most of you abuse the name game when its in play including a young man who I abused in return from Finland called Nils, to be honest over the last few years I have conversed a few times and although English is not his first language, he has always been a pleasant chap, the email I received from his account but written by his mother, was to inform me that Nils had passed away, she explained that Nils was bed ridden after an accident (some 14 years ago) and his one pleasure was the blog as he amused himself by guessing incorrectly the name game, although his mother says he knew who most of them were he just enjoyed the abuse/ribbing he got from me, Nils followed me over from Myspace  and was one of the original followers, although I wasn’t aware of his health conditions he always came across as a happy go lucky soul, he will be missed , but thankfully he is no longer suffering and hopefully his family will simply remember the good times.

Do you write the same way: By and large that’s a big fat yes, I do usually, its all drivel and then its polished into shiny drivel although occasionally I do let my inner freak loose and then I occasionally do a blog off the cuff.

What’s the biggest surprise that you have received from the blog: To be honest , it’s the numbers of readers the last few years have seen massive leaps in the readership, I doubt its sustainable purely because I’m not consistent enough, I’m happy if we hit triple digits but some of the blogs have attained a much higher hit rate than that, the numbers for last year were six digits with over 111000 hits, I know this year wont be anywhere near that unless I can shake a magic wand but being as honest as I can the numbers are mind blowing, I don’t always engage with queries but the heart felt comments to some of the blogs have been a god send.

What are the most popular countries: To be honest it hasn’t changed much since the last time I was asked this, the countries have just moved about a bit, Sweden has replaced Germany at the top whilst Germany takes the number two slot, Japan is third, the United Kingdom  is forth, Canada has got a few more readers, but Australia has come into play as well, some countries/readers come late to the game then they must binge read and that boosts the numbers, the highest total on a none blog day had been around 4500 hits.

Do you have many fans and readers: I was going to tie this one in with the previous question, but I can’t, I don’t get individual’s data I can just see countries metrics for the blogs, some people write and tell me that they have favourites, no I’m not going to name them, go back and read them all, some people have suggested that I try and monetise the page, I think not I have a couple of friends who went down that route, you have to stick to a strict schedule, something I have a tendency not to do several times a year.

Will we see the return of The Tee Hee Club: I do believe that the answer to that is a big fat yes, the world has moved on (sadly) but at some point I know we will all get together, people have lives to live, the issue that we have is that the wife is our driver, and she has had a shit 18 months, so at the moment its baby steps, but rest assured we do intend to climb back on the social circuit to see peeps and for me to blog in code, as that was what really started this blog, I miss my friends enormously, but the world keeps turning, and we follow its tide!

There are not too many boat references of late:  Its not something that was or is not done intentionally, its all part of the drivel that flows from me, sometimes there will be an abundance and others one if you are lucky, someone said that they admired my style, pfft if I had a style I could do it professionally.

Any abuse lately: Next to none and that’s the way that I intend to keep it, any real abuse I simply block them from sending emails or messages, its not what the blog is for, its here to help me with my sanity from time to time simply because it’s good to write. I did get some abuse for these colours don’t run; however, I believe it was simply trolls trying to get me to rise to the bait, read the blog I didn’t then and I have no intention now, let it go move on, I feel a lot happier by simply ignoring stuff, I still get my moments when it affects me but by and large I’m ok!

Have you peaked: Hell, no and then maybe I have, I could never be the judge as I only publish what I think hits the mark, which is why sometimes I tend to dry up like a river in Africa, I am probably way more critical than I need to be, it’s something I do for fun, but I still want to be good, I do have an ego (allegedly) too feed, if I have peaked I don’t care because I am enjoying what I’m doing I know some of it is good, some could be better and some (when I look back for historical purposes) are cringeworthy, its one of the reasons why I don’t look back that much.

Any new favourites: Sorry no, I write them and then try to forget them, or is that simply the dementia kicking in, I’m not sure, I have been doing a bit work on the pages and detailing what some of them are about for something else and at times I struggle to remember details, until I read the blog, I’m not against reading them, but only to check facts or to remove something, there is only one blog that has been removed completely as it’s not how I view the event anymore and no I’m not naming it, life’s too short to worry over silly little things like the written word.

Are you still angry:  Not like I used to be, I still get annoyed, mad, angry (please delete as you see fit) but nowhere near what I used to be, the older I get the more mellow I become, now the wife that’s another story, or is it simply because I’m in her life, who knows answers on a postcard……….

Biggest Frustration: Technology, always technology I have a couple of good ideas for some books, but the self-publishing companies are simply getting to be you have to have a degree in engineering just to log on, its my cross to bear and for once its not going to sink the boat like it would have done in the past it is what it is, I’ll get over it.

Have you lost many friends because of the blog: If I have I haven’t noticed, my circle isn’t massive, so I think I would have noticed, in total over the last 14 or so years I think I have banned around 16 people, hey people live their own lives, enjoy what you have while you have it, as long as you are happy and are not crapping in someone else’s teapot (or mine for that matter) it’s all good.

Biggest issue/ What do you ponder/ Do you feel old: Out of over 200 queries that make up this blog, these three seem to roll backwards and forwards and have some sort of tenuous link between each other, so please keep all limbs inside at all times as its going to be a bumpy ride, do I feel old, god yes I do, I feel like life has ran past me and twatted me with a bloody big stick, and how did that happen I haven’t got a bloody clue, its sneaked past and I wasn’t paying due care and attention, no surprise there then, what do I ponder, well I guess its how the hell did life get past me, I honestly have no Idea, well I do but I simply don’t wish to dwell on it, because it would probably tip me over the edge, my biggest issue, Mortality, I know I wont live as long as I have lived, but if I’m lucky I might have ten years I would love a damn lot more, but with health issues its not looking as good as I would like it, at this point 14 years ago I would have had a fatalistic attitude and go so what I’m going to die, well I am, but not just yet ……..pretty please, I would like to get the last 18 months behind us and for us to have some semblance of a life while we still can, health is the biggest issue for both me and the wife.

More Historical Blogs: I have discussed this many times here and in other forums, I will do them when I feel I can do them justice, and not before, out my band of friends that most of them involve, there’s only 6 of us left (out of over 30) I don’t want to force anything,  as I want the feelgood factor to be involved and not to be maudlin, I feel as some of the historical ones are some of the best blogs I have written however they have to be organic and come naturally, the feel good factor is the most important piece of the historical ones.

What was the response to The Whalers Dues: Probably disappointment, I had set it up to fail as it was probably the angriest blog I ever did, but by the time I had published it I had sanitised it to the point that there wasn’t a trace of bile or venom in it, almost 16 months after the event, it was written and rewritten over a dozen times, I wish I had the balls to publish the original, yes I still have the draft, over 22000 words, easily the longest blog I have done but it was a nasty piece of work and although I wrote the original I didn’t see anything of me in it.

Has the Blog Grown: Yes and No at times the numbers have been massive, and then I will do something which at the time I think is phenomenal, but it will be lucky to do 10% of the numbers that crap ones have done, writing wise it has, its still not where I want it to be, I wish I could afford the blog more time and be slightly more professional (ok a lot more lol) but I’m happy with it and that’s what matters, I do occasionally listen to something as a critique, I won’t change it completely but if it has merit I will indeed take notice, you might not notice the difference but I do!

Name the Girl who buried your heart out on the moors in the “Girls” blog: 62 of you have asked this question in the last 4 months, and the answer is a resounding no. I have an idea of a blog but I will never ever name her, if you read the blog and went to school with me you would know who it was anyway, the answer is no now it will stay NO NO NO NO, enough said!

Are you happy: sometimes I am, not all of the time, I want to make the wife happier, that would be the thing to cheer me up, having said that I have answered this before and this is a better answer than I have given previously!

Where to from here: Who knows, I certainly don’t, as long as I’m happy with it I will keep doing it sometimes numbers will be up sometimes they will be down, I am simply going to go with the flow, it’s all I can do, I strive to be a better person every day, as long as I can do that, as long as I don’t bring to anybody in my life/circle/planet, I think that will be a good thing.

So, there you go number 8 in this series, I have a few on the boil and as long as I can keep doing happy stuff, well for me anyway, I will keep on plodding away, the next blog will be along soon enough, will be a Four on the Floor musical blog, a review of sorts, stay safe stay alive, keep spreading the disease, why? Well because you want to, until then …...Toodles!

Tumbledown.

So, then I waited, numbers were doing alright, but once again I let crazy thoughts in and they spiralled and we all know where that leads to?

Mentally I haven’t been doing so bad, I get up I function, I get on with my sad existence, of course I have my ups and downs as does everybody, but in a blog kind of sense, when I get like this, I get logjammed, with loads of ideas but no idea on how to get them down onto paper (in a manner of speaking) everything suffers life, family, work you name it and I’m back to being a cockwomble!

My get up and go has deserted me like the tide on a long beach, it was there and now its simply gone, you never know it’s gone until its………. Gone! even work related stuff I can sit for agonisingly long periods of time, as I think what I need to write, I know what I need to do, I simply can’t make sense of the crap in my head. I’m getting back to a point that I’m hating life, is it an age thing I have no idea, is it a work thing (I so want to retire) is it a health thing, possibly, all I know I’m suffering physically and that leads us all down a number of different paths, each one dark and dangerous with each one with its own set of issues, no thanks I have enough at the moment.

Life it self appears to be gloomy, with very little chance of an uplift anytime soon, even my scribble/notes/blog has decided it doesn’t wish to lift me up, I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place and public transport doesn’t come this way very often, I am becoming more cynical than I have been previously, that’s not good for anyone, if I’m in the office at work I put my headphones on and my head down, I have no desire to interact with the 60 or so people who work in my office, there’s a never ending stream of people leaving, I don’t understand why it’s a good job, yes it’s a little strange with a minor dash of bullying of the junior staff and a hefty dose of politics up in the gods of the upper echelon, that I simply cannot stand, again the desire to retire rears its head, my whole body is worn out knees and hips hurting most of the time ribs about 75% of the time as I seem to be accident prone as I get older and over the last five years my ribs have taken more beatings than they have needed!

I’m hoping that writing this blog simply as a stream of consciousness it unblocks the drains so to speak, so that normal service can resume, please don’t hold your breath, it is what it is, even music has been taking a back seat, I’m playing it but not getting a lot out of it as stimuli, my negativity is simply growing like a cancer, I feel as though I am letting everybody around me down, no this isn’t a cry for help, this is not a return to the deep dark days of the past it’s a blip in the road, which unfortunately has effected the blogs that I want to write but simply cant seem to get to grips with myself to give my self a bloody good shaking!

People who I used to work with are slipping off into the darkness, there’s no sense of urgency within those friends and that is pulling at the strings of my mental health, people move on I get that, its just the sly way it seems to be happening, this is how you can become erased from life after 35 years of giving your all to help them and others, more than likely its simply my abandonment issues bubbling up all over again, I need a lottery win just to get my head unravelled!  The wife isn’t in a great place health wise and I seem to be able to do very little to help, I have no great insight, all I can do is stand on the sidelines and offer support, I am trying my very best for her she has had such a shit 12 months, the log jam will break , ideas will flow and I will return to the present day, trying to be jolly for the sake of the others around me, letting the words flow like I know they can, these blips are here more than I care for but they don’t last anywhere near as long as they have in the past.

So, there’s the prune juice drank in the vain hope the writing log jam clears my system, nothing really to see here, just me trying to be an adult and failing, just not as miserably I have done in the past, at least I seem to be able to pick myself up (a little more slowly) and dust the crap of me. So onwards I hope that you are all well, I hope you all have some goodness in your life, me personally any good wishes for me please direct to the wife as she needs them more than I do, and I hate to see her not as well as she can be, she is my rock without her I would be lost, love the ones you love they need it, they may not tell you they do but believe me they do!

Les Morts Dansants

Another fallen star, we are at the age of life where people move from this mortal coil, people outside of our family circle, people from our friends, and yes even some musicians are friends,

Tony Clarkin passed the day I posted the last blog, if I hadn’t spent time typing the previous blog up this would have gone in its place, I’m not going to claim to know him, because I didn’t, I met him about four times, I think I said hello twice and then moved on, the wife however was a friend and followed the band for a number of years, it was Mr. Clarkin who gave her his  and his wife’s back stage passes for Donnington to her and her friend, how do I know this, because I have seen the pictures and yes Kirk Hammett looks all of about 17, the wife and her friend were close to the band, hell they even took baby clothes to Bob Catley upon the birth of one of his children, this was all before I had met the wife.

Having said that, we travelled in the same circles, because I saw Magnum about a dozen times between 1978  and 1988 they were the perennial support band, along with Budgie ( I saw Budgie just a few times more) the first time I saw them was supporting Blue Oyster Cult, I always liked to see the support bands, yes I was young and naïve, I enjoyed them but I thought they were ancient Clarkin was 32 I was 13, I didn’t think I would see them again, oh how wrong I was.

A number of friends and acquaintances liked them and we would travel to see them if we could, I saw them in Blackpool (in 1980) where we didn’t think we would get back home as we coasted into Durham on fumes, at the city hall supporting the Tygers of Pan Tang I did get to see them make the transition to bigger halls and become ever more polished, and I can honestly say I never saw a bad gig, but life gets in the way and other bands took over so I didn’t see them again until nearly 20 years later when SMOR (keep up boys and girls) got us in on the guest list to see them, and it was like being a 13 year old again, we saw them a few more times after that and we were actually thinking of going to see them on this tour, before the sad announcement of Tony Clarkin’s passing, a man who steered the band through nearly 50 years of albums and touring, a great songwriter and an inspiration to a lot of bands, but like taxes, death is the only other thing guaranteed.

A short one for sure, but I felt the need to comment, the name game is in play, but come on boys and girls its really not that hard, a couple of blogs on the boil including some musical blogs are on there way including a new Now Hear This Blog, don’t say that you haven’t been warned! So until then stay alive and stay safe…………Toodles!